~~~Disclaimer~~~ My friend wrote this but she does not have an account here so she asked me to post it. Here's what she had to say: Hey! I do not own 'Armageddon' which is an awesome movie! I also do not own A.J. or any characters affiliated with 'Armageddon' however I do wish I owned Ben Affleck. I do not own J. Lo either. Um, this story is not meant to be taken seriously at all. It's all humor! So please take it as humor! And, I know this is short but if I get good reviews I will make a second chapter! So enjoy!
The airy-fairy guy looked around. He walked around and looked up to the sky. "Harry, this one's for you." A.J. Frost smiled as he pulled the trigger on the shotgun. He watched, satisfied as a small but cute hamster fell down as the bullet pierced it's skin. "Aww, poor thing." The dark haired poster boy sighed. He hated killing hamsters, but his very demanding wife made him do it. You see, Grace's father, Harry Stamper, had hated hamsters. Oh yes, he loathed those furry little frolicking creatures. So in honor of Harry, Grace wanted all the hamsters of the world dead.
A.J. cautiously walked over to the poor brown and white creature. Walking slowly he jumped when he saw the hamster move. "No!" he shouted over and over. He liked hamsters as long as they weren't moving, but if they were alive, he was like a little boy: scared to death. "Please don't bite me!" He screamed once more at the hamster until he realized that he did have a gun.
Looking up at the brown-eyed guy, the hamster whimpered. It hurt. It hurt like hell. "Mr." The hamster moaned and looked to A.J. A.J. looked down, surprised that the hamster was talking. "Please don't shoot me," the creature begged when he saw a gun being pointed at him. Stunned, A.J. dropped the gun only to see it be pointed right back at him. "You shoot me, I shoot you," the hamster declared with an evil laugh.
"Huh?" A dumbfounded A.J. asked. "Don't shoot." Wait a minute, he thought, this has to be a dream. Hamsters can't talk. He pinched himself, hoping he'd wake up. Ok, so maybe this wasn't a dream. "I'm only doing this for my wife. I won't hurt you anymore."
The hamster looked at A.J. unsure of whether to believe him or not. "The name's Pippin," it finally answered as it dropped the shotgun. Pippin turned a bit and looked to where the shotgun bullet, that A.J. had shot earlier, grazed his skin. It was barely bleeding. "Look what you did to me," Pippin snarled coldly. "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, you're going to pay. Oh yes, you will pay. How dare you! This is going to cost a pretty penny. Oh my, yes, you will pay for my wound. You will." Pippin cackled and the only thought going through A.J.'s mind was 'what is this hamster smoking? It's crazy.'
"How…" A.J. stuttered, "Uh, how much will it be?" He looked around, hoping that he would see someone such as Rockhound or Chick. He wanted to see one of the guys in hopes that they were playing a joke on him. This isn't real. It's not happening, he told himself. Just then J. Lo jumped out of a bush and started singing "I'm Glad." A.J. stared in amazement and blinked when the hamster told him that J. Lo was his [Pippin's] bitch. "Right," he discarded the fact that J. Lo was big enough to smash the small hamster. "Um, how much is your stupid wound going to cost?"
"Well, it won't cost you anything if you take me home with you." Pippin grinned. He had been wanting to get out of the woods for a while now. Finally, maybe, he had found someone stupid enough to take him.
"Home? With me? Uh. My wife hates hamsters." A.J. could only think about what would happen if he brought a hamster home. He could see Grace's face turning red with anger and then them having a huge fight. He didn't want that. Mr. Frost still loved his wife and always would, no matter how insane and demanding she was. Although right now, A.J. was thinking that he himself was insane. "Just tell me how much money and I will pay."
"Oh no, my dear. If you don't take me home I will get you and your little dog too." Pippin grinned maniacally as A.J.'s face contorted in confusion. Let's face it, A.J. wasn't exactly the brightest light bulb of the bunch. No, if he had been smart he would have stomped that little hamster or ran away screaming. "Just kidding, but-" Pippin picked up the shotgun again, "I will do this. BAM! Right through your head this little baby will go."
As the sun was setting, the guy who had once helped save the earth, pouted and stuffed a small creature in his pocket. Then he picked up his shotgun and sighed. How had a hamster out smarted him? Oh yeah. He was stupid. Duh. He turned up the hill all the while Pippin made himself at home in A.J.'s warm, flannel pocket.
~~~The End~~~ Hope you enjoyed the read! By the way, no hamster's were harmed in the making of this story. And I do not hate hamsters, I have one, I just felt like writing a story about a hamster. And yes, my hamster's name is Pippin so yeah. Also, I do accept flames so be my guest and flame away. Try to make your flames creative though, please. It's no fun to read the same ole boring flames. But if you must, then go ahead and give me boring flames..only if you must though! If you enjoyed the story, then by all means please drop me a line in the review box. I would love to read it and I would love to know what you think my next chapter should be! Thanks to everyone..even the flamers! Hehe! Have a nice day and a nice night! In fact, have a good life!