KIM POSSIBLE: Ron's Harem
AN: Just a little Valentines Day inspired silliness.
I.
"Kim, are you sure you're up to this?" Ron asked in concern over the drone of the engines of the airplane they were riding in.
Kim rolled her eyes at Ron's question. "Ron I'm fine. It's just a little head cold is all, no big."
"Yeah but you sound all funny sounding. What if Drakken and Shego don't take you seriously?"
Again Kim rolled her eye, "First, I don't sound funny, I sound nasally." Kim informed, "And if Drakken and Shego don't take us seriously, I'll just have to show them my sixteen kinds of kung-fu."
Both Ron and Rufus simply shrugged their shoulders, Kim's Kimminess was in fully effect and there was no arguing with the red head when she was in one of her moods.
However, before any further argument between the two teen heroes could be made though the sound of Kim's Kimmunicator distracted them.
"Go Wade." Kim said.
"You're about one minute out from Drakken's lair, I'll let you know when to jump." Wade informed the two who were now about five thousand feet over their target in their ride that Wade had arranged for them. "Are you sure you up to this Kim? You don't sound so…"
"I'm fine Wade." Kim snapped, "Just because I can't smell because of some silly head cold everyone thinks that I'm helpless."
"Kim we just worry about you is all." Ron said as the two donned their parachutes.
"I know Ron," Kim said sounding a little deflated, "But I can take care of myself."
"Ok Kim, you're over the target now, good luck." Wade interrupted.
"Thanks Wade." Kim said as she grabbed Ron's hand and dove out into the night air.
II.
"Here ya go Dr. D. I stole that stupid chemical you wanted from Henchco." Shego said as she casually tossed the small vial to her boss. "Stealing from Henchco, I guess that counts as my good dead for the week." The green villainess smirked. "Anyways I finished my job so I'm out of here."
"Shego!" Drakken bellowed. "This is no mere stupid chemical as you call it." Drakken explained as he turned back towards his work bench, "With this chemical I can make a pheromone so powerful that no woman on earth will be able to resist me. Then with the most powerful women in the world wrapped around my finger it will be child's play to take over the world." Drakken then broke in to a bit of manic laughter as he added the last chemical to a beaker he was holding in his hand. Seeing the chemicals in the beaker turn from red to purple Drakken knew his formula was complete and he felt like gloating.
"Ah ha, success. What do you think about that Shego? Shego?" Drakken looked around to see that Shego had left his lab leaving it empty except for him. Letting out a depressed sigh the mad scientist murmured, "All I wanted to do was to gloat a little, is that too much to ask for?"
"When it come to you, then the answer is yes." Kim shouted as she burst out from an over head ventilation shaft.
Drakken's head snapped up at the sound of an all too familiar female teen heroine. "Kim Possible! But you sound different. Are you coming down with a cold or something?"
Kim let out a barely suppressed growl, "Why is everyone asking me that? It just a small head cold alright, I'm fine." Then as if to prove her point Kim leapt towards the blue skinned villain.
Seeing that he was in danger of being taken out before he even had a chance to try his newest plot Drakken began running away from Kim as fast as he possibly could. Unfortunately for Drakken he failed to notice the "Baffon" aka Ron Stoppable as the blond haired teen dropped out of the same ventilation shaft that had deposited Kim just a moment before. With a crash the two men meet and fell to the floor in a heap and the beaker in Drakken's hand flew from his grasp and shattered on the floor just a few feet away.
"My formula!" Drakken cried out as though he had just broke a favorite toy.
"Give up Drakken, Shego's not here to protect you." Kim demanded.
"Never!" Drakken shouted back as he shoved Ron off of him and sent the young man sliding through the puddle of pheromone that he had created.
Seeing Ron go flying through the air Kim lost focus on Drakken as she checked on her friend. "Ron are you ok?"
"I'm fine KP, but stop Drakken."
"Gladly."
However, by the time Kim turned back to Drakken the blue skinned mad scientist was standing at his work bench with a beaker in one hand and a Bunsen burner in the other.
"I don't need Shego to protect me." Drakken shouted as he threw the beaker to the ground and then tossed the Bunsen burner in to the small puddle. Immediately the small puddle of chemicals burst in to flame sending up a cloud of smoke completely obscuring Drakken as he shouted, "You think you're all that Kim Possible, but you're not!"
By the time Kim got to the other side of the fire Drakken had disappeared along with the smoke.
"This is so unfair, Drakken got away and he didn't even have Shego here to protect him this time."
"Hey it's ok, we stopped Drakken and he lost his chemical he was working on. That's got to count as a win." Ron said as he came up to Kim, "I just hope this stuff doesn't stain." To which Rufus vigorously nodded his head in agreement.
"I wonder what was so important about that chemical. I should have Wade run a scan on it to make sure it's not toxic."
"Toxic?" Ron shouted, "You mean I might start to mutate like Gil?" Ron asked in his usual worried fashion as Kim used her Kimmunicator to scan a sample of the chemical.
"Ron, I'm sure you'll be fine." Kim reassured. "Wade, can you analyze that sample I sent you?"
"Sure thing Kim." Wade said as he began to type on his keyboard, "Hmm, initial results indicate that at least it's not toxic. But I'll have to study it some more to see what it does. Oh, and your ride back should be arriving in the next ten minutes."
"Ok thanks Wade, you rock."
III.
True to his word not more than ten minutes later a delivery van pulled over to the side of the road to pick up the two teen heroes.
"Thanks for the ride Mrs. Dandelion."
"Think nothing of it dear, it's the least I could do after you saved my flower shop."
"No big, anyone could have trimmed a giant meat eating rose bush."
"Still it was awfully nice of you to help me out like that, and you too young man." Mrs. Dandelion said while indicating towards Ronald.
"Umm yeah, happy to help."
Kim simply rolled her eyes, after all it had been Ronald how had accidently dropped the super mutagenic fertilizer on to the rose bush turning it in to a giant meat eating rose bush in the first place.
Several minutes later the van pulled up to a stop in front of Kim's house.
"You take care of that head cold you have there Kim." Mrs. Dandelion said as the heroin exited the van followed by Ronald. "And these are for you Ronald." The older woman said as she handed a small bunch of flowers to the blond teen.
"Umm thanks." A baffled Ronald responded.
With a final wave Mrs. Dandelion drove off leaving the two teens behind.
"That was strange." Kim said as she looked at the flowers.
"You're just jealous because you didn't get any." Ron said.
"What ever. Besides it's not like I could smell them anyways." Kim said with a shrug, "I'll see you tomorrow Ron. Goodnight."
"Night KP, see you tomorrow." Ron said as the two went their separate ways.
IV.
"Ronald, time to get up honey, I've got breakfast ready." Mrs. Stoppable called up the stairs.
"I'm coming mom." Ronald called back as he dug through his cloths drawer. He couldn't believe that he was out of socks, he had only done laundry two weeks ago, he couldn't be out of socks already. Sighing in defeat he walked up to his overflowing clothes hamper and proceeded to use the tried and true method all males use when picking out clothes, the sniff test. Picking up a pair of socks on the top of the pile Ronald took a deep whiff. "Still good Rufus," he announced as he unknowingly pulled on the same socks from last night.
Having finished getting dressed Ronald rushed down stairs for breakfast.
"Hi mom." Ronald said as he gave his mother a chaste kiss on the check, "What's the occasion? You usually don't make breakfast."
"I just felt like making sure my young man had a health start to the day."
"Badical." Ron enthused as a plate full of eggs, toast, and grapefruit was placed in front of him.
Mrs. Stoppable smiled as she watched her son dive in to his breakfast with his usual vigor.
"Umm mom, is there something wrong?"
"No dear, why would you think that?"
"Well you're just standing there staring at me. Do I have something on my shirt or my face?"
"No Ronald you don't have something on your face. I was just enjoying watching you enjoy your breakfast is all."
Ronald simply accepted the explanation as he finished eating and began to put his dishes in to the sink.
"Here let me take care of that Ronald. Why don't you run along now, I don't want you to be late for school."
Heading his mother's advice Ronald picked up his backpack and headed towards Kim house.
"Mom was acting kind of strange this morning. What do you think Rufus?" Ron asked while looking to his pet for advice. But he was disappointed when all little mole rat could give him was a shrug of the shoulders. "Oh well, maybe a second breakfast at Kim's will take my mind off that."
With that Ronald picked up the pace to his best friends house and was soon greeted by the smell of bacon and eggs.
"Ohla Possibles." Ronald said as he entered their kitchen to find both Dr. Possibles there.
"Oh morning Ronald." Anne Possible greeted as she stood in front of the stove. "Kim will be down shortly. Would you like some breakfast?"
"That would be badical."
Any further conversation was cut off by the arrival of Kim. "Morning mom, morning dad, morning Ron." She said while adding a small kiss on the check of each of her parents.
"Wow KP, you still sound really nasally."
"Don't remind me." Kim groaned as she sat down next to her friend. "Mom, isn't there anything you can do to help?"
"Sorry Kimmie, but you know how I feel about over the counter medicine, most of them just cover the symptoms but don't do anything to help the cold. Besides you'll be fine in a couple of days." Anne said as she placed a plate full of breakfast in front of the two teens.
"Honey, one of those was supposed to be for me." James Possible complained.
"I'll make you another dear. I just wanted to make sure Kim and Ron had a good breakfast. After all it's the most important meal of the day." Anne answered as she gently mussed Ronald's hair.
"Umm thanks Mrs. Dr. P." Ronald said uneasily as he noted that Anne's actions had also raised an eyebrow from her husband.
V.
"Well that was akweird." Kim commented after she and Ronald had finished breakfast and had left for school.
"You're telling me KP. My mom was acting strange this morning too, she was all lovey dovey while she watched me eat my breakfast."
"Whoa, your mom actually made breakfast for you today?"
"Yeah, and she just stood around watching me eat it too."
To which Rufus popped his head out of the cargo pocket he usually rode in and nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah strange."
"Either way Ron, you now had two breakfasts so for once you shouldn't get hungry before lunch." Kim teased.
"Oh sure, mock me if you must. But I tell you Kim…."
"Hi Kim, Hi Ron." Tara interrupted the blond man's rant.
"Hi Tara." Kim replied.
"Oh Kim, you sound sick. Are you going to be able to make it to cheer practice today?"
Kim simply waved away Tara's concerns dismissively, "It's just a stuffy nose, I'm fine."
"That's good. Because if you are getting sick I don't want you to get Ronald sick too."
"Umm, ok." Was all the answer Kim could come up with.
"You will be coming to cheer practice today won't you Ron?" Tara asked.
"The Maddog mascot will be there, no mere cold could stop me." Ronald said while slightly puffing out his chest.
"Ok, see you then." Tara said with a wave as she left.
"Is it just me or did Tara seem friendlier than normal?" Ron asked as they made their way in to the school all the while returning waves from girls.
"A little. But Tara's always a bubbly person." Kim answered as she too noticed that it seemed like Ron was getting a lot of attention. Attention from girls who usually wouldn't talk to him. "Ron, do you notice anything a little strange?"
"Strange as in how?" Ron asked as he turned his attention from a trio of girls who appeared to be staring at him before they turned away and began to giggle.
"Like how much attention you seem to be getting today?"
"Ronald, there you are. I wanted to talk to you about being my partner for the science project next week." Justine Flanner announced as she interrupted the two.
"Sure thing Justine." Ron said as he shot her a smile.
"Great, I'll call you tonight and we can talk about it." The gangly super brilliant girl said as she cracked a huge smile on her face as she left.
"See what I'm talking about Ron." Kim said trying to pick up her original line of thought.
"It just means Justine has good tastes in science partners is all." Ron said with complete, if unfounded, confidence.
Kim was about to rebut his statement when the bell rang indicating it was time for class.
"Catch you later KP." Ron called out as the two hurried off to their respective classes.
VI.
"Hey girlfriend." Monique called out to Kim as the two meet up for lunch at the school's cafeteria.
"Hey Monique. How are you today?"
"Not bad. But have you heard the gossip?"
"No what gossip?"
"About Ron?"
"No. What about Ron?" Kim asked suspiciously.
"Apparently he's been asked out by three different girls, and that was all by second period."
"Whoa, Ron? My Ron?" Kim asked.
"Oh no, your not jelling are you?"
"No I'm not jelling. But come on this is Ron we're talking about, he's not exactly a ladies man. This has got to be some sort of joke."
However, Kim's hypothesis was quickly put to the test by the arrival of Ron, followed by a dozen girls behind him. Kim could only stare at the scene as the group of girls followed Ron through the lunch line and all the way up to their table.
"Ladies, it's been nice enjoying your company but the Ron man would like to have lunch with his friends. I'll see all later." Ron said as he sat down.
Reluctantly the crowd of girls broke up and drifted to different parts of the cafeteria, but all with in sight of Ronald.
"Ron, what's going on?" Kim asked.
"I don't know. All I know is that that lunch lady served me a double portion, said it was just for me." Then as he poked at the mass of mystery meat on his plate Ron added, "I don't know if she's trying to be nice to me or she hates me."
"Ron!" Monique exclaimed, "Girls have been falling all over you all day. I've even heard three of them asked you out."
"Five." Ronald corrected.
"Five. Five girls have asked you out. That's not fair, I wanted to ask you out."
"Monique!" Kim all but shouted.
"What?" Monique asked innocently.
"Monique, you can't ask Ron out."
"Why can't she KP? Are you jealous?" Ronald asked.
"No I'm not jealous." Kim retorted.
"Oh I think she's jelling." Monique said as she leaned in closer to Ronald to point that she was almost in his lap.
"Umm Mon, I like you as a friend and everything, but you start to weird me out a little." Ron said.
"See Ron, that's what I was talking about earlier, isn't it strange that suddenly all these girls are throwing themselves at you?" Kim said in frustration to Ron's apparent obliviousness to the situation.
"What are you saying KP? That I can't get a date?"
"Well you've never had much luck in the past."
"That's low KP, don't pick on poor Ronnie like that." Monique said with a slight purr in her voice.
"Look Ron, Monique, both of you are my friends, but can't you two see that something is wrong here? I mean Monique, you've never acted this way around Ron before."
"Oh I think your just jelling Kim because Ron is getting dates and you aren't." Monique answered.
"I can so get a date. It's Ron who can't get dates." Kim said angrily.
"Is that what you really think KP?" Ron asked.
"That's not what I meant Ron, it's just that…"
"That what? That I'm a loser when it comes to the ladies and now that I'm getting dates your jealous and you're trying to put me down?"
"Ron I never thought that about you." Kim pleaded.
"What ever KP. I'm going somewhere I'm appreciated." With that Ronald stood up and walked to another table where he was instantly set upon by a dozen girls.
"Thanks girlfriend." Monique said sternly. "I had the hottest guy in school all to myself there and you drove him away." With out another word Monique stood up and went to join the group of girls around Ron's new table.
As Kim watched her dark skinned friend leave the red head knew that something wasn't right, she just didn't know what. Then an idea hit her and she whipped out her Kimmunicator.
"Wade, I need you to do a scan on Ron."
"Why what's up?"
"Something strange is going on. Every girl, no make that every female, at school is practically throwing themselves at Ron today."
"Ron's a hit with the ladies?" Wade asked as if he had not heard Kim correctly.
"I can't believe it myself, and to watch it," Kim shifted her attention back to the still growing group of girls surrounding Ron before looking at Wade again, "is actually pretty disturbing."
"Hmmm," The boy genius said as he took a pull from his supersized drink, "I think I know what's going on. Remember that chemical sample you gave me last night?"
Kim nodded her head.
"Well it's actually a pheromone."
"A what?"
"It's a chemical substance that serves to influence the physiology or behavior of other members of the same species via scent. In this case Drakken designed it to work only on females."
"So that explains why girls have been throwing themselves at Ron today." Suddenly a loud burst of giggling from the girls surrounding Ron assaulted Kim's ears. "Wade, do you think you can come up with an antidote or something?"
"I should be able to synthesize a counter pheromone but it will take me most of the afternoon."
"Thanks Wade, send it to my house when you're done. I'll try to keep Ron out of trouble."
Unfortunately the only other class that Kim and Ron shared for the rest of the day was cheer practice.
VII.
Kim looked at her watch, it was five minutes past the start of cheer practice and no one, other than Kim, was around. Based on the way things had been going earlier in the day Kim figured for sure that once Ron showed up then the rest of the cheer team would have followed suit. Yet strangely enough Kim could not find hide nor hair of either Ron or her cheerleaders. She had checked the girl's locker room twice, she had checked the gymnasium, she had checked underneath the bleachers. She had even gone so far as to check the boy's locker room, or at least she opened the door to the locker room and called out for Ron.
Letting out a frustrated huff Kim walked out of the gym and began searching the hallways for her AWOL team mates. Fortunately she had not gone far before she ran across one Mr. Barkin yelling at a trash can for some strange reason, however, as Kim got closer she soon learned the reason why.
"Possible!" The gruff substitute teacher said, "See if you can handle this situation. I'm still trying to figure out why the women's track team, women's swim team, and all female members of the chess team aren't at practice today."
Kim watched as the large man walked down the hallway in the a manner he often referred to as moving with a purpose before turning her attention back to the trashcan and it's occupant inside.
"Ron, what are you doing hiding in a trashcan?"
"Shh, keep your voice down KP. I'm hiding."
"I can see that. The question is why?"
"I'm hiding from them."
"Them who?"
"The girls. It's terrible Kim, they keep following me around, offering to do my homework for me, asking me out on dates, trying to sit next to me or even in my lap."
"Gee Ron you were sure enjoying the attention earlier today, what gave you the change of heart?" Kim asked sarcastically.
"Kim it's creepy how much they want to be with me. A couple of girls tried to follow me in to the bathroom, and Bonnie and Tara nearly got in to a fist fight over me."
"That is creepy." Kim conceded. "Is that why your hiding in a trash can?"
"No, that's not the worst of it."
"It's not?"
"No. The worst part is that half of the girls who want to go out with me broke up with their boyfriends to do so." Ron explained although Kim's face still carried an expression of not believing him. "It's true KP, like half the guys in the school want to kick my butt now because of this. That's why I'm hiding in a trash can."
"Uh huh, hide." Rufus added for emphasis.
Kim couldn't help but to smile a little as she listened to Ronald's explanation. It was so very much a Ron answer. "Ok I believe you Ron."
Ron let out a sigh of relief.
"So is that why the entire cheer team is AWOL from practice today, because their looking for you?"
"Not my fault KP." Ron started to protest.
"Hey K, why are you talking to a trash can? Did you finally find someone your equal?" Came the voice of a certain tanned blue eyed brunette named Bonnie.
"Eepp." Ron let out despite himself.
Bonnie's whole demeanor suddenly changed at the sound of Ronald's voice. "Oh Ronnie is that you? I've been looking for you all day. I've so missed you my handsome charming Ronnie."
Ron, realizing that he was trapped, some how managed to stick he feet through the bottom of the trashcan and began to run down the hallway with Bonnie in hot pursuit.
Kim simply stood there, her jaw if not quite on the ground was at least a couple of inches from it. After Ron and Bonnie disappeared around the corner Kim pulled out her Kimmunicator again.
"Um Wade, we're going to need you to hurry up on that formula."
"I'm working as fast as I can Kim, but it won't be ready until this evening. Can you keep Ron out of trouble until then?"
"I think so, but I'm going to need a ride, make it a windowless van, preferable with a male driver, and have it meet us in front of the school in ten minutes.
VIII.
Wade came through with a windowless van driven by a male as Kim had requested. In fact Kim had to sit in the back of the van with both doors open to allow Ron to dive in to it in order to escape being chased by half the girls in the school looking for a date, and a few of the guys in the school looking to kick his butt. Kim thought everything would be all right once they got to her house, that was until she discovered that both her mom and Mrs. Stoppable where having tea together in the kitchen.
"Here you go Ronald, some nice fresh cookies and milk." Mrs. Stoppable said.
"And don't worry about the dishes, I'll come up and get them later." Mrs. Possible added.
"None sense Anne, this is your house, I'd be happy to clean up Ronald's mess." Mrs. Stoppable said slyly.
"Oh no trouble at all. It will give me a chance to visit with Ronald more." Mrs. Possible countered.
"Thanks for the cookies, we'll BOTH be fine in here." Kim said as she shut the door in the faces of the older women. "Ok, things have official gone to eleven on the weird chart with my mom and yours both vying for you attention."
Ron ignored Kim as he sat huddled like a ball in a corner slowly rocking and repeating over and over "Make it stop. Please make it stop."
"It's ok Ron, Wade should have the antidote for you soon. But I still can't figure out how it is that your carrying that pheromone on you, didn't you take a shower and change clothes last night?"
"I did Kim I swear."
Suddenly the Kimmunicator chimed and Wade's image appeared. "Ok guys the formula is done. Kim it should be delivered to your house any time now."
"Thanks Wade."
"Oh and one more thing. I finished analyzing your scans of Ron. It appears that the source of the pheromones he's admitting are coming from his socks."
"His socks?" Kim asked.
"He he, my socks. Who'd have thunk it?" Ron asked as he nervously placed his hand behind his neck.
"Ron, I thought you said you changed clothes."
"I did KP, but I was out of socks so I grabbed a pair that smelt fairly clean this morning. I guess they were the pair from last night."
"That's so gross." Kim said in disbelief.
Kim was about to chastise Ron more but a knock on the door interrupted her.
"Kimmie cub, what have I told you about having your door shut when boys are over?" James Possible asked, "Oh and a package came for you."
Suddenly the door to Kim's room opened up and James was surprised to see Ron snatch the package from his hand and then shut the door again.
"Well you didn't tell me it was Ron who was over. Never mind about the door." James said.
Meanwhile in the room Ron was busily spraying himself down with the anti-pheromone that Wade had developed.
"Is it working KP?" Ron asked nervously.
"I don't know Ron, remember head cold, I can't smell anything."
"Oh right."
"Well there is only one way to find out, let's go see our moms."
They found both women in the kitchen and when Ronald walked in absolutely nothing happened.
"What's the matter Kim, did you and Ronald finish all your cookies already?" Mrs. Possible asked.
"Ronald, shame on you for not bringing down the dishes. Is that any way to act in a guests house?" Mrs. Stoppable chided her son.
Ron let out a sigh, "Looks like it worked KP. What a relief, now things can get back to normal."
"For you and me both." Kim said as they exited the kitchen.
"What do you think that was all about?" Mrs. Stoppable asked.
"With those two, I have no idea. But they've been acting that way since Pre-K."
"Then let's hope they don't decide to ever date, then they'll really start acting weird."