The Adventures of Sparkle boy and Goth Girl

Disclaimer: Edward and Lydia belond to Stephenie Meyer and Tim Burton.

Chapter 1- I Sleep With the Worms. (Edward)

You know how there's always a certain person who irritates you the most? But the person who you need the most? That person was Lydia Deetz. Oh yes, I remember Lydia. She liked to call me sparkle boy. What? Don't look at me that way.

"Hey sparkle boy," Lydia smiled as she sat with her good friend, Wednesday, who had a sexy body.

Ok, let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.

The first time I met Lydia was when I found her eating lunch all by herself in a graveyard. I was walking and glittering. What? The graveyard's closed on Saturdays!

"Ewww," Lydia said, wiping off mayonaise on her dress, "You sparkle."

I got mad and told her everything. After that, she yawned. Obviously goth girl didn't want to hear me.

"Beautiful, and now I suppose your penis smiles," Lydia said.

I got mad "I sleep with the worms!" I told her to scare her. Lydia raised an eyebrow.

"Cool. I can see dead people. Maybe sometime I'll take you to the underworld to meet them."

This chick was nuts. Kill me.

After I met this strange girl, I seemed to be her court jester.

She would mock me. I really wanted to shoot her. Like really badly. Until one day, she stopped. Well not really. She was walking round town, and she blindly crossed train tracks. And the train was coming at high speed. So there, I pushed her off the tracks, which broke her arm. Really badly.

So I decided to bring her black roses to the hospital, which she kindly accepted.

"Thanks," she said ,"I guess vampires really do sparkle."

I narrowed my eyes, "We do. Hey, how'd you like to come on a hunting trip."

My parents weren't too pleased about a hunting trip with the wicked witch, but they had to agree. I was their virgin son.

"So," Carlisle said to Lydia, "You like hunting?"

Lydia shrugged, "I guesso. Depends on what it is. Never really been hunting."

"Interesting. So um..."

"Lydia."

"Lydia, what do you like to do?"

"I like graveyards."

Esme blinked and Rosalie stared. Alice, on the other hand, was enthralled to have a new dress up doll.

"My name's Alice!" Alice screamed into Lydia's ear.

Lydia smiled awkwardly "Lydia."

"You need a change of clothes!"

"You need to go to a mental institution," Lydia muttered.

I need a life.

A/N: Sorry if characters are OOC, this is meant to be a parody! Don't take it too seriously! Oh yeah, and don't get caught in train tracks!