Disclaimer: Again, I own not a thing.

I want to attack him. I want to bury my face in his neck and his perfectly styled hair. I want to kiss all the odd angles of his face. I want to show him what it means to be like me. I want to possess him.

But there is so much more than that. I have dabbled with so many people in my lifetime, my extremely long lifetime. There have only been two other men I had felt this way with. Not John. The bastard was one hot fuck, but I never loved him. No, there have only been two others. The Doctor and the true Capt. Jack Harkness.

But I had had very brief moments with them. I saw Ianto every day. I used to think that Ianto was, to put it in John's terms, "eye-candy." But something happened the day that his cyberwoman got out of the basement. He had a fire in the back of his eyes. Other than the Doctor, I had never seen someone so passionate to protect something. It was...inspiring I suppose. Come to think of it, I had never really cared too much about anyone except myself. Either way, when I saw him…supposedly dead… I had to give him some of my extra life. The best way that I knew to do that was a kiss.

Ianto Jones.

He doesn't know it but I feel guilty. I mean, I don't have any remorse for killing the cyberwoman. She wasn't Lisa anymore. The fact that the whole thing even went on under my nose was exasperating. I am more disappointed in myself for how upset it has made him. I think perhaps I gave him closure. But painfully.

Another thing he doesn't know is just how deeply I understand it. I never told Tosh this but the only reason I knew what that pendant was is that I have one locked in my desk. I use it sometimes to see what they really think of me. It's a little startling sometimes. But when I listen to Ianto all I hear and feel is his pain. Underneath all the "Yes, sirs" and the small smiles, he was dying.

I thought I was crazy the first time I heard him think about me. The things he was thinking were a little more up my alley than his. Still, the offer stood. I figure that if it gives him some…relief, I am doing something right.

Stopwatch.

That's how it began. I'm not going to pretend I understand why he would choose me after what I did, but its worth it. Maybe for the first time in what seems like forever, the sex means something. At least, I know it means more to him. But I don't know if I can trust myself to truly be... Have feelings.

R&R