I wrote this a long time ago and decided to bring it back up. So bear with some of the stuff in it and don't take it that seriously. If you do, you're a freak.
Disclaimer: I do not own Daria, but I do own this fan-fic. Take it and die!!!!
WARNING: It is a soap opera. Humorous purposes only.
centerDaria: The 7th Season
Episode 1
"Phone Calls"
Opening Theme
It Wasn't Me
Sung by. Shaggy
Honey came in and she caught me re-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this we were both butt-naked
Banging on the bathroom floor
How can I forget
That I had given her an extra key
All this time she standing there
She never took her eye off me/center
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Scene One
The Lane's kitchen
(Quinn and Katie are sitting at the table. Jane is going through the fringe.)
Jane: Did you guys see the bowl of pudding in here?
Quinn: There was pudding in there?
Jane: Yeah! It was for my next piece.
(Katie start to laugh)
Jane: What did you do to it?
Katie: I sent it by mail to some one.
Quinn: I hope you didn't do what I think you did.
Katie: Yes, I did. It will be arriving some time tomorrow.
Quinn: Why do you do this things to your Uncle Tom?
Katie: Because he is the biggest bunghole in the world.
Quinn: KATIE!
(the phone rings)
Katie: I'll get it. (picks up the phone) Hello. Lane's house.
Trent on the other end of the phone: Hey princess.
Katie: DADDY!
Trent: Can I speak to your mother?
Katie: I want to talk to you.
Trent: (laughs and then coughs) I will talk to you later. I need to talk to Quinn.
Katie: Okay. If you promise you call me later.
Trent: I promise.
Katie: Mommy, it's for you.
Quinn: (take the phone from Katie) Hi, Trent. How are things in New York?
Trent: Good. How are you?
Quinn: I'm fine. I went to the doctors yesterday because I wasn't feeling good for awhile.
Trent: And?
Quinn: And I'm pregnant.
Trent: Cool. Got to go. Late for work.
Quinn: How do you know that?
Trent: They gave me a free pager. Got to go, later.
Quinn: Bye.
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Scene Two
Sloane's Living Room
(Daria is sitting on the couch looking over some layouts for the next Fashion Club magazine)
(Tom walks in)
Tom: Hello honey. What do you got there?
Daria: Some layouts for the next magazine.
Tom: I got to go to work. Oh yeah! I'm going to be late tonight.
Daria: Okay. I was going to look over some fan mail, anyway.
Tom: Okay. (kisses Daria) Bye.
Daria: Bye.
(Tom leaves. The phone rings and Daria picks it up.)
Daria: Hello. Sloane's resident.
Upchuck on the other end of the phone: Hello, my feisty lady.
Daria: I told you not to call here. What happens if Tom find out?
Upchuck: He wont. Besides, I like to live dangerously. Grrrr.
Daria: (laughs) Stop it.
Upchuck: I want you to come over and make sweet, sweet love to me.
Daria: Be there in 10 minutes.
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Scene Three
Mr. Barch's Kindergarten Class Room
Mr. Barch: Okay class. Today we are going to learn about the letter N. Can any of you tell me
what starts with the letter N?
(silence)
Mr. Barch: Katie, can you tell me something that starts with letter N?
Katie: Nothing.
Mr. Barch: Katie, can you give me an answer, please?
Katie: Nothing starts with a N.
Mr. Barch: There are plenty of things that starts with in a N.
Katie: You don't understand. Nothing begin with a N. Do I have to spell it out for you? N-o-t-h-i-n-g. Nothing.
Mr. Barch: Oh! Is there problems at home?
Katie: No. There's a problem with school.
Mr. Barch: I think I should call your parents.
Katie: I didn't do anything wrong! I answered your stupid question.
Mr. Barch: We don't use that kind of language here.
Katie: (to herself) This is supposed to be the best grade in school. I hate to see the worst.
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Scene Four
Jane's Room
(Jane's is painting Quinn who is on a chair)
Quinn: How much longer will it take?
Jane: Not much longer.
Quinn: This is worth more than 500 dollars.
Jane: Done.
(Quinn gets up and looks at the picture.)
Quinn: That doesn't look a thing like me.
Jane: It isn't suppose to.
Quinn: Then, why did you make me sit here?
Jane: You set the mood for it.
Quinn: And what does that mean?
Jane: I needed bad aura.
Quinn: I'm leaving, now.
(Quinn leave. Phone brings to ring. Rings 5 times and hangs up.)
Jane: If it was important, they will call one more time.
(Phone rings and Jane puts up)
Jane: You have reach the number of Jane Lane. Press 1 for the artist Jane Lane. Press 2 for wrong number. Press 3 for La Casa Lane. Press 4 for Terra Smith, my alter ego. Press 5 for the voices in my head. Press 6 for Hank, my spilt personalty. Press 7 for Jane Lane, manic depressive. Press 8 for repeat.
Jane's Boyfriend: I want to talk to Terra Smith.
Jane: Terra is not here right now. She is on a date, but you can talk to the voices in my head.
Jane's Boyfriend: The last time I talked to them, I found out that half of them wanted to kill you.
Jane: How about Hank?
Jane's Boyfriend: He always talks about making out with you. I want to talk to Jane Lane.
Jane: Jane Lane is busy right now, if you leave your name and number after the beep, I'm may or may not get back to you. Beep.
Jane's Boyfriend: My dad finally kicked me out and I need a place to crash for awhile.
Jane: And how are you getting here?
Jane's Boyfriend: I can drive.
Jane: In who's and what car?
Jane's Boyfriend: Mine.
Jane: And when did you get a car?
Jane's Boyfriend: I got a week, ago.
Jane: With who's and what money?
Ray: I hijacked it actually, but it sounds new.
Jane: Make sure you charge you phone all the way. I bet you will be need it.
Jane's Boyfriend: How much?
Jane: 50 dollars.
Jane's Boyfriend: Okay. Be there in a hour and make sure you have the money.
Jane: Later.
Jane's Boyfriend: Later.
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Scene Five
Upchuck's bedroom
(Daria and Upchuck are in the bed)
Upchuck: Was that as good for you as it was for me? Grrrr.
Daria: It was best I had for a long time.
Upchuck: But what about last week?
Daria: That was a long time ago. You are the best.
Upchuck: I know, I know.
(The phone rings and Upchuck puts it up. Daria gets up and goes to the bathroom.)
Upchuck: Upchuck's love shack.
Tom on the other end: Hey, Upchuck. We need to talk.
Upchuck: Hello, my favorite client.
Tom: I'm not calling for that. I calling about the business.
(Daria comes out of the bathroom fully dress)
Daria: (whispers in Upchuck ear) Bye.
Upchuck: Bye, my love goddess. Grrrr.
(Daria leaves)
Tom: Who was that?
Upchuck: One of my girls.
Tom: Do you get the shipment, yet?
Upchuck: It came last night while I was making sweet love.
Tom: I didn't need to know that. Anyway, the buyer will be coming over tonight.
Upchuck: Which buyer will this be?
Tom: A new one.
Upchuck: Male or female?
Tom: They didn't say. Got to go.
Upchuck: Bye.
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Scene Six
Lane's Living Room
(Katie is lying on her stomach on the couch with her feet in the air and she is writing something.)
Katie: What rhymes with brain? Ummmm.... (pondering) Train!
(Jane walks in)
Jane: What are you doing?
Katie: Writing.
Jane: What?
Katie: A letter.
Jane: To whom?
Katie: To my favorite uncle.
Jane: Let me see that. (grabs the notebook from Katie) I wish your brain gets run over by a train. Let me guess you are going to send this to Tom?
Katie: Not this one. It is too good for him. I was going to write it on the computer, burn the edges, spit on it, find some dog...
Jane: I get your point.
Katie: Then, it's ready to ship to him.
Jane: Are you sure your parents are Quinn and Trent?
Katie: Positive.
(The doorbell rings and Jane leaves the room and comes back in a minute with her boyfriend.)
Jane: Guess, who is here?
Katie: Some unimportant person that I don't care about.
Jane's Boyfriend: Nobody cares about me anymore.
Jane: That is the truth.
Katie: What is your name, again? Jay, Kay, Pay, Say, Day, Gay, Hay, Lay, Bay, or May.
Ray: Those aren't names and it's Ray.
Katie: Close even.
Jane: Ray's staying with us for awhile.
Katie: Did you ask your parents? If they are coming home tomorrow and if they see a stranger, I wont be responsible of what happens.
Jane: My parents are coming!
Katie: They called weeks ago and there's a note on the fringe.
Jane: There's a note!
Katie: Oh! Yeah. Wind's got divorced again. So, he's coming. Adrain and Courtney decide to take a ride and didn't come back home. Penny needs more supplies which you can only get here. So, I hate to be the bearer of bad new. Everyone is basically coming home, except for daddy.
Jane: NNNNoooo!!!!
(Quinn walks in)
Quinn: I just got off the phone with your teacher.
Katie: Everything he said is a lie. A lie, I tell you, A LIE!
Quinn: So, you're not a good student and smart?
Katie: Oh! I'm all that, but when a teacher calls it means I'm in trouble.
Quinn: Okay, you're in trouble.
(The phone rings)
Katie: I get it.
(Runs it the kitchen and picks up the phone.)
Katie: Hello! Lane's house. Katie speaking.
Trent on the other end: Hey, princess.
Katie: DADDY!
Trent: How are things?
Katie: Fine. Guess what?
Trent: What?
Katie: The weird grandparents are coming.
Trent: Which grandparents are they?
Katie: Your parents and so is Uncle Wind, and Aunt Penny.
Trent: Lucky, I'm not there.
Katie: Why did you call?
Trent: I promised you I will called and I did.
Katie: You're not going to talk to mom?
Trent: No, only you.
Katie: Yeah!
Trent: (laughs and cough) So, what do you what to talk about?
(The camera zoom out to the house and you can hear them still talking, but barely.)
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centerStaring (In the order they appear)/center
Katie Some girl we found on the street. It is amazing she can act to.
Quinn Quinn Morgendorffer
Jane Jane Lane
Trent Trent Lane
Daria Jennifer Love-Hewitt
Tom Tom Sloane
Upchuck Charles Ruttherimer III
Mr. Barch Timothy O'Neill
Ray Some dude of the streets
Writer Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry but we couldn't get Daria Morgendorffer. She refused to do the bed scenes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Daria, but I do own this fan-fic. Take it and die!!!!
WARNING: It is a soap opera. Humorous purposes only.
centerDaria: The 7th Season
Episode 1
"Phone Calls"
Opening Theme
It Wasn't Me
Sung by. Shaggy
Honey came in and she caught me re-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this we were both butt-naked
Banging on the bathroom floor
How can I forget
That I had given her an extra key
All this time she standing there
She never took her eye off me/center
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene One
The Lane's kitchen
(Quinn and Katie are sitting at the table. Jane is going through the fringe.)
Jane: Did you guys see the bowl of pudding in here?
Quinn: There was pudding in there?
Jane: Yeah! It was for my next piece.
(Katie start to laugh)
Jane: What did you do to it?
Katie: I sent it by mail to some one.
Quinn: I hope you didn't do what I think you did.
Katie: Yes, I did. It will be arriving some time tomorrow.
Quinn: Why do you do this things to your Uncle Tom?
Katie: Because he is the biggest bunghole in the world.
Quinn: KATIE!
(the phone rings)
Katie: I'll get it. (picks up the phone) Hello. Lane's house.
Trent on the other end of the phone: Hey princess.
Katie: DADDY!
Trent: Can I speak to your mother?
Katie: I want to talk to you.
Trent: (laughs and then coughs) I will talk to you later. I need to talk to Quinn.
Katie: Okay. If you promise you call me later.
Trent: I promise.
Katie: Mommy, it's for you.
Quinn: (take the phone from Katie) Hi, Trent. How are things in New York?
Trent: Good. How are you?
Quinn: I'm fine. I went to the doctors yesterday because I wasn't feeling good for awhile.
Trent: And?
Quinn: And I'm pregnant.
Trent: Cool. Got to go. Late for work.
Quinn: How do you know that?
Trent: They gave me a free pager. Got to go, later.
Quinn: Bye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene Two
Sloane's Living Room
(Daria is sitting on the couch looking over some layouts for the next Fashion Club magazine)
(Tom walks in)
Tom: Hello honey. What do you got there?
Daria: Some layouts for the next magazine.
Tom: I got to go to work. Oh yeah! I'm going to be late tonight.
Daria: Okay. I was going to look over some fan mail, anyway.
Tom: Okay. (kisses Daria) Bye.
Daria: Bye.
(Tom leaves. The phone rings and Daria picks it up.)
Daria: Hello. Sloane's resident.
Upchuck on the other end of the phone: Hello, my feisty lady.
Daria: I told you not to call here. What happens if Tom find out?
Upchuck: He wont. Besides, I like to live dangerously. Grrrr.
Daria: (laughs) Stop it.
Upchuck: I want you to come over and make sweet, sweet love to me.
Daria: Be there in 10 minutes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene Three
Mr. Barch's Kindergarten Class Room
Mr. Barch: Okay class. Today we are going to learn about the letter N. Can any of you tell me
what starts with the letter N?
(silence)
Mr. Barch: Katie, can you tell me something that starts with letter N?
Katie: Nothing.
Mr. Barch: Katie, can you give me an answer, please?
Katie: Nothing starts with a N.
Mr. Barch: There are plenty of things that starts with in a N.
Katie: You don't understand. Nothing begin with a N. Do I have to spell it out for you? N-o-t-h-i-n-g. Nothing.
Mr. Barch: Oh! Is there problems at home?
Katie: No. There's a problem with school.
Mr. Barch: I think I should call your parents.
Katie: I didn't do anything wrong! I answered your stupid question.
Mr. Barch: We don't use that kind of language here.
Katie: (to herself) This is supposed to be the best grade in school. I hate to see the worst.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene Four
Jane's Room
(Jane's is painting Quinn who is on a chair)
Quinn: How much longer will it take?
Jane: Not much longer.
Quinn: This is worth more than 500 dollars.
Jane: Done.
(Quinn gets up and looks at the picture.)
Quinn: That doesn't look a thing like me.
Jane: It isn't suppose to.
Quinn: Then, why did you make me sit here?
Jane: You set the mood for it.
Quinn: And what does that mean?
Jane: I needed bad aura.
Quinn: I'm leaving, now.
(Quinn leave. Phone brings to ring. Rings 5 times and hangs up.)
Jane: If it was important, they will call one more time.
(Phone rings and Jane puts up)
Jane: You have reach the number of Jane Lane. Press 1 for the artist Jane Lane. Press 2 for wrong number. Press 3 for La Casa Lane. Press 4 for Terra Smith, my alter ego. Press 5 for the voices in my head. Press 6 for Hank, my spilt personalty. Press 7 for Jane Lane, manic depressive. Press 8 for repeat.
Jane's Boyfriend: I want to talk to Terra Smith.
Jane: Terra is not here right now. She is on a date, but you can talk to the voices in my head.
Jane's Boyfriend: The last time I talked to them, I found out that half of them wanted to kill you.
Jane: How about Hank?
Jane's Boyfriend: He always talks about making out with you. I want to talk to Jane Lane.
Jane: Jane Lane is busy right now, if you leave your name and number after the beep, I'm may or may not get back to you. Beep.
Jane's Boyfriend: My dad finally kicked me out and I need a place to crash for awhile.
Jane: And how are you getting here?
Jane's Boyfriend: I can drive.
Jane: In who's and what car?
Jane's Boyfriend: Mine.
Jane: And when did you get a car?
Jane's Boyfriend: I got a week, ago.
Jane: With who's and what money?
Ray: I hijacked it actually, but it sounds new.
Jane: Make sure you charge you phone all the way. I bet you will be need it.
Jane's Boyfriend: How much?
Jane: 50 dollars.
Jane's Boyfriend: Okay. Be there in a hour and make sure you have the money.
Jane: Later.
Jane's Boyfriend: Later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene Five
Upchuck's bedroom
(Daria and Upchuck are in the bed)
Upchuck: Was that as good for you as it was for me? Grrrr.
Daria: It was best I had for a long time.
Upchuck: But what about last week?
Daria: That was a long time ago. You are the best.
Upchuck: I know, I know.
(The phone rings and Upchuck puts it up. Daria gets up and goes to the bathroom.)
Upchuck: Upchuck's love shack.
Tom on the other end: Hey, Upchuck. We need to talk.
Upchuck: Hello, my favorite client.
Tom: I'm not calling for that. I calling about the business.
(Daria comes out of the bathroom fully dress)
Daria: (whispers in Upchuck ear) Bye.
Upchuck: Bye, my love goddess. Grrrr.
(Daria leaves)
Tom: Who was that?
Upchuck: One of my girls.
Tom: Do you get the shipment, yet?
Upchuck: It came last night while I was making sweet love.
Tom: I didn't need to know that. Anyway, the buyer will be coming over tonight.
Upchuck: Which buyer will this be?
Tom: A new one.
Upchuck: Male or female?
Tom: They didn't say. Got to go.
Upchuck: Bye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene Six
Lane's Living Room
(Katie is lying on her stomach on the couch with her feet in the air and she is writing something.)
Katie: What rhymes with brain? Ummmm.... (pondering) Train!
(Jane walks in)
Jane: What are you doing?
Katie: Writing.
Jane: What?
Katie: A letter.
Jane: To whom?
Katie: To my favorite uncle.
Jane: Let me see that. (grabs the notebook from Katie) I wish your brain gets run over by a train. Let me guess you are going to send this to Tom?
Katie: Not this one. It is too good for him. I was going to write it on the computer, burn the edges, spit on it, find some dog...
Jane: I get your point.
Katie: Then, it's ready to ship to him.
Jane: Are you sure your parents are Quinn and Trent?
Katie: Positive.
(The doorbell rings and Jane leaves the room and comes back in a minute with her boyfriend.)
Jane: Guess, who is here?
Katie: Some unimportant person that I don't care about.
Jane's Boyfriend: Nobody cares about me anymore.
Jane: That is the truth.
Katie: What is your name, again? Jay, Kay, Pay, Say, Day, Gay, Hay, Lay, Bay, or May.
Ray: Those aren't names and it's Ray.
Katie: Close even.
Jane: Ray's staying with us for awhile.
Katie: Did you ask your parents? If they are coming home tomorrow and if they see a stranger, I wont be responsible of what happens.
Jane: My parents are coming!
Katie: They called weeks ago and there's a note on the fringe.
Jane: There's a note!
Katie: Oh! Yeah. Wind's got divorced again. So, he's coming. Adrain and Courtney decide to take a ride and didn't come back home. Penny needs more supplies which you can only get here. So, I hate to be the bearer of bad new. Everyone is basically coming home, except for daddy.
Jane: NNNNoooo!!!!
(Quinn walks in)
Quinn: I just got off the phone with your teacher.
Katie: Everything he said is a lie. A lie, I tell you, A LIE!
Quinn: So, you're not a good student and smart?
Katie: Oh! I'm all that, but when a teacher calls it means I'm in trouble.
Quinn: Okay, you're in trouble.
(The phone rings)
Katie: I get it.
(Runs it the kitchen and picks up the phone.)
Katie: Hello! Lane's house. Katie speaking.
Trent on the other end: Hey, princess.
Katie: DADDY!
Trent: How are things?
Katie: Fine. Guess what?
Trent: What?
Katie: The weird grandparents are coming.
Trent: Which grandparents are they?
Katie: Your parents and so is Uncle Wind, and Aunt Penny.
Trent: Lucky, I'm not there.
Katie: Why did you call?
Trent: I promised you I will called and I did.
Katie: You're not going to talk to mom?
Trent: No, only you.
Katie: Yeah!
Trent: (laughs and cough) So, what do you what to talk about?
(The camera zoom out to the house and you can hear them still talking, but barely.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
centerStaring (In the order they appear)/center
Katie Some girl we found on the street. It is amazing she can act to.
Quinn Quinn Morgendorffer
Jane Jane Lane
Trent Trent Lane
Daria Jennifer Love-Hewitt
Tom Tom Sloane
Upchuck Charles Ruttherimer III
Mr. Barch Timothy O'Neill
Ray Some dude of the streets
Writer Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry but we couldn't get Daria Morgendorffer. She refused to do the bed scenes.