"A Sordid Kind of Thing"

Disclaimer: I do not own Jesus Christ Superstar, nor do I own the Bible. I am not too concerned with historical inaccuracies, because I'm basing this story on a musical, and also for other reasons which will soon become quite obvious...

Author's Note and Warning: This story contains slash, suicide, murder, angst, sexual content, and profanity. This story describes same-sex relationships between biblical persons! I do not believe these people were historically gay; instead, I am basing this fanfiction on the 2000 film remake of Jesus Christ Superstar (because Jerome Pradon is made of awesome, and there is undeniable sexual tension in JCS 2000). Flames will be ignored, but any other comments are welcome and encouraged!

Chapter One: "A Worldly Man, and Wise."

~Judas~

We Iscariots were money-hungry. For generations, our male family members had been financial advisors to the Jewish high priests. Honest or corrupt, we didn't care. There were always priests, and we wanted guaranteed high wages.

So, I didn't think twice when my appointment as chief financial advisor as a young man coincided with Rome's occupation of Israel.

Of course, like everyone, I knew that our current high priests were eager to jump into the pocket of the newly appointed Roman governor, Pontius Pilate. But I did not share the outrage of my fellow Jews. And they would not share the wealth I hoped to acquire as a shrewd businessman.

And if I had to sell out to Rome? Well, I could manage. Besides, there was something oddly appealing about the muscular young governor Rome had sent to us, although I couldn't dare to speak of this attraction aloud...

* * *

One afternoon, while balancing the financial records, I quickly noticed an unbelievable error. The numbers in the books were significantly higher than the silver coins locked in the vault.

This was not good. My employers would surely suspect me, as I was the only layperson with access to the vault. My name, my reputation, would be ruined. Yes, the Iscariots were greedy and selfish, but we were not thieves.

I'd be arrested...

If they sent me to King Herod, he'd likely have me executed on a lark. Or he and his "boys" would sodomize me and then release me naked to the shameful eyes of the crowds. If they sent me to Pilate, I'd have a proper trial, but the Roman governor had become notorious for his brutality. If I could not prove my innocence (and I couldn't, of course), I'd be tortured until my body became unrecognizable.

I had always been rather proud of my body... I did not want Pilate and his goons scarring my skin and breaking my bones. It was bad enough that I was losing my hair!

* * *

"I must say, Judas... I'm not sure what to say, actually. You and I both know what will happen when... If... Caiaphas finds out about this indiscrepency."

Annas was the youngest priest, and he truly relished his newfound power. His voice was rather shrill, and I found him to be quite unnerving.

"Yes, Annas... I realize Caiaphas will send me to the authorities, but I give my word to you, I am not responsible for the lost money. I have been a loyal servant here for ten years... I am pleased with my wages; I would not betray your trust."

Annas leered at me, clearly loving every moment of my groveling.

"Ten years... Yes, I understand you have served us well, and you've received handsome compensation. Yet, still... Thirty years old, secure employment, adequate wealth... But no wife..."

Uncomfortable, I averted my eyes form his suspicious gaze.

It was true, of course. There was no reasonable explanation for my bachelorhood.

"I hear that you don't even solicit whores," Annas continued.

I wasn't sure how to respond. I knew what Annas was implying, and I needed a quick defense.

"I assure you, Annas, I am a man in every sense of the word."

He smiled at me.

"Oh, I don't doubt that, Judas. Not in the slightest... Perhaps I could put in a word to Caiaphas. Tell me: Would you prefer to face Herod or Pilate, if the choice were all yours?"

Was Annas insane? What sort of question was this? The thought of disfiguring torture, unpleasant as it was, was still preferable to the thought of rape or execution!

"Given the choice, I'd choose Pilate..."

"Really? But have you not heard? Herod routinely buggers the suspects we send him. Especially the handsome ones. You'd be released with your life. Perhaps a bit sore, but in all the right places."

My God... What could I say to all this? I had not anticipated any of it, not even from the megalomaniacal Annas.

I had no chance to respond, because Annas was still going at it.

"Oh, but there again, Pilate likes the whip. Perhaps you do, too? I wouldn't have guessed you to have that proclivity... But, of course, I can appreciate the temptation. After all, Pilate is quite the package, isn't he? The metal breastplate, the size of his... boots..."

Measuring my words carefully, I responded to Annas:

"Annas. I'm not sure what you want me to say... I realize I'm going to be arrested on suspicion of theft from the high priests. I know how serious the charge is, and although I am innocent, I cannot prove it. Do you mean to add a charge of suspected homosexuality?"

"Ah..." Annas grinned. "You are difficult to lead. I'm honestly amazed at the bewilderment on your face. Have you truly spent thirty years denying yourself on the basis of a scriptural edict? You certainly have more willpower than I, Iscariot..."

Impossible!

"But... You are a high priest! Caiaphas chose you as his right-hand man!" I whispered.

"Caiaphas knows about me," Annas said with a dismissive hand gesture. "He is not like me, but we have no secrets. But you, Judas... You are like me. I knew it at once. I thought you saw it in me, as well, but I soon realized I'd have to help you along..."

He got up from his chair and moved toward me. His hands moved sensuously against his priestly robe. Stunned, I remained seated.

It was only a moment, and then Annas stood before me. Even in the loose black robe, I was quite aware of what he'd deliberately positioned in front of my face.

"What do you want of me?" My voice trembled.

"Prove yourself. I know you didn't steal that money. But, one word from me, and Caiaphas will have you arrested. Pilate will break you. And he's taken a liking to crucifixion, you know, if Caiaphas recommends it. And if you're sent to Herod? Ha! He and his boys won't be nearly so careful with your virgin ass as I would be."

I was inside out, upside down...

Part of me, much of me, wanted to accept Annas' offer. But I couldn't. I'd resisted temptation for so long... I had known my own nature for many years now, but I also knew the shame that would befall me if I ever acted on my desires.

I was Judas Iscariot, and I would conduct myself with dignity!

"No. I won't do this, Annas. Step away from me. Please."

And then, pain!

Annas grabbed me by my hair, turned my head so I had no choice but to look up into his cold, hard eyes.

"Pleasure me, you worthless coward."

There was no turning back from this moment... I had been found out, and all dignity was, by necessity, lost. There was no longer any point in resisting what Annas demanded, what I myself wanted.

Taking in a shaky breath, I clutched his robe and slowly pulled it upward...

* * *

Life as Annas' lover turned out to be quite enjoyable, actually.

I was immune to any unpleasantries among the temple staff. Annas was in a position of power, second only to Caiaphas, and I was now under his protection. My wages were increased, my access to privileged information was widened, and I could have underlings dismissed on a whim. I had never even dreamt of such wealth, such power.

This was all nothing, of course, compared to the fact that I was, at long last, enjoying the carnal aspects of life.

Annas was something of a sadist, and although I would never consider myself a masochist, I found myself enjoying the somewhat violent attention. I liked it when Annas pulled my hair every time I took him into my mouth, because it meant he desired me. I liked it when he left me bruised and feeling broken after a particularly rough coupling, because it meant our passion for each other was real.

We never kissed, of course.

It was never a matter of love.

* * *

Sentimentality had always disgusted me. What was the purpose of something that had no monetary value, something that could not bring about the ecstasy of agony?

Love. Charity. Kindness. The greater good. These were the most pathetic of concerns, worthy only of the most unthinking among us. These were the silly emotions of women. And spending three wealthy years kneeling before Annas had only served to further convince me of the idiocy of humanitarianism.

So, it shouldn't have mattered when I first encountered the man from Nazareth. And, in all honestly, I suspect it wouldn't have mattered, had he not been so beautiful.

Simple clothing, nothing to hint at any sort of dominance... Blonde curls, slightly matted with sweat... And a face written over with such naive kindness, he might as well have been a child.

When I turned to look at Annas beside me, revulsion was written all over his face.

"Another Jew trying to save Israel," he spat with disgust. "They make me want to vomit. They know they're not the promised messiah; they just want to be martyrs, like that imbecile John the Baptist. If you're suicidal, put the noose 'round your neck; don't bother me. I have better things to do!"

He started to walk on, while I hung behind. It had always bemused me to hear Annas speak of Jews with such disdain, as if he had forgotten that he himself was not only a Jew, but a Jewish high priest, at that!

This morning, however, I was not bemused. I was captivated. And it had nothing to do with what I had just done to Annas beneath the altar at the temple.

The lovely blonde from Nazareth locked his eyes on me.

"You, there! In the fine leather jacket! I notice you stop to listen, while your priestly friend continues on his way. Even you, a man clearly drawn in by wealth and all its trappings, can enter the Kingdom. If only you'd listen, if only you'd see, all that's around you. If only you'd acknowledge the suffering, do your part to alleviate it. Even a man such as you would not be lost to God. I say to you, my brothers, nobody is lost to God. Not even the greatest sinner among us."

Was he calling me the greatest sinner?

I should have been outraged. Instead, I felt a deep shame, which came from some unknown place deep inside of me.

"Judas!" Annas barked, some ways ahead of me. "Come here this instant! Do not poison your mind with that rubbish! We have things to do!"

I instinctively began to follow Annas, but my eyes were on the man from Nazareth. His eyes were smiling at me.

"Indeed. We have things to do, as well. You must choose, my wealthy friend, which things matter to you. Wealth? Or helping the poor? Perhaps giving up that which you do not need, in order to help your fellow man?"

Why was I trembling?

"I only call to you because I can hear you calling to me..." The intensity of his words frightened me.

"Now, Judas! Or, I swear it, I shall dismiss you from the staff!" I could hear Annas shrieking, but I could no longer see him.

I only saw the man from Nazareth, and his sweet blue eyes, which held promises that were still a mystery to me.

Promises I couldn't dare to ignore.

I never walked alongside Annas again.

* * *

Within the first week of following Jesus of Nazareth, I had given up all of my money, all of my fine possessions. I only kept my black leather jacket. Jesus told me I was being vain, and he was entirely correct.

But I had never claimed to be without weakness...

* * *

Author's Note: Chapter Two will be posted soon!