Beth knelt down on the damp grass. Her slender fingers traced the letters freshly carved out of the cold stone.Oh Rhys, my love. Why you? Of all the people in the world, why did this happen to you?The tears she had been desperately trying to hold in escaped, streaming down her cheeks.I didn't come to your funeral. Your family made it clear I wasn't welcome. But I hope you know I was there. I hid in the trees as they lowered your body into the ground, and I watched as they buried you, so far down...She lay her hand on the ground, imagining the wooden box beneath her fingers. His body was in there, cold and still. And he wasn't the only one...You took me with you, darling. When you left me...you took my heart. It's dead, my love. Without you, I'm dead.She pressed her hand to her chest, longing to feel her heart beating. But there was nothing. She yearned for the comfort of warms arms around her, soft breath on her skin. She needed him. She needed him here, with her.Rhys...
She shouldn't be there.Hannah stood at the edge of the churchyard, watching Beth. She made a pitiful figure, on the ground, sobbing. But Hannah felt nothing for her but hate.She killed you, and now she's crying about it. But it's her fault. I wish she'd never met you. Then you'd still be here...The first tears began to roll down her cheeks.I know I should hate you for what you did. And I tried, really, I did. But whatever's happened, whatever you've done...you're still my brother, Rhys. My big brother. And I will always love you.Hannah looked down at the flowers in her hand. She lifted them up and carefully tore off the head of each flower and slowly, slowly, ripped them to pieces. The shredded petals littered the grass around her, their beauty lost forever.For you, Beth.
I never thought our home could be so unwelcoming. I never thought I'd dread returning each day.Suzanne walked slowly around the room, her finger softly stroking each photo of her son. Teardrops gathered in her eyes threatening to fall. She held them back. She must be strong.This isn't a home any more.Her eyes moved around the empty room, taking in the darkness that had invaded it.It's...a mausoleum. A living, breathing monument to all you once were. Not so much living now, though. We're all dead like you. Our hearts might still be beating but we're all dead inside. All of us.She picked up one of the many pictures and gazed into Rhys's eyes. He looked so happy. They all did.This is unnatural, you dying before me. I should be long gone. I should never have to miss you like this. But I do, and it's never going to end. Because you're gone. And you're never coming back.She lost the battle with her tears, and let them fall, flowing down her cheeks faster and faster.But he was still gone.And no tears would ever bring him back.Do you see what you've done? Are you watching us, Rhys, up there, away from all this. I hope you are. I hope you can see what you've done to our family. This was all you, every time mum cries and Hannah throws up and dad just sits staring into nothing for hours, it's all for you. You messed everything up, and now you've left us to deal with it. And it's not fair. We didn't deserve this, none of us did. Josh watched his mum from the doorway. She didn't notice him. She never did. He wished he could help her, tell her it was OK. But he knew there was nothing he could do. He wasn't the son she wanted to hold.Do you see, Rhys? This is what you've done.
Beth leant over to turn the radio up even louder. She didn't know what the song was. She didn't care. She just wanted to play it louder and louder, drowning out the pain inside her. She paused for a moment to listen. She did know the song…I could have seen for miles and milesI could have made you feel aliveI could have placed us in exileI could have written all your linesI could have shown you how to cry
Your love alone Is not enough Your love alone Is not enough
I could of shown you I should not have to cry Your love alone Is not enough Your love alone
She felt tears in her eyes, and she let them fall. She must have heard that song a hundred times, but she had never understood it. Not till now.You said you loved me, right before it happened. But just knowing you loved me isn't enough. I need you to hold me in your arms and tell me everything's OK. I need you here with me. When I had you…we could do anything. Us against the world. But I can't go on without you. I can't do it on my own.
"You're not hungry?" Suzanne watched worriedly as Hannah pushed her food around the plate.
"Not really."
"You've got to eat something, love." Hannah loaded up her fork and pushed it into her mouth, shovelling the food in. She pushed back her empty plate.
"There. Happy now?"
"I…" Hannah walked out without another word.Josh stood outside the bathroom door, listening to Hannah throwing up inside. He clenched his fists, unable to stop the teardrops flowing down his cheeks. The worst thing was the feeling of uselessness. His family were falling apart, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.You did this, Rhys. You.
"Are you OK?" Michaela looked worriedly at Josh. He had been sitting in exactly the same place all day, just staring into space.
"Yeah...fine." His voice was empty, barely louder than a whisper.
"Are you sure?" She sat herself down beside him. "You didn't have to come back so soon. I mean, no-one's expecting you to get over it quickly." She watched him expectantly, waiting for a reply.Josh hesitated. I could talk to her. I could tell her that every morning I wake to the sound of Hannah throwing up next door. That mum sits in your bedroom for hours, that she won't move any of your things. Like she still thinks you're coming back. I could tell her about the days dad has spent in his shop, sleep walking through the days. I could tell her that our house is silent now. So completely silent. That I come to school because I can't stand being in there any more, surrounded by you. But you follow me every where. I can never forget, never escape and I'm so tired up of trying, all I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up again, never face the world.
He looked back to Michaela.
"I'm fine."
Hannah scrubbed at her teeth, desperately trying to get rid of the smell of vomit on her breath. She gripped the sink with shaking hands as the room began to spin around her...Melissa stood before her, gripping her shoulders.
"Fight it, Hannah." Her voice echoed in the air. "You're stronger, remember? You're stronger than everyone."
"I...I will." She mumbled. "I'm sorry. I won't let you down..."And then Melissa was gone, and Hannah was falling down and down, into the darkness...
"Hannah? Hannah, are you in there?" Someone was banging on the door...or was it just her head pounding? "Hannah, open the door!" JoshShe pulled herself to her feet, leaning heavily on the sink.
"I'm...coming..." She murmured, shuffling towards the door.
"Hannah-" He gasped. "God, Hannah, can't you see what you're doing to yourself?"
"What do you mean?" He grabbed her arm, and she was too weak to resist.
"Look." He thrust her in front of the mirror. "Just look."That can't be me. Can it?The girl staring back at her was stick thin, her hair matted and greasy. She looked so small, so young and vulnerable. The boy stood beside her didn't look like Josh either.He was pale and trembling slightly, his face creased with worry and sadness. He was older, much older than her. Much older than he should be.
"Can't you see, Hannah? You're killing yourself."
"Maybe I want to." She murmured, too quietly for him to hear.