Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts, and Kingdom Hearts II, do not belong to me.

Alright...I know I never write yaoi. Ever, period, the end. But...this was too perfect. It's a parody, obviously, and not that graphic...so it should all be good. I had an extra thirty minutes before class, and wanted to torture some characters on an RP I'm on. Thus was this born. I make no claims to greatness, nor do I intend to character bash in a vicious way. It's all in fun. So if anyone wants to yell at me for bashing Xemnas, go right ahead--but be aware that I'll probably bash you back, as this certainly is not meant in a mean way.

It's a joke. Go ahead and enjoy, and review if you want.

Xemnas sat by himself in the corner of the dark, gloomy castle. He was all alone and it was rather depressing, even if he wouldn't admit it. The castle was slimy and dark. It smelled bad, because no matter how much he cleaned, he was always a step behind. Work was constantly piling up. It was frustrating. Regardless of how hard he tried, he could never seem to make it. Was he doomed to be inferior to everyone else?

He wasn't inferior. That was a mindset that had to be changed. Positive thinking was everything, though how one was supposed to think positively when one was a heartless he had never understood. So much for self-help literature. It didn't apply to Nobodies, apparently.

With a groan, he stood, and popped his back. Damn robe. It was always getting in the way. What kind of mood was he in when he chose them, anyway? Wait--he didn't have emotions. He must have had a logical reason to make himself wear a long, black, cumbersome robe, if he didn't have emotions, right? As well as inflict them on everyone else. One couldn't be sadistic if one didn't have emotions. How sad.

Maybe he should take the robe off. No one was around, after all. Even if they were, they wouldn't dare say anything. He was the Superior. If they didn't obey him, he'd make them wish they were bodiless as well as heartless. Might as well take it off. It was hot, and the stupid hem kept getting caught on his boots.

Xemnas took off his robe and stood in the inner room of the castle with just his boots on. He didn't want to take those off. What if one of his enemies came in? If he died without his boots on, he wouldn't be a man. Though technically he was a Nobody...

"Superior?" A voice called. Xemnas started. Damnit, he wasn't expecting anyone!
"Yes?" He replied, going over to the place where he had laid his robe. He started to put it on, but found that he had left it inside out. Damnit.

There was a soft step and another black-robed figure entered the room. It was Marluxia. "Just a minute!" Xemnas snapped, but the pink-haired Nobody was already in the room. Shit.

Marluxia's eyes were on his genitals. Xemnas hurriedly covered himself with the robe, too embarrassed to put it on. "What do you want?" He growled, his displeasure evident.

"I'm glad I found you like this." Marluxia said quietly, looking at Xemnas. Xemnas could feel the other Nobody's eyes traveling over his almost entirely bare body. A flush of heat came over him before he could stop himself, and beneath the cloak he could feel his organ swelling.

"Why?" He snapped back, his face and voice heated. Marluxia stepped towards him, slipping his robe off. Beneath the robe he was barefoot.

"Why do you think?" Marluxia said in that same seductive voice. Xemnas backed up. What the hell was his subordinate thinking?

Marluxia followed him, backing Xemnas into a wall. "Fuck." Xemnas breathed, trying to slip away to the side.

"Exactly what I had in mind." Marluxia whispered, pinning his Superior to the wall. "Turn around."

"W-wait a second!" Xemnas protested, but it was too late. Marluxia took him by force and shoved him against the wall, his fingers burning into Xemnas' skin. The cloak dropped to the floor. Damnit! "Stop!" Xemnas said, but the protest was weak. Now that he was in this position, he realized...he realized he wanted it. He wanted it more than anything in the world...

The next few minutes were all thumps and soft cries, bite marks emerging on Xemnas' skin. When Marluxia had finished, he released Xemnas and slid to the floor. Xemnas slid down beside him, and they sat there in each other's arms for a few moments.

Xemnas looked at Marluxia. "W..ell. I never expected..."
"I'm very unpredictable." Marluxia looked deep into Xemnas' eyes. Xemnas flushed.
"Yes, well...I-I love you, Marluxia..."
"We can't love." Marluxia replied. "We're heartless."
"I'll fix that!" Xemnas returned, cuddling up to Marluxia. "I'll go to Kingdom Hearts and get a heart, and give one to you, too...then we can love each other forever..."
Marluxia got up. "I'm sorry, I can't." He slipped his robe back on. "I don't love you, Xemnas."
"W-what..." Xemnas whispered. "You can't--you can't mean that!"
"I don't love you." Marluxia repeated, and left the room in the same manner by which he had come.

Xemnas stared after him, the emptiness in his soul deepening. Damn. He had known this was going to be a bad day...