Hey, y'all! This is my first Naruto fanfic, so I'm fairly new at this, and have been since last August, so I hope all you SasuSaku fans like this one-shot. It's basically a recall from the night Sasuke was leaving the village and Sakura tried to stop him, but what if there was more to it than that? What could have been going through Sasuke's mind during this moment?
I do not own Naruto! Play the "Sadness and Sorrow" song:)
Thank You For Everything
Sasuke walks slowly through the streets of Konoha, the darkness overshadowing his figure from the full, harvest moon that lights the night sky.
He passes the Ninja Academy.
He passes the swing where Naruto had moped by himself in his younger years.
Every building, house, and tree he passed was like a memory being left behind, pulled and shoved into the back of his mind...like the picture of Team 7 he left behind, placing it facedown on his desk after staring at the faces of his teammates one last time.
He had to bring as little as possible. He couldn't let anything remind him of a home.
He could not let anything distract him. This village and its rules of playing ninja had distracted him long enough. Too long. Getting easily defeated by Itachi and watching Naruto rise further above his level was a strong reminder of that.
His fists clenched in his pockets.
He had chosen the path of revenge. His only reason of living was to gain power and kill Itachi. That was his purpose. Nothing else mattered. Nothing.
He will not allow his mind to wander anywhere else, nor his heart. He would not think of his teammates. He would think of Kakashi-sensei's warnings. He would not think of the dobe's aggressive, annoying, yet playful challenges.
He would not think of her. Especially her.
Then how he could he be leaving the village at the slowest pace possible, if he were in a rush to leave?
Sakura walks slowly through the streets of Konoha, the full harvest moon lighting her path from the night sky. The wind had brushed across her skin and ruffled her short pink hair, giving her chill across her nerves, making the knot in her stomach grow tighter.
She could never stop thinking about him.
She had felt it as Ichiraku on her small dinner date with Naruto. She had felt it at the hospital after the dangerous attempt to get between Naruto and Sasuke, when Kakashi comforted her tears and told her that everything was going to be alright.
She wanted to believe him. Kakashi was her teacher, and he was right almost all the time, so she should put her trust in him. And in Naruto, who had told her the same thing, that Sasuke will pull through, get over his anger, and everything will be okay.
They knew Sasuke. They interacted with him the most and managed to get through to him, as teacher and best friend. She should trust that this shouldn't be any different. Right?
She stopped in her footsteps on the stony road, leading in the direction of her home. The whole area was silent, only the sound of crickets heard, except for the cold wind that rustled through the leaves of the trees, ruffling the strands of her petal-pink hair. She stood there frozen for a long moment.
She remembered the look in his eyes, when harshly knocking the knife and sliced apples out of her hand in the hospital room. His cold, bottomless, ebony eyes. However emotionless he had always seemed, she had, over time she tried to get to know to him and win his affections, learned to read those eyes. There had definitely been anger. Rage and loathing. Anyone could see that.
Pain. That was what she saw. It had been for a moment, half-hidden behind his long bangs, but she had spotted it. Years of endless pain that never truly went away.
Sasuke.
The knot in her stomach snapped.
Twirling on her feet, she sprinted in the opposite direction.
She knew. She did not comprehend how Kakashi and Naruto could not have this tight feeling her gut, but she knew.
She just hoped she was wrong. She prayed that she was wrong.
Sasuke is still walking slowly. Silently. He finds the path that leads directly out of the village and continues on without pause.
There were no good-byes. No tears. No voices of regret. He couldn't think of that.
Then, just as a familiar stone bench came in view, she appeared. Coming slowly around from around the corner, her petal-pink hair glowing softly in the moonlight, her beautiful green eyes watched him, seeing his backpack strapped on, silently questioning and pleading with him in their knowing gaze.
She knew, he realized. He did not know how, but she knew. Why is she here? Why her? He already knew why she was here, and that she knew why he was here, which was why things got more more difficult.
Though he was surprised to see her, he did not show it. Instead he paused in his steps in front of the stone bench, his face indifferent. "It's the middle of the night," he said with a bored tone, not looking directly into those green eyes. "What're you hanging around here for?"
Sakura looked at him. "This is the only road out of the village," she said softly. Her voice had never sounded so soft. It made his chest clench.
"You should go to bed," he said after a pause, still not looking at her directly and trying to ignore the rock in his throat as he continued to walk at his chosen pace.
As he passed her, she didn't move, her sad eyes hidden behind pink hair strands. Though he kept his appearance indifferent and dismissive, as always, his jaw clenched tightly.
She was such a nuisance, in more ways than one. Why couldn't she just leave him be? Why did she have to be here, when there's nothing she can say or do that would stop him from his goal?
But more importantly, why couldn't he look at her in eye if he was so serious about this?
"Why, Sasuke?"
He didn't see the silent tears that slipped down her face, but heard them in her quiet voice and flinched. He also sensed a hint of anger and betrayal in the mix of her sadness, as if she had finally reached the limit of her patience with him. He hated it when she cried, hated her tears, especially when he was the cause of them, because it made her normally bold and cheerful self all sad and vulnerable.
It seemed like the most cheerful people also brought the greatest sadness within. Like Sakura would have craved his smiles-if you would even call them smiles-he would dread her tears. The thought alone was just sad and pathetic.
"Why won't you ever tell me anything?" Her tearful voice grew and practically cried toward his turned back. "Why is it always silence with you? You've never shared a single thing with me..."
"Why should I have to tell you anything?" Sasuke snapped in frustration and stopped walking, but didn't turn around...mostly because his own emotions threatening to break and see her own would likely cause it to happen. She always did this to him. Many girls annoyed him, but it seemed that she was the only one to get him this riled up without trying.
"Just keep your nose out of my business," he said slowly and harshly. "It's none of your concern."
Don't make this harder than it already is, Sakura. Just don't.
They were both silent for a long moment, until Sakura spoke first in a small voice, "I know you hate me."
Inwardly flinching, Sasuke shut his eyes, feeling a small knife in his cold heart at her words. Sakura...
Still, he says nothing and listens as she continues, "Even in the beginning you can never stand me. Remember? Back when we were genin and we were assigned to our three-man squads? We were alone together for the first time, right here on this very spot. You got so mad at me that day."
"Think about it!" exclaimed the long-haired pinkette, her nose in her air with a smirk. "He just does whatever comes into his head! But if you don't have parents to tell you, how do you know? He's selfish and bratty! He's all alone!"
"Alone...isolated…" he murmured.
"Huh?"
"It's not about your parents scolding you…" said Sasuke, coldly. "You have no idea what it means to be alone."
Sakura looked confused and nervous. "W-Why are you saying that?" she stammered.
"Because," Sasuke turned and scowled at her, "you're annoying!"
Sakura gasped, her green eyes widening with shock and hurt.
"I don't remember that," Sasuke lied, almost forcefully, and heard a small intake of breath from Sakura behind him.
He knew that once again, he wounded her, but it was necessary. He couldn't allow her to see that he remembered that moment as though it had happened yesterday.
It was the first time that he had taken out his anger and disgust on Sakura when she had been continuously insulting Naruto, when never realizing that her every word had been insulting him as well. She didn't understand him or Naruto at the time, making her an annoying brat that only focused on her own self-esteem and her infatuation with the last Uchiha, like every other fangirl that chased him.
Annoying. That had been his first impression of her at the time. Still was...but this time, there was far more to her than that...so much more...and nobody ever knew how much it scared him. Especially her.
He was still tense when listening to Sakura stammer, her tears dripping on the cobblestones at her feet. "Y-Yeah, sure...I mean...it was so long ago, right?" She tried to sound cheerful, despite the hurt he caused her. "But still, that's the day when it all began. It was the start of you and me...and Naruto...and Kakashi-sensei. The four of us started going on missions. It was rough back then. Every day was such a challenge...but more than anything..." She smiled. "It was so much fun."
He did remember. He remembered it all. All their assignments and missions, from chasing to cats to fighting criminals. Their travels, their teamwork, and even their games. The mission in Wave Country, the Chunin Exams, the Land of Snow...everything. He remembered his arguments and clashes with Naruto, his tolerated lectures and teachings from Kakashi, and the open affection and closeness of Sakura, both wanted and unwanted.
Every moment with her embedded deep into his memory. Her warm touches, her tears, her fiery temper, her smiles...how everything about her soothed him just as much as it annoyed him, because she was so often on his mind that it had been nearly impossible to shake off, infuriating him possibly more than his rivalry with Naruto.
Infuriating him because it had more than once distracted him...just as it was distracting him now. From leaving.
Then her smile faded when Sasuke was silent, never knowing what he is thinking or feeling, or if he was even listening to her. "I know about your clan, Sasuke," she pleaded honestly, "I do...but seeking revenge...that won't bring anyone happiness. Nobody at all. Not you...and not me."
Not anymore. He was not going to let her distract him anymore. Once again, he was going to have to dismiss her. To push her away. He was going to have to hurt her, like he did so many times already. So he hardened his resolve and replied in a cold tone, though his eyes burned painfully, "I knew it. I'm not the same as you. I'm traveling a path the rest of you can't follow. I know that the four of us have worked together, and for a while I though I'd take that road instead...but in the end, I've decided on revenge. That's always been my reason for living. I'll never be like you and Naruto."
"Don't do this, Sasuke!" exclaimed Sakura, her high-pitched voice becoming more frantic. "You don't have to be alone. You told me that day how painful solitude can be. I understand that pain now. I have a family...and friends. But...if you were gone, Sasuke, it would be the same thing for me...as being all alone."
Alone?! How could you know, Sakura? How can you possibly understand what I'm going through? I don't want you to understand! My departure couldn't possibly give you that feeling. You will never understand. It's like you said...you have friends and family. As long as you have them, you would never truly understand what it's like to have them taken away from you, and you should be grateful. Once I'm gone, you'll get over it. You have to...You're wasting your breath!
"This is a new beginning," he continued more sternly, as though he didn't hear her, even though he heard every word. "Each of us has a new path lying before us." He was so sure of his words, yet why did it sound like he was trying to convince himself more than he was convincing her?
Let me go, Sakura...I'm leaving! I'm leaving, I'm cutting all bonds with the Hidden Leaf, I'm going to gain that power, even it's going to be that snake, and there's no stopping me from getting my revenge! Not even you could-
"Sasuke!" Sakura cried out, her voice strangled with so such pain. "I'm so in love with you I can't even stand it!"
Sasuke close his eyes, clenching his teeth. He knew this already. He knew all along that she felt this...Kami, he could read her so well that this sort of confession was practically written on her face, in her bright emerald eyes, at every moment of every day that she looked at him. Many times he thought with constant irritation that it was just a childish infatuation she would grow out of, eventually, once she got it through her head that he was not interested, that he was not ready to start any relationship for whatever reason...but when it didn't go away, no matter how many times he pushed her away, snapped at her, or didn't return such affection, he started to wonder...and even started to hope...but hearing her saying it aloud, so openly and vulnerably, so like Sakura, it still surprised him.
He knew she could be saying this because she was getting desperate. He almost felt sorry for her choice of tactics, thinking that he would simply change his mind for exploiting even more of her weak emotions than she already does...but her words were affecting him more than anyone, or even himself, could ever believe.
"If you would only be with me," continued Sakura desperately, her tears running endlessly, "I promise I'll never let you regret it. Every day will be a joy. I can give you happiness. I'll do anything for you, Sasuke. So, please...I'm begging you, don't walk away!"
Her endless begging would be pointless...although it did sound tempting. However, Sakura's words only sounded like a good dream. A dream he could not afford.
What have I ever done for her to deserve such promises, when all I've ever done was push her away? Please stop talking, Sakura...
"I'll even help get your revenge!"
What? Sasuke tensed in shock.
"I'll do whatever it takes to make it happen, I swear!" sobbed Sakura. "So stay here...with me...and if you can't...then take me with you, Sasuke." She started to cry wordlessly.
After a long minute had passed, Sasuke finally turned around to face her, a cold smirk on his face, but his black eyes were shining with a pain barely held back as he looked straight into her wide, beautiful, teary crystal eyes, framed by her lovely pink hair and peachy skin.
"You haven't changed," he said in a steady voice, and with slight amusement. "You're still annoying."
Seeing her this devastated, with more tears than he could remember, was like a punch in the gut, but like always, he could read her like an open book. All her emotions were there: sadness and sorrow, the ghost of happiness, hope, anger, frustration, and...yes, love. The one emotion he wanted to avoid looking at the most. Because it left something burning in his entire being, suffocating in his chest, and left it hard for him to process his breathing. It was all overwhelming.
Just like that first day, she gasped with eyes as round as the moon, staring at him with shock...and realization that he did remember. That she did mean something to him. That their memories of Team 7 were never forgotten. She looked so innocent, so scandaled, that if right now had not been so heart-crushing, he would have actually found it funny. But instead, it gave him a mixture of emotions that no one, not even Sakura, could have ever guessed what was beneath his cold, stoic demeanor.
He stared at her a few seconds longer, knowing this would probably be the last time he would ever see her, feeling that moment give him a sense of peace and sorrow.
He then turned to walk away without another word.
Sakura seemed to break out of her shock. He already sensed that she was going to try and stop him.
"Don't leave me!" she screamed. "If you go, I'll scream and-"
Suddenly Sasuke disappeared...Sakura froze when she felt his air breeze behind her, rippling her hair. She could feel his hot breath at the back of her neck. The cool wind swept by them in the deafening silence.
"Sakura..." he whispered.
"..."
"Thank you for everything," he said softly.
Sakura's eyes widened. She could have sworn she heard the slightest crack in his voice-pain, sorrow, regret-it would have been easily missed if one didn't pay close attention, but she heard it. She was so stunned from his sincere words, one of the rare times that he would actually acknowledge her with tenderness.
Is he saying…..good-bye?
Before she decided to turn around, a blow came at the back of her neck. Followed by a slight pain...then numbness...then darkness...his words echoing in her mind and heart for what would be the last time in a long time that she would hear.
Sasuke...
When her unconscious body started forward, Sasuke quickly caught her, wrapping his arms around her torso and pulling her back until her limp head rolled onto his shoulder as he knelt on the cobblestone path. Her body sprawled across his lap, her warm head pillowed on his right shoulder just bellow his chin, her soft pink hair brushing his skin, her chest rising and falling steadily beneath his hands...so warm, light, fragile...
He held her like that for a long while, staring ahead along the road with sadness breaking through his expression. The moon's light lit up the pathway, leading all the way out of the village, where he must go and never look back.
When processing the warm feeling of her body in his arms, lying comfortably against his chest as though she were asleep, he shifted her so that her head was pillowed at the crook of his neck, his arms still wrapped around her when he was now able to see her face.
He lifted a hand and rested it on her cheek. Stained with tears, her face was soft and warm, still filled with childish youth and smoothness, illuminating from the moon's glow that defined her features more clearly. His fingers traced the soft strands of her pink hair when brushing them from her face, marveling its exotic color and it smooth lightness like the surface of a rose petal. A living cherry blossom.
She looked...so beautiful.
A sob then escaped him without meaning to. He gasped for breath, leaning over her and burying his face into her soft hair, the crushing feeling that he had in his chest this whole time started to take over.
Damn it, Sakura! Why did you have to be here? You weren't supposed to be here! Why did you have to say that to me? Why?
When trying to catch his breath, smelling Sakura's familiar vanilla scent, Sasuke clenched his teeth and shut his eyes, holding her so close that he wished he could pull her inside of him and keep her there.
He shed no tears. Though he broke down for a few minutes, holding her close with arms wrapped around her shoulders, no tears had fallen from his wet eyes. Sasuke had not cried since the day he had returned to the Uchiha District and vowed to hunt down Itachi in vengeance.
He had not truly cried since he had faced the man who had been his elder brother. On the streets of the Uchiha massacre, under a full moon such as this one, feeling the wave of horror and betrayal kill everything that had been his old, innocent self.
Perhaps that was partly the reason why he found her so annoying, and yet so intriguing.
She reminded him of his younger self, before he had lost everything: innocent yet naive, bright yet vulnerable, hopeful yet foolish, loyal yet stubborn, trusting yet too trusting, loving to a fault...and yet here she was, under a full moon with the person whose attention and affection she wanted the most from about to leave her behind, betraying her, their teammates, and the entire village by turning to the enemy.
Like Itachi had to him.
No. His hands clenched into fists. It wasn't the same. He wasn't Itachi. He wasn't...Itachi did not have to kill the entire clan, his own parents, or his own little brother's happiness. The heartless bastard wanted to, just as he toyed with Sasuke's love his whole life, only to then destroy it just as easily the moment he tortured the helpless seven year-old with the Mangeko Sharingan and told him the reason for his actions: to test the limits of his capabilities.
Itachi did not hesitate to turn against his little brother like the psychopath he truly was. Compared to that, Sasuke was gentle with Sakura. Her heart will surely be broken, but unlike him, she will heal. She will move on.
Sasuke's actions will be justified. He will get his revenge.
When he finally managed to catch his breath and swallowed hard, Sasuke lifted Sakura up bridal style, shifting her weight in his arms and carried her until placing her gently on top of the stone bench. He stood over her, watching her unconscious form silently, his bangs shadowing his expression when seeing the relaxed peace on her sleeping face.
"I don't hate you," Sasuke whispered. That was all he knew for sure how he felt towards her.
His hand brushed through her hair, as he started to lean over her face, feeling her soft breath moist his skin. His eyes moved to her lips. Hadn't she always wanted him to kiss her? What would it have felt like? He leaned closer until he could smell her breath, his heart pounding rapidly at how close there faces were now. So close that he could almost taste her...
Did she mean it? Would she really do anything for him? Would she help him kill Itachi?
Just as his lips brushed hers with the faintest touch, enough to send sparks through his skin...
No.
...he shifted to the side at the last second and settled them on her wet cheek, tasting her salty tears while he lingered and smelled her sweet scent. One last time.
Sakura.
Even if her words were true, he refused to burden her with his problems. He refused to let her come alone, only to watch her wilt away slowly in his darkness, when she had so much life and light in her. This was his purpose and his alone. In order to get it done, he had to be alone. She would have distracted him from his goal, no matter how hard she would try not to, and that was the last thing he needed to become stronger.
Don't come looking for me.
Even if he had to suffer the curse mark to get that power, without hearing her sweet voice to pull him back again, then so be it. Darkness would be his new weapon.
Find someone else...someone who will make you happy...since I clearly can't give you even that much.
He would have to leave the light behind. Right here, on this stone bench, where everything began...and where everything should now end.
Sakura...thank you.
Sasuke lifted his head, gazing at her peaceful, young face a moment longer. Finally he stood up, turned around, and started walking the rest of the way out of the village without looking back. Each step he took was a piece of heart left behind.
When he walked out of this village, when he joined the despicable Sound Four, when he took the pill that would be the beginning of his life lost in darkness, his humanity would be tainted and his former feeling suppressed behind the dark barriers of hatred and bloodlust.
But until then, Sasuke's final thoughts before going rogue, before letting the curse mark take over, before continuing to be the avenger that he already was, were of the young, pink-haired girl he left on the bench. The last person whom he saw before he left. The young girl...whom he may have come to love. That he may...have already loved.
Thank you for everything.
Well, there you go! My first attempted SasuSaku (Naruto) fanfic!
I swear that I feel like crying every time I recall this scene, seeing the unfairness of it all, how much of a bastard Sasuke is for abandoning his friends to go to Orochimaru, and how much Sakura is confessing her love in vain. I always feel like Sakura is feeling, although I wouldn't be as forgiving as she is, so I decided to explore a reason to forgive Sasuke.
This is my version of what he had been thinking, or how he truly left Sakura, on the night he left Konoha.
I will be crafting a one-shot sequel for this:) Review, please!