Hello wonderful readers! I introduce this comedy about Snape and how an average day becomes something new. Enjoy!
Disclosure: Not even going to go there.
He awoke to a blast of sunlight, streaming into his dark eyes. It seemed as if some greater power was keen on making a miserable start to his Monday. Not that Mondays weren't awful already. Teaching a bunch of incompetent, sniveling, brats would test anyone patience. It wasn't as if he didn't like his job. Actually, it was exactly that. He was better suited for other things, but he was doomed to potions. Brewing wolvesbane for an ungrateful werewolf, making antidotes; he both loved and loathed the schools dependence on him. There was also that ungrateful Potter. 5 years of teaching him and seeing the same arrogance of his father. He could almost pretend it was James, if not for the eyes he tried so hard not to look at. Such was the life of Severus Snape.
He shook his head, to clear his thoughts. Severus climbed out of his bed, making his way out of his spacious room (one could assume he may have tweaked the size with magic, but that couldn't be proven, now could it?). He only paused briefly, to look fondly at a moving picture of a red haired little girl, with her arm around a pale little boy. Her green eyes were filled with laughter and the boy's black eyes held love. This was Snape's most prized picture of her. Their last day of Summer, before first year. He spared a last glance, before climbing into the shower. Severus followed his normal shower pattern, making sure to give extra care to his hair. He got out, muttering a drying spell. He eyed his hair, in the mirror. It hung in the same greasy, lifeless mess, per usual. With a small sigh, Severus picked up his shampoo bottle. It was running a little low. He waved his wand, instantly refilling the contents inside. It was a trick he picked up in the first year. Not like his dear parents were keen on supplying him with the necessary goods for school. Once discovered, the refilling habit never left him. The money was best used else were. It wasn't worth thinking about anymore. There was a lovely plate of eggs waiting for him.
"Now who can tell me the uses for the swelling solution?" Severus said, looking around the classroom, in a bored manner. Once again, Hermione Granger's hand was the first and only in the air. He had to give her credit, she never stopped trying. No matter the abuse he put her through, she was right back, eager to learn. It was rather admirable, though he would never say it. Severus made a big show of looking around the entire room, before sighing. "Very well, Miss Granger.
"The swelling solution, works similar to an Engorgment charm. However, a swelling solution has the advantage of being far more accurate. It will only make the object swell that it is placed on. This makes it ideal to use for tumors that are too small or oddly shaped too operate on." Hermione said, briskly.
"I believe, Miss Granger, I only asked for the uses. 1 point from Gryffindor, for taking up everyone's time." Severus said, coolly. He felt rather bad, but he did have an image to keep up. Hermione's face pinked and her eyes dropped down to her book. Potter and Weasley shot daggers at him. They were a tight group of friends. Times like these, he was reminded of the fierce loyalty the Marauders held for eachother. He always admired and envied that about them. Though, he would rather be fed poison than admit that. "What are you waiting for? Instructions are on the board!" He thought class was going unusually smooth. That is until Hermione's bushy hair got too close to Draco's cauldron. With a small yelp, a strand caught fire and in her panic, the potion spilled all over her hair. Lucky for her, but unlucky for Draco, the potion was a dud. The only problem it seemed to pose, would be a mess and a long scrubbing. Draco was fuming, at least the anger added some color to his pale cheeks. This was not going to end well.
"Do you see what you did, you flithy mudblood?! Wait until my father hears about this!" Draco whinned. Potter and Weasley both raised their wands, but there was no need."You will not say that derogatory word in my presence, 20 points from Slytherin. Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley, please escort Miss Granger to the lavatory." Severus said, sharply. Only few things bothered Severus and Draco had hit the mark. Potter, Weasley, and Hermione made their way out of the classroom, much to the dislike of the Slytherins. In fact, the Slytherins seemed to be in a state of shock. If Severus recalled, this was the first time he had taken points from the Slytherin house. Dear him, it seemed as if things were going rather badly. He could have gotten an O in Divination, if guessing the obvious was still considered being clairvoyant. For the rest of the hour, the Slytherins sulked and the golden trio did not return. At least it was quiet.
Severus had been looking forward to dinner all day. He really needed a glass of ice cold pumpkin juice and a slice of shepherds pie. Unfortunately, one of the Weasley twins (he couldn't tell which), was currently trying to reach the back of Miss Johnson's throat with his tongue, right in front of the Professor's dinning table. This was a most unusual game played between couples. As Severus could gather, the male student would usually be the one to initiate it. Then, the female student would pretend to not want to, while she giggled at her friends. This was usually done in an empty classroom. It was most unfortunate that the Weasley boy lacked common sense.
"Mr. Weasley and Miss Johnson, I do hear the mac and cheese tonight is supposed to be divine." Dumbledore said, pretending not to look. The pair broke apart. Severus felt slightly disappointed, he very much wanted to take off points. Displays of public affection were most irksome. "Ah, young love. The most wonderful kind of magic. Wouldn't you agree, Severus?"
"Let's agree, to disagree headmaster." Severus said, stiffly. He walked to his place at the table. Unlucky for him, Dumbledore directed Severus to the spot next to him.
"So, Severus. You seem rather unhappy." Dumbledore said, fixing his electric blue eyes on Severus's dark ones. Instead of answering, he helped himself to some food.
"Have you thought of dating?" Severus nearly choked on his pumpkin juice.
"What?!" Severus sputtered.
"Oh nothing, I was just making conversation." Dumbledore said, pleasantly.
"If I do recall, you are lacking a Mrs. Dumbledore." Severus said, tonelessly.
"Oh, that would be a rather awkward situation." Dumbledore laughed. Severus couldn't fathom why, he felt as if he were missing something.
"Besides, you know why I won't date." Severus hissed. He was displeased that the conversation led to this. The only women he would ever love was dead.
"I know, but you still deserve happiness." Dumbledore said, wisely.
Severus looked around, in a sweet smelling shop. Perhaps if he looked better, he would feel better about himself. At least, this was the conclusion he came to the night before. More like a way to get Dumbledore off his back. Maybe some new shampoo was needed. Severus grabbed the least offending looking bottle and tossed a few Sickles on the counter. He walked through the semi-dark streets of Hogsmeade. The sun was rising rapidly. Severus knew he would not make it to breakfast. Soon, he was back in his own room. He quickly ate a muffin, left by a house elf, and climbed into the shower. He lathered in the new shampoo and tried to resist rolling his eyes. It was scented, how revolting. After his completion of his normal routine. He dressed quickly, leaving no time to check the mirror. Severus rushed into his classroom. His whole class was silent. He was used to silence, but for some odd reason this was different. It felt more like shock, than fear.
"Professor Snape?" Lavender asked, in the back of the classroom.
"Miss Brown, 5 points from Gryffindor for not waiting until you were called." Severus snapped.
"Oh it's him, alright." Ron chuckled, while still managing to looked baffled.
"Even more handsome than Lockhart." Another classmate giggled.
"What are you fools going on about?" Severus said, huffily. Hermione raised her hand, Severus gave a small jerk of his head to show he saw.
"Er Professor," Hermione said timidly, "We were all wondering if you were uh feeling different today. Not a bad different, of course. Just a relative difference. " She was not meeting his eye. What was up with these hormone driven monkeys? The class almost looked attracted to him, which would be out of the question. Or he really hoped it was.
"Speak plainly, girl." Severus said. Hermione blushed. What on earth was with her?
"Sir, please look in a mirror." Hermione said firmly. Severus raised his eyebrow. Well, it wouldn't hurt. He was rather curious to see what the fuss was about.
"Instructions are on the board, get to work." Severus barked. He walked briskly to his office. The class seemed to eagerly listen, how unusual. Severus turned and looked in his mirror. If he was drinking anything, he would have spat it out (if Severus was less of a civilized human, that is). He could barely tell it was him. His hair was gorgeous, shiny, and the kind of messy James Potter spent hours achieving. His skin was clear and his eyes seemed to sparkle. What in the hell. All he did was change his shampoo. He made his way back to his classroom, looking uncomfortable.
"Professor, we have finished our potions." Patil said, earnestly.
"You can test them, if you want." Dean added, breathlessly. It felt like Severus had landed in another universe. He didn't know how he was going to handle this.
Severus had been gathering looks all day. He was definitely not used to all of this attention.
"Why Severus," a seductive voice whispered in his ear, "You look ravishing.
"Why Minerva, are you accompanying me to dinner?" Severus said, stiffly. This was starting to test his nerves.
"Of course, Severus." Minerva said. She was walking annoyingly close. Soon, a group of loud teachers accompanied him. He sat down, next to the headmaster's chair.
"Severus, you seem to have taken my advice." Dumbledore said, cheerfully. Severus grunted in reply. "I could show you a more personal definition of happiness. In this case, I will remember to turn off the light, though." Severus was mortified. Oh dear Merlin, was Dumbledore flirting with him?
"I'm heading to bed." Severus said, quickly. He fled from the Great Hall. He was never going to use that new shampoo again. It must have been a potion that induces attractiveness. He flopped down on his bed. He never suspected the Marauders had filled his old shampoo bottle with grease so many years ago.
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