Title: Needed
Author: Tizzylish
Rating: General
Spoilers: There really aren't any specific but "The Prom" and the rest of
the series at the end.
Setting: During the Prom after Angel's dream
Disclaimer: If they were mine there would be no happiness clause.
Unfortunately they belong to Joss Whedon and ME. I hope he doesn't mind me
playing with them!!
Authors Note: OK guys this is my first fic to go out into the world!!
Please try to be careful with the flames!! But feedback will be greatly
appreciated.
Distribution: If for some reason you want it, you can take just tell me
where it's going.
Buffy stood outside the mansion doors, stopping to catch her breath, she had ran all the way from home desperate to stop Angel from making the biggest mistake of his unlife. She reveled in the fact that they had been in this situation only few short months ago, except this time he would kill her too.
She quietly slipped inside into the front hall, she had purposely come before sunset so he couldn't escape. She heard him moving around upstairs, 'must be in the bedroom, perfect' she thought as she made her way upstairs.
***
Angel was brooding, all he could think about recently were the Mayor's words, and his and Joyce's 'talk'. The last thing he needed was to have that dream. He just stood by and watched as she burst into flames, he stood outside in the sunlight while she combusted. 'I have to go, I can't stay here anymore.' Angel decided and then sunk lower into his chair as he realized he was leaving her. 'It's the right decision, I can't offer her anything.' He jumped of the bed in agitation and pain, a pain so deep he thought he would weep. Life without his Buffy, he was going to have to spend the rest of his life with out her. A searing pain and an excruciatingly dull ache filled him. When he heard her come in, 'she's early'. He thought as he slowly made his way out of bed and started to make himself presentable.
"Angel?" she said his name the way she always did like a soft caress that he could wrap himself up in. She made her way into the room to find Angel, with his back to her, putting on his black sweater. "Hey" she said tentatively as she saw him he turned to face her.
"Hi, your early." He responded Buffy took careful note of the fact that he had not kissed her hello. It just confirmed her suspicion that perhaps her mother had stopped by.
"I know, I came early because we have to talk." She stood her ground with her statement he knew that he was going to have to do it tonight, especially before he lost this nerve.
"I love you, you know that right?" Buffy asked him point blank, to Angel she sounded as if she wasn't sure that he knew. And boy did he know he also knew he was going to hurt her, he almost couldn't bear to hurt her.
"Of course, I know that," he moved in closer to her "And I love you too, but theirs something."
"Angel I know my mother came to see you." She interrupted, "and before you start telling me that we can't be together and you want to break up think about this, I Love You!" 'How did she know?' Angel thought.
"Buffy, the mayor was right," he saw the look on her face, "I love you too, but it just can't work between us I have nothing to offer you."
"What about yourself? Angel I never said I wanted more, all I want is you, when I look into the future all I see is you! Remember?" She needed to make her point, needed to show him that she needed him.
"You shouldn't have to settle for me! Buffy you deserve so much more than this, It's selfish of me to confine you to the shadows for me when I can't even give anything, theirs no future for us Gods I can't even make love to you because I'll lose my soul!" Angel was busy getting all his frustrations out he was so occupied with what he needed to say he didn't see the hurt look in her eyes.
"Is that why we have to break up because we can't have sex? Jesus Angel, you think you have nothing to offer me? What about the fact that you help me, with everything. You're my support," she was almost crying trying to fight the tears. " I need you to be here, in my life. I need you to listen to me to know how alone I feel because of what I am. I need you to love me."
He looked at her at the tears in her eyes that she wouldn't let fall he stepped closer to her, "But what about."
"Angel you show me that you love me everyday, every time you look at me I know, I don't need you to make love to me because everything you do shows me that you love me." She whispered to him, letting the tears fall slowly down her cheeks. Angel instinctively reached over to wipe them away with his thumbs. "See right here I know you love me." She whispered to him with a small smile.
"I still can't." he replied as softly watching her smile fade fast as she stepped away.
"If you really go through with this, if you really don't want to be with me, then tell me. If you want to walk away because you don't care about me anymore then I'll let you go. But I will not watch you walk away into the night if you still love me."
"Buffy, listen to me someday your gonna want it all, everything that I can't give you. You'll want a family, sunlight and. a sex life. I can't spend the rest of my life knowing that inside you hate me because I kept you from it."
"I could never hate you, and you know should know that. Your really not worried about me are you?" She was angry now, "You don't want another thing to feel guilty for?" He stepped forward to try and comfort her but she just pushed him away. "A family, Angel? How the hell am I ever going to have a family? Think about slayers don't live long enough I think it would be pretty selfish of me to bring a child into this world that I can't raise!!!"
"Buffy your going to have it all your different you could someday." Angel spoke, the truth was he couldn't stand the thought of her ever dying he needed to believe that she would someday have it all. "You've changed so much all ready." His voice was soft and he pulled her into his arms despite her protests. "I need to go, so you can live."
"I'll die without you," she whispered into the hard wall of his chest. She pulled away a bit, "I will, not just literally, but I can't do this without you. I can't be the slayer, Ms. Caretaker of the world with out you to love me." She was crying again, "And you need me too, I know you do, if it weren't for me where would you be?"
He just pulled her close again, though he still believed he had to leave her. "Buffy, I do need you more than anything. You are my reason, my love, my very own sunlight." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, "But I still can't help feel I'm cheating you out of a life."
"What's the point of living if you're not with the one you love?" She said to his chest. "I can't move on with my life if I know your still out their somewhere, no matter where you go or what happens I'll always love you." Buffy looked up at him, looked into his eyes into the chocolate irises she wanted to spend forever in.
She looked into those eyes saw the uncertainty, the guilt, the pain, and the love. The love that was always there, whenever she saw her Angel, he was her rock. He needed to see so she decided to show him. She slowly moved her head up until her lips were on his. She pulled his lower lip into her mouth to nibble it gently she then used her tongue to trace the seam of his lips and he opened his mouth readily. He let her massage his tongue with hers as she showed him she loved him. The kiss was filled with love that quickly escalated to the passionate exchange between lovers. Buffy slowed the kiss before it got to far, not wanting to make their parting to awkward.
"Are you still going to leave me?" She tried to smile at him but her uncertainty in his verdict was all that was shinning through.
"Do you really only want me, want me to be with you for the rest of your life?" He asked he didn't want to leave her, not when he made the decision and especially not now. "Seriously, you don't think you'll ever be able to get past this?"
"Could you? Could you ever move on to someone new knowing what we have? And yes, I want my life to be with you." She kissed him softly, "So are you staying?"
"As long as you want me here, but you have to promise that if someday you do want it, you'll let me go. You won't keep me around for me. I just want you to be happy and if I ever keep you from anything you want you need to let me go. Okay?"
She knew it would be futile to argue with him and she was so happy that he was going to stay se just decided to agree and leave it at that.
"Yes." She smiled at him and he bent down to kiss her it quickly lighting the fire burning between them. Her hands circled around his neck playing wit the soft hairs that grew at the base of his skull. He moved his hands around to her back pulling her even closer to him, he made lazy circles with his fingers as his other hand got lost in her golden mane. Suddenly she pulled away fast still having more to tell him.
"I'm sorry I never should have let it get that far." Angel apologized. 'Damn Gypsies' he thought.
"Oh Angel! It's not that I still have something to tell you. The reason my Mom came to see you today was because she overheard Giles and I talking. She heard Giles tell that his friend that Shaman guy had called him. Apparently as an additional favor he also bound your soul to you." She looked at him and saw the recognition of her words hit him. "Mom freaked I mean she doesn't really like you anyway cuz in her mind your just another link to the world of slaying she's trying so hard to get me out of. So the idea of us have sex was just too much for her to deal with, so she came over here to try and get you out of my life." Buffy rushed the last part knowing he didn't hear a word.
"You mean.I can.we.Is it really mine now?" He looked at her he saw her smile and knew she was telling the truth.
"Yup! You are 100 percent in charge of your soul now, and no amount of happiness is going to change that." She looked at him smiling brightly, even brighter when she saw his smile back at her. "If your wondering why I didn't tell you earlier was because I needed to make sure you were willing to stay with me without it."
"I love you, and I think I should show how much." He looked down at her with that sexy little half smile of his before he bent his head lower to kiss her.
"I think you should and I love you too. We should really get to it then." She said while he moved his lips down her neck.
"Mmhmm." Was all he could muster, before making slow work of showing her how much he truly loved her needed her, and he sure as hell was never leaving.
***
I wish I could say that everything was happily ever after for our hero's after that, but I can't. There were friendly demons, inept rogue demon hunters, secret government agencies, Hell Gods, sisters, and sons. But through it all they stayed together, supported each other, and loved each other. Buffy never sent him away in want of more, and when he shanshued on her 27 birthday exactly ten years since he lost his soul in his love for her, the danced outside. Closing the hellmouth forever and marrying in the mansion. They might not have lived happily ever after, but they did live and breathe. And with their dying breath they muttered the same short sentence;
I LOVE YOU
Buffy stood outside the mansion doors, stopping to catch her breath, she had ran all the way from home desperate to stop Angel from making the biggest mistake of his unlife. She reveled in the fact that they had been in this situation only few short months ago, except this time he would kill her too.
She quietly slipped inside into the front hall, she had purposely come before sunset so he couldn't escape. She heard him moving around upstairs, 'must be in the bedroom, perfect' she thought as she made her way upstairs.
***
Angel was brooding, all he could think about recently were the Mayor's words, and his and Joyce's 'talk'. The last thing he needed was to have that dream. He just stood by and watched as she burst into flames, he stood outside in the sunlight while she combusted. 'I have to go, I can't stay here anymore.' Angel decided and then sunk lower into his chair as he realized he was leaving her. 'It's the right decision, I can't offer her anything.' He jumped of the bed in agitation and pain, a pain so deep he thought he would weep. Life without his Buffy, he was going to have to spend the rest of his life with out her. A searing pain and an excruciatingly dull ache filled him. When he heard her come in, 'she's early'. He thought as he slowly made his way out of bed and started to make himself presentable.
"Angel?" she said his name the way she always did like a soft caress that he could wrap himself up in. She made her way into the room to find Angel, with his back to her, putting on his black sweater. "Hey" she said tentatively as she saw him he turned to face her.
"Hi, your early." He responded Buffy took careful note of the fact that he had not kissed her hello. It just confirmed her suspicion that perhaps her mother had stopped by.
"I know, I came early because we have to talk." She stood her ground with her statement he knew that he was going to have to do it tonight, especially before he lost this nerve.
"I love you, you know that right?" Buffy asked him point blank, to Angel she sounded as if she wasn't sure that he knew. And boy did he know he also knew he was going to hurt her, he almost couldn't bear to hurt her.
"Of course, I know that," he moved in closer to her "And I love you too, but theirs something."
"Angel I know my mother came to see you." She interrupted, "and before you start telling me that we can't be together and you want to break up think about this, I Love You!" 'How did she know?' Angel thought.
"Buffy, the mayor was right," he saw the look on her face, "I love you too, but it just can't work between us I have nothing to offer you."
"What about yourself? Angel I never said I wanted more, all I want is you, when I look into the future all I see is you! Remember?" She needed to make her point, needed to show him that she needed him.
"You shouldn't have to settle for me! Buffy you deserve so much more than this, It's selfish of me to confine you to the shadows for me when I can't even give anything, theirs no future for us Gods I can't even make love to you because I'll lose my soul!" Angel was busy getting all his frustrations out he was so occupied with what he needed to say he didn't see the hurt look in her eyes.
"Is that why we have to break up because we can't have sex? Jesus Angel, you think you have nothing to offer me? What about the fact that you help me, with everything. You're my support," she was almost crying trying to fight the tears. " I need you to be here, in my life. I need you to listen to me to know how alone I feel because of what I am. I need you to love me."
He looked at her at the tears in her eyes that she wouldn't let fall he stepped closer to her, "But what about."
"Angel you show me that you love me everyday, every time you look at me I know, I don't need you to make love to me because everything you do shows me that you love me." She whispered to him, letting the tears fall slowly down her cheeks. Angel instinctively reached over to wipe them away with his thumbs. "See right here I know you love me." She whispered to him with a small smile.
"I still can't." he replied as softly watching her smile fade fast as she stepped away.
"If you really go through with this, if you really don't want to be with me, then tell me. If you want to walk away because you don't care about me anymore then I'll let you go. But I will not watch you walk away into the night if you still love me."
"Buffy, listen to me someday your gonna want it all, everything that I can't give you. You'll want a family, sunlight and. a sex life. I can't spend the rest of my life knowing that inside you hate me because I kept you from it."
"I could never hate you, and you know should know that. Your really not worried about me are you?" She was angry now, "You don't want another thing to feel guilty for?" He stepped forward to try and comfort her but she just pushed him away. "A family, Angel? How the hell am I ever going to have a family? Think about slayers don't live long enough I think it would be pretty selfish of me to bring a child into this world that I can't raise!!!"
"Buffy your going to have it all your different you could someday." Angel spoke, the truth was he couldn't stand the thought of her ever dying he needed to believe that she would someday have it all. "You've changed so much all ready." His voice was soft and he pulled her into his arms despite her protests. "I need to go, so you can live."
"I'll die without you," she whispered into the hard wall of his chest. She pulled away a bit, "I will, not just literally, but I can't do this without you. I can't be the slayer, Ms. Caretaker of the world with out you to love me." She was crying again, "And you need me too, I know you do, if it weren't for me where would you be?"
He just pulled her close again, though he still believed he had to leave her. "Buffy, I do need you more than anything. You are my reason, my love, my very own sunlight." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, "But I still can't help feel I'm cheating you out of a life."
"What's the point of living if you're not with the one you love?" She said to his chest. "I can't move on with my life if I know your still out their somewhere, no matter where you go or what happens I'll always love you." Buffy looked up at him, looked into his eyes into the chocolate irises she wanted to spend forever in.
She looked into those eyes saw the uncertainty, the guilt, the pain, and the love. The love that was always there, whenever she saw her Angel, he was her rock. He needed to see so she decided to show him. She slowly moved her head up until her lips were on his. She pulled his lower lip into her mouth to nibble it gently she then used her tongue to trace the seam of his lips and he opened his mouth readily. He let her massage his tongue with hers as she showed him she loved him. The kiss was filled with love that quickly escalated to the passionate exchange between lovers. Buffy slowed the kiss before it got to far, not wanting to make their parting to awkward.
"Are you still going to leave me?" She tried to smile at him but her uncertainty in his verdict was all that was shinning through.
"Do you really only want me, want me to be with you for the rest of your life?" He asked he didn't want to leave her, not when he made the decision and especially not now. "Seriously, you don't think you'll ever be able to get past this?"
"Could you? Could you ever move on to someone new knowing what we have? And yes, I want my life to be with you." She kissed him softly, "So are you staying?"
"As long as you want me here, but you have to promise that if someday you do want it, you'll let me go. You won't keep me around for me. I just want you to be happy and if I ever keep you from anything you want you need to let me go. Okay?"
She knew it would be futile to argue with him and she was so happy that he was going to stay se just decided to agree and leave it at that.
"Yes." She smiled at him and he bent down to kiss her it quickly lighting the fire burning between them. Her hands circled around his neck playing wit the soft hairs that grew at the base of his skull. He moved his hands around to her back pulling her even closer to him, he made lazy circles with his fingers as his other hand got lost in her golden mane. Suddenly she pulled away fast still having more to tell him.
"I'm sorry I never should have let it get that far." Angel apologized. 'Damn Gypsies' he thought.
"Oh Angel! It's not that I still have something to tell you. The reason my Mom came to see you today was because she overheard Giles and I talking. She heard Giles tell that his friend that Shaman guy had called him. Apparently as an additional favor he also bound your soul to you." She looked at him and saw the recognition of her words hit him. "Mom freaked I mean she doesn't really like you anyway cuz in her mind your just another link to the world of slaying she's trying so hard to get me out of. So the idea of us have sex was just too much for her to deal with, so she came over here to try and get you out of my life." Buffy rushed the last part knowing he didn't hear a word.
"You mean.I can.we.Is it really mine now?" He looked at her he saw her smile and knew she was telling the truth.
"Yup! You are 100 percent in charge of your soul now, and no amount of happiness is going to change that." She looked at him smiling brightly, even brighter when she saw his smile back at her. "If your wondering why I didn't tell you earlier was because I needed to make sure you were willing to stay with me without it."
"I love you, and I think I should show how much." He looked down at her with that sexy little half smile of his before he bent his head lower to kiss her.
"I think you should and I love you too. We should really get to it then." She said while he moved his lips down her neck.
"Mmhmm." Was all he could muster, before making slow work of showing her how much he truly loved her needed her, and he sure as hell was never leaving.
***
I wish I could say that everything was happily ever after for our hero's after that, but I can't. There were friendly demons, inept rogue demon hunters, secret government agencies, Hell Gods, sisters, and sons. But through it all they stayed together, supported each other, and loved each other. Buffy never sent him away in want of more, and when he shanshued on her 27 birthday exactly ten years since he lost his soul in his love for her, the danced outside. Closing the hellmouth forever and marrying in the mansion. They might not have lived happily ever after, but they did live and breathe. And with their dying breath they muttered the same short sentence;
I LOVE YOU