we All fall Down, a victorious fanfic

we All fall Down

So there has been this huge war going throughout the Victorious forum lately, and I was asked to write a Bade oneshot. See, in this war, there are two sides: Robbie/Jade, and Beck/Jade, and both are in a struggle to emerge the forum's top writers. So, this is my contribution. My bias? You'll have to read to find out. ;)

[jade]

She would like to think that she was always like this.

Fingers stretch, and she presses the edge of a cigarette against her lips, inhales the smell of black - (it will kill you, jade dear) - soot and smoke, breathes out. It tickles the back of her throat a little, makes her want to giggle. The act itself it so dirty - it's why(why) she does it.

"Do you actually enjoy smoking?" A young man is looking at her, and she'd like to think that she could remember him.

"Of course."

("try one more, jade...god, you're such a fucking virgin." she remembers those days like they just happened yesterday.)

It's a lie. She hates to smoke, knows she's killing herself (slowly.)

But, she thinks, he would be proud of her.

[robbie]

"Can I sit here?"

"Go the fuck away."

He sits down (because it's always been like this -

"aren't you lonely, sitting here all alone, jade?" this is all he knows.)

And, just like always, Jade pushes the half eaten salad around her plate, mixing it with a few drops of sauce to make it look like she's a carnivore. Just like always she pushes her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose and lets the wind play with her hair (and she's added a few strands of turquoise now; how beautiful.)

Just like always, her fingers are right(so close) there and all he would have to do is reach over and -

it's torture because he knows

(all too well)

that this is how they play their game.

They sit and act as if they hate each other (they don't, except for that one time that she tried to drown Rex) and there are unspoken rules in place. Rules that keep him taping his glasses together with black duct tape so he won't look quite so nerdy, rules that make him recite formula after formula, rules that make her seem like she'll never go anywhere in life.

All lies.

[beck]

He's invited to this party at a friend's house. It's probably going to be lame, but he promises to go anyways, because they've been friends forever, played together in their first band (Punks and Shit...cool band name, right?)

So he's practically his friend's right hand man, and as such is obligated to attend.

(damn it, if only he wasn't so loyal, or a coward, he'd -)

He finds himself hiding out next to the make-shift bar (the kitchen counter), which is a really bad idea because a couple sleazy looking guys in trench coats keep offering him drinks. Which is not to say that he doesn't drink (or maybe it does.) Maybe he just doesn't want to lose control.

Yeah, that's it.

He sees this black-haired girl dancing on the living room table, and she's rotating her hips in a way which leaves him feeling -

"Hot and bothered?" She's standing in front of him now with bottle in hand, smiling cockily up at him.

He looks at her and realizes that she's quite pretty with dark, wavy hair, several strands of a shade of blue (so he's not a color expert) weaved in perfectly. Her eyes are piercing through him and they flash dark, although in reality they're quite light. She seems a little too pale and tipsy at this point but the way her lips are pursing...

Pushing her, shoving her up against the wall. Groping. Kissing. He's never been so rough with a girl before, but she's dealing it right back to him fine, so it must not be a problem.

That is, until he feels the tears wetting his cheeks (& they're not his.)

"You're just like he was," she breathes against his mouth, hungrily. "You keep pushing me because I'm too weak."

Pressure, and she's squeezing out from under his embrace, escaping into the crowd.

[robbie]

She's resting her head on his shoulder - dark hair tickling his nose - and she's crying. There's no sound, as though someone's pressed a mute button, but he knows it's just Jade's way of dealing.

Jade West won't let anyone hear her cry.

"He reminded me of who I was then," she whispers into the night, and Robbie eyes the strand of colorful lights adorning the back patio. The red, blue, green dazzle across the surface of the pool and it makes it seem as if there are jewels just waiting to be discovered beneath the calm waters.

"What is so wrong about who you used to be?" he asks, and he's not supposed to.

("don't ever break the rules, robbie, not even for me." jade pushes him up against the lockers and he stares into dark eyes.)

"I was so fucking weak," Jade spits, her tears staining the shoulder of his polyester vest. "He tried to make me strong, he forced me, he pushed me, and now that he's gone -" she cuts off, breathing heavily, "now I have to stay strong."

Robbie blinks behind the lens of his glasses, and knows that this is why they play their game.

She's determined to be strong, and he's her best friend, the boy she used to be like, the boy who is weak. He'll never change, and she'll never change.

("don't waste your time loving me, robbie." she turns to walk away, and he can see the edge of her -much too skinny, dear- ribs. "don't fucking dare...I'm not worth it anymore.")

[jade]

There's a loose floorboard in her room that she pulls up every once in awhile. And today as she lifts it up, eyes cloud over, and she feels numb.

Inside sits a picture of him ("you know I never needed you, jade. it's you that needs me." he rips her out of the picture and places the remaining piece of the picture in her hands) and every time she sees the torn edges it's a reminder to stay strong.

And below that picture is a stack of cards, envelopes and brochures from several dozen colleges, all of which holding certificates worth probably a million dollars all together. They keep sending her mail, keep offering scholarships (she shouldn't have sent those - perfect - SAT scores in) and all she keeps doing is throwing them all under here and locking them away.

Everyone thinks she's fucking stupid. Her parents think it(she sees their faces when she tells them she failed-liarliar- another class) and people at Hollywood Arts snicker.

She'd much rather keep it this way, because the new Jade can't be smart.

That never mattered to him, so it doesn't matter now.

[beck]

"You go here."

He turns, remembering that dry, sultry tone, and there she stands. Bag slung over shoulder, body dressed in all black, lips smeared with light purple gloss, eyes shaded. It's the same girl that he saw dancing on the table, the same one he pushed against the wall and kissed until his mouth hurt, but then again, she's not the same.

This time, those eyes don't look so sure, and she's holding a coffee cup that smells faintly of alcohol, and she's just (completely, curiously) different.

"Yeah, I go here," Beck says, opening his locker and beginning to shove books in the cramped space. "I've been going here for years. Why haven't I seen you around?"

She smiles, and it almost seems sad(but on her, the expression seems perfect somehow.)

"Maybe because I," she puts emphasis on the word 'I,' "haven't always gone here."

His eyebrows furrow, and he thinks he remembers seeing her walking the hallways, connected at the hand with a honey haired guy. He remembers lumpy sweaters, and her being a little overweight, and he remembers the confident smile of her boyfriend.

"But, I thought-" Beck starts.

She cuts him off, "You must be thinking of someone else. I'm Jade." She doesn't stick out a hand for him to shake, just nods her head in acknowledgement.

("excuse me." a soft sweet voice interrupts him, and he looks over to see brown hair and soft eyes, and a hand connected with that of a boy with honey colored hair. she smiles nicely, "um, can we get through here?" he nods, parts way, and watches as she is tugged away at the hand by her boyfriend, those soft eyes cracking.)

[robbie]

"Can I sit here?"

He begins the normal routine(because all they know is games, now.)

"Whatever."

Eyes shift over to her instinctively, and he notices something different. Her posture isn't so rigid and tall anymore, and she almost seems to have let go of a burden. He's watched her for years, since she was six years old and building a fort in the sandbox, and as her best friend he ought to notice these things.

"Are you getting over -"

"We don't talk about him." She's cold, unyielding on that subject, and he doesn't blame her for trying to numb it out.

He blames her for trying to be happy with someone so cruel. He blames her for being so trusting, and giving him her heart. He blames her for shutting him out when she had her heart broken, and all he could do was watch her suffer.

"You seem different," he says, hesitantly.

"Do you know someone named Beck Oliver?"

Robbie shouldn't be surprised that she knows the kid's name, and yet the fact that her interest has landed on anyone is astounding.

"Yeah," Robbie says, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "He's a heart-breaker, Jade. You shouldn't go near him." It's all rumors, but Robbie has heard what the girls have to say about Beck and his infamous RV, about the soiled sheets on his bed. Those rumors are enough to plant an impression on anyone with good sense.

Jade smiles, but it's not(quite) there, "Maybe he's exactly what I need to keep me strong."

("I'm trying, Robbie," she tells him as tears burn in her eyes, "but I can never seem to please him, no matter how hard I try. I'll never be good enough.")

He wants to hide her away from the world, but she's never been the complacent type.

[jade]

She sits next to him in class and slides her fingers through his when he's looking up at the board.

"What was that for?" Beck mumbles.

She smiles as though she knows what she's doing, when all she can do is try to ignore the tingles running through her hand.

Because all she does is play games now, and all she's doing now is playing the heart-breaker so that she can reach the top. He's dispensible, she tells herself as his thumb strokes her hand once, twice.

[robbie]

She's supposed to come over at 10:30 - even though his bedtime is supposedly at 9:43 - like she always does. He's got the popcorn ready, and the DVD copy of Gone With The Wind in the player all ready for her. He's wearing yet another suit(because maybe once she'll find him handsome) as he does every time she comes over, and time is ticking.

The clock chimes, and she's late.

Cell phone, pressed against his ear, and he's calling her.

"Hello?" Her voice sounds raspy, as though she's been exerting herself.

Unknown to the rest of the world, Jade typically takes a jog every morning to keep herself in shape(& she thinks he doesn't notice the tang of vomit staining the bathroom every time he enters it.)

"Where are you?" he asks.

He shouldn't be so hurt, because she's Jade, and he's Robbie, and they're nothing more. They can't be anything more, not with this game.

He hates it, sometimes.

"I'm at Beck's," she breathes quietly, and he hears shifting sounds on her end. "I won't be able to come over tonight, but you'll be fine, I'm sure."

(it's her way of saying sorry, but that doesn't - shouldn't - change anything.)

"Oh, okay."

He hangs up.

[beck]

Bodies tangled, hearts racing.

"That was incredile," he breathes against her moist skin.

She's somehow weaseled her way into his heart, though they've only been going out for a few weeks. He knows how dangerous she is, can see it in the flickering of those dark eyes, but some part of him thinks he can change her.

"Yeah, it was." She kisses his shoulder, then looks at him a little too seriously.

He wishes he could read thoughts, because he can never tell what's going on behind those eyes, can never tell what she's planning.

"Do you care about me?" He's never asked a girl that, and she's certainly not the first girl he's taken to bed, but there's just something about her. He spotted it the night she danced on the table, then cried when he kissed her brutally.

She smiles, kisses him.

"Is that answer enough?" she whispers when she pulls away.

Those eyes(they look hungry) captivate him, and it makes him forget that -

("are you sure about this, jade? I thought you had plans with robbie." "who gives a fuck about robbie?" she smiles and drags him towards his car.)

- she never answered his question.

[jade]

She sits on Robbie's windowsill and watches him sleep. He's her best friend, though she hardly admits it to herself. As long as he knows that nothing will ever change, that he's got to stay where he is(she's not good for him; she bleeds black) then she can remain his friend.

Otherwise -

("jade, there's been an accident. we couldn't revive him." she can't breathe, it's too hard. "i'm so sorry, jade. I know you loved him.")

Noises, coming from the bed. Robbie stirs, blinks sleepily, then reaches for his glasses when he makes out her blurred outline.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he croaks.

She nearly laughs, but feels too weary to attempt it.

"It'll kill me first," she tells him, hopping off the windowsill. "I'm here to make up that movie night."

Robbie studies her closely, and she tries to put on a face that says she doesn't care. She's gotten so good at it now, because she's learned how much caring fucks you up in the end.

"So you're thinking of sticking around then?" he asks her. "For a second I thought that you were dumping our friendship."

Lips quirk, and she smiles coldly.

"For now."

She leans against his bedroom door, and the light is hitting the side of face, casting the rest in shadows.

"Do A/Nyou love me?"

She looks at him, wondering why he would ask something like that. They've always been content with the silence, and he knows the rules(so why would he break them?)

("do you love me?" she asks him, smiling as he kisses her forehead. Those eyes she loves so much darken with need for her, and he's undoing the buttons on her blouse, ignoring her cries for him to stop. he never does answer the question, just says, "stop crying. at least i'm giving you this...you know no one else will.")

"Cherish me while I'm here," Jade breathes, "because one day, I could be gone."

She never answers the question.

("because, robbie, if I decide to be honest, i'd tell you that I don't love myself. I hate myself. he made sure of that." she smiles sadly, turns away from him and eyes the mirror. it's been two months since he died, and she looks like a ghost. she'll never move on from this, because without him -

she's nothing.)

fin

A/N: So, I don't know if you could tell from my writing, but this whole war makes me sick. It's a stupid show, people, and you're fighting over it. What good will fighting do? Why can't we just understand that we all have differing opinions and be mature about it? Anyways, rant aside, I'm pretty damn proud of this piece. I love it. But if this war continues I might have to kiss goodbye to the Victorious fandom.

And ftw, just because this I put this story as Bade, doesn't mean it's just Bade. In my head, Jade doesn't belong to anyone but herself. In my head, she's been hurt in her past and will never truly trust anyone again.

Sorry for ranting. I hope you enjoyed this piece. :)