My first songfic. Argh! I have a real bad feeling about it! I hope you enjoy it anyway :) Why do I keep hurting/killing Donny? MY Donny? Curse my sick mind!
This amazing show and this beautiful song both don't belong to me, much to my deep regret.
The Thing Leo Hurts Most
Leo walked through the dark streets of New York, raindrops splashing on his body, leaving him soaking wet and freezing.
Leo couldn't have cared less.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
Leo didn't look where he was going. He didn't need too. His feet would carry him where he wanted to go. They always did. They had done it since he was gone.
Tears burned in Leo's eyes. He didn't let them fall.
Not yet.
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
Every time he closed his eyes, Leo would see Donny, buried by those logs.
His face still visible. The pain in his eyes. How he reached out for Leo.
To spend comfort.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
That was the hardest part.
Donny was dying.
He was dying and still trying to make sure to be there for his brother. Leo could hate him for it.
He should have fought! He should have tried to stay awake! He should have focused on himself for at least one time in his life!
The life that had ended much too soon.
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Leo would have loved to see Donny grow up.
Watching that calm, kindhearted, intelligent teenager becoming an adult, getting even smarter.
Watching how far he would have come in his life, even for a mutated turtle.
But now, he would never see his little brother getting older than fifteen.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Leo could still hear Donny's weak voice.
"Leo.", he had whispered, using all the strength he had left, "Never forget that I love you guys more than anything in the world."
His voice had been filled with so much warmth and love. While speaking he had reached out of the pile of logs, reaching for Leo. Leo had also reached as far as possible gripping his little brother's hand tight.
"We love you too.", he had whispered, not able to say or think about anything else.
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
(Much to say)
And watching you walk away
Leo had wanted to tell him so many things.
That he was an amazing brother, probably the best you could wish for, that Leo and the others wouldn't know what to do without his brain, without his knowledge, without his shoulder to lean on, without him.
To tell him how much they needed him, how much they loved him!
But after one last smile of Donny…Leo wouldn't be able to tell him anything ever again.
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do, oh
Oh yeah
Suddenly, Leo's feet stopped. He was there.
He looked up, staring at his little brother's grave. When he and his brothers had finally been able recover Don's body, it had been too late.
Three minutes too late.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
(To say)
And watching you walk away
Leo knelt down on the wet grass.
Donny's grave was near Central Park. Donny had loved being there at night, watching the stars and dark blue sky. So his brothers decided it would be the best place for their brother's final rest.
"Hey, Donny.", Leo whispered, softly moving his hand over the cold stone.
There were words written on it:
Here lies Donatello.
A bless for his family.
A beloved friend, son, brother.
Never will we forget the little smile that had always ghosted over your face, to light up every situation.
Or how you used to stay up late, working on a new gadget, or upgrading the security systems.
But what we'll definitely never forget is how you have always been there for us, a shoulder to lean on, a floor to stand on.
We will always love you, Donatello
R.I.P
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Leo ran his fingers over the last sentence.
"I haven't been here lately.", he whispered, finally letting go of his tears.
"Mikey wouldn't fall asleep. He had nightmares." Leo tensed a little. "But he's alright now. Raph got it covered." Leo had to smile. "You used to be the only one to wake Raph's softer side. I think we finally reached him. Thanks to you, Donny."
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Leo had tried to be strong for the last few weeks. Also when he was kneeling in front of Don's grave.
But his strength was gone.
He collapsed onto the ground and started sobbing.
"I wish you were here right now!" Leo had gripped the stone. "So I could tell you how much we need you! How much we miss you! How much we love you!"
Leo's sobs got louder and he gripped the stone tighter.
"Why did you have to leave us? To leave me? I need you! I love you, little brother! So much!"
Leo knew it was stupid, pathetic, but he hugged the stone tightly, the only way to be near his second youngest brother.
But, all of a sudden, a wonderful warmth surrounded him, filled him, warming him up from the inside.
And he heard a voice, a voice he had longed to hear for so many weeks!
"I love you too, big brother. I'll never leave you."
Leo looked up, tears still sparkling in his eyes.
He could've sworn to have seen Donny's warm, light chocolate eyes and his soft, caring smile.
And the stinging pain in his chest, Leo had felt for all those weeks, shrunk. It was still there, but it wasn't as crushing as before. Leo felt so warm inside. Feeling that, he knew that they'd never be alone, that Donny would always be with them. Even if they couldn't see him, they could still feel him.
Leo smiled and stood up, stroking the stone one last time.
"Thanks, Donny. Thanks for everything."
With that, Leo left.
He would come back soon.
He would come back with his brothers.
The End