Present
I've been staring at the bedside clock for what seems like hours. I hate how it keeps ticking and never stops. Why can't it just stay still for a moment? I sigh and it causes the body lying on top of me to stir. I stare down at her and smile. Her head is lying on my abdomen, her wavy brunette locks sprawled all over my body. I carefully lift my hand and begin stroking her long crazy waves. I marvel at how perfect they are. How perfect she is.
I smile as she lifts her head up slowly. Her brown eyes open and she stares at me groggily, a smile playing at her lips. She bends down and places small kisses up my belly, along the valley of my breasts, at the hollow of my throat before she reaches my lips. We kiss leisurely, both of us enjoying every second of it. She must have caught a glimpse of the clock because she quickly breaks the kiss and stares wide eyed at it. Time is a bitch. "Shit, we're going to be late." She mumbles to herself.
I run my hands up the sides of her naked torso and cup her bare breast. I really didn't want to go to school today. "Let's just stay here," I whisper, moving up to take her lips again. She hesitates at first but then kisses me back. I lace my fingers in her hair and deepen the kiss. To my surprise, she kisses me back with the same fire. All of my fears, emotions, and devotion to her are poured into that kiss. I love her so much and I'm sure she sees it in my eyes when she pulls back and gazes down at me. Her face holds nothing less of apology.
"I would love to just stay here with you Spencer," She blushes, "and re do everything we did last night," I can hear the but already and it's very disappointing. "But I have two tests to take today and then we're doing a lab in chem." She chews on her bottom lip before exhaling a long breath. "I just can't."
I wasn't kidding when I called her perfect. Unlike her twin sister Jamie, Ashley was a perfectionist. She had perfect looks, perfect grades, perfect boyfriend - I stop here because I'm too discouraged to continue ranting in my mind. My head falls back against the pillows and I throw an arm over my eyes. School starts an a half hour. We're going back to our normal lives. Back to our normal boyfriends, who our mothers just love to coo over. The thought of seeing Ashley with her boyfriend, Aiden, makes me sick and sad. They could careless about our school's policy on PDA.
As for my boyfriend, I hate when he puts his hands and mouth on me. It's so time for a break up, especially after what Ashley and I experienced last night. "Hey, are you okay?" She asks softly.
I remove my arm and gaze into her eyes. She told me last night, before we did anything, that she was done with Aiden. That she loved me more than him, that they were going to be over today. I look into her eyes, her dark brown eyes, and I don't see that happening. Would she lie to me? Maybe. Breaking up with the school's star quarter back is not something a perfectionist would do. Plus, her Dad, Raife, Yes the Raife Davies, famous rock star, loves him, and she loves her dad more than anyone on this planet. "I don't think so." I answer honestly. I'm scared to death of what's going to happen today, in the real world.
Ashley must see the fear on my face because she bends down and kisses me passionately. I assume it's a kiss of reassurance; her way of saying everything will be okay between us. That there will still be an us after she leaves my room. And when she pulls away, I see the fear on her face too. She's scared. "I love you, Spencer." She says fiercely. "We're going to be fine, okay?"
I'm not so sure about that. A huge part of me wants to believe that too, but I can't. I can't just lie and say everything is going to be fine when I know it won't. "Okay." I agree with her and place a lingering kiss on her lips.
She kisses me again and then reluctantly gets out of bed. I watch as she picks up her scattered clothes and silently puts them on. I sit up and wrap my arms around my legs. She looks at me and smiles, I smile back. We're both so scared but we're smiling at each other, flashing each other false reassurances that everything will be okay.
I know better.
She closes the door and I soon hear her car start. I close my eyes and try hard not to cry. Last night, I gave Ashley a part of myself I vowed to never give just anyone. I wanted it to be someone special, someone I loved, someone who loved me, and I hope I made the right decision by choosing her. I hope I don't end up regretting giving Ashley that special part of me.
My virginity.
Past
The drive inn was packed. That didn't surprise me. It was one of the only places in town to hang out at. There's not much to do in shitsville Ohio. I roll my eyes as my date, Eddie, laughs obnoxiously loud beside me. A part of me is thankful he's so focused on the horror movie and not my body. I cringe at the thought of being felt up and suffocated by his tongue. Honestly, I've gone out with so many guys, with just about every childhood guy friend I grew up with, and none of them can do anything right. Well, not that I know what 'right' is. But I'm pretty sure what they are doing is wrong. Or maybe I'm just weird. "Want some more Pop corn, Lolly Pop?"
I turn my head and raise an eyebrow at him. "No, I'm fine. Thanks though." I look back at the big screen and sigh. I just can't get into the movie. All I really want is to do is go home. I didn't even want to come here in the first place. My best friend, Jamie, begged me to double date with her because she didn't want to be alone with her boyfriend. So here I am. My only question is, where is she? I look down at my watch and frown. She's been gone for almost 20 minutes. I assume when she said Buddy, her date, and her where going to get some Pop; she really meant, we're going to make out in the woods. Which isn't uncommon around here. The drive inn is surrounded by a large forest that kids often go out and make out in. Feeling a hand on my thigh, I look over at Eddie and he has that look in his eyes. I'm very familiar with that look. It's the look of desire. The look I dread. He leans over and kisses me. His aim is bad and it starts off on my chin. But then he moves up and shoves his tongue into my mouth. I close my eyes and kiss him back, trying to keep from barfing. I don't understand why all of my friends like this. I feel the hand on my thigh start to move up and his groping at my breast. He moans while I cry out in pain.
"What's wrong?" He asks pulling back.
Does he not know how sensitive breasts are! "You were just a little too rough." I answer through clenched teeth.
That loser better not have bruised me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the movie has ended. I barely refrain from screaming 'yes'.
"Look, my parents want me home soon." I say in mock apology. "Maybe we can continue this some other time…" When pigs fly.
He doesn't look too happy. Now, Eddie isn't a bad looking guy. He is very clean, has blonde hair, no facial hair, blue eyes, the only problem is his arrogance. His Dad owns a Chevy dealership and the kid was raised a spoiled brat. Telling him no isn't an option. Well that's not true. He just doesn't take no very well. So I wasn't surprised when he reached out for my chest again. "Eddie, I said I have to go home." I was serious as I angrily pushed his insistent hand away.
He growled, I think, in frustration. He had this mean look in his eyes and it scared me. "Come on Lolly Pop, I just want to have some fun." I watched in horror as he reached for his jean button. "Mark said you put out for him, so I want you to give me a little action too."Despite my fearful state, I still managed an eye roll. Mark was my ex of 3 months. I didn't put out for him, I'm still a virgin. I only let guys feel me up, which is still bad I guess, but all of my friends insist I must do that to be a good girlfriend. "Well Mark lied, now take me home." I demanded. Now I was just mad.
His hand was still on the crouch of his pants and he wore this stupid smile. "So let me have your cherry." He purred practically pouncing on me.
After struggling against 178 pounds of pure muscle for about a minute, I kicked him hard in his crouch and pushed him off me. My breathing was hard and my vision blurry as tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly opened the door and ran as fast as I could to get away from that stupid car. That stupid boy.
I stop to catch my breath and my legs are on fire. I put my hands on my knees and try my hardest to control my crying but I just can't seem to stop the tears.
"Hey, are you okay?"
I immediately straighten up at hearing Jamie's voice. I turn to her and run into her arms. I feel her stiffen and then gradually relax; rubbing my back soothingly and then wrapping her warm arms around me. I start crying in her arms and feel her warm breath caress my ear as she speaks softly to me. I feel so safe in her embrace, which is strange. We've been best friends for over a year and I've never felt this connected to her before. It just felt so right being in her arms. I tighten my hold on her and bury my face into her neck. She continues whispering into my ear until my tears stop. We stand just holding each other after that.
"Wanna sit down for a little bit?" She whispered to me.
I just merely nod against her. I didn't ever let go of her as she walked us over to the chain link fence and sat us down. Our backs against the cold metal. I still held on to her and she did the same to me. We sat silently and I closed my eyes. The pictures came back to me. Eddie with his hand on his pants, his words floating through my mind, I didn't even realize I was crying again until I felt Jamie's kisses on my hair and face, her soft words of reassurance and safety. She told me everything was going to be okay, and I believed her. I looked up into her face and met her eyes. They shined in the moonlight and I was mesmerized by them. She gazed so lovingly down at me that It took my breath away. And then she blinked, and I they changed. It seemed as though she was fighting something. Having some sort of internal struggle. I watched in confusion as she lightly shook her head and gently removed her arms from my body and my arms from hers. "We should find my sister." She said coolly, standing up.
I thought she was joking but there was no ditzy smile on her face. Jamie wasn't all that bright. She was carless, fun, and boy crazy. It was like her to say something stupid, like she had a sister, and then burst out laughing. But this time.. she looked serious. "Jamie what are you talking about?" I asked slowly, also standing up.
I see her blush a little and then look away. "I'm not Jamie." She looked back at me shyly. I was more amused than anything else. "Um, I'm Ashley," Where is she going with this? "Her twin." Ahhh, well that makes sense.
Jamie never blushes or acts so shy.
Present
My house is walking distance away from the school, so I don't have to worry about my bus, which I missed. My real problem is my nerves. I feel nauseous and scared. My throat is dry and I can't stop playing with my hair. I reach the school and greet everyone I come across. I'm not bragging when I say I'm popular. There are two types of popular people. First is the one everyone knows/hates/and fears. And then there's the second type who everyone knows/loves/ and constantly socializes with. I'm the second type.
I reach the picnic table filled with all my friends. I greet Jamie with a hug and everyone else with a wave. We start discussing recent school gossip that includes break ups, make ups, and hook ups. I laugh when Jamie tells me about her ex sleeping with the school's biggest slut. He's no longer part of our 'crowd'. Which sounds stupid, I know, but that's life.
The bell rings and I head for first hour. I still haven't seen Ashley around and that worries me. I hope she isn't ignoring me, that would suck, and be pretty pointless. We have the same lunch hour, I'll just end up seeing her there. I shake Ashley out of my head and enter the class room.
School goes by fast when you're learning about the type writer. I don't see why we need to learn how to use one of those things. I'm perfectly happy with a pencil and paper. I meet everyone at our picnic table with a tray of food. My boyfriend, Dean, comes up and hugs me. I hug him back and pull away. I start eating and talking with everyone else. I was talking, when I saw her, and stopped mid sentence when I noticed him. Aiden.
Whatever I was saying was long forgotten as I stared at them. They sat on a bench, holding hands and kissing while I stood glaring at them. The voices around me began to fade and all I could hear and see was Aiden and Ashley. He said something that made her throw her head back and laugh. She recovered quickly and kissed him soundly on the lips. I felt my heart rip in my chest, a little voice inside my head screaming 'I told you so' taunted me as I continued to watch. Ashley must have felt my eyes on her because she stopped smiling and turned her head. Our eyes locked and she must have seen the hatred in my eyes because she tensed up and opened and closed her mouth several times, trying, but not succeeding, to get the words 'I'm sorry' out.
I didn't want to see it so I turned away and excused myself from the group. Jamie asked 'what's up?' and I told her I just wanted to be alone. I stalked off and didn't stop walking until I ran into the girls bathroom. I went in and collapsed against the tile wall, feeling sorry for myself.
I couldn't help but beat myself up. It obvious I wasn't perfect enough for Ashley. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest not to cry. I hated the fact that I was going to cry over her. I felt betrayed, dejected, and of course stupid. Stupid enough to think that Ashley would want me.
A stupid small town girl who gave up her precious gift to a bitch.
Past
Well Ashley wasn't lying about being Jamie's twin. They looked exactly alike. Except Ashley's hair was a bit more wild and wavy. She never questioned me about what happened at the drive inn, which I am highly grateful for. I just want to forget what happened between Eddie and me. But I often dream about what happened between Ashley and I. Which is kind of weird. As days went on I got to know Ashley a little better. Ashley and Jamie's parents divorced when they were five. Ashley stayed with her Dad in California while Jamie left with her Mom. Their Dad was, and still is, a famous rock star who traveled a lot. But Ashley never went on tour with him. She had to stay either with relatives or nannies because of her schooling. He was just leaving for Japan when he decided to send Ashley to her mom. I have no idea how long she is staying but so far she seems really cool.
Lately, we've been spending a lot of time with each other. I enjoy her company and I think she enjoys mine too. Her reputation at school is quickly growing too. She's even dating Aiden, the school's quarter back. All of the teachers love her. Mainly because her grades are perfect and she's nothing like Jamie, who is barely passing any of her classes. She also fits in well in our little social circle. But she stills acts shy. Whenever the gang gets together, she mainly stays near me. I think it's because she's more comfortable around me than with anyone else, even Jamie. That makes me smile and feel really good. She trusts me and I trust her.
I'm happy walking out of 7th hour because it's Friday. I haven't decided how I'm going to spend my weekend yet, but I have a feeling it's going to be great. I say goodbye to everyone I pass in the hall. The people at my school are so amazing. I love them.
I decide to skip out on riding the bus. It's very nice outside. I whistle as I walk on the side walk, waving to the people sitting on their porches. They wave back and I just smile. I continue walking and my thoughts drift back to school. Ashley wasn't there today and Jamie had no idea why. That made me wonder. They never ride together to school but I assumed Jamie, Ashley's sister, would know why she didn't show up. I shrug and assume Ashley had car trouble. I laugh. "Yeah right." Jamie and Ashley have their own cars. They are brand spakin new too. Jamie has a pink 1955 pink Chevy while Ashley has a red one. They were birthday gifts from their Dad. "Lucky gooses." I mumble.
"Are you talking to yourself again, Blondie?" I grin widely and turn my head. Ashley is sitting in her Chevy. The top is down and her radio is playing softy. She takes off her sunglasses and pats the seat next to her. "Get in and I'll give ya someone to talk to." She teases with a bit of hopefulness on her face.
I throw my bag in the back and notice a brown basket. That peaks my interest but I don't say anything as I hop in next to her, laughing. "Oh wow, you are from the city." I tease as she starts driving again.
She glances over at me. "Oh yeah? What makes you say that?" I pick up her sunglasses and throw them out the car. "Spencer!" She yells, clearly shocked and slightly outraged. I just grin. "Do you know how much my Dad paid for those?" She doesn't wait for me to answer. "He would kill you- I should kill you for doing that."
I laugh softly and rest my head on her shoulder. "You city people and you're stupid glasses." I close my eyes. "You're the only person I know who actually owns a pair." She chuckles.
I look at her face and she's blushing. I rest my chin on her shoulder and playfully nuzzle against her skin. It's warm and lavender scented. "You smell good." I murmur, loving the feel of her soft skin against mine. I pull away and sit up straight. That gets addicting and after awhile I find myself wanting to feel more of her. I close my eyes and let my head fall back, enjoying the wind in my face and hair.
"Are you okay, Spencer?" She asks softly.
I open my eyes and look at her. "I'm great." I smile at her but I think she still senses something wrong because her facial expression stays neutral. I lean forward and kiss her briefly on the cheek. "I promise I'm fine." I say softly near her ear.
She's blushing again and I have this strong urge to kiss her again. I move away from her and notice she's only driving with one hand. When did she start doing that? The first time I got in this car with Ashley, she got a ticket for driving too slow. She was careful about everything. "When did you start driving with one hand, Dare Devil?"
She chuckles. "I don't know." She shrugs. "It just sort of happened."
"I see." I notice her hand doing nothing. It's just resting on the seat. "So what is this hand going to do while that one is driving?" I ask playfully.
Ashley swallows hard. I know then and there that she's nervous. I watch as her hand approaches mine and then takes it, intertwining our fingers. She's blushing so hard and I can feel her hand tremble slightly. I ease her nerves by resting my head on her shoulder again. "Well at least it's no longer a bum."
Ashley lets out a long sigh of relief and we continue driving, our hands staying intertwined all the way to the small valley we found a couple of weeks ago. Ashley parks the car and coolly removes her hand from mine. I miss the contact. "So what are we doing here?" I ask while getting out. Ashley leans over and grabs the brown basket. It's a picnic basket. "I hope you're hungry." She says holding the basket. "I packed a lot." She added sheepishly. And boy was she right.
I have no idea who gave Ashley the impression that I eat so much. Whoever it was, was wrong. We didn't even get through half of the food Ashley packed. It was all very good, prepared by her chef, but he just gave her way too much.
I lied back on the blanket and crossed my hands behind my head. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sun on my face. Everything felt great, perfect. I could stay here forever with Ashley. I open my eyes and meet her gaze. She's staring so intently into my eyes that it's making me feel warm and tingly. Her brown orbs are darker and they have that look in them, the one I often see in my dates. They're fogged over with desire.
She snaps out of whatever daze she was in and blushes, looking down. I pick up a strawberry and throw it at her. It hits her shoulder and she looks up, smiling. I smile back and she picks it up and throws it back at me. I laugh because her aim is so off. I pick up some more food and start throwing them at her. She also picks up food and it's war. The food fight was fun until she had me on my back, straddling my waist; she poured a whole jar of grape jelly all over my shirt and pants. I surprised her by rolling her off me and placing my body right on top of hers. We're still laughing as I start rubbing my body against hers, smearing some of the jelly onto her clothes. I feel her shift and her leg presses between my legs. I sigh but don't stop. I have no idea what is happening but it feels so good. I think Ashley think so too because she moving against my thigh, her breathing quickening along with mine. I start to feel all warm inside and I want more. The thought scares me and I try to move away but Ashley holds me tighter against her. I pull my head back and stare down into her face. We're still moving, a little more urgent against each other. She's gorgeous. Lips parted, face flushed, eyes narrowed and filled with desire. My eyes fall back to her lips and I just want to kiss them, taste them. I slowly lean forward and close my eyes, but then I feel her movements stop and she urges me off her. I move aside and watch as she stands on shaky legs. "I have have to get home." She says shakily.
I run a hand through my hair and fight hard to control my breathing. There is a strong pounding between my legs and it's making it hard for me to think. I stand up and help Ashley pack everything in her car. She drops me off and doesn't say much. She just leaves.