Never Coming Back

"Will this take me home?" I asked.

"If that is what you choose," said the Queen.

I lifted the vial, but stopped as the Hatter put his hand on mine.

"You could stay," he said, his gaze warm and full of promise.

"What an idea," I said softly. "A crazy, mad, wonderful idea." I looked around at all the strange and wonderful beings I had met in this wonderfully strange place. I imagined what it would be like to stay-to talk to animals every day, to ride the Bandersnatch and explore Underland, to dance the Futterwacken with the Hatter whenever I chose.

But thoughts of my mother and sister and unfinished business intruded, and I knew I could not stay … at least, not now.

"But I can't," I said to the Hatter, taking his hand. "There are questions I have to answer. Things I have to do."

I poured the Jabberwocky blood into my mouth. "I'll be back again before you know it," I promised the Hatter.

"You won't remember me."

I sat up, and covered my face with my hands. I had no idea how long I had been crying, or how much sleep I had gotten.

"Hatter … I miss you." I whispered to the room. There was no one to hear me, and no one to comfort me. I slowly got up from my bed and walked over to my window. Opening the curtains, I stared at the moon, lightly tracing the shape on the glass. There had to be a way back to my true home, and I would find a way back to it.

I was lost in the memories of my Underland when Dinah rubbed her tiny body against me, purring. I glanced down, smiling, and picked her up. She immediately started to purr louder. Long gone were the days of being a kitten, and yet she still seemed to be one.

"Oh Dinah, did you ever see this day coming? Oh, don't purr at me! Answer me! I know you used to be able to talk. I swear I've heard you before!" I talked at Dinah, who only continued to purr in contentment.

"Anyways, I simply must tell you about the Hatter! He was so handsome. Orange hair, lovely emerald eyes… Oh. He was simply marvelous, Dinah!" I closed my eyes, recalling just how perfect the Hatter's eyes truly were. They reflected just how full of life he was… How much love he had for everything he cared about.

"Oh, but then I left! I just left him, Dinah! Without even a proper explanation! Oh, Dinah. I broke not only my heart, but his as well." I trembled as the tears came back. I slowly sunk to the cold wooden floor and leaned against the wall.

"And I promised him I would come back! But then I went to China… And when I came back… Mother… Oh, mother… Well, you know what happened to her, Dinah. And then Margaret's idiot husband cheated on her once more, and I told her, and I had to comfort her…" I sobbed out the story, unnecessarily, to Dinah. But I couldn't stop. I needed to talk to someone.

"Oh, Dinah! I wish you were like Mallymkun! She, at least, would stop the Hatter when he would ramble! You just let me babble!" I pointed out to her. Dinah must not have liked that, because she stopped purring.

"I'm sorry, Dinah. I shouldn't have been rude to you. It's just getting harder to be… Polite when I don't want to be here. I wonder just how to get back to my family in Underland… Do you know? You must! You just refuse to let me know the secret! Am I right? Oh, I must be! Hm. Let me see… I got to Underland by a rabbit hole twice, correct? And once through the looking glass… Maybe if I go back to the Ascot's garden, I could go back down their rabbit hole!" I exclaimed to Dinah. I picked her up, and kissed her on the nose.

"You are a genius, Dinah! Let's go now!" I shouted and scrambling to stand up with Dinah still in my hands. Once I finally got up from the floor, I put Dinah gently on my bed and started to look around the room. I went over to my wardrobe, to see which dress I would like to wear. There weren't too many choices to choose from, I noticed. After a while, I decided on a blue dress that looked like the one I had worn on my last trip to Underland. I grabbed a good pair of black flats, perfect to run around in. I decided there was nothing really worth to keep with me, except mother's locket and my parent's wedding rings. Mother had given me both rings before she passed on. I slipped these onto the chain of mother's locket. Other than that… There wasn't much I wanted to remember of life up here.

But there was Margaret to consider, and I couldn't leave her without some form of explanation. So I grabbed a piece of parchment and wrote her a letter. After I finished, I put it on my desk, hoping Margaret would be able to find it soon.

"Dinah, let's go to the Ascot's at this hour, shall we?" I picked her up. Dinah mewed quite happily, so I took this as a yes. With that, I walked down the stairs for the last time and out the door. I locked the front door and slipped the key under the mat.

"Goodbye old home. I'll miss you. But I won't be back. I'm sorry. The Hatter is waiting for me, and I must go to him." I whispered to the door frame. I placed a kiss on the nearest window and made my way to the stables behind the mansion. I opened the doors to see all of our horses sleeping, as they should be. I gently woke up my favorite mare, Star.

"Star! I need you to take me to the Ascot's. Do you remember the way to go girl?" I softly asked Star. I felt her nod against my hand.

"Thank you Star. Let's get you some hay and water, while I get a saddle on you." I patted her gently. Dinah had taken it upon herself to make sure the other animals were sleeping while I conversed with Star.

"Oh, Dinah, thank you!" I tickled my cat and she purred quietly.

After a while, I had gotten Star fed and prepared for the ride, I led her and Dinah out of the barn.

"Alright, Dinah and Star, we're on our way to Underland!" I shouted to the night air.

A/N: Yes, I realize that I did delete this & then upload it once more. But I felt like this story deserved a second chance & a new start. It was neglected for a year (a year where A LOT of bad things happened, and I couldn't be on this.) and I didn't have any inspiration for it. But now I do. So chillax peeps and just go with it:)