Disclaimer: The Tomb Raider series and its characters are not mine; they're Eidos Interactive, Core Design and Crystal Dynamics'
Author's Note: My first TR humor/parody fanfic. I got the idea from forums I went where many people are arguing about the old and new Lara, comparison, and stuff like that. This fiction does not reflect my opinion about the games though; I still love Tomb Raider and Lara no matter what people said. I only write this fiction for fun and this fic should not to be taken seriously.
I have to admit that my English isn't perfect. It's not even my native language. So there may be some occasional mistakes, and maybe even words that did not make sense like direct translation or something. Okay, enough with that, let's go on with the fic…
The War of The Laras
TR1 Lara, TR2&3 Lara, TR4&5 Lara, TRAOD Lara, Legend Lara and Anniversary Lara were all at the Croft manor.
I have combined TR2&TR3 and TR4&TR5 Lara because they look quite basically the same to me.
"Well, what brings you all here?" Anniversary Lara asked in a Keeley Hawes voice.
Then they are going into a heated argument as TRAOD Lara is busy reapplying her eyeliners, completely unaware of the other Laras.
"We don't like you. Most people think that you're way much better than us." TR1 Lara, TR2&3 Lara and TR4&5 Lara answered in unison.
"Well, well. Being a graphically beautiful and sexy 2007 game character is way much better that triangular-breasted-ugly-looking-1996-game-character-that-physical-attributes would-have-to-be-really-exaggerated-in-order-to-make-it-very-clear-in-game-that-she-was-a-woman. Don't you think so, Legend Lara?"
TR Legend Lara nodded in agreement.
TR1 Lara, who is clearly insulted by this replied furiously in a Shelley Blond voice
"Just because you're good-looking does not mean that you could insult me! Thanks to me you all have your D-cups now!"
Her eye trailed to Legend Lara
"Well, maybe except you. You got a C cup. So much for 'natural' looks" TR1 Lara said.
"Does the game is about who have the better boobs!? I am way much better than you all. I have my magnetic grapple, and never have to worry about running out of flares. My gears are much better than you all! And my Japan dress is the sexiest outfit compared to all of yours! "
TRAOD Lara is now busy reapplying her lipstick, occasionally fluttering her eyes in front of the small mirror to see how well she appiled her eyeliners and mascara, completely oblivious of the heated argument.
"But they're not a practical raiding outfit. My wetsuit is much better than them. How you're supposed to move in those Japan dress?" TR2&3 Lara said in a Judith Gibbins voice.
"And my black cool shiny catsuit is definitely practical compared to a ruined expensive night dress" TR4&5 said in a Jonell Elliot voice.
TRAOD Lara, who have finished reapplying her makeup realizes the arguments and said
"Why all of you are arguing? I thought I'm invited here for a nice cup of tea?" she said in a slightly different Jonell Elliot voice compared to TR4&5 Lara.
"Well, we lied to you" The other Laras said.
TRAOD Lara, clearly irritated by this shouted to them
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BITCHES ARE LYING TO ME! I'M SUPPOSE TO HAVE A DATE WITH KURTIS TODAY AND YOU ALL LIED TO ME JUST TO HAVE THIS SILLY ARGUMENTS!"
"How rude" Anniversary Lara said.
"No wonder the Parisian polices are looking for you" Legend Lara said
"Hey, it's not my fault, okay? It's HER fault" TRAOD Lara glared at TR4&5 Lara.
"What?" TR4&5 Lara asked
"For being stuck in that damned pyramid. I barely managed to get myself out of there. That's why I'm a little bit…cold and quite rude."
"Back to our argument, TRAOD Lara, who do you think is the best among us?"
"Of course I'm the best. I got beautiful eyeliners, I can punch people in-game and not to mention that I have a hot guy, well you all know who it is" TRAOD Lara said confidently.
"No way! My makeup's much better. Your eyelashes looks like they've been clumped together. And Anniversary Lara, Your eyelashes look horrible when they're viewed up-close in-game" Legend Lara said.
TR1 Lara, TR2&3 and TR4&5 Lara keep silent since they have eyelashes only in renders. No way they're gonna win about eyelash argument.
Anniversary Lara lunged at Legend Lara, and yanked her ponytail. Legend Lara growled in pain as she tugged hard at Anniversary Lara's braid.
"Your hair is terrible. It's too orange! It's not even a braid. So un-Lara!" Anniversary Lara screamed.
Legend Lara slapped Anniversary Lara and said
"So you think you are? I wish when they remake TR1 they keep the triangular breasts for you"
"I wish they make your chest flat! Not even a normal cup!" Anniversary Lara said as she punches Legend Lara in the face.
"I wish they keep the ugly bun hair !"
"I wish they make you ugly!"
The quarrel goes on and the other 4 Laras, clearly not interested in this argument anymore, left, leaving the two so-called next-gen Lara fighting on the floor.
END
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So, what do you think of this story? Please review. Maybe I'll make a Part 2 if i got enough ideas and feedbacks.