Heeeeeyyyy, reader. If there's anyone actually reading this. Recently, I've been struck with inspiration, which is where this story came from. I'll be trying it out and seeing how it'll go – if people like it, I'll forge on. Reviews and favorites are loved and welcomed, so please don't be shy!

Amestris, Elrics, and everything FullMetal Alchemist belong to Hiromu Arakawa. Chatty, not yet named protagonist is mine, along with the plot idea. Enjoy~

Playing God

Prologue

In which our chatty protagonist frames exactly what the hell is going on. Sort of - she's a bit scatterbrained.

I think I'll start this story by telling you one thing that you certainly didn't already know.

God sucks at playing chess.

Good, I've got your attention. How about another? God also has no gender, so I'm only saying He from here on out just so I don't confuse you. Also, God goes by a lot of names, and a whole bunch of avatars. There's Zeus, Odin, Quetzalcoatl, Cernunnos, and that's just the males. Hera, Freya, Brigid, Kali, Amaterasu. I don't know any female Aztec gods off the top of my head so you'll have to forgive me.

But the point of all that is this: just keep in mind that God comes in a lot of forms, a lot of names, a lot of minds, and basically all genders.

If you remember that, it'll make this story a lot easier to wrap your mind around.

Anyway, back to chess. For you humans, the game was really formalized and popularized around 1200 – big time, that. Lots of things going on. But for the deities, they've had it for..basically ever. It's a strategy game for them, like it is for you, but instead they plot and decide the outcome of the universe. Imagine how stressful it can be, sitting across from Thor and finding he really isn't that good at chess – he's got that electrified hammer, you know. Mjolnir? The name escapes me, but I think that's right.

But I've been rambling, haven't I? I'll do my best, now, to actually tell you why you're here, listening to me blabber about gods and angry Thor roasting opponents with his hammer when he looses the simulated battle of Ragnarok on that gold-plated chess set of his. Again. I really wish he would grasp he's going to be eaten by the world serpent and that's all there is to it.

I hope you're familiar with what happened a few years ago in Amestris. With the Homunculi? Otherwise this won't make much sense. Homunculi, ugh. Worst choice for creation ever, besides the atomic bomb and KFC. They're like children throwing a tantrum – but leave it to the original incarnation of God to bless (or curse) His humans with Virtues and Sins that they want to separate themselves from in an effort to become a 'Perfect Human'. Like that actually exists. I think He has an odd sense of humor, personally, but I'd never say anything.

I don't want Kali to toast my ass. She's vicious.

A recap, then. Ah, angry Homunculi, used a city full of people to create his own vessel. Many years later, unleashed his sins on the unsuspecting Amestrian public, all in the effort to touch the face of God and try to rip the Celestials down from the Heavens. Remember, God is one, but also comes in all forms. Don't get confused. His goal -the Homunculi guy, I mean - didn't really work, of course – he thought he got our power but really, that was just poking at the Gates, like trying to pull something open then realized you have no opposable thumbs and settling for ineffectually slamming yourself against it in hopes it will open. It doesn't really work, but you get a lot of nice trophy bruises. However, what really matters about this whole scenario are two brothers. Brothers probably closer to each other than any I've ever met, or probably will ever met. They're the one who stopped him, cast him back into wherever the heck those sorts of things go, and set to their lives in a way that only people who have seen too much can do – either single-minded determination, or complete horror and revulsion. Luckily, for both Elrics, it was the former, not the latter. They were just normal human boys – now men – trying to do the right thing. It may not have always led them to the right places, but their heart was in it, and that made them stronger than they probably realized at the time. They were important, because they had the will, the knowledge, and the determination, to rip down a failed creation of God.

Notice how I use 'A' instead of the. Because the Homunculus they stopped was only one of many, and the Elrics are soon going to become important again. How, you'll just have to stay and listen to me.

Me? What about me?

I suppose I should answer a couple questions, but I think you'll have to read on more to learn more about me. A joke is no fun if you give away the punchline early, and neither is a story. The way I speak is probably something you've noticed, though, and I can tell you about that. It's a lot more modern than you'd normally find floating around in their realm.

You see, the world isn't just one dimension. It's not just one plane of existence. There's..well...more than you humans have a number for. God doesn't even bother to name them other than something around "That one, there. You know, the ones with the talking trees and the birds as big as a ship." He can be rather imprecise when He wants to be. But me, I didn't come from Amestris.

I'll give you one guess and only say this:

Want to know the best way to end a really crappy day? Being abducted and thrown into a world you thought was imaginary.

Got it yet?