Beautiful Disaster

by NunziBelle

It's my attempt at a One-Shot! This takes place after Minimal Loss. Emily doesn't believe that Reid is alright after she put herself on the line for him, so she visits his apartment. It's a sweet, maybe fluffy story? Some hint of Emily/Reid, not obvious.

Author's Note: Ok so this is my first ever Criminal Minds fan fiction! I am a little nervous about posting this up. As the summary says, this is a sweet little one-shot taking place after Minimal Loss. I am a HUGE shipper of Reid/Prentiss and I wanted a little story about them. Take from this what you want, but I had an awesome time writing it. :) Reviews are appreciated, I DO have some more ideas for them (maybe a sequel, I dunno yet). So yeah, read, (hopefully) love, and REVIEW! :D

Disclaimer 1: I own NOTHING from the show. There is some dialogue taken directly from Episode 4X03, "Minimal Loss". All characters, are properties of CBS and the producers, writers, and so on of Criminal Minds. No suing please, I'm a student, I don't really have the time for law suits... Or the patience... Or the money... Besides if I did own the show, this is probably what would have happened (...and JJ would still be around)!

Disclaimer 2: The song I used is "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson. I don't own the words or the song and I am not affiliated with her.

Disclaimer 3: SPOILER ALERT! For those who have yet to see "Minimal Loss", I am warning you that there is some spoilage (not much, just the last scene, but still very important).

Beautiful Disaster

~~ "I don't know what he's after. But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster." ~~

She looked at herself in the mirror. Although the paramedics at Colorado had done a good job at cleaning her wounds, the bruise on the side of her face was still clearly visible, along with a couple of cuts and scrapes. All souvenirs from the time spent in Colorado, she kept telling herself. The markings were nothing more than temporary souvenirs. They would fade away as time went on, along with the memories of being beaten and held hostage in that compound. She was alive, and that was what mattered. She kept telling herself, as she looked in the mirror, that bruises fade and she'd be alright. There was no need to dwell on what had happened, but rather move on and solve the next case they would be presented with. There was no way she would begin to cry, or even break down. This was what the job demanded from her. She could not lose herself, or else her work would be compromised. It was her job to remain strong despite the things she, and the rest of her team, had to live through. It was her job to remain in tact. So she would just store her pain away, until she was able to break down... If in fact that time ever came.

Staring at herself in the mirror, there was something that Emily Prentiss needed to do. There was someone she needed to talk to; someone she needed to clear the air with. Maybe that was the reason why she needed to keep herself together at the moment. If she would break down, if she would cry, she would be unable to relieve the guilt and pain that her friend and colleague, Spencer Reid, must be feeling. Emily threw some more water on her face, in order to wash away any tears that would threaten to fall and she walked out of the bathroom. She glanced at some of the other members of her team scattered around the FBI private jet. Hotch and Rossi were reviewing the case file. Hotch glanced up at her for a second, but turned back to his work. Morgan was dozing off on the couch to the side. Emily did not really pay attention to the other team mates. There was one soul she was interested in talking to. She made her way to where Reid was sitting with a book and she joined him.

Emily gave him a small greeting and saw as he answered back. She could already tell that he was beating himself up for what happened. It was evident all over his face. It was an unwritten rule for the BAU members to not profile each other, but when circumstances such as this came up, they found it was difficult not to. The young genius refused to meet her eyes and spoke in a quiet voice. He could not see her, for the guilt was weighing heavily upon him. Emily believed that it was unfair of him to be feeling that way. He did nothing wrong. Emily was determined to make him see that he was not to blame. She reached over and grabbed the book from his hands, he wasn't reading it anyway.

"I need you to listen to me." Emily reached over and grabbed Spencer's hands to ensure that she had his undivided attention. As she began to speak to him, she began to realize that this would be harder than she thought. Her compartmentalizing skills would be tested after this one small talk. She could see in Spencer's eyes that he hated himself for what had happened to her. He blamed himself."What Cyrus did to me, is not your fault." There, she said it. It was not his fault. She looked into Reid's hazel eyes and she could see that no matter what she said, he would still blame himself. The pain in his eyes, the guilt he felt over something she choose to do, was starting to get to her. Emily could begin to feel some sobs building up in her chest. She pushed them aside. She was supposed to be here for Reid. Keeping her composure, she proceeded. "It was my decision, and I would do it again." She meant it to. If she had to go back, knowing what she knew, she would take the beating. She looked at Reid's eyes met her own once more. He could not believe that she would take the beating once more if she had to. Emily felt a need to protect every member on her team, but for some reason, she felt like she needed to protect the youngest profiler the most. Maybe it was his age, maybe it was because he had already gotten into so much trouble already, who knew? Either way, that was the truth.

"Do you hear me?" Now this was the tough part, looking into his no-longer-innocent hazel eyes, pleading with them to see the situation for what it really was. Emily felt Reid's thumb casually grazing the side of her hand. It was a small gesture of comfort, but it meant a lot to her. Only Reid would care so much as to give someone comfort while they were trying to make him feel better. Emily felt her damn tears beginning to come to her eyes again. Damn it! Not now! She forced herself to look at Reid again and she said the final words. "Thank you." Reid was such a caring person, he did not extra baggage on his shoulders. As Emily gave him one last look before settling back into her seat, she knew that what she said would fall upon deaf ears. She knew Spencer Reid all too well to know that he would continue to blame himself. Emily settled back into her seat and gave Reid a small smile as she watched him continue reading. She looked out the window at the landscape passing by.

~~ "He's magic and myth, but strong as what I believe. A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see." ~~

She walked up to the last door of the hallway. She knew she needed to check up on Reid to make sure he was really alright. He may have smiled at her on the plane, but something still unsettled her. Emily could not believe he was alright, until he at least acknowledged what had happened. The team knew that when Reid was concerned, it was best to let the young genius deal with his inner turmoil. Reid was not the type of person that came running to someone with his problems. He kept quiet, and spoke when he was ready to speak. However, this was not the time, to let Reid handle his issues on his own. Emily thought back to when he was struggling with his drug addiction. She knew all about it. It was obvious judging not only from his attitude, but considering what he had gone through. Emily spoke to Hotch about it, she wanted him to step up and get the young man to go into rehab. Hotch had told her to let the issue go and to let Reid solve his problems on his own. Emily had been worried that the addiction would be too much and something would happen to Reid. She regretted not going to Reid sooner, but back then, she barely knew him. She was still the new member on the team who "didn't know what she was talking about".

Nothing would stop her now. After what had happened to the two of them, it didn't take a genius of Reid's standard to know what he could be capable of. Emily was not about to let him go down that road again, not when he worked so hard to get his life back in order. So, here she was, in front of Reid's door, and a little nervous about how to proceed. It was strange that Emily Prentiss was nervous about knocking on Reid's door. She was most probably afraid with what she would find in the apartment. Emily took a deep breath. This is for Reid, she thought to her self and she knocked on his door. There was no answer. Emily frowned to herself, she remembered Morgan offering to drive Reid home when they had arrived back in DC, so he must be in the apartment building. Emily knocked on the door again and this time called out to the young agent. Still hearing no answer, Emily got ready to find a way inside the apartment. She grabbed the door handle and was surprised to find that it opened with little ease. Concern swept over the bruised face of Agent Prentiss as she entered Reid's apartment. This was not like him at all. Reid never shut up about the dangers of leaving one's door unlocked, and judging from the type of work they did, ALL the BAU members were smart enough to keep their doors locked at all times. She kept one hand on her holster, in case something should have happened to her young colleague. She scanned the contents of the small apartment. She saw Reid's coat tossed over a couch, along with his messenger bag. Emily had been to Reid's apartment a few times, and it didn't look like it was disturbed. She saw a couple of painted miniatures on his wall, along with some black and white photography. A book case housed some of the young genius' favorite literature pieces. Nothing that surprised Emily too much as she continued to look for anything suspicious.

"Reid? Reid? Are you here?" Emily slowly drew her gun as she continued to search Reid's apartment for any kind of sign that he was alright. She heard some shuffling coming in the direction of Reid's bathroom. She walked slowly up to the bathroom and pushed open the door, a little afraid of what she would find. As she pushed the door opened and peered inside, the image before her sent chills down her spine. It took Emily Prentiss a while to gather herself and recover from the shock.

There, on the floor, in a crumpled mess of sweat and tears, was Dr. Spencer Reid. Emily placed her gun back in her holster. She noticed that his sleeves were rolled up and a rubber cord was wrapped around the upper part of his left arm. Emily sighed to herself and bent down to Reid's level. She looked to the side and saw a syringe. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that the syringe was not empty, but filled with the drug that kept the brilliant young man prisoner almost 2 years ago. Emily did not know what to say. She gently reached over and wrapped one of her arms around the shaking profiler. Emily was so used to dealing with her own pain and misery so easily, that when it came to those she cared about, she had difficulty sometimes gaining composure. She may have been able to compartmentalize her own feelings and her own thoughts, but it was different when someone she cared about was involved.

"I... I was ready... I was..." Reid could not get the words out, but Emily knew what he was going to say. She knew all to well what would have happened had she not gotten into his apartment on time. She just continued to hold the young man as he sobbed on her shoulder. She didn't feel uncomfortable doing it either, Reid needed someone right now and as fate would have it, she was the best person available. Prentiss looped her arm around Reid's waist and tried to get him off of the floor. It was best for him if she got him out of that room and away from the drugs that nearly entered his body. Reid did not need the constant reminder of what almost happened, but rather some other type of comfort.

"We'll get you out of here, ok Reid? It's ok." While holding onto him, Prentiss kept hearing Reid apologize for what had happened. He apologized for causing trouble for her, he apologized for almost injecting himself with Dilaudid yet again, and he apologized for causing the bruises on her face. A sigh escaped Emily's lips as her previous concerns were affirmed and Reid didn't listen to what she was saying earlier on the jet. No matter what she said to him, he would blame himself and let the guilt eat at him until it manifested itself into his drug use. Emily wouldn't let that happen to him. It was her choice to let Cyrus beat her. It was her choice to protect Reid and give herself up. He had nothing to do with it. She would have done the same thing had it been Morgan, or Hotch, or anyone else from the team. Reid should not be hurting himself this way. He didn't deserve it. She let the younger agent weep on her shoulder and rubbed circles on his back as he vented out to her. A part of her wanted to join him and share her own pain over what had happened to them, but she could not bring herself to do that. I'm here for Reid... I'm here for Reid... I'm here for Reid...

Emily, after letting Reid cry on her shoulder, helped the young man into bed. It did not take too long before the genius was asleep. Emily struggled with the idea of staying over night, or if she should return in the morning. She gazed at the young man's sleeping form, already beginning to toss and turn, and she decided that maybe it was best if she stayed on his couch for the night, to make sure he did not have any nightmares or go on a late night drug search. Emily walked back into the bathroom, her eyes falling on the needle on the floor. Emily picked it up and looked it over. While inspecting it, she wondered what went on in the young man's head that could have pushed him to pick up the needle again. He had stopped, that was something she was aware of. Emily knew the signs of drug abuse, it was how she had been one of the first to pin point Reid's issues. She knew the signs, she knew what would happen if he were in withdrawal, and she knew once he started getting clean. Emily emptied the contents of the syringe into the sink and placed the syringe in her pocket. She then began to look over Reid's medicine cabinet and in several compartments in order to find if there were any other bottles of the drug laying around. She would not let him to anymore damage to himself. He didn't need it.

It had been almost an hour that Emily searched his bathroom, and found no other bottled laying around. She frowned, there must be some more. Reid could not just have one bottle in his apartment, and besides it was better to make sure that there was no more temptation for him. Emily exited the bathroom and began to look at some of the books on the bookcase. Her eyes scanned over the many literature classics from the obvious Shakespeare, to other pieces by Hemingway and Tolstoy. There were some books that Emily was unfamiliar with, most of which were in German or Italian. All in all she found his collection to be rather... Well, Reid-like. As she gazed at his collection, Emily found that while she looked over his collection, nothing really stood out too much to her... until she reached a fairly recent (fairly recent being from about 1970) version of the Grimm's fairytales. Emily frowned to herself. A book of fairytales, much less a book from the twentieth century about fairytales, did not exactly speak the language of Reid. Emily took the book down from the shelf and began to leaf through it. About half way through the book, she noticed that five small boxes were cut into the pages of the book. Each small box held a bottle of Dilaudid, except for one. Emily assumed the empty box held the bottle that her sleeping coworker was about to use.

"Oh... Reid..." Emily sighed to herself as she passed her fingers over each bottle. She had to admit, the young man was creative. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense to her that Reid would hide his small stash in an old book of fairytales. t was subtle, yet obvious enough to act as a cry for help to whomever happened to find them. Emily thought back to when the younger profiler was still struggling with his addiction. Within the weeks that followed his abduction, he had made several hints here and there about addiction and about needing that next fix. Emily had noticed the look of hunger in his eyes when they spoke about that. The others must have caught on his subtle cries for help as well, but it was something that no one really spoke about. Maybe it was something they all wished to deny to themselves. After all, if a smart kid like Reid could get addicted to drugs, who knew what the others could be capable of? Without a second thought, Emily grabbed the remaining four bottles from the book and placed them in her pockets. She'd be damned before she let Reid go back to his addiction because of something that SHE had decided to do.

No sooner did she pocket Reid's little 'collection', when she heard some noise coming from his bedroom. Assuming he was only shifting around in his bed, Emily let it go for now and continued to look around the apartment for other possible places to hide the small bottles of Dilaudid. She didn't think he had anymore bottles laying around, but one could never be too sure of things like this. Emily had moved over to the small, yet obscure movie collection, when the subtle noises from Reid's room turned in"to shouting and panicked cries. She whipped her head up and quickly made her way to Reid's room. Standing outside his door, she was able to make out some of the words he was shouting.

"No! I'm the agent! Not her! It's me! Emily! I'm sorry!" Emily entered his room to see him tossing in turning, pain etched across his face. Seeing him like this, was what started to poke holes through her barriers. Emily could feel her heart beginning to ache, her palms beginning to sweat and the tears she had hidden beginning to form in her eyes. Taking in deep breaths, the brunette woman rapidly walked to Reid's side and gently grabbed his hand. She ran her other hand softly over his cheek and started to gently shake him awake. She called out to him, hoping to get a response from him. "Reid! Reid! It's ok! I'm here! You're dreaming Reid!" He kept tossing and turning. He kept shouting. He kept screaming out in pain, begging them to stop whatever it was they were doing. It was apparent that he was reliving the hostage situation they had been through, only this time, experiencing something different. Emily began to shake him a little more roughly, needing now more than ever to wake him up from the nightmare he was having. Emily began to shout a little more loudly, trying so hard to keep her voice controlled, as difficult as it was to do so. "Reid! Reid! Wake up! You're dreaming! It's Emily! I'm right here!"

She didn't expect Reid to continue thrashing about, even when his eyes opened, but sure enough he did. He kept on screaming, saying they killed her and it was his fault. Emily looked away from his eyes for a split second to process the fact that he just dreamt of her death scene. She soon brought herself back to Reid and his wild eyes scanning the room. Emily kept her hands on his thin shoulders and tried to sooth him softly. She tried to hush him, telling him that everything was alright and that she was alive. "Shhh... Reid. I'm ok. See? I'm alive. Nothing's happened to me." Reid's eyes kept darting back and forth, taking in his surrounding and slowly acknowledging the fact that what he just saw was nothing more than a horrible figment of his imagination. When he was finally aware that he was awake, Reid let his guard down. It was a rare occasion to see Spencer Reid stepping beyond the walls of his intelligence to let a person see him when he was most vulnerable. Yet, with Emily here, alive, after only just seeing her being dragged back into the room, not moving, not breathing, well Reid began to have difficulty breathing. "It would... Y-you could have died... Would have been my fault... My fault." It was the innocent look in his eyes. The momentary look of fear and child like innocence that got to her. He was so scared and, like a child, insisted that everything was his fault. Emily, without a second thought, sat down on Reid's bed and pulled him closer to her, offering him as much comfort as she could give him. She softly patted his head and sat there with him, slowly calming him down. His breathing began to slow down, and Emily could feel his heartbeat become less erratic and slow down as well. It would have been weird for her, sitting there and holding the younger man in her arms, but he needed this, and she was willing to help him in anyway she could.

~~ "He's soft to the touch, but frayed. At the end he breaks. He's never enough, and still he's more than I can take." ~~

She laid there, in his arms, not saying anything and not really thinking anything either. She was just laying there, feeling his lean, yet strong arms around her, holding her close. Emily felt him holding onto her as he began to doze off and slowly fall asleep, yet she said nothing. She didn't pull away, she didn't freak out, and she didn't yell. She just laid there. She felt Reid breathing and the calm pace of his heart beating. It was soothing to her. She liked listening to it. She couldn't lie even if she wanted to; she needed this, maybe as much as he did. Maybe they didn't need anything more but this. They could still go on their daily lives, doing what they were doing, only finding comfort in each other whenever they needed it. They didn't need to discuss, they didn't need to talk about it and they didn't need to think about it. All they needed was to lay with each other, basking in the brief moment given to them. All they needed, was each other.

~~ "If I could hold on through the tears and the laughter. Would it be beautiful, or just a beautiful disaster?" ~~

NB: I guess that's it! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it. I do wanna write a sequel to it because Reid/Emily makes my heart smile. Again Reviews are much appreciated. :)