Teen Titans: Robin's in the Hood
Chapter One
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans or this Mel Brooks Masterpiece, altho I wish I did, because then I would feel slightly accomplished.
A/N: Ok, I know I have one new story already, but I felt the urge to write something entertaining and I found out that one of my most dedicated fans wanted this story really bad, so I decided, since she was being a good little fangirl, that I would write this for her. This story is dedicated to me newest and most truest fangirl friend, Lain the Fluff-Master. Hope ya like darlin!
The Titans all sat around the living room, each off in their own little world, that is, except for the ever rambunctious Beast Boy, who was nowhere to be found, not that anyone noticed, mind you. Starfire was in the kitchen, concocting another one of her "puddings," one Raven was sure she had called something along the lines of "The Pudding of Ennui." Since she would rather not think about the overly optimistic alien's new disaster dessert, Raven was trying to distract herself by reading her newest book, "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown; unfortunately, it seemed like someone else was distracting her from her reading as she couldn't help but stare at the two boys across the room. Robin and Cyborg were busying themselves with a marathon of Krazy Kanadian Karate Kangaroos, a recent addition, and obsession might I add, to the Tower. The Titans had been like this all day and, as it was nearing ten o'clock in the evening, they were content to finish the day off being as lazy and carefree as possible.
Well, most of them were content, anyways; Beast Boy had been going crazy with the silence since he was not involved with the video games, surprise surprise, and he wanted to be nowhere near Starfire and her cooking, and of course, Raven wanted him to be nowhere near her either. So, in an attempt to include himself in something entertaining, he was desperately searching through his closet for the one thing they could all participate in.
"Where the hell is it? I know I threw it in here somewhere... Aha! Here it is!" he cried, finding it amongst all the junk.
Finding what he was looking for, he kissed it lovingly and got up, running into the living room, flailing his little green arms about, trying to get everyone's attention.
"Guys!" he screeched, jumping in front of Starfire and scaring her, making her drop her awful pudding. "Oops, sorry Starfire. But hey Guys, guess what?"
As Star quickly cleaned up her destroyed dessert, Beast Boy's face fell as everyone seemed to ignore him, the boys with their video game and Raven with her book, occasionally glancing back and forth from her pages to the gaming couch potatoes.
"Star?" he asked quietly, leaning down to help her finish cleaning. "Can you help me get everyone's attention? I have an idea for something fun we can all do tonight!"
Star looked unsure as she stared at her broken dish, unshed tears in her bright green eyes. "I am not sure Friend Beast Boy... You have mangled my most favorite of all the puddings on my planet. As tempted as I am to join in on any celebration of the fun, I am inclined to make another batch."
"Oh, please Starfire?" he begged, turning into his irresistible kitten form, staring up at her with those large, damnable eyes.
Starfire looked down on the tiny creature, unable to look away from their haunting cuteness. She looked from the cute kitten to her uneatable pudding and she let out a huge sigh, nodding her head and walking over into the living room as Beast Boy transformed back behind her and followed.
"Ahem, Friends?" Star asked loudly, standing to the side of the boys on the couch. "May I have your attention for one moment?"
The boys continued to be absorbed in their video game, but thankfully, Raven had heard the optimistic alien and so she closed her book and looked over at her; when she noticed the boys still hadn't heard her after the third attempt, she used her powers and pulled the plug on the television screen, making the boys cry out in desperation.
"Hey!" Cyborg cried, grabbing his head and nearly freaking out. "Why did you do that? I was winning!"
"Yeah, what's going on?" Robin questioned, sounding a little perturbed. "Who shut off the game?"
Raven stood up and walked over by the couch so she could hear Starfire better. "I did. Starfire has something she wants to say; she's been trying to get your attention for well over ten minutes now." She paused to sit down a little ways from Robin and Cy. "Besides, you guys have been playing those mindless games for over twelve hours today already. Don't you know those things rot your brain?"
Robin blushed a bit as he laughed nervously, not knowing he had been playing video games that long, and embarrassed that he had been caught by the only one on the team who he respected fully and who gave him back the most respect and understanding. Accepting her excuse, they all sat down and waited for the alien to continue.
"Sorry Star," Robin said, looking at the young girl excitedly. "I guess we were too absorbed in the game. What is it that you wanted?"
Star merely looked sadly back at the kitchen and shook her head. "It was not I who wanted your attention. Friend Beast Boy asked for my assistance in gaining your attention."
She sat back down as Beast Boy jumped up and down behind her, smiling like the idiot we all know he is. Everyone merely stared at him until he calmed down enough to suggest his idea for a fun night.
"Okay guys!" he cried, nearly spastic with excitement. "I think that we need to have ourselves a fun night filled with incredible entertainment, something we all can enjoy!"
Cyborg merely rolled his human eye and glared at him. "Oh really? I thought we were already doing that ya little grass stain."
"Hey tin can!" he said back. "Don't get smart with me! I meant we needed to do something together and have fun!"
"In other words," Raven droned in. "You were bored and left out of the Gamestation so you decided if you were miserable, then we all should be."
"Yeah, exactly, that was what I was get— " he replied. "Hey that's not funny!"
Robin chuckled as Raven blushed and the rest of the Titans sat there, oblivious to the fact she had even made a joke. Robin sat back as Beast Boy continued, wondering why he had paid special attention to Raven's quips and yet, he had not heard Starfire's earlier pleas of attention; Star was, after all, the one he supposedly had a crush on.
"Anyway," Beast Boy said, moving on and interrupting Robin's thoughts. "Before I was so rudely interrupted, I was going to suggest that we have a little bit of fun and watch ourselves a movie."
"A movie?" questioned the naive alien. "But is that not what we usually watch when we have most leisure time? Is that not the term you all have informed me of? Has the name changed for the whimsical device that plays moving images on the large screen in front of us?"
Beast Boy's jaw dropped at her question and it took them all quite awhile to get back on track. "Uh, Star? The name has always been 'movie' and that's what I'm still suggesting. But this time it's going to be a special movie!"
"Oh really?" Robin inquired. "Even more special than Wicked Scary 8? The 'ultimate special' movie ever to come out?"
"Hell yeah it's more special!" he practically screamed. "This movie is even greater than any of the Wicked Scary movies!"
"Well then, O' Master of Movies," Raven monotoned, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you ever going to tell us what this so-called 'special' movie is?"
"I was just getting to that," he said, sounding annoyed as he stuck his tongue out at her. "As I was saying before I was interrupted again, this movie is incredibly special and awesome! It's...Robin Hood: Men in Tights!"
The Titans all sat there, staring at him with blank stares on their faces.
"Please Friend Beast Boy," Star asked, nervously. "This Robin Hood movie? It is a film depicting the life of our own Friend Robin, yes?"
Everyone took a moment to look at her before they all bust out laughing, save for Robin of course who was slightly red and Raven, who was just sitting there, only a tiny smirk evident on her face. So, in actuality, that only left Beast Boy and Cyborg who were laughing so strenuously. Robin looked over and caught Raven's smirk, giving her a look behind his mask, making her feel as though by not laughing she was betraying the boy even more.
"Et tu, Raven?" he asked, sullenly. "You wound me."
Raven's smirk only grew, as her eyes seemed to lighten up, just a smidge. "What can I say? I try my best."
This broke his kicked-puppy dog look as he grinned stupidly at her remark, chuckling quietly at her rapier wit. Finally, after much more laughing and explaining everything to a very confused Tamaranian princess, things were back underway and everyone had decided they would go along with Beast Boy's movie idea.
"Sweet!" he exclaimed, running over to the DVD player and putting the movie in. "You guys are gonna love this!"
He ran back over to the couch and plopped down in between Starfire and Cyborg, with Robin and Raven off to the other side of Starfire. As the opening credits began to roll, some of the Titans grew comfortable and even a little sleepy. Robin had already seen the movie before, but it was one of his favorites and so he could agree to watch it yet again. He absolutely adored the comedy and he even thought the character of Maid Marian was alluring as ever and he wished, like any hormonal teenage boy did, that she was real enough. In other words, he was looking for his own Maid Marian, that one special girl who was made for him, the one Destiny and Fate had conspired to create just for him.
With that thought playing in his mind, he thought to the young, bubbly alien next to him and smiled, wondering if she was his Maid Marian. She was beautiful, fun, optimistic, and carefree; basically everything he wasn't but what he needed in his life, or at least, that's what he thought.
She even has the red hair like Marian, he bemused to himself.
The movie began to play and Robin found himself lost amidst his own thoughts and what was happening on the screen in front of him. It wasn't soon after that when he realized he wasn't paying that much attention to the movie itself and he began to notice a strange fog seeming to cover his vision. Before he could respond or anything, he fell into unconsciousness, a dark oblivion where it seemed no light could ever penetrate.
When he finally opened his eyes, everything seemed to be fine, well save for the fact that all he could see were dank and dingy walls. He moved his hands up to rub his eyes and soon found out he could barely move them as they were chained together, as were his feet, and his clothes seemed to have drastically changed. He was wearing what looked like rags and he had never seen clothes like this quite before. They were a light brown color with a tattered red scarf tied loosely around his neck and he looked dirty and scruffy. As he was observing himself a strange little man rushed into the room and glared at him.
"Please!" Robin demanded, moving forward to the man. "Where am I? How did I get here? Who are you?"
The little man chuckled and answered him in a weird tone he had rarely ever heard. "Oh, Silly little Englishman, my name is Sameed and I am your Prison Guard. You came here to Khalil Prison in my Beloved Jerusalem once our incredible warriors captured you after we defeated your stupid army at the last battle. Now, if you do not mind following me, I will lead you to your wonderful cell. This way please!"
Robin grunted as he was shoved down the hallway, trying all the while to do something about those darned shackles. A few hallways and doors later they entered one last room, stopping at what looked like the type of podium they have at fancy restaurants. A man wearing a dinner jacket and a bow tie over his bare chest looked up and greeted him, smiling like an idiot. Robin took in his strange looking hat with a red spike on top, frowning as the sight seemed familiar but he still couldn't place where in his memory banks he had last seen this weird event.
"Allo!" the short, creepy man greeted him, pulling away from his book and walking over to him. "Je m'appelle Falafel et je suis le Maître de Dungeon! Je te montres à ta cellule."
Robin's eyebrow shifted upwards as his mind tried to process the gibberish coming from the little man's mouth. The guard looked at him for a moment before pursing his lips and shaking his head, tsking as he came closer to Robin.
"Silly Englishman," he said in a heavy middle-eastern accent. "You know no French. How easily I forget you English pig-dogs have no culture."
Robin just gave him another blank look, clearly indicating he didn't care for the absurd insult. He was cultured enough; just because he didn't know French didn't mean that he didn't know any foreign language. In fact, it was a requirement of Bruce's for him to learn at least 3 languages by the time he was 12 years old.
He knew Spanish, German, and Japanese. French was beneath him. It was a girl's language. Frilly, pointless, and hopelessly romantic. He also learned a little bit of Latin, but it wasn't his strong suit for su— No, no, no. Now he was getting off-track. He shook his head, earning him another glare from the tiny man. Now was not the time for him to go off on some crazy, nostalgic side trip.
"Alright, let's try this again, shall we?" the man smiled, obviously false, and clasped his hands together. "As I was saying earlier, My name is Falafel and I am your Dungeon Master. If you would follow me this way, I will show you to your cell."
The guard shoved Robin forward yet again and they followed that Waffle guy or whatever down the hall. They came across a grate in the floor and Robin was appalled as he saw dozens of hands sprouting up through the holes, the shouting voices of the hands' owners wafting up from below the floor. The guard moved to the front, pulling out a whip as he walked forward again, dragging Robin along with him as he whipped the hands, moving them out of their way. Robin grimaced at the inhuman action, growling to himself.
When they were well past the grate, he looked back as he heard angry murmurs, almost busting out in guffaws as he saw dozens of fingers, well dozens of hands with only one finger up anyway. If he had any inclination as to what was happening, he might have laughed out loud at the comedic action, but he quickly pushed that feeling down, remembering somberly that he was stuck in an unknown world being led, while shackled, to his prison cell. Foo-foo man opened a large door at the end of the hallway, motioning for Robin to follow.
Robin groaned in pain as his head hit the low doorframe while walking through.
"Duck!" cried Falafel. "I always forget about that."
Robin glared at him but the look was short-lived as he glanced around the room they had entered. Two large, burly men stood behind him, watching the door and all around the dank, dingy room there were dozens of men shackled to the wall and floor scattered about the room.
"Oh yes!" Falafel said cheerily, reaching to the side of him. "You cannot be seated until you have the proper attire."
Robin frowned at him as he stepped in front of him and placed something upon his face. He looked down and almost face-faulted as he saw a large, black, fake beard hanging from his chin. He couldn't believe this place! An angry looking man came over to them as Floozy clapped happily.
"Ah, here is Mutar," he chirped, his voice starting to annoy Robin to all ends. "He is our Head Guard here. You would do better to be nice to him. He is a very tough guy. And if you should need anything, we are here to assist you. All you have to do is scream."
A shriek came from down the hallway as Mutar leaned down on Robin, growling at him.
"Coming!" smiled Falafel as he left. "We are so busy!"
"Follow me," Mutar growled, dragging him over to a chair over in the corner of the room, another foreign man waiting there for him, a nasty look on his face. "Sit down now."
Robin settled in next to the ugly man, glancing briefly at him as Mutar rounded on him menacingly.
"Robin of Loxley, where is your king?" Mutar grumbled, shaking his finger at him.
"King, what King?" Robin asked calmly. "I don't know what you're talking about... Wait. Did you just say 'Loxley'?"
Before Mutar could answer, Robin's brain was moving at the speed of light as he processed the now familiar name through his memory banks. Loxley, Loxley, Loxley, he thought. I know I've heard that name before. In a movie, maybe. Or even in a book. Wait a minute! Robin of Loxley! He's Robin Hood! Which means I know where I'm at now. I'm in the movie somehow! But how did I get here and no one else is here? I need to get out of here and play along and try to find my friends.
He looked back at Mutar, his brain working overtime as he tried to remember the movie he was in so he could get out and find his friends. Mutar growled again, prompting Robin to move his mind even faster to remember those damned lines!
"I will ask again," Mutar said fiercely. "Where is your king?"
"King? King?" Robin asked innocently, the movie popping up vividly in his head. "And which king would that be? King Richard? King Louie? King Kong? Larry King?"
Mutar mutter some mean, insulting words at him while Robin simply sat there, smiling like an idiot. He tried his hardest to seem overconfident so his captors would not think there was something wrong with him.
Thank gosh Beast Boy has made us watch this movie dozens of times! He thought, still smiling. I never thought his crazy ideas would actually come in handy.
"You shall talk!" Mutar ordered sternly.
Robin smirked. "I don't think so."
"Huheem," Mutar said, turning to the man next to Robin. "Please, the tongue looseners."
The other men in the dungeon cringed at the name and Robin visibly gulped as he remembered quite well what those were. Huheem grabbed the long utensil and brought it up by his face, making Robin prepare himself mentally for the pain he knew was certainly coming. Mutar placed the tongue loosener in his mouth while Huheem held his head back. Mutar clamped the device over his tongue and suddenly began pulling.
Robin could do nothing but scream as his tongue was stretched to a very comical length, extreme pain searing his body. After he was done pulling, Mutar tossed the tongue looseners aside and spat some more foreign words at Huheem. Robin asked him what he said, his voice sounding garbled as the man pulled him away, telling him that he didn't want to know. Huheem led him over to an empty cove and sat him down next to the man Robin remembered, but only vaguely. They shackled him up to the wall tightly, leaving only once they were sure he wasn't going anywhere.
"You very brave," the man next to him said. "For a not-at-home boy."
"Oh, yeah. Thanks," Robin muttered, smiling proudly.
The man seemed to ponder something before he spoke again. "Well, I have been here for a very long time. Maybe I can help you some. Do you have any questions?"
Robin wanted nothing more than to ask him if he was stuck here all the same, but he knew if he was in the movie, then he had to follow the rules or who knows where he might end up. The last thing he wanted to do was be stuck in this crazy world of Mel Brook's and never see his friends again.
Robin sighed. "What are you in here for?"
"Jaywalking," he answered, as if he should already know.
Robin only nodded, rolling his eyes at the expected answer as he went back to surveying his surroundings. He yanked the beard off and tossed it somewhere, the itchy feeling driving him up a wall. He tested the strength of the shackles on his arms, trying to figure out how to escape. What was that damn line again?
Oh yeah! Robin thought as he turned to the older man. "It won't be that easy to get out of here. What we need is a great feat of strength!"
"Feat of strength?" the man asked. "Au contraire! Now that we're together, what we have is great strength of feet!"
"Don't follow," Robin smiled, trying not to laugh at the situation.
"Follow me," he replied, a happy tone residing in his voice. "Put both of your feet on this block here. And on the count of kick, you must push...KICK!"
They both pushed their feet at the same time, the bar easily coming out from the wall and freeing them. Robin laughed at the easiness of the task, delighted that, at least if he was stuck in a movie, then he was glad it was a good funny one like this. He would have been dead already if it were a horror movie. Or a chick flick.
"Ahh!" screamed a guard, interrupting their victory and barging into the room, making them bring the bar back up. "What was that noise?"
"Noise, noise? What noise?" Robin asked, cursing silently about forgetting that part.
"Noise? Ah yes," his companion covered quickly. "The noise you heard was the sound of his poor heart breaking."
"What? Oh yeah, that's it," Robin agreed hastily, making some painful noises.
"Yes," his friend continued. "He has decided to save his life by betraying his king."
"Yeah that's it!" Robin said, throwing his hand and head back dramatically. "Damn my eyes."
"So go and tell your boss," he said, making a shooing motion.
"Ah! Praise Allah!" the guard cried happily. "He will be so happy."
"Go," the man said, urging him to leave.
"It will give me a big promotion," the guard exclaimed, clearly excited.
"Go," his friend said, getting more impatient.
"Good news is always rewarded," he said, walking out before walking right back in. "Although. Bad news is severely punished."
"Just please go," the man begged.
"Oh well," the guard replied, finally walking out and slamming the door shut.
They waited a few minutes before they began to move, loosening their chains before getting up and freeing all the other prisoners. It only took them less than five minutes to free the entire cellblock, or whatever you would have called this. Robin smiled the entire time; he was always happy to be helping people, whether they were fake movie patrons or not. It was what he loved most about being a superhero.
The men used their chains too rappel up the wall and onto a ledge by the gate/window. Robin and his new friend followed, shaking hands once they were up by the gate/window. On the count of three, they all pushed and were free, jumping out the opening and leaving the dreaded prison behind.
At that exact moment, Huheem returned back to the cell, waving his arms happily.
"I just told them the good news," he exclaimed. "And... and..."
Huheem looked around, his excitement falling extremely quickly.
"I'm in deep shit," he said, on the verge of tears.
Robin was surprised as he heard the guard's words echoing while they ran, causing him to laugh at the funny situation. In almost no time flat, him and his new friend had made their way to the beach, looking out over the ocean.
"Now," his friend said. "It is a long journey from Africa to England."
"Well, I owe you my deepest gratitude, my friend," he replied, cringing as he realized how Star-like he sounded. "They call me Robin of Loxley."
"My name," the older man answered. "Is Asneeze, father of Achoo."
"Oh, Bless you," Robin answered, fighting the smirk on his lips.
"Oh no," Asneeze corrected. "Achoo is my son. He is in England, your country, as he studies abroad as an exchange student. Would you mind looking after him?"
Asneeze handed him a wrinkled photo of a young man in a turban. Robin's eyes almost bugged out of his head as he realized he knew the boy in the picture. And why wouldn't he? He had known him for years now, hadn't he? He struggled not to say anything, not wanting to appear odd or out of place.
"He needs someone to guide him," Asneeze continued. "He is headstrong and cocksure... or is it other way around?"
"On the sacred word of Loxley," Robin interrupted boldly. "I vow to find your son and take him under my wing. I give you my undying pledge, my solemn oath, on my father's honor, on the blood of my heart, on the word of my soul, on the very center of my being— "
"That's all good now," Asneeze said, making him shut up finally. "But you must go now. The tide is almost gone. You don't want to miss it."
"Right-O," Robin said, nodding and shaking his hand again. "It was nice meeting you. I promise I will find Achoo and take care of him."
"Have a safe journey," Asneeze called as Robin ran down the beach, heading into the water. "Goodbye my friend!"
Robin dashed like mad into the water, surprised at how warm it was. Inside, he hoped that this swim that he remembered he must take, would be short and quick and seemingly imagined. He did not want to have to think about swimming by himself between two countries. At that rate, he would never get out of here. He could hear some triumphant music blare from somewhere unseen as he dove under the water, taking a deep breath as he began to swim towards his next adventure and, hopefully, his friends.
If he even made it to them anyway. Oh, right now he would give anything to be back at home, sitting on the couch, watching this movie from far away, instead of being physicallyinvolved in it. He prayed his friends were doing all right as his arms moved into a flawless butterfly pattern, slicing through the warm, salty water... Wherever they were...
A/N: Alrighty, there you have it. There's my first chapter on my Robin Hood spoof. I hope y'all like it. Sorry it isn't too long, but it takes a lot out of me to sit there and watch the movie and try to write it down. Some of the words and whatnot have been changed. That's my creative juices there flowing. Besides, the last thing I need is to have the copyrights people down on me, saying I plagiarized their sheezy. I don't need that kind of interruption right now, seeing as it's taken me this long to get everything out. Alrighty well hit that little button down there and let me know what you think. Love y'all! L8R Daze... SCP