Author's Note: This idea came to me in a flash of brilliance as a type of parody since the Inheritance Cycle (no offence) is filled to the brim with clichés and Mary Sues. Hopefully, this fanfic will be better and a little different. And thank God for the fact that I don't own the IC!

Chapter I:

The Curse of Mary Sues

"I'll kill him!" Eragon ranted.

"Whoa, calm down, buddy!" Alyss exclaimed as she struggled to pull Eragon out of the school corridor.

"Seriously!" Eragon spat. "How can he make us undergo such torture? We have to read the Inheritance Cycle for school and write a book report about it? I mean, come on! Even the Adventures of Alice in Wonderland are better than that failure? Epic indeed!"

"I know you hate it, Eragon," Alyss said, rubbing Eragon's arm soothingly as he stood panting for breath. "But it is homework and whether we like it or not we have to do it. Punching your English teacher to smithereens will not get you an A+!"

Eragon took in a deep breath and let his shoulders sag.

"I know," He said. "But it is just so blasted annoying having to read about some dim-witted, farm-boy-turned-hero thing who happens to stumble across a Dragon Egg and become the saviour over all of Alageasia. I mean, what kind of a name is that?

"You'd think the author would choose something more easy to pronounce but no! Instead, he wants to 'invent' his own language – something that has been done ever since Tolkien, mind! – in order to make his book series seem vast and complex.

"Why, he hasn't even finished Book IV yet and it's been what? Two or three years since the previous one has come out? What in the world is taking him so long? Did some insane fangirl beat the crap out of him for no AxE so far? And what kind of a name is Eridor for a hero and a Dragon Rider no less? It's like he is begging to get sued for copying The Lord of the Rings! He..."

"Are you quite finished yet?" Alyss snapped.

Eragon clenched his teeth and nodded knowing he'd have a heck of a lot more to say against that good for nothing trilogy. The crazy author used all the common fantasy tropes ranging from the half-mad tyrant king to the stoic and poker-faced female heroine.

She even wore leathers and was an elf too boot! Not to mention her name being totally like that of a certain Arwen from a trilogy that really was epic and took a grand ten to fourteen years to write.

Now that author was a genius, God rest his soul! This author, on the other hand, was a complete nincompoop! The elves were tree-hugging atheistic nerds.

The dwarves were fat, scientific clowns. The humans were deranged, warmongering, violent-prone and corrupt maniacs who did more damage than they strove to stop. And the dragons? You would have thought the author would have made them cool but no!

He killed off all the dragons, giving his favourite hero the last one in existence and the hero's brother and enemy the only other one in existence besides the last dragon egg which was, in fact, a male. Then there was the king's dragon and this caused a problem.

Because there was only one female dragon and two males (minus the king's dragon due to it being twisted from its long captivity) would cause incest should one of the male dragons become good and mate the female.

There would be no other females for their children to mate with resulting in a week breed of dragons. Eragon supposed it was that character shield again and he knew the delinquent author probably wouldn't delve into that aspect of aftermath.

He would probably end the story with a touching epilogue of the hero and his dragon leaving the world reunited with his brother and finally together with his blank-faced elf woman. Good for nothing loser!

Eragon could have gone on and on but he knew when to call it quits. Besides, no one was listening to his rant besides his best and only friend Alyss White. She was his next door neighbour and had practically grew up together. Alyss was about his height and boasted a stunning figure.

While he had never thought of her in that way due to them being friends for practically forever, brother and sister really, he had to admit she was rather pretty. A cascade of platinum blond hair trailed down her back and her eyes were an intelligent and brilliant, sky-blue.

Thank god they weren't green! The female heroes, or hero's love interest, always had 'raven black hair' and piercing green eyes. It was as common and cliché as cliché could get.

Anyhow, Eragon knew that school was long over and the hallway was practically empty. English had been the last on their schedule today and the teacher had left them with writing assignment to read the first book in the Inheritance Cycle and bring it to class next day.

They were supposed to pick apart and analyse the author's themes and choices of characters, events, etc. It made no sense to Eragon for the book was cliché as hell and did not deserve the red carpet treatment.

Even the Harry Potter saga was better than that! Of course, even that was a major rip-off of The Lord of the Rings and a few other novels besides, but what could he say? It was a fairly good series and an engaging read despite its cliché-ness.

Oh, well! A guy had to do what a guy had to do.

"Hey, Eragon," Alyss said, punching him in the shoulder. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" Eragon blinked, confused out of his daze. "Oh, urn, yeah. Sorry. Look, we should probably head back now, no?"

"Exactly what I was saying!" Alyss nodded exasperatedly.

"Sorry," Eragon said with a sheepish smile. "I got a bit carried away there what with that stupid English assignment."

"No problem," Alyss said, giving him a mischievous grin. "I know how these things hate you so much. In fact, I was pretty pissed off with them myself. Should we take the bus? It's leaving in five minutes."

"Nah," Eragon said, waving his hand dismissively. "I wanna walk home to clear my head. I don't mind if you take the bus. It gets so stifling and suffocating in there sometimes."

"I know what you mean," Alyss nodded, pursing her lips as she though. Making up her mind, she added, "Okay then, you win! A walk would do me good. I've got loads of calories to burn that I accumulated over the week-end."

Unable to suppress a grin, Eragon rolled his eyebrows.

Girls! Just when you thought you knew them, you found out that you didn't know them at all!

Humming the song named "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter, Eragon broke into a steady jog towards the exit with Alyss at his heals. He knew he could always count on his blond-haired friend to cool him off when he was about to blow his top.

Little did he know just how much more he would need her in the days to come...

To Be Continued!