Disclaimer: Love Mode doesn't belong to me.

Author's Notes: This has been languishing on my hard drive for a while now… It was written before Reminiscence, so I guess you can say this is a prequel (or a companion piece).

Many thanks goes to dewchan for the beta. I hadn't liked what I wrote before, but after fixing and re-reading, I found that I didn't mind this as much. -g-

Completed: 8/05/2005

Last Goodbye

I'm so tired.

It's becoming more and more frequent now, and I'm getting scared. I know I shouldn't be – after all, I know what's going on. I had since the doctors told me with dark, sombre eyes, and at the time I couldn't feel anything but the shortness of my breath. Now, it's the same way, except what peace I had managed to make with the inevitable end is disappearing. It's selfish of me, I know, for getting Seiichi involved. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been so greedy, that he hadn't been so nice. I know he's going to scold me for thinking this way – just like he'd scolded me for ever doubting his intentions. His intentions were good, but not good for my virtue, he teased, and I smiled then, thinking I'm the luckiest person on this world. Even if it ends right then and there, I won't have any regrets. No, not even. When it ends, I won't have any regrets.

Not that I have any now, of course. Why should I? I love this – this thing we have. Playing house, I laugh. Seiichi's playing house with me. Staying with me, until the end of tomorrow, even though I wish tomorrow will never end. And I'm so happy. So very happy. It's just too bad that happiness couldn't stay forever.

And I'm so tired.

My eyelids droop, and I feel a fatigued ache all over my body. I'd long since stopped taking my medicine because I knew it wouldn't help. I'm on borrowed time, and there's nothing I can do. My body knows that too; it had stopped complaining a while ago, giving up so very easily and leaving me exhausted for what seems like forever. Seiichi knows that well. Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving him with all the chores and shopping, but he never complains. Never gives a hint, really. I smile drowsily, nodding off slightly in the slow-moving time between Seiichi's absence and his presence.

He'd given me a kiss just before he left. Sweet and soft, and he had looked at me with so much affection – so much that I'd half-wondered if I had been living in a dream I'd conjured up when I couldn't face reality. It shook me, thinking that Seiichi might never have existed, might never have touched me, kissed me, wrapped his arms around me on the bad nights. I can't think about it.

I look at the clock face again, sighing when I see that the hand had barely moved, wondering if I'll be able to keep my eyes opened until he comes back. I yawn, my eyelids drooping again, but this time, with less resistance.

I'm so tired.

Maybe if I just rest my eyes a little – at least until I regain some of my lost energy – then I can spend more time off the bed when Seiichi gets back. Maybe, if I just sleep a little, then by the time he gets back, I can walk up to him and greet him with a kiss. I know it will please him because he's always the happiest when I walk or play around. He's never said anything, but I know he is the least whenever I tell him I'm tired. It's not that he gave any hints or implied anything – he's too good to me for that – but his gentle concern and calm fretting usually gives him away. It makes me love him that much more, though, he probably doesn't know.

He'd tease me for that, I think, sighing slightly. Maybe if I just close my eyes for a little while, I'll get better. For just a little while...

I'm so tired.

He brushes my hair away from my forehead, lightly trailing fingers through it. I blink sleepily and say, "Seiichi?"

"Hm," I can hear the smooth rumble under my ear.

"Seiichi," I say again, slightly confused. He's supposed to be gone, not here. Or, I frown, was that a dream? It didn't feel like a dream, though I probably wouldn't know if I'd been dreaming anyway, and it's all so confusing I'm going to think about it any longer. Not when it feels so good here, lying in Seiichi's arms, my head tucked against his chest. It's so warm, I was so tired, and I can spend the rest of my life just lying there like that. I try telling Seiichi about it, but my mouth doesn't want to move.

His fingers trace my frown, and he asks, "Why are you upset?"

"I don't know," I tell him honestly. "I don't know why."

"Does it matter?" he murmurs, less of a question and more of an idea.

"No, I guess not." I'm drifting off again now that my mind isn't caught up in the details or particulars, but the nagging feeling still won't subside. It's a strong ripple in the back of my thoughts, telling me firmly there's something I'm forgetting, that there's something I need to do. But my mind won't cooperate no matter how hard I try, and I finally have to give up.

"Seiichi," I try my best to keep my eyes open. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"Yes." He leans in to kiss me gently on the nose. "Where else would I be?"

"Somewhere else?" I say groggily, mind already shutting down.

"No," he says, chuckling under his breath. "I'll be by your side, no matter where you are." He kisses me again, just the faintest press of his warm lips on my cold ones, and I shiver, cuddling closer to his side.

I'm so tired, Seiichi.