The following piece of fiction is connected with Mina's "About Turn" (between chapters 5 and 6), so I advise you read it first (you should, anyway - it's brilliant).
DREAMS
Leave me alone!!!...
Leia woke up to the echo of her scream. Still dizzy for a moment, she realised she was sitting on a bunk in the Millennium Falcon's cabin, in the dim light of a night lamp. No stone walls around her. No snow storming against a window.
No terrible presence reaching out for her.
She shuddered and pulled up the blanket, her teeth chattering. It was a dream, only a dream. Calm down. She took a few deep if still shaky breaths. Only a dream.
Leia was used to having nightmares, at least had been for the last three years. But they were always the same: blue-green planet of Alderaan exploding to pieces in front of her. Sometimes the dark cell and the buzz of an interrogation droid approaching. But never like that... like what? She tried to remember, but the memory of the dream seemed to dissolve as she thought about it. There was a building, for sure. One she had never been in before; she was sure of that, too. And - she once again shivered at this thought - the horror, the feeling of pure terror, disgust and confusion all mixed in one. And loneliness, such loneliness she had never experienced before. The feeling of being betrayed by everybody, of being totally helpless, like a small animal in the claws of a predator. Even the fading memory of it almost made her cry. She had suffered terrible losses; she knew what grief and fear was... or she had thought she knew, until now. The feelings from these dreams - so intense, so real and yet somehow not her own. She tried hard to remember what was going on in the dream, but couldn't. There was someone - something? - horrific, and she was in... she was in... was it really her?
Stupid thought. Why should she dream about someone else? And was it possible, anyway? Why even wonder about it? It was only a dream, after all.
But it seemed so damn real. If she were Luke, she would probably presume she had some sort of a Jedi vision... or whatever they called it.
The very thought of Luke made her heart jump. That was it! The elusive feeling she couldn't even name, that was the same sort of strange bond between them she experienced when, during their escape from the Cloud City, she thought she heard him call her name and then suddenly, somehow knew where he was. Only this time there was no cry for help and no sense of direction, just a general feeling Luke was somewhere out there, suffering.
Leia blinked back the tears. Foolish delusions. Luke was dead, she had seen his shuttle explode and burn to ashes. There was no bond, because there was no more best friend to be bound with. Luke was dead.
She heard footsteps outside and Lando knocked on the door.
"Your Highness?... Leia? Is everything all right?"
"Yes, come in", she answered hoarsely. The door slid aside and Lando appeared in the doorframe, dressed in old trousers and shirt crumpled from sleep, but wearing it with such a regal grace as the blue Bespin cloak.
"I thought I heard you scream."
"It was just a nightmare, Lando." Leia closed her eyes for a second, then opened them, staring blankly in front of her. "Just a nightmare."
***
Luke was climbing one of the giant Tatooine dunes, his feet slipping in the hot yellow sand. He finally reached the top and looked around him, but the horizon was blurred and distorted and he couldn't see clearly more than a few meters around him. It was like looking through a piece of broken bottle.
"Luke?..." he heard a familiar voice and turned abruptly, expecting to see Ben Kenobi behind him. But there was no one, only a shadow of a silhouette just at the edge of his field of vision. He could see it with the corner of his eye, but when he turned his head towards it, it disappeared.
"Ben? Ben, where are you?"
"Luke, listen to me. Don't give in to your fear. It is a hard battle you are fighting, but you can win it. You have the strength."
"Ben, where are you?!"
Again the swirl of a brown cloak almost in eyeshot. Luke tried to run towards it, but his feet stuck in the sand. He reached out a hand, but could catch nothing.
"Don't give in to your anger. Palpatine will try to use it to manipulate you. Remember: anger leads to the Dark Side."
"Help me, please! Don't go! Ben, please answer! Is Darth Vader my father?"
His desperate cry was without answer. He was alone on the top of a dune, no one in sight. Only the fading voice in his ears, his mind:
"Trust your feelings, Luke."
Luke woke up with a start and groaned as his tortured body protested against the movement. He was lying face down on a rug on the floor, sickly grey light of dawn pouring through the window. No more twin suns, no sand, no Tatooine. No home.
No Ben.
He closed his eyes as if by this childish reaction he could erase the reality around him. The palace of Palpatine. His prison. Maybe his grave.
Luke hid his face in his folded arms and tried to suppress the animal-like howl that was rousing inside of him. Trust your feelings. His only feelings was the black pit of despair, sickening fear and the ultimate state of being forlorn. He had heard the saying that hope dies last, but his hope was long dead, perhaps since the battle on Bespin, and left behind no more than an empty shell of what was once a naive farmboy, a promising pilot and a young Jedi apprentice. Nothing. Emptiness. He would have welcomed death as a relief from this torment, but Palpatine wanted him alive, for Force knows how long, and he had no means of killing himself.
He shivered all over, feeling like his heart was being ripped apart for the thousandth time. He knew that fear and anger were a path to the Dark Side, but he had no idea if despair was.
DREAMS
Leave me alone!!!...
Leia woke up to the echo of her scream. Still dizzy for a moment, she realised she was sitting on a bunk in the Millennium Falcon's cabin, in the dim light of a night lamp. No stone walls around her. No snow storming against a window.
No terrible presence reaching out for her.
She shuddered and pulled up the blanket, her teeth chattering. It was a dream, only a dream. Calm down. She took a few deep if still shaky breaths. Only a dream.
Leia was used to having nightmares, at least had been for the last three years. But they were always the same: blue-green planet of Alderaan exploding to pieces in front of her. Sometimes the dark cell and the buzz of an interrogation droid approaching. But never like that... like what? She tried to remember, but the memory of the dream seemed to dissolve as she thought about it. There was a building, for sure. One she had never been in before; she was sure of that, too. And - she once again shivered at this thought - the horror, the feeling of pure terror, disgust and confusion all mixed in one. And loneliness, such loneliness she had never experienced before. The feeling of being betrayed by everybody, of being totally helpless, like a small animal in the claws of a predator. Even the fading memory of it almost made her cry. She had suffered terrible losses; she knew what grief and fear was... or she had thought she knew, until now. The feelings from these dreams - so intense, so real and yet somehow not her own. She tried hard to remember what was going on in the dream, but couldn't. There was someone - something? - horrific, and she was in... she was in... was it really her?
Stupid thought. Why should she dream about someone else? And was it possible, anyway? Why even wonder about it? It was only a dream, after all.
But it seemed so damn real. If she were Luke, she would probably presume she had some sort of a Jedi vision... or whatever they called it.
The very thought of Luke made her heart jump. That was it! The elusive feeling she couldn't even name, that was the same sort of strange bond between them she experienced when, during their escape from the Cloud City, she thought she heard him call her name and then suddenly, somehow knew where he was. Only this time there was no cry for help and no sense of direction, just a general feeling Luke was somewhere out there, suffering.
Leia blinked back the tears. Foolish delusions. Luke was dead, she had seen his shuttle explode and burn to ashes. There was no bond, because there was no more best friend to be bound with. Luke was dead.
She heard footsteps outside and Lando knocked on the door.
"Your Highness?... Leia? Is everything all right?"
"Yes, come in", she answered hoarsely. The door slid aside and Lando appeared in the doorframe, dressed in old trousers and shirt crumpled from sleep, but wearing it with such a regal grace as the blue Bespin cloak.
"I thought I heard you scream."
"It was just a nightmare, Lando." Leia closed her eyes for a second, then opened them, staring blankly in front of her. "Just a nightmare."
***
Luke was climbing one of the giant Tatooine dunes, his feet slipping in the hot yellow sand. He finally reached the top and looked around him, but the horizon was blurred and distorted and he couldn't see clearly more than a few meters around him. It was like looking through a piece of broken bottle.
"Luke?..." he heard a familiar voice and turned abruptly, expecting to see Ben Kenobi behind him. But there was no one, only a shadow of a silhouette just at the edge of his field of vision. He could see it with the corner of his eye, but when he turned his head towards it, it disappeared.
"Ben? Ben, where are you?"
"Luke, listen to me. Don't give in to your fear. It is a hard battle you are fighting, but you can win it. You have the strength."
"Ben, where are you?!"
Again the swirl of a brown cloak almost in eyeshot. Luke tried to run towards it, but his feet stuck in the sand. He reached out a hand, but could catch nothing.
"Don't give in to your anger. Palpatine will try to use it to manipulate you. Remember: anger leads to the Dark Side."
"Help me, please! Don't go! Ben, please answer! Is Darth Vader my father?"
His desperate cry was without answer. He was alone on the top of a dune, no one in sight. Only the fading voice in his ears, his mind:
"Trust your feelings, Luke."
Luke woke up with a start and groaned as his tortured body protested against the movement. He was lying face down on a rug on the floor, sickly grey light of dawn pouring through the window. No more twin suns, no sand, no Tatooine. No home.
No Ben.
He closed his eyes as if by this childish reaction he could erase the reality around him. The palace of Palpatine. His prison. Maybe his grave.
Luke hid his face in his folded arms and tried to suppress the animal-like howl that was rousing inside of him. Trust your feelings. His only feelings was the black pit of despair, sickening fear and the ultimate state of being forlorn. He had heard the saying that hope dies last, but his hope was long dead, perhaps since the battle on Bespin, and left behind no more than an empty shell of what was once a naive farmboy, a promising pilot and a young Jedi apprentice. Nothing. Emptiness. He would have welcomed death as a relief from this torment, but Palpatine wanted him alive, for Force knows how long, and he had no means of killing himself.
He shivered all over, feeling like his heart was being ripped apart for the thousandth time. He knew that fear and anger were a path to the Dark Side, but he had no idea if despair was.