AN:...I regret nothing! I just ship it too much! White haired Kaneki x Dark haired Kaneki, is just too much feels for me to ignore! And after Hide's death...T-T I just...anywhooo, this is my first non-oc fanfic! Pat me on the head! :D This is really just a drabble I was thinking about. The magna just made me wonder, what the HELL was Dark haired Kaneki doing in his weird little mindscape while White haired Kaneki was out ass-kicking!?
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul! Or it's characters!
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For a very long time Kaneki sat still, trying to ignore the scent of blood and the sounds of gore in the far right corner.
Rize was relentless with her feeding, and whenever she finished a meal, another body seemed to pop up to keep her distracted. It made him gag when she ripped apart tendons, cracked open skulls, and drank the blood from hastily removed limbs. He didn't look to see what she was doing, but he could hear it very well.
The white room that they were in wasn't exactly small, but it did force Kaneki to be closer to Rize than he was comfortable with. Even in the far left corner, he still occasionally got splattered by blood. She had ruined many of Kaneki's books with stray blood splatters (Which was easily fixed, but very annoying) to the point that he turned his back to her just to keep them clean while he was reading.
He really should have known better than to turn his back on her.
Rize was quick to try and clamp her teeth on his shoulder, luckily Kaneki, in a burst of panic, had extended his kagune and skewered her. He removed the tentacles immediately and began frantically apologizing, but Rize just laughed, blood spilling from her lips and stomach, and returned to her corner to continue eating.
Kaneki kept a very close eye on Rize after that.
They didn't talk, they never did. Rize always had her mouth stuffed, and Kaneki could never think of anything to say to her.
'Why did you try to eat me?' seemed like a stupid question.
After arriving here in this mindscape, because that's what this place was, he began to wonder if he would ever be able to leave. Kaneki could sometimes see what was going on in the outside world from his split personalities point of view in little snippets, and saw that his white haired counterpart never took a moments rest.
Always fighting, always protecting, always doing his absolute best.
Kaneki admired him. It might have seemed strange at first, to admire his own self, but Kaneki adjusted to the fact that his white haired counterpart was not him. The white haired ghoul was strong, fearless. He didn't shy away from a fight, and he was always working hard.
Kaneki worked hard too, while he was still in his control of his body, but his mindset had always held him back. This new him was not only protecting everyone around him, he was also protecting himself. Something Kaneki could never do.
It's funny, that Rize was the one to help him achieve this strength.
Kaneki was safe inside of his own mind, (As safe as one can be with Rize) but he still sometimes felt the desire to once again be in control of his own body.
That posed a problem though. If Kaneki were to gain control of his body, what would he do? Would he attempt to pick up where the white haired Kaneki left off?
But what about the point of the split personality in the first place? Kaneki was the weak one, the one who couldn't control anything, the one who flinched at the prospect of death.
If he wanted to keep those around him safe, he would have to endure the company of a ravenous Rize for a bit longer than he would like to.
This was the plan.
Until slowly but surely, the white haired Kaneki started to go insane from all the ghoul cannibalism. Kaneki wanted to intervene whenever his counterpart began to lose himself in the bloodlust. He wanted to pull him back from the fight, sit down next to him, and give him cups of coffee until he calmed down.
Kaneki found himself feeling somewhat responsible for his white him. And he could tell that his counterpart wasn't happy. He had friends that tried to cheer him up after the 10 days of torture done to him, and he appreciated it, but he still wasn't happy.
It kind of felt like Kaneki had placed all of his burdens on someone else's shoulders again.
The white haired Kaneki was going insane with the amount of pressure being put on him. From the glimpses that Kaneki got, he could see that his counterpart trained obsessively. More than Kaneki ever did in his lifetime.
Kaneki lifted up his shirt and slid his hand down the soft flat surface of his chest and stomach.
The skin there was not as pale as the White haired Kaneki's, and it was quite obvious how frail Kaneki was in ghoul standards, never mind that he had exceptional healing abilities. The white haired Kaneki was so strong...and fierce...and….oh.
Kaneki flinched slightly when his hand slid down a little lower down his abdomen.
He hadn't done that in a long time. Ever since he was trapped inside the mindscape with Rize.
Kaneki sighed and steered his thoughts away from that direction. The white haired Kaneki. That's what he was worried about right now. Not the fact that Kaneki was slowly becoming touch starved.
...Maybe Rize wouldn't notice?
Kaneki took a deep breath and fought back his blush. He would have to be quiet. Really really quiet. he would absolutely die from embarrassment if he were caught. Even if Rize was a figment of his imagination.
Kaneki slowly shifted behind his mountain of books to shield himself from her view. His blush came back full-force when his hand returned to the band of his pants and dipped in. Fingers probed at the soft burning flesh between his legs. Kaneki rubbed his thighs together to repress his squirming.
If he moved around too much, he would knock over the unstable wall of books. His breath came out in small pleasured huffs as he slowly moved his hand. 'Quiet!'he berated himself, his other hand reaching up to cover his mouth.
A squeak made its way past his fingers though, and Kaneki was ashamed at how girly that sounded. Sure, he had made much less manly noises during training before, but Kaneki was pretty sure that men were supposed to have manly grunts or something when they took care of the problem, not girlish squeaks.
Kaneki's legs shook as continued to pump himself. Yes, Kaneki was girly. Really girly, wasn't he? The thought made Kaneki's insides clench with arousal.
That was strange, wasn't it? Kaneki shouldn't find that arousing, should he?
But he couldn't help himself from thinking about how embarrassing it would be to be treated like a girl. For his strong counterpart to cage his entire body, to hold him down, making him feel embarrassed on purpose. It unexpectedly made Kaneki's mouth water.
He rolled his hips up leisurely into his palm while his eyes drooped into half-mast.
The white haired Kaneki.
Should he feel bad for thinking about him while doing this? It was just that Kaneki thought that he would feel exceptionally guilty if he thought about anyone else.It would be okay if he thought about himself, rather than a stranger that he randomly remembered to be pretty, right? It would be like he was taking advantage of them, in some weird way.
It didn't matter if it was himself though.
"Hn, so perverted, Kaneki-kun~" a somewhat familiar voice teased him from across the room.
Kaneki gave a sharp yelp and almost instantly yanked his hand out of his pants. His entire neck and face blushed a bright red to showcase his pure, unadulterated shame.
Oh god, he needed out of this place! Or at least a separate room!
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