Title: Your Smile Brightens the Dark
Author: Parvati 4th
Word Count: 1,253
Pairings: Ichigo/Ishida
Status: Incomplete (1/16)
Warnings: A lot! First, it's my first fic, English is not my native language, and then lot of angst, and a clueless Ishida...
Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, it would have been a yaoi manga! XDDD

PART ONE: You won't hide anymore?

Today I will save a shinigami, Sensei, will you forgive me?

It seems I said this so long ago… But barely three months had passed since I saved you, and me. It was the second time I did something only to save myself. Sensei, I'm sorry… I know I could have helped you, maybe only a little but surely you'd have survived a little longer…

And then I had to save this shinigami… What would I become without him around was the first thing I thought when I saw he was in danger. Not his well-being first, but mine… Me…

My pride saved you, but now is it going to kill me? I can barely protect myself now that I have lost my powers because of it. And now I'm here, sitting on this rock, listening to the sound of the water falling, like when I was training with Sensei. And now all I can think of is you. I wasn't able to do anything else since I first saw you entering the classroom, your foolish reiatsu surrounding me.

Of course, you didn't even look at me. I was really drawn by your spiritual energy, but you didn't seem to notice mine. It seemed I wasn't the only one drawn to you, as all of your friends were those who seemed to have a spiritual ability sleeping inside. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous, I was more powerful than all of you, but you didn't even gave me a single look.

Finally I decided to challenge you to prove you that I was superior to all of you, who rejected me. Inoue-san was the only one who was friendly with me, but she was not the one I wanted a little attention from. I won't say I don't like her, because she's really kind with me; she has a really big heart, and you, idiot that you are, don't even realise that she has only eyes for you.

At first I didn't really understand how she could be so in love with you when you weren't that friendly with her.

But then, one day, you smiled. Why is it that when I saw you smiling, I wasn't able to think anymore?

Then I remembered it… you reminded me of Sensei. When he smiled, all I could think of was that I was happy, and forgot all my fears. I couldn't refuse anything to him when he smiled, I couldn't be angry anymore.

But yours was not for me. This smile was for Kuchiki-san. Yes, I know, she saved your life, and changed it, but didn't I save your life too? Shouldn't I deserve a little more than a scowl?

But why do I want more than a scowl from you? I know I'm drawn to you because of your reiatsu, but why am I jealous of Kuchiki-san? Why do I want your full attention? I don't even know myself… And I'll never know. I'll stay there, away from you, I won't be a burden anymore, and then maybe a Hollow will eat me, or will make me become a Hollow too, then I'll be able to see you one last time when you'll kill me.

I can even sense your spirit from here. You must be training really hard. Whereas I sound like I'm giving up… But what should I do? Sensei…

"What are you muttering there, alone?" Jumping to my feet, heart beating fast, I see him, standing at the edge of the trees, hands in his pockets, frowning at me with an odd look in his eyes.

I didn't even sense you were approaching. I knew it wasn't good to be lost in thought. You're very annoying, you know.

As he comes closer, I straighten my glasses to hide any emotions that can be seen in my eyes.

"Kurosaki," I say, trying to sound casual. "What are you doing here? Aren't you training to prepare for the fight against Aizen and his subordinates?"

There it is. The scowl is back. My heart calms down a little.

"Tch... I can't concentrate long enough. They sent me away to calm me down. Why didn't you come back to school? Everyone wonders what's been happening, and Inoue's really worried, you know how she is."

"That's not your problem, Kurosaki. I have some things to sort out alone. Moreover, I don't think you were worried about me so I don't see what you're doing here, disturbing my training."

"Training?" he repeats, eyebrows rising in disbelief. "Yeah… Of course… Sitting on rock, muttering to yourself..."

"What are you trying to say Kurosaki?" Now I'm really losing my calm. I know he saw it, so I adjust my glasses another time.
"Don't play idiot with me, Ishida," he answers. "You don't think I'm that stupid, don't you?"

I fear that I know what he's talking about, but I don't want to talk about it, and surely not with him. I don't know what to do…

"Of course not," I say, turning to walk closer to the fall.

"Ishida –" he begins, catching my wrist. And I sense it again. His reiatsu, surrounding me from the touch, is making my heart beat faster again. I quiver, feeling something tugging at my stomach. I hope he doesn't sense the pulse in my wrist. "Ishida," he repeats. "I know." My eyes widen as I turn around to look at him. "I know about your powers" No… Not him… "I'm sorry".

"You're sorry about what?" Now I'm really angry at him. I can't do anything else… All I can do is be angry when he talks to me… I don't ever want to but it always comes out with this defensive tone…

He frowns, surprised at my outburst. "I'm sorry because it's my fault; you came in Soul Society because I –".

"No I didn't." I cut him off. "I went there to prove to you I was worthy." Of course I went there to help them, I really wanted to save Kuchiki-san; without her around I feared I wouldn't be able to see another smile from him. Yes, that's really selfish, isn't it? And I can't tell him this reason; I don't even know what it means.

"I never said you weren't," he said, still clenching my wrist.

"No you never said it, but why is it that you didn't even know my existence before I challenged you?" I ask, snatching my arm away. "Yeah, I know, you're pretty bad at sensing spiritual energy," I add, seeing him opening his mouth to answer angrily. "All of your friends have spiritual powers and you didn't even know it. I saw it from the first time you entered the class."

"I don't see the problem. You're my friend too!"

"I don't know the problem either! Now leave me alone, would you?" He considers me as a friend? It's too late, now I'm unworthy.

"No I won't. I don't like to see my friends like that, okay? So now would you please come back to school? If you can't protect yourself, I'll do it for you."

"I don't need your help. Thanks, Kurosaki. Bye now," I answer, walking away from him. He grasps my arm again. Another rush of spirit energy. Another quiver. Another tug. "Won't you ever let me go?"

"Of course not! I told you, now I have to protect you!" he says. I turn around to retort, but what I see makes me forget what I wanted to say.

----------------- Following on episode 2 -----------------