Hi! This story is in no way, shape, or form a part of my other ongoing story, "The Case Within a Case." This is a oneshot that is the direct result of a conversation which posed the question: How would Ran react to the truth about Conan? There's not much of a plot, but a lot of interaction between Ran and Shinichi, as I tried to explore what they'd be feeling during that all important conversation. I hope I did them justice.
I do not own Meitantei Conan. That honor goes to Aoyama Gosho and the slew of entertainment people who own the rights.
"Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu"
Ran stood, staring out the window, but not in the mindset to actually see the garden she was looking at. She had been standing there for some time, contemplating the events that had unfolded just a short time before. Her emotions were all over the place. She supposed if she had to choose, worry and despair would be at the forefront, followed closely by betrayal and anger. Sympathy was in there somewhere, but until her questions were answered, sympathy would stay far from the top of the list.
She felt Kazuha's worried presence beside her. Kazuha must be just as confused, Ran thought. It looked like her friend hadn't known either. As jumbled as Kazuha's thoughts may be, Ran was positive that her friend didn't have the emotional ties to the situation that Ran herself did. Neither of them spoke, but Ran appreciated her friend's silent support all the same.
The situation, such as it was, had only begun that morning in Ran's mind. She had discovered, however, that the situation had actually started months before. But Ran had yet to discover those details, so she was content to stare at nothing and replay this morning's events in her mind.
Conan had woken with a horrible head cold. He insisted he was fine, and against her better judgement, the two of them still made the trip to Osaka for Kazuha's birthday. Conan had been so insistent on seeing his Heiji-niichan, and Ran didn't have the heart to disappoint him. Having left her father in Tokyo, they had left on the morning train to meet Kazuha and Heiji that afternoon. During the train ride, Conan's condition had grown steadily worse, and Ran had found herself carrying a feverish Conan off of the train.
Kazuha had wanted to take him straight to the hospital, but Heiji had suggested going to his house instead and allowing Conan to rest for a while. Ran had remained doubtful, but Conan had liked that idea much better than the hospital, so she reluctantly had agreed. Thinking about it now, she wondered what he would have done if they had gone to the hospital instead. No wonder Heiji had insisted.
So they had made their way to Heiji's house, stopping along the way to buy some cold medicine. Conan had begun to show signs that he was in pain, but he had done everything to hide that fact from Ran. In fact, she hadn't really noticed until they had tucked him into Heiji's bed. As Heiji was trying to lead her out of the room, Conan had begun to moan. Frightened, Ran had hurried back to him, reaching out to calm him down, only to jump back in surprise and shock at the high temperature of his skin.
This is where things got a little hazy. She remembered Conan, his small face pinched in pain as he tried to hold back his screams. Her own worried shouts were almost as loud as she tried to calm him down. Kazuha had said something about calling an ambulance, but, again, Heiji had stopped her. Ran hadn't had the time to find that odd, because by this point, Conan had grabbed Heiji by the shirt and was begging him to get Ran out of the room. She had refused to go, but Conan had been adamant, and Heiji finally had grabbed her by the arm, ready to move her by force. Ran was not a martial artist for nothing, and she had reacted accordingly. She had planted her feet and told Heiji that if he did not remove his hand, he would be paying for it later. Kazuha had jumped into the foray, attempting to remove Heiji's hand from Ran's arm, and the three of them had fallen back onto the floor. It was then that Conan let out a final bloodcurdling scream, and fell suddenly silent. The three teenagers had jumped up only to find…
Ran stirred from her musings as she heard the door open and close. That would be Heiji returning from the kitchen with a fresh basin of water. She sensed Kazuha rising to meet him, but she herself refused to turn around as Kazuha took over the ministrations of the bed's single occupant.
She tensed as Heiji approached, knowing that he was about to start a conversation she'd rather not be having, but she knew that Heiji wasn't going to stay quiet any longer.
Heiji stood next to Ran, staring out at the same nothing. Of all the ways for her to find out about all of this…Heiji found himself wishing that he had talked Kudo into telling her afterall. There was no telling how she was reacting to the obvious shock she had just received.
"He'll probably wake up soon," he started, glancing sideways to gauge her reaction. When he didn't receive one, he continued, "His temperature has gone down significantly in the last hour. And he didn't sleep so long when this happened before."
"When this happened before…" she whispered.
"You know, at your school play…" Heiji's voice drifted off when he saw Ran's expression harden. He turned to face her. "He wanted to tell you. He wanted to explain why…"
"No, I don't know, Hattori-kun." Heiji winced at the hurt and anger in her voice. "Do you know how worried I've been about him? How much I wanted to see him? No? Well, he did." As she emphasized the 'he,' she pointed at the figure in the bed. "He lived at my house and listened to me talk about how much I worried and how much I wanted to see him, but did he do anything about that? No, he would rather let me live like that, hurt and confused, than tell me the truth."
Kazuha came to stand on Ran's other side and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Ran-chan, I'm sure that there is a reasonable explanation. I know you're angry and hurt, I know I would be. But you haven't even heard his side of the story yet."
Ran closed her eyes to stop her tears from falling. "I don't know if I want to. I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel. Part of me wants to know why he would keep a secret like this from me, and if he really cares about me at all. Part of me wants to walk out that door and never lay eyes on Kudo Shinichi ever again." She placed her face in her hands as her tears finally fell.
Kazuha looked in desperation at Heiji, pleading silently with him that he tell Ran something. She knew that he knew something, and she couldn't just stand by and watch her friend cry.
Heiji sighed. He was going to regret this. "Ran, I'm going to tell you something. It's probably not for me to say, but I'm gonna tell you anyway."
Ran looked up at Heiji, her tears momentarily forgotten at the prospect of information. Heiji was looking at Ran, but he was aware of Kazuha's eyes on him.
"You remember when Conan was shot in that cave, and Kazuha and I came to visit him in the hospital?"
Ran nodded her head.
"Kazuha had been complaining about the flowers, so the two of you left to go and get some new ones."
"At your suggestion, if I recall," Kazuha said.
"I wanted to talk to Kudo, not Conan, and I couldn't very well do so with the two of you in the room. When I got the call from Agasa-hakase about what had happened, he also mentioned that there was a possibility that Ran had discovered the secret."
"I've always had my suspicions," Ran said quietly.
"I know, and Kudo knew that, too. At the time, he said as much to me. He was worried that you had found out and that he was going to have to explain everything to you. And if you hadn't found out, he was thinking it was time to just go ahead and tell you. But, what he couldn't figure out was that if you already did know, why you hadn't confronted him with it."
"I wanted to, but I wasn't sure. And everytime I had thought this way before, something always happened to prove me wrong. I didn't know what to believe."
"Huh. Well, I told him that he didn't understand women too well, and you were probably waiting for him to tell you."
Ran almost smiled. "That, too."
"But that's not what I wanted to tell you. That day, Kudo asked me a question. What I want to tell you is my answer to that question."
Both Kazuha and Ran looked at Heiji with puzzled expressions.
Heiji looked at Ran. "Kudo has many reasons why he's kept this from you. It's up to him to tell you about them. I will tell you this much; his reasons are good ones." He paused to take a deep breath. "Kudo asked me that day what I would do if our positions were reversed. Would I continue to keep the secret, knowing it to be the right thing to do regardless of the people I hurt in the process? Or would I fess up and tell, getting it out in the open and finally being rid of it?"
Ran felt Kazuha tense beside her.
Heiji couldn't help but shift his gaze to Kazuha, and it became unclear who he was really talking to. "I thought about it long and hard. And with all of the reasons, I would have done the same. I would have lied to keep the truth from you."
Heiji watched as Kazuha's eyes widened with understanding. Her grip on Ran's shoulder got a little tighter. Ran, for her part, was digesting the implications of this. Whatever had caused Shinichi to keep this a secret from her must have been serious indeed, especially since Heiji would consider the same course of action.
Ran decided then and there that she would listen to Shinichi if he decided to explain this to her. And these reasons that Heiji kept going on about had better be good. She knew that she cared about Shinichi too much to just walk away. Her heart ached for the truth. She couldn't remember a time when Shinichi wasn't important to her. It was when he had disappeared that she finally began to realize that her feelings for him had grown beyond a childhood crush into feelings of…love. What she was afraid of was his feelings for her. She needed to know, once and for all. She would give him one chance.
There was movement behind them, and they turned to see Shinichi sitting up, staring at his hands. He looked up to find his worst nightmare come true. Ran wouldn't look directly at him. She knew. She knew and she probably hated him. He could only imagine what was going through her mind.
Heiji broke the silence. "Kudo, how are you feeling?"
Shinichi looked at Ran, willing her to look at him. When she didn't, he sighed at looked back at his hands. "I'm tired, Hattori, I'm just tired."
Heiji turned to Kazuha, who still looked bewildered. "Kazuha, why don't you and Ran go and get some tea and some food and bring it back up here. I'll get some clothes for Kudo to wear."
Kazuha silently took Ran's hand and led her out of the room. Ran kept her gaze away from Shinichi's, knowing that she needed a few minutes to compose herself before they had any conversation.
The door closed, and Shinichi stood slowly to get himself dressed. Physically, he felt fine if not a little worn out. The change was always painful, but this time Ran had seen and she knew. That hurt worse than any physical pain he'd ever experienced.
"How bad is it?" he asked as Heiji handed him some clothes.
"I don't know. How much of that conversation did you hear?"
"Enough. Thanks, by the way. I know you were trying to help."
Heiji shook his head. "I don't know what I was saying. You do realize that I risked death by torture by telling her about that. Kazuha is going to grill me later."
Shinichi smirked. "You know, Hattori, I don't think that Kazuha is likely to grill you as much as Ran is about to grill me." His smirk fell. "She wouldn't even look at me. I always knew that she would find out one day. I told myself that I'd be able to talk around it. Then I held daily debates with myself on whether I should just tell her. But seeing her face just now…this is not going to be easy."
"No, I imagine not." Heiji paused, thinking of his own impending conversation with someone he was afraid to admit that he cared deeply for. "But at least it's out in the open now."
Shinichi didn't respond. Instead, he moved to the window to gather his thoughts. Ran would be coming back soon, and he wanted to be ready. It was time to be completely honest with her. About everything, including the one thing that he has wanted to say to her for as long as he's known her.
The door opened all too soon, and Ran and Kazuha entered carrying trays of tea and food. They set them down, and Shinichi kept his back to them, continuing to stare out the window. Ran sat down on the bed, and he could feel her eyes on his back. He wanted to have this conversation now, but he would wait until they were alone.
Kazuha and Heiji silently agreed to leave, and Heiji could tell by the look on her face that they were about to have a serious conversation of their own.
The door closed behind them and Shinichi finally turned around. Their eyes met for the first time since the truth had come out. She is beautiful, and he thought the determined look on her face made her even more so. For the moment, he was content to just look at her.
Ran had other ideas, however. Quietly, looking straight at Shinichi, she said, "Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu."
Shinichi's eyes widened. "What?" he whispered.
"There is always only one truth. Aren't you always saying that? I'm giving you one chance to tell me the truth. One. And I won't accept anything but the truth."
Shinichi sighed and began his tale. "The night that we went to Tropical Land, I left you to go and follow these strange men. I thought there was something illegal going on, and, well, you know I always have to get involved.
"I was watching what I was sure was some illegal transaction, and as I turned to go get the police, I was hit on the head by the other man I never saw coming. I thought he might kill me right there. In fact, that's what he thought he was doing. I was barely aware of anything as he lifted my head and forced some pill down my throat. I passed out soon after that.
"The next thing I knew, there were bright lights shining in my face, and these men were shouting for help, all the while calling me 'boy.' I didn't understand why, nor did I understand when I found my clothes to be too big.
"All I wanted to do was get home. I think on some level, I already knew what had happened, but I wasn't ready to acknowledge it. I ran towards my house, and it was when I saw my reflection in a store window that I truly started to panic.
"It seemed like hours as I stared at myself in that window. I just couldn't believe that I was this…this boy. A boy that I had spent the past ten years trying to get rid of. Can you imagine that? Here I was, seventeen and ready to begin my life, and suddenly, I was almost right back where I started from. I was so angry about that."
Shinichi paused in remembered pain and fear. He had been so looking forward to beginning his life, and maybe even including Ran in that life. But it had all been stolen away from him in the second it takes to swallow a pill.
So lost in his own thoughts that he almost didn't hear Ran speak. "No, I can't imagine what that must have been like. It must've been awful for you."
A ghost of a smile crossed Shinichi's face. "It was pretty awful, but there are advantages to being seven again. School was never so easy."
Ran almost smiled as well at Shinichi's attempt to lighten the mood. "I bet there are a number of advantages that I can't wait to hear about." She grew serious again. "But that's for later. Tell me what happened next." Tell me why you didn't tell me.
It was her unspoken question that he answered. "After I made it home, Agasa-hakase found me and I convinced him who I really was. Then you came looking for me before I could really understand why this had happened to me and what I was going to do about it. I panicked. I didn't want you to see me like that. So I lied. I lied and I hid from you. It was the Professor's idea that I live with you. He thought that since your father was a detective that I'd have a better chance of hearing about the people who had done this to me.
"I had other reasons for not telling you later. The more I discovered about this Dark Organization, the more I understood exactly how dangerous they were. They were not above killing loved ones to get what they wanted out of people. If they somehow found out I was alive, and knew how important you are to me, then you would have been in very real danger."
Ran wasn't ready to address what she thought she just heard Shinichi say about how he felt about her, so she scoffed at his machoism instead. "I can take care of myself, Shinichi."
"I know you're strong, but I wasn't about to take that risk. Not with your life."
Ran lost a bit of her patience. "That's my decision to make, not yours. I've been so scared and so worried about you. But, you already know that, don't you? There wasn't much I kept from Conan, and I knew that he was a perceptive little boy." Ran looked down at her hands, away from Shinichi. "You know, all of those times that I had suspicions that Conan was really you, I thought if you would just tell me, then I could help you. I could do something other than stand around and mope, worrying and wondering if I'd ever see you again." She fell silent, tears streaming down her face.
Shinichi knew he was the cause of those tears, and he hated himself for it. He went over to her and knelt down, grasping her hands that were lying in her lap.
He took a breath before he spoke. "Ran, I never meant to hurt you. Do you know how many times I've watched you, knowing that you were thinking about me, knowing that you were hurting, but not being able to do anything about it? There came a point when too many lies had been told, and I just couldn't come right out and tell you, no matter how much I wanted to. It was the only torture I could think of, to watch you night after night with that same look of pain on your face."
He took her chin in his fingers and lifted her tear-streaked face to his. His voice was barely a whisper, shaking with uncontrolled emotion. "I wanted so much to tell you, but I was afraid to tell you the truth. Yes, I was afraid for your life. I still am. But more than that, I was afraid that you would hate me." Shinichi's own eyes began to fill with tears. "I was afraid that you would hate me and that you would never want to see me again, in either form. And I need you too much. I couldn't stand it if you hated me."
Ran could see raw pain for the first time in Shinichi's face. She could hear it in his voice. Her heart went out to him. All she wanted to do in that moment was wrap her arms around him and make it all go away.
"Shinichi," she said instead, her own voice shaking. "I could never hate you."
Shinichi closed his eyes and sighed in relief. He laid his head down in her lap, trying to hold back his own tears. He felt her hand in his hair, and he wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment of her forgiveness.
They stayed silent for a time, allowing themselves to adjust to the powerful emotions that they were both feeling. Ran looked down at Shinichi, watching as his body slowly relaxed with her light touch. He's been through so much. How much more can either of us handle? She gave them both time to relax before she continued. There were still things she needed to hear from him.
Slowly she rose, forcing Shinichi to stand. She walked over to the window. Twilight had come, and the garden she hadn't noticed before was bathed in the ominous colors of sunset. Shinichi watched her, somewhat more composed, but a little apprehensive of what else Ran had on her mind.
"Shinichi, is the danger past? Are you safe from the people who did this to you?"
"Not that I know of, no," he answered honestly.
"So what now? Now that I know, will you take yourself completely out of my life?"
No more lies. "I don't know."
Shinichi's heart broke as he watched her shoulders fall forward as she dissolved again into tears. This was not going according to plan. He walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She tensed but did not move away.
"Ran, please understand. I don't want to be apart from you, but it's the only way I know how to keep you safe. If there was another way, believe me I would take it."
Her tears quieted, and she relaxed a little, leaning back to rest against him ever so slightly. "Shinichi, I told Conan all of my secrets."
He rested his forehead against her hair, breathing in her scent. "I know."
"So you know…about how I feel…"
He turned her around so that she was facing him. "You want to know the real truth, the only truth? The real reason I kept this secret form you?"
She nodded her head.
He took her face in his hands and gently wiped away her tears. "There is only one truth, Ran, and it's that I love you. That's why I didn't tell you. I would rather you be alive. I need you so much. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'll understand if you want to walk away."
"Never. I'm sorry I said that before. I couldn't walk away from you; I love you too much to let you go through this alone. Promise me that we'll try to find a way to be together."
He looked at her in surprise. "You're…you're not angry with me?"
"Shinichi, I'm not happy about what you did, but I understand why you did it." She reached her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. "You did it because you love me. And I love you. Everything else will just have to work around that fact."
"Then I promise, we'll find a way." Shinichi smiled, the first genuine smile he'd smiled in a long time. "You know what the absolute worst part of being trapped in the body of a seven year old is?"
Ran responded to his playful tone. "I couldn't imagine."
"It's not being able to do this." Having said that, he wrapped his arms around her and caught her lips in a gentle but very passionate kiss.
Ran's body melded to his as she responded in kind. She felt his hands on her back and she dug hers into his hair. Definitely not something a seven year old would be able to do, and she was very grateful to have her seventeen year old Shinichi back. Very grateful indeed.
And Ran thought to herself, yes, there is always only one truth, and hopefully this truth would be strong enough to get them through anything, no matter what.
Owari