Once again the boy found himself in Madam Pomfrey's infirmary, staring up at the blank white ceiling alone. He'd been in here for almost an hour although today's injuries weren't as bad as usual.
Snape just didn't see fit to leave. With Poppy somewhere scuttling around her office, Severus quietly took a moment to enjoy peace before it was once again ruined by Potter and his posse of idiots. This was getting to be a pathetic routine.
He had been sitting by the lake reading alone, as usual, when that pack of Marauders had come to harass him. He wasn't doing anything, not bothering a soul, but there they were anyway – Potter, the Dog, Lupin, and that furry little thing...Pettigrew. The four of them had come out of their way to mess with the lonely Slytherin boy.
They'd stolen his favorite book, hung him upside down – a customary cheap shot – and let him fall to break his hand. This time they let him off easy; last time he'd broken his collar bone and several ribs.
Severus sighed, thinking back to it. Thank Merlin Lily hadn't been around; he hated when she interfered. He didn't need anyone sticking up for him, especially a Gryffindor. Especially a Gryffindor girl he should say, the reason they picked on him in the first place.
If Potter hadn't been chasing what didn't belong to him, none of this would be happening.
The young man cradled his bandaged hand, an expression of bitter loathing etched on his face. Potter, the bastard, always waiting until Snape was alone to strike. Coward.
"There you are!" A voice broke Severus' concentration. He looked over to find Lily standing by the white curtain of his bed, a worried look on her face. "I just found out what they did, I'm sorry, Sev."
Snape looked away, a mixture of embarrassment and pride getting the best of him.
"Don't be, I'm fine."
Lily wouldn't be deterred. She walked over to his bedside and placed a hand on the arm closest to her. She wanted to comfort him but he was too stubborn. It was only a moment's hesitation before she pulled back and instead got a chair to sit. Severus shook his head silently.
"Well, I hexed all four of them so don't worry about that. They shouldn't pick on you like this, it isn't fair."
Snape crept further into the darkness of his own mind, resenting how weak he was. This girl, this brilliant, witty, beautiful girl had to come to his rescue every single time. Because he was weak. Because she thought him weak. He couldn't stand knowing that.
How pathetic.
"Lily," His voice was gruff although he hadn't intended it to be, "I don't need you fighting my battles. I'm perfectly capable –"
"– For the last time, Sev, I'm not fighting your battles! I'm sticking up for a friend, why should you get upset at that?"
The girl stood, throwing a cascade of red hair behind a shoulder. Her face was no longer compassionate; there was little warmth in her voice. This was an argument the two had dragged out for almost three years now. Why couldn't Severus understand that she cared?
And his anger broke her heart?
"If those two delinquents, Avery and...and...whatever his name is, stuck up for you, you would be thrilled!" Lily paced the room, silently scolding herself for losing her temper. She knew she'd lost the argument already. "Why should I be any different? Why do you always get so offended?"
"I don't need your help!"
"Severus, I'm not saying you do – I just want to help you. I want to stick up for you. I'd stick up for any friend."
And there it was once again, the sad Fate card dealt to kick him when he was down. The man was and always would be nothing more than a friend, and they both knew it. Lily purposefully stressed this to him whenever the subject came up. Secretly, although she played naïve, she knew what he really wanted from their sad broken relationship. It was one of the many reasons they had drifted apart this year.
She just couldn't love him as he needed. He was only a friend.
The room suddenly grew a bit colder and the girl shivered.
"Listen, I'm..." Lily started but didn't know where to go with it. She wanted desperately to excuse herself and leave Severus, but didn't have the heart to tell him why. "I have a test to study for so I should probably be on my wa–"
"Just leave, Lily. You don't have to lie on my account."
The girl shot an offended, hurt look his way, but Snape had turned to face the wall.
"Sev, please don't be mad."
The back of his head said nothing and the girl's temper swelled again.
"Fine, just rot here. You and your bloody hand!"
The boy listened to her storm off. He listened to her slam the doors to the infirmary. He counted the pockmarks on the wall.
Feelings of helplessness, anger, regret...so many different emotions tore at his heart. It was too late to salvage this damaged friendship, to pick up the pieces of their ruined bond. He knew it all too well.
Whenever they were together they only fought, shouted hateful things at one another, felt trapped within the stubborn tempers that destroyed them inside out.
Snape knew he had dug his own hole. He knew that soon Lily wouldn't even speak to him anymore. He'd pushed her away in his own selfish inner struggle for power, and soon – much sooner than he could imagine – he'd have to live without the one thing he loved most.
But still, he cradled his broken hand and said nothing, staring at that wall.