Disclaimer: We don't own ANYTHING of Lord of the Rings.. And this is purely the result of hyperactivity, one liners and unexpressed hate for Legomances.
The Distress of Golden Strands.
Written by two hyper people. Hah.
~
Legolas met a girl named Mary-Sue...
She was a violin
Made from pure entwood, which is ugly.. But he didn't think of that because of her PRETTIFUL BLUE HAIR.
They hit if off in an uncharacteristic manner, Legolas wanted her so badly he killed every other elf in his path.
It was very successful as he had just discovered Uzis.
He pranced around the gardens of Lothlórien in a wild, elvish frenzy. With a harp. Mary-sue got jealous, being a violin and all..
As he was prancing, he discovered his love of knee high socks,
Pink with blue hearts that matched the hair of his beloved.
Mary sue came from a long line of string instruments. Violins and Cellos alike have been at war with elves for centuries.
He was distraught to find out so, for their LOVE could not go ON with this WAR OF A ROMEO-JULIET LIKE CIRCUMSTANCE!!!!!
Members of the Brass family told Mary sue that if she cut of Legolas' golden locks (which were his strength) for the use of violin strings, she would be paid 30 silver coins.
SO she AGREED with many random CAPITALIZED letters and words, flickering and fluttering her purple eyelashes in a more-than-ever suggestive manner.
They moved close to each other, "Legolas, is that an arrow in your pockets or are you just happy to see me?"'
So she tried to seduce him. Although elves weren't USUALLY so LUSTYFUL, they proceeded with the seduction of Leggy-lass. Then she got out a pair of sheep-clippers.
"Is that a clippers I see before me?" Legolas said in an ENGLISH ELVISH EVIL accent.
"Uh.. No!" Mary-sue breathed in her ever so SEXY voice that sounded like WET DIRT HITTING TIN.
In spite of having sheep clippers, Mary sue plucked each hair from the head of the bi sexual elf and he secretly enjoyed every moment of it.
Then as Leggy-LASS slept, Mary-sue violin-ed out the window and to her Cello cronies, into the NIGHT, NIGHT I TELL YOU!! AAAAARRRRR!!!
Fin.