A/N: Ahh, that scene in 9x15 (which episode—I mean, FEELS). Anyway, just had to write something. This, specifically. Enjoy! Review, if you want to be kind ;)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
He used to think Dean could fly.
The moment hangs between them, the memory that Dean has held out like a precious gem, something to say, "See? It still works. We still work."
Dean wants his brother back. Sam can see it in the bright, brittle weariness of his eyes. Dean's always prided himself on being unreadable, but Sam can see a whole life story in his brother's gaze.
He recognizes, now, the same longing and desperation that always characterized his brother's attempts to reconcile with their father. It hurts Sam to think that he's replaced the infamous (to him) John Winchester somehow.
But Dean never betrayed Dad. Dean betrayed me.
But in light of handlebars and superheroes, it's hard to think like that. And for a second, Sam almost gives in. Almost smiles, almost falls back on long habits.
He sees himself at eleven, when his brother was his hero (and he'll follow him anywhere).
He sees himself at thirteen, hating himself for getting teary-eyed over everything (he won't believe what Dad says, that emotion is weakness).
He sees himself at seventeen, trying to sort out Dean and Dad and whether or not they were one and the same (because if they are, he doesn't have anyone).
He sees himself at five, following his brother like he always had and has, a leap of faith that ended in a broken arm (he hadn't known anything could hurt like that).
Lately, following Dean has broken much more than his arm.
There's some part of Sam that knows he's being unfair. That he's being cruel, even. That even in his current disdain for his brother, he's expecting too much.
Maybe he's always expected too much.
But he used to think Dean could fly.