A/N: My first NCIS fic. I've been going through a marathon of all the seasons, trying to catch up on episodes I've missed over the years. Just this weekend I finished season two and started season three. I cried like crazy over Kate. This was inspired by different elements of the show. Enjoy!
Kate/Tony friendship
It's been three years now – three years exactly to the day. I've been counting. When I came in this morning, it was just like any other Friday morning, except the weight of memory was dragging me down. It didn't show, not much, maybe only a little to those that know me. Knew you. I know I'm not the only one that remembers. I don't know if you would appreciate it, or if you would tell us to move on. Well, we have moved on, but that doesn't mean we forgot you.
Gibbs paused by what used to be your desk on his way past, and just smiled a little. His coffee cup was from your regular shop. Don't ask why I noticed, you know I'm observant. And I like to snoop. Remember how much you used to rail at me about it? Gibbs smiled a little, and he looked down at the floor, just behind your desk, where you used to sleep on those long nights of hard cases. I remember seeing you there more than once and a few times I was tempted to disturb you. Once he stopped me, never said anything, he just stopped me. Did you know how much he really cared?
Abby made one of her rare trips upstairs today and no one commented on how unnecessary it was. We all noticed she wasn't wearing pigtails. For awhile she just stared at your desk, letting the talk about the case just flow around her without jumping in. You know how unlike her that is. Last month she visited that spa you never got to go to. She went alone and she came back happy. She still misses you, every day. Sometimes I almost forget that while you were my partner you were her best friend.
McGee ordered a tofu wrap for lunch today and he didn't eat a bite. It just sat on his desk, untouched, and no one said a word. He never said anything, but I know he framed the sketch you made of him. It's hanging on the wall in his writing corner at home – I saw it once and his eyes almost dared me to say something but all I could do was think of the sketch of me, lying in the middle drawer of my desk. I see it every day.
Ducky was the only one who actually said anything – that's Ducky for you. I can see how often he still thinks about you, still cares about you. You got into his heart in a way no else ever has. Maybe it's because you shared a traumatic experience no one else did. Whatever it was, it made him fiercely protective of you and deeply concerned about you. He told old stories that we all remember and have heard a dozen times. Only Ziva acted as if she were interested in hearing them. She never knew you, but she remembers the ghost we left hanging over her head for so long. Of course, Ducky had to go and mention the time I nearly died and you and I ended up in isolation. And how you wouldn't leave me, even when the doctor said you could die too.
Ziva looked over at me then and I think she knew. She has a knowing look; her eyes look right through you. You'd have liked her Kate. She sees through me just like you used to. I think she knew that sometimes I look up and still expect to see you. She knew that I sometimes pause after I make a crass, lewd comment because I'm waiting for you to snap at me. But you're never there and you never speak. Honestly, I never really expect it, but it's still second nature. A reflex: to think of you.
You were the sister I never had.
It's Ziva's desk now and I think of it that way. I'm used to her and I like her. She's not you, never you. You are two totally different women and yet in so many, important, ways you are so similar. Both strong and driven. But you were the sister I never had and she has become my best friend. Today, though, I'm thinking of you.
I miss you Kate.