Hello, this is my first time actually posting on this site, so feel free to tell me what you think. No editing by anyone else but myself, and I am no professional so lo siento if it's a little bit rough around the edges. This bunny trail wouldn't escape my head; I blame the sun and too many cups of coffee for the wistfulness of it all. AU world definitely. I hope you all enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl, no copyright infringement intended.
"I'll find you." He whispered to the dark haired woman kneeled by his side, her hand clenched in his weakening grip. "In this lifetime, in the next – It doesn't matter, I'll always find you. You were meant to be mine. We will always find each other, we always have. Always."
She watched as his dark eyes searched her face for understanding, but she kept quiet. She was overwhelmed and her heart felt so full, like it was expanding outwards and upwards towards her throat, inhibiting speech. Suppressing everything she wanted to say, things she needed to say.
There was just not enough time to express everything and nothing. No time to even anticipate what would come next or to even fathom what would come after.
"Please," She choked out, his face blurring in her sight as hot tears slipped down off cheeks and mixed with his blood. "Please, there must to be something. The ambulance is on their way, please, just hold on."
Yet even as she said the words, attempting to be strong, the blood seeping from his stomach and back had pooled around them. She finally understood that no one could plead anything enough to stop death.
This was where he was going to die. Before they had even truly began their life together, before they had even began to live at all.
"I've searched for you my whole life." His voice was quiet, his fingers gently stroking hers as he seemed to settle more deeply in the ground, knowing deep down that this was his deathbed. "And I know I'll do it in the next. Just promise me you'll wait for me this time around."
"I'll wait for you," She promised solemnly. "Oh God, please..."
But his eyes were empty and his grip had loosened. He was still. Pleading with any higher power was futile. She couldn't help but feel ice rush through her veins. The blood from his body had surrounded her kneeling figure and she couldn't find the will to move. The air felt full and still around her and she couldn't get enough of it into her lungs. Darkness began to seep in around the edges of her vision and colors danced around her before the truth settled in her heart that he was truly gone and a scream echoed around the walls of the alley.
Blair Warldorf sat straight up in bed with a straight spine and a heavy heart. Lifting her hand up she tore her eye mask off her face and flung it to the other side of her room before gently rubbing her hands along her face to wipe away the tears that had appeared.
'It was just a dream,' she reassured herself.
It was just a dream that she had at least once a week.
It was just a dream that she had at least once a week since she was eleven.
The amber eyes of the man in her dream had haunted her with all that they expressed. She yearned for what they could mean. For what was hers in the dream felt never ending and all consuming. What was hers in the dream felt like it could be what was hers in this moment, which was why she decided to wait for love to find her.
And wait she had, much to the disapproval of her best friend and Queen of Constance, Serena Van der Woodsen and the rest of the minions. She would rather be labeled as the Virgin Bitch than have to tell those deep eyes that she was too juvenile to keep it in her pants, one day. She could wait.
Shaking off the dream she turned to look at the time before leaning back onto her pillows. Grabbing her cell phone she opened her agenda app to see what she needed to prepare for.
"Dorota!" Blair called out into the empty room, anticipating her robust Polish maid to enter her room and pull the shades open to let the New York City sunshine inside. According to her weather app it was a clear, but chilly day in October.
The door opened briskly and Dorota followed suit. "Good morning, Miss Blair."
"Good morning."
Dorota opened the blinds before turning to look at Blair and noticing the slightly disturbed expression on her face as she sat against her silk pillows against the headboard. Dorota tilted her head in question and timidly asked, "Miss Blair, you have dream again?"
Blair sighed in response, setting her phone down beside her, before leaning forward to rest her head in her hands. "And it felt more vivid than ever."
"Miss Blair," Dorota mumbled coming closer and sitting down on the bed next to the younger woman. "You live your life now, how you want it, how you like it. Dreams are just dreams."
"Yes Dorota, I know," Blair barked back, lifting her face to glare at Dorota. "This dream just happens to be recurrent."
"Miss Blair, you just need-," Blair cut Dorota off with a sharp look. Dorota stood up sighing and took a breath, used to the dramatics of her charge. "Breakfast will be ready downstairs, Miss Blair."
"Thank you, Dorota," Blair replied as she watched her maid exit her room and shut the door. Leaning back on her bed Blair took a moment to look out the window and curl up on her side. Nothing could change her mind that there was a reason she was dreaming about the same man, night after night.
Dorota was the only person who knew about her recurrent dreams. It was virtually impossible for Blair to hide anything from her, especially during her prepubescent years. Dorota had a way of sniffing out even the smallest specks of secrets, but she was also very good at keeping them. Her mothering had kept Blair afloat when her own Mother often neglected and abandoned her to further her career and social standing.
Currently Blair's parents were in the middle of World War D, which kept them jumping from country to country, as they demanded properties and bartered possessions and investments, leaving Blair in a lonely penthouse in the big city.
Blair knew, however, that in the Upper East Side you were never alone. She remembered this fact as she sat up and made her way to her large shower, ready to start the day and rinse off the thoughts and dreams of the night.
Climbing the steps of the Met always felt like an out of body experience for Blair, in middle school and even elementary she had dreamed about sitting on the steps and ruling the peons of Constance.
While she wasn't the Queen herself, she oftentimes felt like second in command, which was at least higher than the insufferable Penelope Shafai who was constantly trying to step on the toes of every other girl. At the moment she was in a state of groveling due to allegedly "drunk" sexting Serena's boyfriend, Nathaniel Archibald. A little yogurt revenge was always in Serena's terms of re-admittance into the group after such a scandal. Predictable from overuse, but highly effective at putting the little minions in their places.
"Hey B!" Serena waved from the top step of the group, scooching over and patting the spot next to her on top step above the other girls. "Running a little late today? Unusual." Serena's brilliant smile and golden hair seemed to extent lightness in every direction.
Blair smiled back softly and shrugged a small nod, sitting down beside Serena, "Good morning S, girls. Please excuse me for my wayward tardiness. Any news this morning?" Her ruby red lips pursed slightly, raising her eyebrows and looking from girl to girl.
"Last night two sophomores, Rachel and Sarah, were seen trying to get into Butters." Hazel chirped up at Blair, her wide blue eyes full of shock. "Obviously they stuck out like last season's Prada and were asked to leave."
The rest of the girls laughed and conversations struck up once again between them. Serena bumped Blair's shoulder with her own, smiling at her in a goofy way with her lips wrapped around a yogurt spoon.
"So, B," Serena gushed to her, "have you decided who might have the honor of escorting you to Cotillion yet?"
Blair fake scowled at her in answer and leaned back on her arms, face tilted towards the sunshine. "Oh S, the honor has yet to be bestowed upon anyone just yet, although practicing with the Prince has been fun. He would look good on my arm. Have you and Nate coordinated everything already?"
"Oh, you know Natey," Serena replied, tossing her long blonde hair over one shoulder, "everything will be perfect and ready when the time comes. I'm not worried." She leaned in close to Blair's ear and quietly giggled, "because his mom is a perfectionist enough to demand it to be."
"This is true." Blair laughed, both with grins on their faces.
There had been a time when Nathanial Archibald seemed like the knight in shining armor that Blair had always dreamed of, somewhere between Kindergarten and third grade. He exuded a lightness just like Serena, in a way that Blair never could, and at first it drew her to him. The crushing moment when she realized that she would never be able to match this lightness within herself, her soul and personality was full of darker colors, his role in the fairy tale of her mind was over. He reverted to being just another blond lacrosse player that Serena liked to ogle and then show off for and then kiss and call lover.
"But B, you've narrowed your choices down, right?"
Blair shrugged, pondering her spoon full of low fat yogurt as she thought about her choices. None of them gave butterflies, but they were acceptable partners in society. "S, this isn't a contract for forever, it's just a dance that allows our families to show us off."
"Even so," Serena began leaning back on her hands and turning her face towards the sunshine beaming down, "you never know what might happen. There are countless couples who marry their Cotillion partner and live happily ever after."
Blair pretended to gag on her spoon, even though she wasn't fooling Serena at all. Everyone knew that Blair was a closet romantic.
The tone of the other girl's conversation seemed to have changed to something exciting, snapping Blair and Serena out of their private conversation. Both girls followed the line of sight to see someone new arriving. And arriving in style, no less.
A shiny black limo had pulled up and parked on the curb outside of Constance and St Jude's Academy. It wasn't one that was familiar with any of the students as of late and so, obviously, it was a new student.
'A bit of an entrance maker,' Blair thought to herself in awe, knowing that if it was a girl she would most definitely join the ranks of their little group.
"Do any of you know who this might be?" Serena asked flippantly, gazing at the limo with an air of nonchalance.
"My father did overhear that Bart Bass from Bass industries has a son who recently relocated to the area from boarding school somewhere. Maybe it's him?" Isabelle chimed in, bringing a hand up to her forehead to shield her eyes from the sun and get a better look.
"Is, why didn't you think to tell me?" Serena retorted angrily before grinning, "we could have snooped for this."
"I love fresh meat." Hazel mentioned absentmindedly. All the girls giggled in response and were not upset when shiny Italian shoes stepped out of the limo and the rest of the mystery man appeared.
A handsome young man stood up and looked at the building in front of him, his uniform pressed and fitted to perfection, down to the small details. His dark hair looked as if it had once been styled, but he had run his fingers through it too many times and even from this distance his face looked a little intense. All in all he looked like an interesting specimen wrapped in a signature Brooks Brothers scarf.
"Good God." Hazel whispered, her wide eyes gone bigger than normal, "Please, let him be into girls."
This caused the rest of the group to scoot together and make observations quietly while Serena leaned into Blair.
"B this is perfect." She squealed, bouncing in her seat.
Eyebrows lifted Blair, shaking her head slightly in confusion, "what are you talking about, S?"
"I'll have Nate gather all of the details from him," Serena whispered, "Nate will become mystery Bass's new best friend and then BOOM, you have the absolutely most perfect date for Cotillion and the four of us can go together, oh my God, it will be perfect."
"What?!" Blair uttered, "Why?! S, it might not be that easy. What makes you think he'll even want to go to Cotillion with me?"
"Please, who wouldn't want to be arm in arm with you B, you're china doll gorgeous." Serena remarked, stroking Blair's arm slightly, before whispering; "besides it will be the most perfect date for you. Everyone will be absolutely jealous! And it would make a more interesting night. Come on, get on board with me, this will be a fun scheme!"
Blair smiled at Serena's enthusiasm before turning to look back at the mystery Bass student. He was already up the steps of St Jude's and disappeared from their view, sadly. It would make the other girls absolutely green with envy if they knew she had the latest man candy on her arm.
"Ok S. I'm in."
"Of course you're in." Serena chimed before texting away on her phone to Nate. Nathanial would most definitely follow through on Serena's orders, "this is going to be so much fun, B, I have a good feeling."
Blair sighed at the beginnings of a new Serena scheme. They were often not well planned out, but almost always well intended. Operation "Bass and Blair to Cotillion" was now in motion.
Throughout the morning Serena divulged all new information to Blair as Nate learned and texted to her. His name was Charles, but he went by Chuck. He had been at boarding school since he was seven, and only recently moved back the big apple, where he was been born. He did not play lacrosse like Nate, but had swum competitively and Nate genuinely seemed to like him.
Which really didn't mean much to Blair. Nate pretty much got along with everybody and anybody. He tried to see the world and its people with rose colored glasses, and it worked for him. So, Blair took his last comment with a grain of salt.
"S," She hissed during Chemistry and in between new bouts of information, "he could be a total psychopath."
"Oh my God Blair, it's a dance that will make all the other girls go ballistic when they realize you're with him. I'm not making you marry him."
Later in the library for English Composition, Serena and Blair utilized the search engine on one of the open computers for more information. The facts were easy enough to find; his mother had died when Chuck was a baby, and summaries of Bass Industries and its CEO, Bart Bass. His father was said to be a real estate mogul of the sharpest kind, self-made and worth billions.
Blair felt a pang for his loss of family at a young age. She knew how it felt to be abandoned, even if she hadn't been sent away to boarding school at a young age. Her parents had been flitting around and making her feel as if she was a useful or useless accessory from time to time. The pang of loneliness from an empty childhood was deep seated and threaded into her core. She wondered if he felt the same way about his own family.
The only picture online was a normal school photo from his boarding school. He was in uniform and the background was navy blue. He wasn't smiling at the camera, or frowning, just staring straight into the lens as if to dare it to take its picture. His gaze was intense.
Blair pursed her ruby red lips and stared at the screen. His eyes were a light almost golden brown on a face with Roman features, a strong jaw and nose, full pink lips. She felt herself flush as she thought about how kissable they looked.
Something in his gaze, in his face, had Blair entranced. She felt as if she had seen him a thousand times. As if she knew him deeply, intimately. However impossible. Quickly ridding herself of these feelings she clicked the x in the top right corner to stop her silly train of thought.
Serena looked up from her phone to see the page gone from the screen and frowned before looking at her friend who appeared slightly more pale than normal.
"B, you ok?" She whispered in a way that was sweet and Serena.
Startled Blair looked up at S, her deep brown eyes full of questions and answers and thoughts and mystery, but she only responded, "of course."
They came in contact with the boys on a break between classes.
Nate was walking and talking casually alongside Chuck, who had one hand in his pocket, the other carelessly holding onto his notebook and head turned towards his new friend. When Nate saw the girls walking towards them his face lit up and he called out to them.
"Serena, Blair!"
The girls continued their pace towards them, both smiling. Serena and Nate exchanged a semi inappropriate kiss, while Chuck and Blair watched them awkwardly.
"Chuck, my man, this is my girlfriend, Serena Van der Woodsen. Babe, this is Chuck Bass."
"You're all the girls are talking about, Chuck." Serena leaned in and kissed him on the cheek giggling, "It is very nice to meet you."
Chuck smirked slightly at Serena, even though his cheeks tinted lightly before replying, "Likewise Serena. It's very nice to meet you as well. You are all Nathanial can talk about." Turning to Blair his eyes were wide and serious, he paused to wet his lips, "but who are you, beautiful?"
Blair felt her cheeks redden, which caused Chucks smirk to deepen before opening her mouth to introduce herself, reaching her hand out towards him.
Serena, however, beat her to it.
"This is my best friend in the whole world, Blair Warldorf."
Chuck distended his arm out to take hers, his grip warm and strong around her own hand. His touch sent an instant thrill up to her heart, which felt like it was racing for some reason. He bent slightly and tugged her hand up to meet his mouth in a warm soft kiss against the back of her hand, looking into her eyes as he came back to stand, but not letting go of her hand just yet. He looked a little startled at what he saw in Blair's dark orbs.
"Blair have we met before?" His voice held a sense of urgency and disbelief, while his thumb rubbed over the back of her hand soothingly.
"I don't believe so.." Blair trailed off, still gazing at his face in question, wondering the same thoughts as before, why did it feel as if this wasn't their first meeting. The chemistry between them was so obviously mesmerizing that she jumped when the warning bell for tardiness trilled.
"It is very nice to meet you, Chuck." Blair turned towards S who had a guarded look on her face while wrapped around Nate watching the other two. "S, we should get going so we aren't late."
Blair began to pull her hand out of Chuck's hold and he squeezed it tightly before releasing her. The girls waved goodbye as they walked back to class, chatting quietly and quite seriously about what had just taken place. The boys watched them walk until they turned the corner, out of view.
Chuck turned towards Nate, his face absolutely serious. "I need you to tell me everything about her."
Nate laughed, trying to make light of the situation and agreed that he would. He began divulging Blair facts left and right, feeling hopeful for Serena's scheme to be a success, which would only work out well for him in the long run. A happy and successful Serena usually meant a happy and well taken care of Nate. Operation Blair and Chuck to Cotillion would be simple. To Nate and Serena they already seemed half desperate for the other. The blondes had no idea.
Blair attempted to focus all of her energy into taking notes and raptly listening to her professor in the next class, opposed to returning Serena's questioning gaze.
'Besides there wasn't anything to tell anyway,' she thought stubbornly to herself.
Her introduction to Chuck had thrown her for a loop. She didn't know what to think about it or even what Audrey would do in a similar situation. The truth was the connection between them was backed with a powerful force. She didn't know whether to embrace it or run home and hide behind Dorota.
'Dorota!' Blair remembered suddenly, 'I could tell Dorota everything and she would listen and be a good sounding board…and not tell me I'm crazy outright.'
Blair was torn between following through with this plan immediately after school or pretending that absolutely nothing was amiss. She didn't want to make a big deal out of anything just yet. It could just be hormones or lust in first glances.
'These are normal feelings.' She tried to appease herself. 'Hazel talks about feeling connected with a glance and a touch all the time with strange men across rooms.'
She nodded her head in agreement with this theory before she realized that Hazel read too many Danielle Steel and Stephanie Meyer novels and was nothing to compare her superior feelings against. 'No!' She emphasized, underlining a history fact hard with her perfectly sharp number two pencil till the tip broke, all the while repeating in her mind, 'I am not a slut like Hazel.'
Throwing the now useless pencil in her bag she stood up, needing some space, and walked to the front of the room and grabbed the hall pass before leaving the classroom. She caught Serena's eye as she opened the door and gave her a smile, hopefully to put her at ease.
She made her way through the hallway and into the girls restroom, walking straight up to the sink and staring herself at the mirror, wondering if she looked any different. If this introduction had changed any part of her.
She looked perfect, as usual. Her brown curls laying as they should across her shoulders and down her back, kept in place with the help of her satin red headband. Her skin was smooth, pore less and an even color except for the blush she had applied to the apples of her cheeks that morning.
Blair reapplied a coat of raspberry gloss to her lips before smoothing her skirt and glaring at herself in the mirror. No boy was going to make her act ridiculous, even if it was someone that reminded her of the one she had been dreaming about for years on end. She didn't even know if he felt the same way, so she concluded to play the game of ensnaring him into Cotillion to make all Serena happy and all the other minions green with envy. She would not create a romance out of nothing. That was for other girls of lesser backgrounds. She was Blair Warldorf, after all.
When the time for lunch arrived Serena and Blair met up in the halls with the other minions and made their way to the courtyard. The other girls were already whispering details of the new student. It seemed Serena and Blair weren't the only ones taking notes or pushing personal quests.
When Nate and Chuck appeared in the courtyard and began headed towards their table, the chatter died down and the subject changed rapidly to next seasons handbags.
"Hello ladies." Nate spun out in greeting, "I would like to steal you, Serena, and you too Blair, for lunch, if your lovely ladies in waiting will allow it."
The giggles that proceeded might as well have been outward swoons. Almost all the girls had a hard on crush for Nate, and his sweetness made it easy for them to be hopeful, even though he was hooked on Serena. Penelope was paying the price being ostracized at the moment for a misdemeanor of this kind. Half of Serena's Queenship was the fact that she was paired with perfect Nate. A perfect King and Queen of the school.
Serena turned towards Blair and raised her eyebrows in question, a hopeful smile on her face. Blair smiled in return and slightly shrugged before both girls began to gather their things from the table.
"Sure, Natey." Serena replied, as both girls stood up to follow him and Chuck.
During the interlude Chuck had only had eyes for Blair. The rest of the girls noticed this in the midst of checking him out and ogling Nate. Isabelle narrowed her eyes in displeasure when she realized who Chuck was looking at, before turning back to the table. A slight pout was on her face as she watched Serena and Blair walk away before leaning towards the other girls and discussion this new turn of events.
'So, it has begun,' Blair thought gleefully, hoping that the other girls were reminded that while she may not be Queen she was above them in every way that counted.
Looking up, Blair caught Chuck's gaze and it seemed to scald her, causing her to swallow a mouthful of saliva roughly and look away. Her stomach turned to knots and she knew she wouldn't be able to eat anything at the new table. Not if he was staring at her like that.
Making sure that her eyes were not looking in Chuck's direction, she said goodbye to the girls and turned to follow Serena to another table.
Blair wasn't surprised when their voyage across the courtyard was halted due to Nate being intercepted by another lacrosse player who had important information about the game later that day. Serena seemed to be wrapped around Nate as the boys talked sport. She always had a thing for athletic men. Blair mentally checked herself out of the conversation, having no interest in athletics and became lost in her thoughts about her plans for the weekend.
She didn't notice Chuck walk closer to her side and was startled when she felt electricity rush down the side of her arm stopping at her elbow as he softly stroked her arm with his hand to gain attention.
Looking up at his face, she felt her breath catch. He seemed to be searching her face for something and only her deeply ingrained sense of propriety stopped her from stepping closer to inspect his own face for the same.
Clearing her throat she blinked a couple times before asking, "How has your first day been?"
"You're asking me about school, Blair?" His voiced drawled out her name it seemed to ripple across her skin, drawing out goose bumps. This wasn't normal. The last time she had felt like this was when she caught the flu from the dirty Brooklynite during a debate team conference.
Nate and Serena were still exchanging idle chitchat before, but everything felt different.
"Tell me you feel something with me." He demanded quietly, stepping to her side until she could nearly feel his breath against her ear.
"Feel what?" She threw back at him, turning so she was facing him full on instead of having her back towards him and gazing at him coltishly. She knew you should never display your back to an enemy and no matter what feelings she was having she still wasn't sure what she was dealing with. Because one thing she had learned over the years is that people who inspire emotion can also deal out pain.
She wanted to ask him what kind of game he was playing, what did he want with her, what was he talking about, but she didn't have the guts.
"Blair, Blair, Blair." He shook his head slowly before reaching out and touching under her chin to bring her face up and looking straight into his. "I know you do feel this. I also know you enjoy playing games, but this is not one you will be playing with me."
She didn't know how to respond, only to take a step back and away from him, even though his voice drew her in. Luckily she was saved by Serena who had grown bored of the jock talk.
"Natey, come on," she whined and pulled at his hand, "I'm starving." Giggling her little girl laugh, Nate had no other choice but say goodbye and the group made their way to another table on the side of the courtyard.
The rest of lunch was filled with polite conversation and silly stories spun by Serena. Blair still wasn't sure what to think. Chuck hadn't brought up anything from the conversation from earlier, so she seemed safe from a Serena confrontation.
Serena and Nate were currently trying to have a conversation with their eyes and Blair knew exactly what would happen next. They were going to go find somewhere to make out, or more.
"Blair," Serena leaned over and whispered, playing with a strand of the brown curls, "Nate and I are going to go check on that thing."
"Yeah Chuck," Nate added laughing, "we've got to go check on an urgent…thing."
Chuck smirked and Blair rolled her eyes and the other two were gone quickly, arms wrapped around each other. Blair was happy that Serena had someone like Nate for her to hold onto. In Serena's life not many men stuck around, with her mom having a revolving door of boyfriends and husbands, so the steadiness of Nate had brought out a different side of Serena.
"You should eat." Chuck said quietly to Blair, who had moved food around on her napkin, but not actually ate much of anything.
"I'm actually not that hungry." She replied blushing and turning to inspect her cuticles, which were trimmed to satisfaction and in no need of an examination.
"You will need your strength for what's to come."
Shocked, Blair gripped the edge of the table before leaning forward, "and what might that be?"
Sighing he ran a hand through his dark brown hair before resting them both on the table across from her, capturing her in his stare.
"Fine. You always did love a good game."
"Did? You don't know anything about me, Chuck Bass. Is this something Nate told you about me?"
"Nathanial did mention certain facts about you, yes."
Blair raised her eyebrow and replied hotly, "that seems awfully stalkerish of you."
"Even though you made him basically interview me for information? Fair is fair in this game, Warldorf."
A blush crept up her chest and stained her cheeks as she realized that he knew she had snooped and scoped information about him.
"But, I played along, didn't I sweetheart?" His gaze was burning into her dark orbs and she felt hypnotized by his words. "Now it's your turn to play along with my requests. This afternoon my limo will pick you up and deliver you to me at the Palace."
"But-" she began, but he quickly cut her off.
"No buts Blair, you've had your turn, now it's mine." His smile was devilish and chills crept up her spine. Who was this boy, this man.
The bell trilled again above them letting all students know that lunch was over, and just in time. Blair met Chuck's eyes as they began to gather up their belongings and exit the table before parting ways to head to their respective sides of the schools.
Blair knew in the deepest corners of her heart and soul that there was no way she would miss her afternoon appointment with Chuck Bass. Something was too familiar about his gaze and the way he walked and carried himself. She couldn't help but want to connect the dots from her dream to her reality.
Maybe it was connected after all.
Let me know what you think :)