World of Darkness - Silent fears
Written by Spiritblade
Disclaimer: I own nothing, but I will borrow the ideas to make the good stuff. This was written during the Year of Fire, White Wolf's Time of Judgement. I may re-write this...feels a little bit messy...
My name is Kusakabe Shateiel.
I am of Clan Toreador.
A warrior.
A guardian.
My very name is the same as that of the Angel of Silence. It is my birth-name, a hallowed one my mother had whispered into my ear when I first beheld the light of the sun. Even though it can no longer bear the weight of what I have become, I bear it as a memory of everything I once was, and hope to be again. But, like my mother, I was damned the moment I was born. I am a blasphemy made flesh, something that should have been eradicated during the biblical Flood. But, now, I bear a second damnation to counter the first.
I am a Vampire - one of the Damned.
A pariah. A soulless fallen.
In the holy books, I am a servant of the Dark Powers.
But Evil and Darkness are not synonymous.
Good and Light are not one and the same.
Who was it that decided that? The powers of God, used to evil ends, will still bring grief and sorrow to those who do not deserved it. Dark power, used in benevolent hands, even though corrupting, can still light the road to Heaven above. I know I am a hunted man. I have not gone out of my way to make enemies, and God alone knows I need allies. It makes my damnation easier to bear - but doing so will lead my enemies to their door and I am loathe to putting them in danger.
Even in Israel, the so-called Holy Land of the One Above, I see that happening every damn day. I remember the cold, comforting touch of my gun in my hands; the reminder of why I'm there is because Man has never stopped hating each other. I have been called a foolish idealist by most, a pariah by some, and an idiot by all. To them, I am trying to stop a tidal wave. A tidal wave of what? Israeli kill the Palestinians; the latter strikes back with devastating suicide bombers. And behind it all, the USA plays its power games in order to maintain the power balance in the Middle East. The sins of Caine repeat itself over and over, every day since the Fall, and will do so until eternity ends. We all pay for our sins eventually.
Caitiff.
Neonate.
Ancillae.
Elder.
Methuselah.
Antedeluvian.
The Exalted of the 2nd generation.
Even Caine, himself.
All of us will pay eventually. Even a Devil pays his dues.
Irony: One learns that eventually. Understandable if you were punished for your sins; perplexity will assail you mercilessly when punishment is levied for uncommitted crimes. My sin was an insignificant one - and the punishment that followed stripped me of any faith in an uncaring God. I know He's out there - to deny him is blasphemy, and that I will not sink to - but he is long past caring.
My sin of caring too much was perhaps the one thing that had me pay mine.
With that punishment, all my dreams, all my hopes, vanished. I had wanted to set up a family with a girl who was both my superior and my senior. Arrogant, strong and beautiful, she had been half-Japanese, half-German, and the two bloods melded beautifully. Her name had been Shihana Saeki Randolf. She had been a Colonel with the JSSDF and was three years my senior.
Her name brings up memories I would rather keep in the past. Even now, as her image in seared into my mind, I know the full meaning of regret. Because this woman was also an Inquisitor. Imagine my horror - and hers - when we finally faced each other for what would be the last time. The horror in her eyes was a stake in my unbeating heart. The revulsion she radiated was a blow mightier than God's wrath. From lover, she became my worst enemy.
And for four years, I tried proving to her I am not the monster she thought me out to be.
And for four years, she has hunted me. No reasons would stop her. This hunt had one outcome - one of us would die.
But, the question is who?
It is a question I dread answering.
I loved - and still do - the woman who made me dream of the impossible.
Is there a chance for me to still reclaim that dream?
Is it possible?
Is it even worth it?
I died once.
I'm afraid to die again.
I don't want to face the judgement of the One Above, for I know that it would be less than kind.
I would like to see Shihana one more time.
One more time…
Even if the cost is a high one…
I am tired of running.
She is like the angel who will hunt me down no matter where I run, and my standing beside her grave is the stuff of my worst nightmares. God's wrath be damned, I cannot think of a worse fate than that.
I want her to be the one that buries me. I do not plan to outlive her.
This time, I will see if I possess the courage to accept my fate.
By Caine, I'm still so very afraid…