(A/N) : Okay this is my 2nd story, and I thought I'd write a humor since it was buzzing around in my head. Sooo I hope you guys enjoy!!!!
PLEAZ REVIEW!!!
DISCLAIMOR: I do not own Naruto.
IT'S ALL POOR TOBI'S FAULT
Well it started as a normal diabolical day in the Akatsuki head quarters. Everyone was bored to the point they would do anything…
Because of the lack of missions, most of the Akatsuki member's did their own semi-private thing. Except for Tobi who was wondering around the base, looking for something or should I say someone to go and bug about his boredom
He was walking casual down the hall, when a thought popped into his head. ' hmm… wonder what Hidan-san is doing right now… Tobi knows!! Tobi will go see if Hidan-san needs help with his ritual thingies…' Tobi had a giant smirk under his orange swirled mask as a pranced to Hidan's room.
Hidan was doing his usual rituals to his god, Jashin. He was all alone in his room, laying on the floor, with a blade through his heart and some corpse a few feet away. He was just lying on the floor for almost 15 minutes when the door opened. Braking his concentrate from his oh so pleasurable experience with Jashin-sama, he turned his head to the door, only to see Tobi staring at him in a creepy manor.
" What the fuck do you want?" asked Hidan in a very irritated voice. Tobi tilted his head for a moment and stared at the corpse. " I asked what the fuck you wanted?"
Tobi looked back to Hidan " Tobi wants to know if he can help you with your ritual because Tobi is really bored and Tobi's a good boy… so he'll be able to help.?"
Hidan was red with anger, Tobi messed up his ritual just see if he could… "help!!! You've got to be fucking me…" Tobi tilted his head in confusion. "NO"
" Ummm… Hidan -san …" Tobi hesitated thinking about why Hidan-san would say such a thing.
Hidan looked up at the masked boy and while pulling out the blade he demanded " WHAT!!!! The fuck do you want now!! It's already bad enough you fucking disturbed my ritual!!!"
Tobi backed up to the door. "Well?" demanded Hidan as he pulled off his bloody cloak and walked closer to Tobi. Tobi seemed to shiver a bit but when Hidan was right in front of him, completely bare chest and with loosely fitting ninja pants on.
Hidan grabbed Tobi's shoulder's and started shaking him. " Why the fuck do you insist to interrupt my damn ritual, and then say nothing when I ask you what the fuck you wanted?!!"
Tobi panicked a bit when Hidan slammed him against the wall, creating a imprint of Tobi's form. Hidan was pissed. Tobi was scared shittless of what Hidan might do to him. Tobi looked in back of Hidan to the corpse, which he noticed in his fright, was just about naked and positioned very weirdly on the floor.
Hidan looked in back of him to the corpse Tobi was staring at, 'heehhehh' Hidan laughed in his head, as he thought of payback.
Hidan let go of Tobi and walked over to the door, closing it. He looked back at Tobi and smiled. " So Tobi wants to help my fucking ritual ah? Fine I have the perfect one for you… and Tobi..?"
Tobi walked side ways away from Hidan and towards the bed. " What…Hidan-san" Tobi asked nervously eyeing every movement the religious man made.
Hidan walked closer to Tobi, and Tobi backed up until he tripped on the bed and fell into it. Hidan smirked, " Tobi, you're going to have to shed your cloth's for my ritual to work." Tobi went wide eyed, if you could see his face that is, and started crawling off the bed.
" Ummm… Hidan-san why do I have to get undressed?"
" Because Tobi, Jashin-sama needs a naked virgin whose is incredible fucking annoying and needs to fucking stop interrupting my damn moments." said Hidan who seemed to twitch at the annoying and moments parts.
Tobi stood still for a moment and then every thing registered in his head. He was smiling but you just couldn't see it. " Ohh… but Hidan-san Tobi won't work for that sacrifice…" gleefully spoke Tobi.
Hidan looked at him and then began to turn red in anger. " And pray tell, why the fuck won't a scum bag like you, not work?"
" Hidan-san, your funny, Tobi isn't annoying nor does he ruin good moments, because Tobi is a good boy!!!"
Tobi jumped to Kakuzu's side of the room in pure joy. Hidan twitched " But you are a damn Virgin" He stated trying to suppress his anger.
Tobi titled his head in thought " Ummm… Tobi doesn't know what virgin means. Can Hidan-san please explain to Tobi what the word virgin means?"
Hidan turned red " Just get the fuck over here so I can fucking kill you already" Hidan yelled as he launched at Tobi with his three bladed scythe.
Tobi ducked and scrambled over to the door, only for Hidan to get in the way and block it. Tobi ran around the room, jumping and sliding around beds and pieces of furniture, trying to get away from Hidan. " Tobi doesn't know why Hidan-san is chasing Tobi around the room because Tobi doesn't know what virgin means" Tobi pleaded as he ducked Hidan's scythe.
Tobi ran over to Kakuzu's dresser, and saw a big bright red box. He reached for it and Hidan screamed " No you fucking retard, don't touch that damn box!!!" but it was to late, Tobi had the box sitting in his hands as he examined it.
" What is-" Tobi was cut off when the door slammed open, causing Tobi to jump and loose hold of the box which fell in front of Hidan.
In the doorway was a very pissed looking Kakuzu holding a bunch of Lingerie? Hidan looked up and started laughing his ass off. " What the fuck are you doing with those dam pieces of Lingerie?"
Kakuzu stared at Hidan, then down to the red box at his feet. " What the fuck do you think your doing, cock sucker?"
Hidan looked up at him " What the fuck did you just call me? You no good money whore bastard"
" Shut the fuck up you religious fucked up monk" Kakuzu stood still, he had just said something terrible Taboo around Hidan.
'Ohh.. Fuck no, he didn't' thought Hidan as he eased his way closer to Kakuzu, tightening his grip on his scythe. Kakuzu unconsciously took a step back and stared at Hidan. Hidan charged at Kakuzu, forgetting about Tobi who just sat on the bed watching, very intently.
" You fucking bastard, I'm gonna slit your damn throat!!!! I am no fucked up monk, do I look bald? I'm certainly not a virgin…" Hidan swiped the scythe at Kakuzu who barely dodged, receiving a deep gash in his arm from the cracked religious man. "Stay the fuck still" yelled Hidan as he jumped over Tobi to get to Kakuzu.
Hidan briefly stopped to catch his breath and he eyed the red box, that was still on the ground. Hidan smirked evilly as he eyed the box, casual walking over to it. Kakuzu saw what Hidan was going after and grew angry. "Hidan, if you dare touch that fucking box, I will gut you like a fucking fish" Tobi looked at Kakuzu.
"Ohh… Kakuzu but I really like the color red, and do you know what I could do with this Damn box?" Kakuzu eyed Hidan.
" Fuck no, I don't and I hell as sure don't want to find out" calmly stated Kakuzu who was glaring murderously when Hidan reached and picked up the box.
" Why… I can set it on fire and watch you have heart attacks!"
Tobi looked from Hidan to Kakuzu and back and forth from then on. "Umm…Tobi wants to know why you two are fighting over a box??"
Hidan looked at Tobi who was munching on some popcorn. " Shut the fuck up, I'm gonna give that bitch over there heart attacks."
When Hidan turned back to Kakuzu he hit the ground, with something very heavy on top of him. Hidan looked up and immediately started punching and swearing at Kakuzu. Kakuzu did the same back " Give me the fuck back my fucking box, you fucking scumbag monk"
Hidan winced at the name " Fuck off, get the fuck off me so I can burn your damn box."
Tobi interrupted there little cat fight " Tobi wants to know why Hidan-san wants to burn that beautiful red box?" the two 'men' looked over at Tobi raising an eyebrow.
" You really are a fucking clueless retard" Hidan shouted. Kakuzu nodded his head in agreement.
They sat there for about 3 minutes staring at Tobi who tilted his head in thought. Tobi looked at them " Tobi want's to tell you, that Tobi doesn't get it yet… but you can go back to fighting over the box" he cheerfully stated.
Kakuzu shook his head and looked down to Hidan who was still under him. " You ready?" Hidan nodded.
"Give the fuck back my box!!!!!" yelled Kakuzu.
Hidan retorted back with " I'm-" he was cut off when he heard a snap. Kakuzu froze. Tobi stared wide eyed at the two's position. Kakuzu was pretty much straddling Hidan's hips with his own and in his hand was a broken rosary.
Kakuzu jumped off Hidan and grinned. " Give me the fuck back my box and I'll give you back your fucking broken rosary" Hidan stood up, shock still written all over his face. He moved his hands over his chest and around his neck. Hidan then grabbed the box, clenching it in his hands.
" You fuck face… now I have to get a new one… Jashin-sama shall burn all your fucking money in hell!!!!!" Kakuzu went wide eyed as he watched the pissed off to the bone Hidan rip off the top to his red box….
There was a long dramatic silence… Tobi grabbed a pillow and tightly clenched it. His mouth wide open, yes he took off his mask, as he waited out the dramatic silence, leaning closer to Hidan, wanting to find out what was in the box, because he was still clueless.
" What the fuck is this" yelled Hidan as he pulled out a lacey black panty set, which had rose patterns all along the thin straps. Kakuzu turned red and jumped at Hidan, who didn't notice and was pushed to the ground. The panty set fell from his grasp and landed in the, Random fireplace, which had a fire going in it. Tobi gasped and frowned. He slipped back on his mask and walked over to the fire place.
Hidan stood up and looked over to Kakuzu, who was crying?
Yes he was crying, anime tears came pouring down his hideous face. Hidan backed up and picked up his beads. He examined them and realized that it was only the clasp that broke and he had a spar in his draw. " Whew… thank Jashin-sama" Hidan looked over to Kakuzu who was murderously glaring at him. " Good fucking news… it was only the damn clasp that snapped off."
Hidan looked at Kakuzu who was now in front of him. " Do you know how much that fucking panty set is worth?"
Hidan looked up " No, nor do I give a rats ass"
Kakuzu twitched and grabbed the rosary from Hidan. " Give that the fuck back" ranted Hidan. Kakuzu ran into the bathroom and Hidan's eyes widened. " You wouldn't fucking dare…" Hidan's question was greeted by the splash of water and the flush of the toilet.
Kakuzu came out and glared at the religious man, whom Twitched and ran toward Kakuzu with his scythe. " I'm going to fucking slit your throat!!!!"
Hidan was about to tackle Kakuzu when Tobi jumped in front of him and held out his arms. " TOBI SAYS STOP!!!!!" he yelled.
Hidan came to a halt and glared at the masked member. " Get the fuck out of my way, so I can eliminate this heathen."
" Tobi says No! look what you two did to pretty pieces of cloth that were burned and a pretty necklace, that is very rare, you two should be very ashamed of yourselves it's all your fault!" stated Tobi in a unusual tone for him.
Hidan and Kakuzu stared at Tobi in utter shock. Then something hit Hidan, literally. Tobi had smacked both of them. " Tobi doesn't like people who stare at him, like he did some thing wrong."
Hidan shook his head then his mind started thinking " Wait the fuck minute here… it's your fucking fault all this happened!!!" angrily exclaimed Hidan.
Kakuzu looked up at Hidan " How so?"
" It's him that decided to fucking interrupt my ritual and it was he who grabbed your damn box."
Kakuzu looked down at the space Tobi was in, but was now just the floor. They looked up as they heard the door creep open. " Tobi where the fuck do you think your going?" asked Kakuzu who walked forward with Hidan.
" Umm… Tobi's leaving, so you two can settle your argument"
" Ohh.. No you don't Tobi, your going to fucking die" screeched Hidan as he and Kakuzu launched toward Tobi. Running after his retreating figure.
" Ahhhh…. Tobi didn't do any thing wrong…TOBI'S A GOOD BOY" Tobi screamed while he ran through the base, breaking every thing he touched or bumped into. Soon not just Hidan and Kakuzu were chasing him but every Akatsuki member and some random dog…. Pray for poor Tobi……
(A/N): well I had to write this because it was roaming around in my head and it stopped me from writing my chapter for Demonic Revolution. Well hope you guy's liked it and you prayed for Tobi's well being…. lol REVEIW'S PLEASE.