The Mimes
I am just trying to get the hang of submitting these things, so I am starting with little humor fics.
Disclaimer-I don't own Teen Titans. Nobody without really, really, really good credentials as an attorney, incredible acting skills, and enough affiliation to choke a bull elephant could ever aspire to own Teen Titans.
Believe me-I've tried.
Summary: The Titans' newest foe, Brain Bender (all the good names were taken, again!) is infecting Cyborg and Beast Boy's minds with a virus that will cause them to.....lose the power of speech! Bet you didn't see that one coming! Anyway, our two dashing rolls eyes young heroes are forced to mime all their communications until they are returned to normal or at least until they can learn sign language.....scoffs WARNING! I may write this so Cyborg develops a fondness for tofu. If you prefer to have some sanity left, read my other, equally lousy, fic.
Oh, and for you seasoned authors, can somebody explain these to me?
What is an OC?
How do I edit text once I've submitted it?
How do I post multiple chapters?
Answer my questions, and, since I am at a loss as how to mail you a giant chocolate-chip cookie, I will dedicate a ficcie to you! Aren't I nice?
That question was rhetorical.
Ted awoke with a start and jerked his face off the keypad he was using as a pillow. He rubbed his cheek and erased the involuntary gibberish. A very hard pillow....
He glanced at the clock-5:26 a.m. Good-there was still time. Coughing to clear his throat, and giving a yawn that a bullfrog would be proud of, he gave his work one last look and clicked a button on the computer. The mechanisms behind his back began whirring. Chemicals poured themselves from beaker to beaker. Mechanical arms reached down to stir mixtures and solutions. All the beakers were picked up at the same time and poured simultaneously into the largest container yet. A metal stirring stick reached in of its own accord and began mixing it until it reached the syrupy consistency of melted butter, now of perfect clarity, frothing slightly. Ted smiled a rare smile and closed the program. As he picked up the beaker, a photograph popped up on the screen. Ted laughed quietly.
"Soon the city will be demolished, the law will split at the seams, and the reign of the Titans will come to an end!" He slipped on a squishy pink costume, plucked the beaker from its holder, and poured the contents into a spill proof metal container.
He exited through a sliding metal door. The photograph became fuzzy as the lights dimmed, then blanked completely as the computer shut down. The Teen Titans disappeared from the computer screen.
And if Brain-Bender's plan worked, they would disappear off the face of the Earth.
The Brain Bender slipped quietly through the window of the Tower, opening the gargantuan refrigerator door. He spread the gunk in his gloved hand over all the meat, and, tofu-"Probably there because a couple of them prefer it," he thought. There wasn't any left to spread on everything else-the chemicals he used were rare and he could barely afford grams of them on the black market. Still, there were a few more drops....maybe...
He heard footsteps...There was no more time....At least he had disabled the cameras. The system he used would make it look not only like he was never there, but as if the camera hadn't been shut down at all. Nobody would ever detect him. He slipped hastily out the window and used a gastric pink hang glider (I couldn't resist) to make a thorough escape.
Raven stopped in her tracks. She had felt a presence in the kitchen, but it had disappeared as soon as her footsteps became audible. She had been in counseling all day yesterday over the computer. Robin forced her to do it ever since her outburst at "Plastico."
Nothing. She shrugged it off and proceeded to make tea. It was probably only a figment of her imagination, a product of meditative deficit. (Once again, I couldn't resist) How she hated that condescending counselor...
Beast Boy snuck down the stairs. Today he would make tofu waffles before Cyborg could get down to make that disgusting meat. Mwahahaha! He thought. Flying down the stairs to avoid making them creak, he flitted into the kitchen in hummingbird form. By now, Raven was about to head upstairs with her tea to read a good book. (I didn't have any better phrases; so sue me (And the disclaimer says you can't, nayh, nayh nayh, nayh, nayh!)) A little sculpting, mixing, slamming into the waffle iron, and the waffles were done. Beast Boy smiled and began to eat. Cyborg came downstairs, screeched at BB, "How can you eat that stuff?" BB screeched the same thing, and this continued for a while. Robin and Starfire slipped downstairs, crammed earplugs into their ears, and poured cereal for themselves. Nobody asked where Raven was. She was obviously in her room, buried under masses of pillows borrowed from Starfire, reading and drinking tea by flashlight, desperately hoping to find a respite for her tired ears.
The alarm went off. Typical. Raven phased through the ceiling. The firearms store downtown was being robbed. Starfire looked confused. "Friend Raven, what is an "arm of fire?""
Raven sighed. "Firearms are guns, Starfire. They are small objects made out of metal that complete idiots use to kill each other." She spoke evenly, as if mentioning moderately cloudy weather. Robin couldn't help biting his lip and taking a frightened step away.
The Titans flew to the scene of the crime (I didn't have any better phrases; so sue me (And the disclaimer says you can't, nayh, nayh nayh, nayh, nayh!)) and stood behind the building across the street, out of sight. After conferring, they flew out from behind it and went into action. Raven disabled most of the guns by twisting or melting them. Starfire did the same. Robin and Beast Boy served as the distraction, and Cyborg used his sonic cannon to blast apart the roof, knocking most of the perpetrators out. Raven trapped them in energy as they tried to escape. Another victory. She rolled her eyes.
It was then that the truly epic event occurred. Beast Boy was punching the air, yelling-silent yelling.
It was the same with Cyborg.
Something was wrong.
"Guys, something is wrong," Robin remarked. Cyborg and BB grabbed their throats and choked, trying to rid them of imaginary blockages. Starfire looked extremely concerned.
"Have friends Cyborg and Beast Boy forgotten the art of the speaking?"
Raven sighed. Sometimes she wished Starfire would practice the art of the speaking a little more.
Annoyed, worried, and confused, the Titans returned to the Tower.
"Not that anybody cares at all," said Raven, "But if you need me I'll obviously be in my room, buried under masses of borrowed pillows from Starfire, reading and drinking tea by flashlight, desperately trying to find a respite for my tired ea...." She stopped. She thought. She realized. She backflipped. She laughed uproariously. Everybody was beginning to look scared. Really scared. No one had yet realized what Raven meant. Now that Cyborg and Beast Boy were forcibly shut up, nobody would have to listen to them arguing. Nobody would have to eat tofu or meat if they didn't want to. Nobody would have to listen to Beast Boys tired-out jokes. "Woo-hoo! I'll be returning the masses of borrowed pillows to Starfire, recycling all my earplugs, meditating, reading, drinking tea, and ENJOYING THE PEACE AND QUIET!!!!!!!!FINALLY!!!!" she shrieked in a single breath, phasing back through the ceiling. The rest of the Titans could hear her maniacal laughter. Beast Boy looked the slightest bit hurt. Cyborg and Starfire looked confused and very in-the-dark about the whole thing. Robin looked as though something were finally dawning on him. Beast Boy walked over to the counter, picked up a pad, and scribbled, "If she wants less noise, she should make less." His scribbling was accompanied by plaster falling from the ceiling, conveniently on his head. Raven could be heard singing loudly.
Robin looked like he was suddenly seeing the world for the first time, like life itself was too good to be true. Not an understatement. His mouth was gaping, yet drawn upward into a weird smiling shape. He was moving his hands around as if to feel the air itself. He might have just walked out of an asylum. His eyes (mask) were open as wide as possibly possible. He fainted and fell onto the couch.
Starfire was now beyond beyond confused. Was everyone else ill-Beast Boy and Cyborg's sudden loss of speech, Robin and Raven's sudden loss of sanity? At least you could talk to a crazy person. She flew up the stairs to see Raven.
"Raven?" she called. "I wish to have the talk of girls with you..." Raven's door flew open. "Yes, Starfire? Would you like to help me set up a party celebrating this grand and momentous occasion in our lives?"
"Actually, I was wondering if our friends are ill...do you feel well, Raven?"
"OOOOOOOOOOOHH YES!" Raven squealed. "Never better, never never never never never! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me." She backflipped again, through the doorway to her room.
Her pink room.
Starfire blinked. Was it possible that this was instead the door to her room? She had gone through a pink phase lately......
"Fff-friend Raven....Have you "redecorated?""
"Yep! Like it? Pink's my favorite color!"
Starfire fainted dead away.
Meanwhile, the mutes were becoming hungry. Cyborg and Beast Boy both raced to the fridge at the same time. They tried to argue over what to cook first. Since there was no sound coming out of their mouths, they tried a different tack. Beast Boy picked up Starfire's makeup compact from the countertop and doused the steak Cyborg was preparing in fluffy pink powder. Cyborg, fuming, pretended to kick at Beast Boy. BB ducked and jumped out of the way, right into place for Cyborg to lob the trash can onto him. All-out warfare broke out in the kitchen. Mushrooms, soup cans, even the classic banana peel-all food was reclassified as ammunition. Beast Boy threw rotten fruit at Cyborg, who retaliated by shaking spices over his head. The response was a skunk's spray in the face, which was answered by-ironically-tomato juice. The sprawl ended when Beast Boy turned into an elephant, sucking up all the water in the dish-stuffed sink with his trunk, and spraying Cyborg.
Robin woke up. Some of the water had landed on his face and he had jumped up coughing. Seeing the scene caused by Beast Boy and Cyborg was little help to his sanity.
He fainted again.
The fight continued.
Meanwhile, upstairs, Raven was trying to wake up Starfire. Water didn't work. Pinching didn't work. Even special incantations didn't work. She was out cold. Raven shrugged, lifted Starfire off the floor, placed her on the bed, and continued her mad crusade to eliminate every dark color in the room. Blotches of purple spray paint were applied to the pink walls. The desk was layered in fuzzy pink matting and held fuzzy pink pencil holders stuffed with gel pens. It looked like something straight out of "Trading Spaces."
In a way, it was. Happy Raven was completely taking over. Some mysterious mental wire had been tripped inside Raven's head. But she didn't care. The real Raven was in Nevermore, feeling inexplicably happier than usual. She knew it was probably because of Beast Boy and Cyborg's equally inexplicable loss of speech, but she was happy about that too. Still, Beast Boy's loss of jokes lay nagging in the back of her head. She chuckled. Yesterday she would have given practically anything she owned to get those two to shut up. Today she was almost missing it. "Raven, you're losing it entirely," she said out loud. She walked off to find something more interesting to do than stand in the middle of a bleak nowhere mumbling to herself.
Happy Raven was having the time of her life. "I should get a job as a designer," she remarked proudly. Walking around the desk to survey her handiwork, she tripped on a hairbrush she had dropped and fell. One hand landed on the desk, specifically on the mirror. She vanished into thin air.
Fate is both cruel and annoying, and chose this exact moment to wake Starfire up. She (Starfire) sat up in the bed. "Friend Raven?" Perhaps she is downstairs, Starfire reasoned. She looked around the room. How could anybody change a room that much in the span of...the clock said two hours. Sighing and rubbing her back, the alien princess proceeded downstairs.