YET ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Again, I don't own Death Note. If I did, I wouldn't be here. Nor will I ever own Death Note... sadness... But now that I've cleared that up...
My second fanfic... Yes, it's another LXLight.. LightXL.. whatever pairing. They're just so cute together!!
Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this story!! PLEASE read an review. I always appreciate reviews! But please, no flamers. If it's fanfiction, then I have the right to do whatever I wish with these characters. In other words, if you don't like boy-love, then do not read. :D Clear enough??
No citrus content.. but SERIOUS hinting. SERIOUS hinting, I say this again. Hope you enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!!
Loss Of Focus
The sun's bright rays broke in through the window, streams of light shining from behind the drawn curtain in the bedroom, a clear sign of a new day in the small apartment.
Light Yagami's eyes fluttered open, blinking away the sunlight in an attempt to not further blind himself from the sudden luminosity. He groaned as he sat up from the large bed, his auburn hair tussled and clothes wrinkled from sleep. He rolled his head gently, yawned, and stretched: a usual wake up routine for the young man. But this didn't necessarily mean that he was any more comfortable or awake than he was a moment ago.
He glanced over at the sleeping figure beside him, that of the detective. L was still sleeping soundly, his back turned towards Light, slightly curled up on one side. The chain that connected the two men stretched from L's right wrist, the arm outstretched towards Light, who slightly pulled it as he moved.
Light glared at the chain that bound the two of them together, his eyes full of contempt. If it wasn't for this damn thing, he thought, I wouldn't have to be here, and it wouldn't be so hard to kill this damn detective. Light sighed, knowing that his ultimate goal was, once again, still out of reach for the moment. He glanced over at the detective again, one eyebrow vaguely raised. For once, the guy seems to actually getting some rest... That's kind of weird…he never sleeps.
Light turned, now facing L, who had apparently turned in his sleep. Light could now see the detective's calm, slumbering face. He began to observe L, noticing the rhythmic pattern of his soft, quiet breathing. His thumb was pressed to his lips, almost like he were still trying to solve the Kira case even in his dreams. His eyes were closed peacefully, dark circles under them standing out from his milky pale skin. His staple outfit of a white shirt and denim jeans were wrinkled like usual as he slept soundly, his head resting on a soft white pillow, disheveled raven hair sticking out in all directions.
And then it struck him. If Light didn't know any better, he would have said that L was…adorable in that moment.
No!! Wait, that's not possible! I can't think that!! I want to kill him; I don't think he's adorable!! He slightly cringed, looking away towards the opposite wall, biting his lip as he tried to relax his now worried mind. No…no… I'm just still tired… that's all. I DON'T think that L is adorable. I want him dead. And I will end killing him… Yes. Just calm down, Yagami, don't get yourself so worked up about this.
Amidst all his worrying, Light heard the quiet rustling of blankets. He looked back at L, who was now sitting up, running a hand through his soft, raven hair, as if trying to fix it for once in his life. He looked down at the white sheet that now sat covering his lap. He spoke softly, pressing one thumb to his thin, pale lips. "Good morning, Yagami."
Light's heart seemed to skip a beat at the sound of L's soft, eloquent voice. Dammit, Light! Stop thinking like that! Your heart isn't skipping a beat, flipping inside your chest, or any nonsense of the sort. You were just…startled. You weren't expecting him to talk so suddenly. Yeah… yeah, that's it. Wait, it would be a good idea to stop analyzing my thoughts… Crap! Talk back, Light! Don't make yourself seem suspicious!
Light looked up at L once more, speaking clearly, a smile crawling across his lips. "Good morning to you, Ryuzaki! I trust that you slept well last night." He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It nearly killed him to be so falsely cheery and bright towards the man he that wanted dead. Oh well, he mused. I suppose that it's for the best. I don't want him to notice me acting suspiciously or malevolently towards him… That might tip me off as actually being Kira.
L spoke again, disrupting Light's contemplations. "Yagami, we're going to be working on the Kira case again today, as I'm sure you're already aware. A meeting will of the Task Force tonight… but if you have any plans for the day, then I'm sure we could work those in." His eyes were still fixed upon the same spot on the wall opposite, as if entranced or amazed by something occurring there.
As Light tried to reassure himself of his resolve to kill the detective, he slowly, almost subconsciously, went back to observing him. L was clearly reflecting upon the Kira case, just as he always did. His dark eyes gleamed with intelligence and insight, something so much deeper than what his disheveled appearance seemed to lend. His dark raven hair was messy as always, getting in his eyes and sticking out in all directions, an obvious sign that he didn't care much about his appearance.
It then dawned upon Light that he was staring at the very person he, or was at least supposed to have, hated most. He bit his lip as his heart seemed to pick up speed. Wait... I CANNOT be thinking about him. How can I be?! I can't stand the bastard. But why do I keep staring at him?! It's not like he actually notices me staring, though… He's too busy thinking about the Kira case, which usually consumes all of his thought. I can tell by his thumb pressed to his thin lips…as he runs his hand through his untidy black hair… I kind of wonder if it's soft… Maybe I should just go find out for myself and touch it, running my fingers gently and slowly through his hair, just like he did… I wonder if he'd like it…I know that I wou--
DAMMIT, LIGHT!! Get your mind out of there!! I shouldn't even be thinking like that, especially about my male enemy!
"Yagami? Are you feeling all right?"
Light met L's dark, penetrating eyes. His face was turning red, he just knew it. His breath became nervous and uneven as he tried to regain control of his thoughts and actions.
"Yagami, I believed that I asked you a question." The detective's dark, intelligent eyes seemed to stare at Light as he pressed on, determined to get a response. "You seem unusually nervous. Once again, are you feeling all right?"
Light's breath became inexplicably caught in his throat as he thought up an excuse. Attempting to clear his head, he managed to calmly reply, "Yes, Ryuzaki. I'm feeling fine. Just… tired, is all. Nothing more than that."
The detective continued to observe the "calm" auburn-haired boy, as if seriously doubting his story. He sighed, running his hand through his dark hair again, turning once more to face the opposite wall. "You're acting very strangely today, Yagami," he seemed to mutter in his soft, eloquent voice.
He now sat cross-legged, the blankets still covering his lap. He kept staring up at that same wall, a single thumb pressed against his thin lips, elbow propped upon his knee as he pondered.
Light looked away, mentally cursing himself for his stupidity and absolutely absurd thoughts. OK… don't dig too deeply into this, Yagami, he silently told himself. It's just a strange morning. I'm just a little distraught... I just need to take a deep breath... At his own command, he took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly and calmly. Smiling, he then managed to reassure himself. There. That's better. I guess that all I needed to do was breathe. Just as simple as that. Now… to find out the bastard's real name so I can get rid of him once and for all...
However, Light's plots were interrupted by that same voice again. "In any case, Yagami, we'll still have to get out of bed and get ready for our day. I'll call Watari with the keys to unchain us." With that, he promptly produced a cell phone from the pocket of his jeans, pressed Watari's speed dial, and held the phone delicately to his ear, gripping it with his thumb and forefinger.
"Yes, Watari, it's Ryuzaki. If you could please come to our room with the keys…."
As L requested the keys, Light was obliviously plotting methods of getting his real name. If only I could just get him to say it. Perhaps if I tricked him? No, that wouldn't work. The bastard's too smart for that. Hmmm… I guess casual conversation would be my best option. If I could gain his trust, then my job would be a whole lot easier. Granted, he already considers me as a friend... But if I could just distract him somehow to get the information that I need...
There are always the sweets at the tea shop.
Yes! That's it! While he's distracted by his love of baked goods, I'll make innocent, friendly conversation. Nothing intimidating… this way, he'd have nothing to fear or suspect of me. Then, once I know that he's totally comfortable talking to me and that he trusts me, I'll just find something to say to get his real name out of him... It worked with Naomi Misora, so why wouldn't it work with a sugar-crazed L?
Light sighed, a small smile playing on his lips. Sure of his plan, he silently told himself, OK, you've got this in the bag, Yagami. All you need is for the idiot to get his sugar fix...
L raised an eyebrow as he looked on at the auburn-haired boy, obviously confused with why he was so nervous before yet grinning happily now. Seemingly brushing those questions aside, he simply resumed his previous thoughts.
At that moment, a gentle knock fell upon the closed bedroom door, nearly catching the newly calm Light by surprise. L, not bothering to look up from a new spot that he had found at the foot of the bed, quickly responded with, "It's open, Watari. Please come in."
The door then opened. A tall, distinguished-looking man with white hair and glasses gracefully stepped in, one hand in the pocket of his neatly ironed black trousers. "Ryuzaki," he said, his refined voice without hesitation, not wavering even the slightest bit with age, "I have brought the key that you requested."
L looked up at his old friend, softly smiling as he spoke. "Excellent. Thank you, Watari. Now… if you don't mind…."
"Certainly not," the older gentleman replied. Stepping closer, he gently took L's wrist in his hands, unlocking the cuff around it with the key that he had retrieved. Once L was freed, Watari made his way around the large bed, following the same procedure to rid Light of the chain.
Light sighed, glad to be at least temporarily rid of the cumbersome chain that bound him to the despised detective. As he enjoyed his freedom, he heard L speak yet again.
"Yagami, seeing the… thoughtful state that you are in, I certainly hope that I could be able to shower first today. If you don't mind." The detective's dark eyes were once again focused on the younger man, one thumb still pressed to his lips as he spoke.
Light forced a seemingly genuine smile in return. "Of course, Ryuzaki! Feel free! I'm always the one to make you wait, so you can go ahead. I don't mind at all." As he saw the corner of the detective's lips turn up in a small, soft smile, Light seemed to find his grin to be actually genuine, not at all forced as it had started.
L, still smiling, replied quite simply, "Thank you. I won't be long, I promise." He got up from his seat upon the bed, shoving the blankets and covers that were upon his lap off and to the side. Running a hand through his dark and already untidy hair, he went on, "As usual, Watari will be sitting here to keep an eye on things, just in case." He motioned to the gentleman, who had seemed to find the armchair in the corner of the room to be quite comfortable. "And I'll be out momentarily."
Then, completely to the younger man's surprise, perhaps even shock, L removed his staple white cotton long-sleeved shirt, right in the middle of the room. Just casually pulling it up and over his head, he now removed the sleeves from his arms.
Oh…oh dear God...
Light tried with all his might and willpower not to gawk as his eyes beheld the now bare-chested detective. And "Oh dear God" was right. Much to his surprise, L was anything but the frail and scrawny weakling that Light had presumed him to be. His lean, slender form showed clear signs of well-defined muscles. His bare arms were well-built, making obvious his competent upper body strength. Light's breath was caught in his throat, his face growing hot, as he now looked upon L's sculpted abdomen, muscles covered with gorgeous milky pale skin….
Just then, Light had a very brief vision of the detective, sprawled out upon their bed: shirtless, hair getting in his dark eyes that were clouded with lust, and slightly panting. For that moment, Light's pants had seemed to grow a bit tighter.
DAMMIT!!
"Thank you again, Yagami," L said, once again oblivious to the distraught auburn-haired boy. "I shall be out shortly." With that, he turned away and walked out of the room and off towards the shower.
Relieved that the detective was finally out of the room, Light sighed, hiding his red face in his face, completely indifferent to the fact that Watari remained in their room watching as he desperately tried to sort out his horrific thoughts. No, no, no, no, NO!! What the hell am I even thinking?! I CANNOT be imagining L like that! God, what's getting into me?! One minute, I'm plotting ways to kill him, and the next, I'm practically GAPING at him when he takes his shirt off, and then fantasizing about it!!
Although… damn, he was built nicely. His pale white skin... God, it was… flawless... And it looked so smooth and silky...
As if God himself was trying to torture the young man, Light then heard the running of water coming from the shower. He could hear soft pattering of droplets hitting the ground, knowing that L would be stepping in right about now….
Realizing this, a heat spread over his face, also setting in a great deal lower….
NO!! Dammit, Light, you can't be getting... God, I can't even say it! I don't even know what's going on with me!!
Ok…ok… just calm down... He took another deep breath, hoping that it would soothe him, just as it did the last time. Alright, you are NOT getting… aroused, GOD, it's even painful to think!! But in any case, it's not happening. I'm just losing my focus. It's okay… I'm going to be alright.
I just need to go to the tea shop with him. I'll get his name there. And he will die. That's what'll happen. That is exactly what will happen.
Feeling quite sure of himself, Light managed to give his ego one more boost. My plan is fool-proof! What could possibly go wrong?
ANDHEREISALINETHATINDICATESTHEPASSINGOFTIMEBECAUSETHELITTLESTARTHINGIESDON'TWORKDUNDUNDUUN!
About three hours later, Light knew that he would be in for the longest and possibly most painful day of his entire life.
What had started out as an "innocent" trip to the tea shop with his friend had now become something completely different… and not quite so innocent. On the contrary to Light's discomfort, L seemed completely and blissfully unaware of what was going on.
The cherries that L was eating didn't help out the situation much. In fact, they only proved to make matters even worse.
Light now tried his best to look away as he cursed himself for ordering those stupid cherries. Way to go, Yagami. Now you're getting distracted yet again. Okay… just look away from him… don't get caught up in the cherries... Oh God, he's eating more! Just keep looking away...
L happily sat facing Light in their booth, crouched in his usual position, his spine still perfectly curved. His black eyes seemed to shine with joy, making even the dark circles underneath them seem not to be quite so ominous. He reached out another bony hand, taking a few more cherries with his long, pale fingers. Holding them delicately, as he did with all other objects, he took one at a time between his thumb and forefinger, biting gently into each one.
Light turned to face him just as L had taken a bite. His chestnut eyes widened as he noticed a small bit of cherry juice running down his bottom lip. For a split second, he had wanted to grab the detective, and remove the cherry juice himself… with his lips. L, paying no attention to this, continued to consume his delectable fruit.
Light promptly turned away, almost wishing to hide his face so that the oblivious detective wouldn't notice him turning red after his second brief fantasy that day. Yagami, STOP staring at him! Stop losing your focus! Remember the plan, dammit!!
He sighed, trying to organize his thoughts. Still looking away from L, he mentally ran over his plan again, meticulously reviewing each step in great detail. Sure of himself, he looked up again at the oblivious detective, ready to make "friendly" conversation.
…That is, he was ready, until he saw L pick up a single cherry stem, place it in his mouth, and then produce it again a moment later on his tongue, tied in a small knot.
The younger man quickly looked away, heat spreading over his face, then making its way even lower. Biting his lip, he tried to shake off heated fantasies about exactly what else the detective could do with that obviously skilled tongue….
God, why do I keep having thoughts like these about him?! Shake it off, Yagami, just shake it off. Just remember the plan: YOU NEED HIS NAME. Just remember the plan...
He sighed yet again, trying to pull his thoughts together again. After a short while of denying an attraction towards the older male and satisfied with his plan, he managed to gain his focus and concentration. Relieved that L was no longer tying cherry stems with his tongue, he looked up and spoke, a small smile playing on his lips. "So, Ryuzaki, I trust that you're having a good time." Not so formal, he silently told himself. I don't want to seem so distant... I need to seem as friendly and comfortable as possible in order to win his trust.
L slightly smiled, obviously enjoying himself. I'm having a very enjoyable time. Thank you again, Light."
Light, pleased with himself, smiled a bit more. He called me by my first name... That's a good sign.
L then ate another cherry, this one being the last in the small bowl that sat in front of him. Light quickly shifted his gaze to a spot on the wall above the detective's head, determined not to be distracted. After he had finished his delicious fruit, L continued speaking. "It's very thoughtful of you to do this, help me to take a small break from work. As I've said before, you seem to be the only true friend that I have."
Light laughed. "Well, I'm glad that you think of me as a friend, Ryuzaki. I'd say that you're my closest friend as well!" He smiled as he remembered the next phase of his plan. "In fact, you're more than just a 'friend'. I feel like I can actually trust you, which is rare, considering that I trust hardly anyone else, including my other friends. But I feel that if I were to tell you something, you'd have the grace not to use it against me. I'd know that what I had told you would be safe."
L nodded. "Yes. I've been thinking the same thing, actually. I feel as though I can trust you as well, Light." He spoke softly, as if he were admitting this to someone for the fist time in his life. He looked down a bit mournfully at the bowl that once held his beloved cherries, wishing that more of the fruit would appear.
The younger man's mind was reeling now, extremely pleased with himself as he employed his plan. This is working out perfectly, he thought to himself. He trusts me... This is going to be even easier than I initially thought! Now, to just get his name...
"I'm glad to hear that, Ryuzaki," Light responded with a grin. Sounding as gentle and as kind as he possibly could, he continued. "Although I have to ask…. Where did you get the idea of using the name of the pop star Hideki Ryuga?" He laughed a bit as he said, "I mean, no offence, but it probably wasn't the best choice for an alias."
L returned a small grin, his eyes still bright. "I didn't really care about the unwanted attention that the name brought to me, but it served my purposes well enough."
Light nodded. "That's true… but really, why all of the names, Ryuzaki? Why not just stick to one?"
L sighed, running a hand through his raven hair, just as he often did. "Well, you see, Light—"
"I've brought you more cherries, sir!" came a female voice that had suddenly approached their table, interrupting L's reply.
Dammit! An interruption now of all times?! Why?
A young woman walked up to their booth, carrying another bowl filled with fresh, red cherries. She smiled, pink lips lining perfectly straight white teeth. The waitress set the bowl that she held down in front of L, adjusting her long, silky black hair that hung past her shoulders.
L now shifted his gaze over to the beautiful waitress, smiling at the return of his beloved cherries. "Thank you, miss," he said as he promptly picked up a cherry to eat, now looking back to the large bowl.
The waitress smiled again, her bright green eyes glittering. "It was my pleasure, sir" she replied sweetly. Her ivory skin contrasted beautifully to her jet black hair, strands of it getting in her pretty face. "Actually, if I could ask for your name?" she said, obviously wanting to know more about the detective sitting before her.
Damn her! What the hell does she think she's doing? She interrupted my plan! God, just shut up and walk away already, you stupid waitress. Go help the other customers that are waiting for you!
Light sat there with his arms crossed, silently fuming and impatiently awaiting the departure of said waitress.
L, oblivious yet again to the manner of those around him, continued to consume his cherries. "Ryuga", he answered the girl, his mouth still slightly stuffed with sweet fruit. Not bothering to so much as even look at the waitress, he continued eating.
Her green eyes lit up upon hearing him say his name. "Ryuga?" she asked excitedly. "You mean like the pop star?" She smiled. "But you're MUCH better looking than he is, of course." She flipped her hair again, obviously trying to get "Ryuga" to notice her.
What the hell?! She's FLIRTING with him?! Back off, you slut!! And what, I bet she thinks she's just SO beautiful with her black hair and green eyes. Think twice, bitch. And again, BACK OFF! Go and help some other customer that actually NEEDS you, and STOP flirting with L!! He doesn't even want you, and you can't have him!! He's MINE!!
Upon realizing the thought that he had wished to scream at the girl, Light immediately froze. Unnoticed by the unkempt detective and the (very) obviously infatuated waitress, he hid his red face in his hands, his troubled mind now racing.
Did… did I just… did I just say that L was… mine? Oh my dear God… I just tried to claim him as my own... Wait... Then that must mean that I'm so angry at the waitress because I'm jealous of her. Jealous?! No!! Never!! Just because I'm somewhat attracted to him does NOT mean that I'm jealous of that slut!
Oh Lord, I just admitted that I'm attracted to him. What is wrong with me?!
The waitress flipped her hair a second time, growing impatient at the prospect of catching the eye of the raven-haired man. Still with that huge smile plastered on her face, she battered her long eyelashes, another attempt to get his interest. In spite of her lures, the oblivious L continued to sit there, happily enjoying his cherries.
Light glared, now completely forgetting about his shock and disgust of realizing and admitting his attraction towards the detective. Narrowing his eyes sharply in the waitress' direction, he bitterly snapped, "Don't you have anything better to do than to just stand here? Like, oh, I don't know, your job?"
The waitress, as if noticing the clearly angry auburn-haired boy for the first time, quickly turned to face him. Then, now registering the fact that he was the one who had spoken so rudely to her, she sharply glared at him, as if he had just ruined her "moment" with the unaware-as-always detective. Light just continued to glare, his bitter stare clearly outweighing hers with anger and hatred, something that seemed to amuse him.
The waitress turned back to L, defeated in the unspoken contest of malevolent stares. Light smirked, very satisfied with her loss. Sighing, the waitress regained her composure. She took out a black ballpoint pen from her waist pocket, smiling as she grabbed a clean napkin from their table. After she had uncapped the pen, she knelt down, silky black strands of hair falling in front of her heavily lidded eyes as she began writing a series of numbers upon the napkin. Finishing this off with a small heart, she stood back up, sliding the napkin in front of L. "My phone number," she declared as the raven-haired man looked upon her writing. Her smile grew as she tossed her beautiful long hair behind her. "Feel free to call me any time you want," she said, winking one glittering green eye in his direction.
She then walked off, sending a now extremely angry Light a smug grin, as if she were saying, "What now, Bitch?! What now!?", or something else to that effect.
L continued to eat his cherries, unconcerned with the previous "ordeal". Light, now furious, looked down at the napkin, eyes full of hate and contempt, utterly detesting the little heart that she had drawn on its surface. Right now, all he wanted to do was toss it into the fire and watch it disintegrate…. As far as he was concerned, he could push that stupid waitress in the fire as well….
"You're not seriously going to call her, are you?" he snapped a few moments after she had walked off. "I mean, you can't date her. You just can't."
L looked up from his food, Light's sudden question taking him by surprise. He finished chewing and then wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand. "Of course I'm not going to call her, Yagami," he said. "That would only be a danger to myself and the case." He ate another cherry, totally disregarding the phone number in front of him.
Light did his best to control the urge to sigh in relief. "Good," he replied curtly, now able to relax his worried mind.
The detective, in between chewing another few bites, spoke again. "But I have to ask you, Light: why would you ask such a question? You know that I wouldn't have called the waitress, even if I was attracted to her. Also, you seem to be very angry about something. Is everything alright with you?" His large, mysterious eyes stared Light down, awaiting some sort of response as he lifted another cherry to his mouth.
Oh shit.
Light rapidly searched through his mind, trying to conjure up a lie. Luckily, he came up with one almost immediately. "I just didn't want that stupid waitress to interfere with the case that we're supposed to be working on, Ryuzaki. That's all."
"Oh… well then, thank you for your concern, I suppose." L raised a dark eyebrow as he took another few cherries. This went unnoticed to Light, now totally immersed in his own thoughts.
Well, I guess this means that I'm not going to go through with my original plan. Damn, how could I just lose my focus like that? It's like he's distracting me! I just can't stop thinking about him… almost like he's haunting my mind...
I guess that now all I can really do is stay here and wait for this day to be over. I'll go to the Task Force meeting, get some new information regarding the case and their new speculations on Kira, and revise my plan as needed later tonight.
Light shifted his gaze over to L, who continued eating what was left of the fruit in his small bowl. Light sighed as he calmly observed the detective chew happily, his bowl now completely empty of all red fruit. He still sat crouched in the booth seat, spine curved, one thumb pressed to his lips.
He then picked up a cherry stem and placed it on his tongue.
Light's eyes grew wide, his pants now slightly tighter.
Oh God… here we go again.
ANDHEREISALINETHATINDICATESTHEPASSINGOFTIMEBECAUSETHELITTLESTARTHINGIESDON'TWORKDUNDUNDUUN!
The Task Force meeting that took place later that evening (in Light's opinion, at least) was meant to gain new information and insights about Kira, see what the new theories were, and then alter any plans the he saw fit. This was the intention, at the very least.
But as Light realized that he had snuck another quick glance at the detective that sat crouched next to him upon the couch in the living room, he knew that this plan had been foiled as well.
What is wrong with me today? I'm supposed to be paying attention to the meeting and find a new basis for my plans so I can try and get his real name. But that damn L... Every single time that I try to focus, he's always there, distracting me.
Maybe this is one of his tricks. Maybe he's trying to get me interested or attracted to him so I'll reveal any information about Kira so he can convict me. This could all be an elaborate trap that he's set… he'd try to lure me in, seduce me, even, just to find out whether or not I'm actually Kira.
No. That doesn't seem like something he'd do. First of all, if this were one of his plans or traps, then it would have begun a while ago. He would've built it up over a period of time in order to gain my trust, so I wouldn't suspect anything. But this all seems to be happening at one time… it just doesn't seem like L. Also, he'd put a hell of a lot more effort into this plan if it were one. He doesn't seem to be consciously doing anything to distract me.
Alright, so this whole "attraction" thing towards L isn't one of his traps. So what does it all mean?
I just can't stop thinking about him. I can't take my mind off of him for more than a second, even in the calmest of moments. I've already come to terms with that fact that I'm attracted to him. But I've been attracted to other people as well, so it's not like I'm new to it. But it's never been this consuming before. With others, it was just a simple attraction, nothing more, nothing less. This time… it almost seems like an obsession. There's a part of me that… that wants nothing more than to be with him, spend every moment that I can with him, hold him close to be and never let him go.
Wait… could this be… love?
No! I don't love him! I can't! I… I just can't love L!
But this denial isn't going to get me anywhere, now is it? It got me nowhere with my obvious attraction to him, so it won't work here. But I don't even know what love really is! I've never felt it before; I've never been in love. So… is that what it is?
OK, to set things straight, I'll start by looking at the facts. This morning… attraction and lust, nothing more. The tea shop… I was angry at the idiotic waitress who was trying to flirt with him. But I had a good reason to be! She was interrupting my plans, she was annoying, and interfering with our work on the case. But… the biggest reason that I hated her so much was because she was flirting with L, trying to get him to notice her. And… I was jealous.
So I was jealous of the waitress who was trying to flirt with him. That alone doesn't mean that I love him. But then again, I've never felt jealousy on a level like this before. With other girls that I've dated, I've never felt jealous of other guys talking to them, even when I really cared about them. But that moronic waitress made me want to go on a killing spree... I wanted so badly to her away from L. I… I wanted him all for myself.
Oh dear Lord, maybe I am in love.
"Light? Light, are you even paying attention?"
Light quickly abandoned his thoughts, snapping back into reality. He saw Matsuda staring at him, obviously the one who was trying to grab his attention. Looking around, he noticed everyone else in the living room staring at him, including L, one dark eyebrow raised at Light's apparent confusion. Pulling himself together, he managed to get out, "Um… can you please repeat the question?"
Matsuda's eyes widened a bit, looking almost shocked at the fact that Light, the student prodigy, wasn't paying attention to something this important. "I was asking you if you believed Ryuzaki's latest theory about Kira that we were discussing."
"Oh. Of course I do!" Light replied calmly, smiling. "I'm sorry about that. I was just thinking and I guess that I zoned out for a minute."
L simply looked away, one thumb pressed to his bottom lip, still pondering something unknown to the auburn-haired boy. Without removing said thumb, he spoke quietly. "Well, I suppose that we're done for the night. Remember everything that has been said at this meeting, as I'm sure I don't need to remind you…. But, once again, we are done now. Thank you for your assistance and you may leave."
At his words, the Task Force got up from their seats on the couches. The four of them headed towards the door as Soichiro Yagami looked back at his son, who still sat upon the couch, chained to the detective. Slightly shaking his head in his direction, he muttered something about seeing Light at a later time. Fully prepared now to leave, Aizawa turned the handle of the door, and one by one, the Task Force walked out.
Light sighed, knowing full well that he had blown his chances by not paying attention to the meeting. That was so stupid of me. Damn L, I can't get him out of my mind! So now, I have to make a new plan, and I don't even know what the Task Force's thoughts on Kira are! It's not like I can ask him about it, either. He'll just be suspicious. He sighed once more, rubbing his temples with his hands.
L shifted in his crouched position on the couch. Black, untidy hair stuck out in all directions, nearly covering his shadowy eyes that still focused on the opposite wall.
After a few moments, L spoke, breaking the heavy silence. "You know, Yagami, you've been acting very strangely today. Is everything alright? You seem to be preoccupied with something." His black eyes were still fixed upon the wall, not yet looking over at the younger man that he was addressing.
Light looked over at the disheveled detective, one eyebrow raised. How many times is he going to ask me this today? Is there anything that he knows? Am I too obvious? "I'm feeling fine, Ryuzaki, I'm not preoccupied with anything."
L's eyes shut for a moment as he exhaled, like he was preparing to say something. Opening his eyes once again, he spoke softly. "I'd have to say that you're wrong, Yagami. Actually, from what I can tell, you're lying to me."
The auburn-haired boy's eyes opened wide, shocked at L's unexpected remark. "What? What do you mean, 'I'm lying to you'? Ryuzaki, I'm fine! There is nothing wrong with me!"
"I very much doubt that, Yagami," L replied simply with a small sigh. Shifting yet again, he went on. "Let's look at the facts. This morning, you seemed to be staring intently at me, as if transfixed by me, as I was waking up. When I inquired as to what was wrong, you seemed very flustered and almost too embarrassed to even reply. To see whether or not this was, in fact, the case, while getting ready for my shower, I 'unexpectedly' removed my shirt. Your reaction was something that I had imagined: you stared, and your face became bright red. As I was in the shower, Watari said that you even hid your face, continuing to look just as flustered and embarrassed. I attempted this same method in the afternoon with the cherry stems, the result being what I had, yet again, expected from you. But you see, these two were the only 'tests' that I had in mind. I had no intentions of any others, especially what happened with the waitress at the teas shop. You were seemingly very angry with her while she attempted to get my attention, almost as if you were… jealous…."
Light's heart raced, his palms getting sweaty as L told him of his observations of the day. What… what does he mean by that?! Dammit, was I really that obvious? He can't know! …Can he?
L sighed as he continued with his "report". "And just now, for instance, I've noticed that you've appeared to lose your focus about the meeting while you repeatedly stole glances of me. Yagami, if I may, I think I know why you've been off track…." He looked over at Light, still once thumb pressed to his thin, pale lips. "It seems to me that you're… attracted to me, Light."
Light's chestnut eyes grew even wider, his already racing heartbeat increasing with every passing moment. His breath caught in his throat as he struggled to get out even a simple reply. "Wh-what?!" His voice was shaky as he stared at the detective incredulously. "What did you just say?"
L shrugged, like this was all no big deal to him. "I think that you may be attracted to me, Light. Granted, I can't say this for sure, and besides, I'm not very attractive to begin with. But your behavior really seems to give it away. Would I be wrong to say that?"
Light couldn't even bring himself to answer L's question. He was in a state of shock and utter disbelief as his mind raced. Oh my God… he figured it out. It was that easy for him to figure it all out... But, damn, he's just got something about him that attracts me and pulls me in... He's… he's gorgeous. A part of me wants to hate him for having the nerve to even confront me about all of this… but the other part just wants to grab him by the shoulders and kiss him senseless...
He heard the slender detective sigh, shifting yet again on the couch. "Well, you don't have to answer," he quietly said, looking in the other direction. "Perhaps I was too confrontational or upfront about it. If this was the case, then I apologize." He lowered his eyes to his bare feet, toes gripping the edge of the cushion upon which he sat, his knees drawn up to hic chest. Barely even mumbling, he then uttered, "Although, I must admit, Light, I'm extremely attracted to you…."
Unable to control himself any longer, the auburn-haired boy heard L's last remark and immediately sprang into action. Looking over at the detective, who still stared at the floor, Light took a hold of his shoulders. Startling the detective, Light gripped his shoulders tightly, bringing him forward as he pressed his lips to L's.
Light's heart nearly exploded at the contact of their lips. L's mouth was so soft and so giving, which Light gladly found out for himself. His heart skipped a beat as he felt L slide his arms to Light's back, gently and lovingly returning his kiss. Light released his tight grip on his shoulders, replacing the tension with a warm embrace as he repositioned his head to deepen the kiss. Is this… is this what love feels like?
As Light had expected, L tasted like sugar. But it wasn't an overpowering, sickly syrup or sugar flavor. It was sweet, soft and delectable. Light deepened the kiss a bit more, thoroughly enjoying the taste of L's mouth.
They parted for a moment, attempting to catch their breath before they went for each other again. This time, the intent wasn't quite as innocent as their passion rose, lips picked up speed, and hands began to wander. Light raised a hand to L's head, running fingers through his disheveled raven hair, finding it to be just as soft and silky as he had imagined it to be.
And to think… I would have been completely opposed anything of this sort this morning.
But as L pushed him onto his back, climbed on top, and employed the use of his (as Light, in fact, finally did find out) skilled tongue, all of his thoughts were suddenly and happily silenced.
ANDHEREISALINETHATINDICATESTHEPASSINGOFTIMEBECAUSETHELITTLESTARTHINGIESDON'TWORKDUNDUNDUUN!
Light panted heavily an hour or so later as the pair finally broke apart from each other. He gasped for breath as L sat up, his legs straddling Light's waist, hands resting on either side of the auburn-haired boy, propping him up to sit above him. Except for the heavy breathing of the two men, all was silent in the apartment. Light's hair was ruffled, his shirt wrinkled, and his face red. As usual, the detective appeared unkempt, but his uneven breathing and slightly red complexion gave reason to assume some form of "exercise" that he had just taken part in.
After a few moments, Light finally broke the thick silence. "That… that was… great!" he said with a grin, still a bit breathy. He fixed his hair as L returned the grin, the faintest hint of a blush apparent on his once again milky pale face. Light leaned up to meet L, pressing a soft, innocent kiss on the detective's lips.
As he went back down, his heart seemed to flip for the umpteenth time. So… this is what love is. A small kiss that means everything in the world to you. Your heart skipping a beat when he looks at you. Not caring who you are or what separates you, and just knowing that you never want to leave his arms... So this is love.
I could definitely get used to this.
As Light found himself able to admit the secret that his happy heart carried, L looked towards the door leading to their bedroom as he brought a thumb to his lips. For a split second, a mischievous smile flashed upon his thin lips. The smile disappeared just as quickly as it had come as he looked back down upon the now oblivious auburn-haired boy that lay beneath him.
"Light," the raven-haired man said. The younger man looked up, his chestnut eyes meeting L's dark ones. L continued, now removing the thumb from his lips. "Follow me."
He got off of Light and reached out a hand to him, helping to pull the younger man off the couch and to his feet. Light smiled, not yet aware of what L had in mind. Not releasing his hand, L led Light on into the hallway, towards their bedroom.
Light didn't fully realize what L was plotting until they entered their dark bedroom. L, not even bothering to turn on the light, shut and locked the door behind them. Wait... Is he... Is he intending to--? However, he was unable to finish his question.
L pounced.
ANDHEREISALINETHATINDICATESTHEPASSINGOFTIMEBECAUSETHELITTLESTARTHINGIESDON'TWORKDUNDUNDUUN!
Light, now having finished fastening his pants again, fell back onto the large, tussled bed, panting and gasping for any small amount of breath that he could get. Small beads of sweat formed on his hot face as he panted, his arms outstretched, sweaty auburn hair sticking to his forehead. He didn't bother to retrieve the shirt that had been carelessly discarded on the floor earlier; all he wanted was to catch his breath.
He noticed that his breathing became easier as time passed, now reflecting upon what exactly had just happened. Honestly, I never would have even imagined that my first time to be in another man's bed, involuntarily bound by a chain. But I wouldn't change a single thing. It was perfect.
But, if anything, I would have expected myself to be on top. I didn't know that L even had it in him...
He looked over to L, who now climbed back onto the disarrayed bed, dressed once again in his staple white shirt and denim jeans. Smiling mischievously, Light then was able to complete his thought. Then again, there's always next time...
L made his way over to Light, laying himself down next to the auburn-haired boy. He moved his body closer so his head rested on Light's bare shoulder. Sliding one arm to lay upon Light's chest, the detective let himself relax, closing his dark eyes to concentrate on the soft, gentle sounds of their mingled breathing.
Light smiled as he wrapped one arm around the detective's lithe frame, holding him even closer. He bent his head, forehead resting gently upon L's. Letting out a soft sigh of contentment, he softly whispered, "That was amazing, Ryuzaki."
L, eyes still closed peacefully, quietly replied, "Light, you don't have to call me Ryuzaki… not when we're like this…. Right now, I'm simply L. You don't have to refer to me by any other name or alias."
Light, still grinning, pulled the detective even closer to him still. "L… I could get used to that." He let out another hushed sigh, his eyes now closing as he treasured the warm embrace that held them so closely in peace and sweet comfort.
After a brief moment of beautiful and loving silence, L spoke, his usually eloquent voice seeming to struggle for words to say. "Light… though we may not… may not have… have been at this for very long… I… I just wanted to let you know that… I love you, Light." The faintest hint of a blush crept upon his pale face, his dark, innocent eyes looking up at the auburn-haired boy, praying for a positive response. "I… I really do."
Light smiled, looking back down at the raven-haired detective. Propping up his chin with two fingers, he pressed a sweet, chaste kiss to his lips. After they broke apart, Light softly whispered, "I love you too, L."
The unkempt detective grinned, looking up lovingly at the man who held him in his arms. Snuggling up to Light, he rested his head on the crook between his neck and shoulder, allowing his eyes to close as he gently stroked the smooth skin of Light's arm.
The auburn-haired boy closed his eyes as well, allowing the beginning of sweet sleep to overcome him. The heat of the past moment now gone, he grabbed the edge of the sheets, pulling them up to cover them both. L's soft, warm breaths gently blew on the skin of Light's neck, sleep already having taken him.
Light sighed. Kira wasn't even a concern to him now. As far as he was concerned, he didn't even have to worry about the killer anymore. He didn't need to fret over different ways to kill the world's greatest detective. He didn't want L's death on his hands anymore. Some may have called this nobility; some, mercy. Others may have even gone so far as to call it cowardice.
Light called it love. Just simply love.
The dark night that surrounded the two now had set in. No light or rays of the moon's glow crept in from the bedroom's closed door or drawn curtains. They both fell asleep quietly and serenely, wrapped tightly in each other's arms, embracing even in the pleasant depths of their dreams.
Dreams of what new joys, and perhaps even mishaps, that they would face the next day… together.
Well… that being, only if Light could actually bring himself to concentrate on the task at hand, without any sort of loss of focus.