The Gravy Boat
By Camille
Over at TWOP, folks were saying how they'd so like to see a 'moment' between Jack and Lauren (whom folks often refer to as Connie, short for Plot Contrivance.) Okay, they seemed to want a smackdown, if we're honest. So, I just dashed this off quickly in a fit of total snarkiness; hope someone will find it amusing (thanks to fuzzybutt for Dixon's desk remark). (No offense meant to those who love the Lauren character.)
Dixon (nervously tugging on his tie): Um, Jack, this is Lauren Reed. Lauren, this is Jack Bristow. [Dixon scuttles away]
Connie: Jack. [Nods, doesn't bother to extend her hand, thinking she might get frostbite if she actually touched his hand given the look in his eyes]
Jack: [raises an eyebrow] I would prefer Mr. Bristow actually. But I'm...curious, Ms. Reed. You are from Virginia but you have an Australian accent. Is that an affectation or just something I'm supposed to ignore?
Connie: I...I [looks around wildly for Man-Without-A-Spine]
Jack: I find there is much about you that is hard to ignore. Including your little hissy fit in the hallway regarding my daughter.
Connie: [interrupting. Dixon watching, winces] How did you know about THAT? And I wouldn't call it a hissy fit, so there! She is horrible! [Dixon backs away, muttering, ""If you need me, I'll be in my office under my desk"]
Jack: [softly, too softly] So, you said. I believe you also said condescending? Or was it arrogant? How did I know that? You'll find, Ms. Reed, that I know about everything that pertains to my daughter. Perhaps you'll find it... prudent to exercise some self control in the future. Perhaps, it might be better if you merely...passed notes to each other in study hall?
Connie: Study hall? We are adults---
Jack: Really? Kissing in the hallways of the Central Intelligence Agency is the mark of an adult? So...unprofessional, I must inform you. Such behavior makes me wonder about your background, credentials. Or are you just on a work release program from junior high school?
Connie: She...I... Michael....
Jack: Ah, yes the three-sided geometic shape that is boring everyone. But enough with that. [slices his hand in the air, Connie jumps and clutches her throat] I understand you brokered Arvin Sloane's deal?
Connie: Yes, yes I did.
Jack. Hmm. That's...interesting. How do you sleep at night, knowing you gave immunity to a man whose lust for power killed thousands, who is undoubtedly the force behind the Covenant?
Connie: What do you mean?! He runs a health organization now.
Jack: Yeah, right. Come, come. A woman smart enough to snap up a catch like Michael Vaughn -- who gives new meaning to the word loyal to say nothing of the phrase, 'I'll never betray her trust' -- must be aware that the reason Arvin Sloane can constantly provide such perfect intel is because he is creating the opportunities. Surely, you realize this?
Connie: I think you are deliberately trying to confuse me.
Jack: [pauses, gives her one of 'the' looks] I see. The notion that Arvin Sloane was, is and will always be a -- let me put it to you simply since it appears that years of reading Sweet Valley High books has had a negative impact on your analytical ability -- a bad man confuses you?
Connie: No. I know---
Jack: Ah, I see. You know he is evil incarnate, but you brokered his deal, changed into your dancing shoes and celebrated by marrying my daughter's boyfriend?
Connie: The DNA matched!
Jack: I could...plant your DNA on a combusted corpse. Would that make you dead, Lauren? [Pauses, appears to think for a moment]
Connie [whimpering a little now]. I think I would prefer if you called me Ms. Reed.
Jack: Certainly. Hmm. You did not take Vaughn's surname?
Connie: No, no I didn't. [nervously] I didn't see--
Jack: The point? Ah, I concur. After all, why go to all of that trouble for what will no doubt be a short-lived, much lamented period in one's life?
Connie: Excuse me?
Jack: I asked, where are you and Vaughn registered? I'd so like to purchase a...gravy boat in honor of your nuptials.
Over at TWOP, folks were saying how they'd so like to see a 'moment' between Jack and Lauren (whom folks often refer to as Connie, short for Plot Contrivance.) Okay, they seemed to want a smackdown, if we're honest. So, I just dashed this off quickly in a fit of total snarkiness; hope someone will find it amusing (thanks to fuzzybutt for Dixon's desk remark). (No offense meant to those who love the Lauren character.)
Dixon (nervously tugging on his tie): Um, Jack, this is Lauren Reed. Lauren, this is Jack Bristow. [Dixon scuttles away]
Connie: Jack. [Nods, doesn't bother to extend her hand, thinking she might get frostbite if she actually touched his hand given the look in his eyes]
Jack: [raises an eyebrow] I would prefer Mr. Bristow actually. But I'm...curious, Ms. Reed. You are from Virginia but you have an Australian accent. Is that an affectation or just something I'm supposed to ignore?
Connie: I...I [looks around wildly for Man-Without-A-Spine]
Jack: I find there is much about you that is hard to ignore. Including your little hissy fit in the hallway regarding my daughter.
Connie: [interrupting. Dixon watching, winces] How did you know about THAT? And I wouldn't call it a hissy fit, so there! She is horrible! [Dixon backs away, muttering, ""If you need me, I'll be in my office under my desk"]
Jack: [softly, too softly] So, you said. I believe you also said condescending? Or was it arrogant? How did I know that? You'll find, Ms. Reed, that I know about everything that pertains to my daughter. Perhaps you'll find it... prudent to exercise some self control in the future. Perhaps, it might be better if you merely...passed notes to each other in study hall?
Connie: Study hall? We are adults---
Jack: Really? Kissing in the hallways of the Central Intelligence Agency is the mark of an adult? So...unprofessional, I must inform you. Such behavior makes me wonder about your background, credentials. Or are you just on a work release program from junior high school?
Connie: She...I... Michael....
Jack: Ah, yes the three-sided geometic shape that is boring everyone. But enough with that. [slices his hand in the air, Connie jumps and clutches her throat] I understand you brokered Arvin Sloane's deal?
Connie: Yes, yes I did.
Jack. Hmm. That's...interesting. How do you sleep at night, knowing you gave immunity to a man whose lust for power killed thousands, who is undoubtedly the force behind the Covenant?
Connie: What do you mean?! He runs a health organization now.
Jack: Yeah, right. Come, come. A woman smart enough to snap up a catch like Michael Vaughn -- who gives new meaning to the word loyal to say nothing of the phrase, 'I'll never betray her trust' -- must be aware that the reason Arvin Sloane can constantly provide such perfect intel is because he is creating the opportunities. Surely, you realize this?
Connie: I think you are deliberately trying to confuse me.
Jack: [pauses, gives her one of 'the' looks] I see. The notion that Arvin Sloane was, is and will always be a -- let me put it to you simply since it appears that years of reading Sweet Valley High books has had a negative impact on your analytical ability -- a bad man confuses you?
Connie: No. I know---
Jack: Ah, I see. You know he is evil incarnate, but you brokered his deal, changed into your dancing shoes and celebrated by marrying my daughter's boyfriend?
Connie: The DNA matched!
Jack: I could...plant your DNA on a combusted corpse. Would that make you dead, Lauren? [Pauses, appears to think for a moment]
Connie [whimpering a little now]. I think I would prefer if you called me Ms. Reed.
Jack: Certainly. Hmm. You did not take Vaughn's surname?
Connie: No, no I didn't. [nervously] I didn't see--
Jack: The point? Ah, I concur. After all, why go to all of that trouble for what will no doubt be a short-lived, much lamented period in one's life?
Connie: Excuse me?
Jack: I asked, where are you and Vaughn registered? I'd so like to purchase a...gravy boat in honor of your nuptials.