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Fire Whiskey

You've been crying a lot lately. You hardly even know why anymore, but every night you feel the tears falling down your cheeks showing how messed up you really are. You still love her. You still need her by her side and she's all you think about, all you can think about.

You were children when you were together, young and naïve. You had this ignorant belief about what love and life should be like and you lived by it for so long, in so many ways you still do. But you were just children, just kids playing with each others hearts telling each other you love each other because you feel this happiness when around each other that you felt with know one else. You were just children, only sixteen years old, and you thought it would last forever. In a way, you still believe that.

You take a sip of your fire whiskey from the bottle; you don't even care about using a cup anymore. Cups are so restricting, so proper, and for some reason they remind you of her more than anything. They remind you of her manners and dignity. They remind you of a love that never truly went away. Sometimes you believe that your life up until this point has been a dream and you half expect her to come bounding through the door laughing and smiling. You half expect her to walk right up to you and kiss you saying how much she loves you.

She once ran her hands through your hair and said she loved you that she'd always love you. She once said you were all she needs to be happy. That she loves you and no matter what everyone else says you and she were meant to be, she used to love saying that. You take another sip of the fire whiskey and as you feel it burn the insides of your throat you run your fingers through your hair. It isn't the same though, nothings the same anymore.

She was your haven, your only one true love. When you were sixteen you fell in love with her, so passionately, blindly in love with her. She blinded you, her green eyes entranced you. You were just a child when you were with her, you think, just a naïve child who knew nothing about life and nothing about love. But then you still love her some ten years later. You still smell her flowery, baby powder scent, you still ache to touch her soft red waves, and you still pine for her nightly crying because she stopped loving you, because she loved him.

You shake you head still wallowing in your own self pity. You don't understand why it still pains you after so long. If it really was just a childhood love, why does it feel as if you're dying every time you wake up and realize she isn't at your side? If it was just a childhood, puppy love type of thing, then why do you still dream of the wedding that should have been yours, the life with her you once ached to share? Why do you still love her after so long when all it does is bring you pain?

You don't hate her for leaving you though and you don't hate him either. They loved each other, you think, they were the perfect match. You remember the bittersweet feeling you got at their wedding, you were happy, sad, heartbroken all at the same time. She noticed it, she was the only one that noticed it, and when you danced with her you held her close pretending that this was your wedding, your wife.

It was just a childhood romance, you tell yourself, you should have been over it by now. You're only twenty-six, you should be out there at bars picking up girls and hanging out with the guys. You suddenly feel cold as you think that, there are no guys left, all your friends are gone. But it isn't hard for you to forget about the last four years, when your life changed forever. Just like it isn't hard for you to forget that she no longer loves you. You drown yourself in your fire whiskey and your work forgetting that she loves him, forgetting that they're gone. You close your eyes and see her face and bright green eyes glistening at you. You smile remembering her and how much you loved her, still love her. She's dead now, you think, her life ripped out of her, but then in so many ways, you are too.

End (Remus and Lily)

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