Burning Room
"You don't want to be involved with me," He said slowly, clipping his words with the deliberate control he had mastered throughout the years, but still, tried so hard to keep.
"What?" Her voice was soft, but held all the incredulous emotions captive in her body.
She shook her head, as brown curls tossed in front of her vision the way she hated so much. She took a step forward, raking her small fingers through her hair in pure frustration, such a contrast to the soft, delicate way he would trace his bold fingertips around her face, lacing the strands that would dare intrude in front of her eyes, around his long fingers, brushing them out of the way.
"What are you talking about?"
She watched him back away, and noticed that he had cringed as she drew closer to him. She stopped, willing her feet to stay beneath her, forcing her body to stay within her control.
"What are you talking about?" She repeated, this time her voice was strained, holding back the tears she knew would soon escape. God, she was a fucking cry baby.
"You don't want anything to do with me,"
The control over his voice was wavering as the quiver in it was audible to only those listening for it. Of course, she noticed it, for it had become a habit for her to take in everything released from his lips. She took this as a sign, daring to take another step into the unspoken boundaries between them.
"Stop it!" He cried, startling her with that booming voice, dripping with pure venom, poisonous as it entered those it was directly to.
She swallowed hard, her body shaking from the crippling control she tired so hard to put it under.
He had never spoken to her that way when they were alone before, away from the prying beings of their fellow students. Always using soft words, and seductive phrases as he would whisper into her ear, his hot breath against her neck the way she loved. The way she had grown so accustomed to, that the thought of it being taken away was horrid and unimaginable.
She had felt it.
She felt that desperate pull of needing more, and the feel of never having enough. Her body physically drew to what it desired unthinkingly, leaving her to brush off a dull crash into his chest multiple times in the corridors as a clumsy mistake.
God, she was so stupid! Never mind just fancying a Malfoy, but having him to be all she desired, all she yearned for, all she ached for, was a foolish way to live her life full of promise. But she didn't want any of that, unless she had him.
Why did she want him so bad? The answer was ridiculous, barely making any kind of sense in even her mind. She was that girl. The recognizable hand that would fly above all her classmate's heads, whenever a question would leave her professors' lips. She couldn't help but be that girl.
It was a sad conclusion she had made. That she wasn't good at being anything else.
But him.
He was the one who made her revaluate who she really was. He made her feel like she could be better.
And by being with him in those stolen hours of the whispers of the night, where no one would find the secretive draw and pull between their bodies, where unspoken and forbidden words would surface, floating in the dark night around them, where she wasn't who she was during the day, nor he; she felt like she was better. She felt desired, not only for her answers to a test, she felt special, not only for being the smartest student in her year, she felt wanted.
The feeling was extraordinary. Every brush of his skin against hers, sent madness crashing throughout her small body. Every breath against the softness of her neck, sent pure chills trailing up her back. Every connection of his ice blue eyes against her honey ones, and she was not who she was anymore.
This wasn't healthy, being so invested inside another person, that nothing else mattered, nothing else are even there. But she didn't care. Because being with him was so different than the mediocrity of what she called her life, the one she had to suffer through until his rough hands would take over the soft contours of her body, and make everything better.
She didn't want to go back inside the dark tunnel of her mind, where all it housed were answers, and equations and formulas.
She wanted more than that.
All through her life, she had never asked for more than offered to her, in fear of seeming selfish or conceited. But this time, she didn't care what others thought, what others would perceive of her after what she desired would be exposed from her being.
She wanted Draco. All of him and only him.
She had asked the Gods to grant her ultimate wish, asked the heavens to help her keep him, asked all greater powers, but even while she desperately sought for aid, she knew only one thing could be done. But she was too bloody scared to fully thrust herself into the unknown to ever ask him of that.
That was where their differences were finally acknowledged, for having been known in existence ever since their eyes met in a lock too strong for anyone to dare break. Who they were, what they were, were finally beginning to be realized after carefully floating in the depths of the realm of their minds, never daring the break the surface until now.
Was this why he didn't want her? Because they were too different? She had known that it could never work out. Whatever the fuck, they even had. But she couldn't – wouldn't let go of it. And neither did he. And she thought that that was enough.
But apparently not.
She dropped her head, her light curls spilling all around her angelic face, tickling the graces of her cheek. She felt her chest start to constrict, pulling, and pulsing, against her weakening control.
The back of her eyes began to burn, searing through her head, and attacking all those around it. Her vision began to blur, the image of the one thing she desired, distorted into a series of blues, greens, and whites. Before she knew it, her eyes brimmed over, having housed the tears she had kept inside of her ever since his lips grazed her lashes.
Even when they first met, a grain of knowledge transferred through the superior bond of their eyes, and she knew. He was going to be the one to break her heart. Smash it with all force in his body, until it was beyond any kind of repair possible.
She knew it. But she didn't care.
And now, as she felt her heart start to crack, all the pent up emotions of pure devastation were finally released, escaping past the barrier around her fragile being.
She kept her head hung low, embarrassed, as she quickly used her sleeve to drag away all the tears from her face, forcing them away, but only to be succumbed to raw sobs scratching out of her throat, releasing more tears from her eyes.
"Hermione…" She heard him say quietly, almost cautiously. She kept her face hidden. He couldn't see her like this, so broken, so fragile.
"Mione," He whispered to her again, his voice cracking from the icy control that had burdened it moments before.
She slowly raised her eyes from the cold, hard floor between them, finally daring to meet the ones that could burrow into her soul. He had not moved from the position against the bedpost, his body pulled back away from her slightly more than she had remembered.
God! Why did he have to be like this! She didn't have some sort of contagious illness, and her hygiene was up to par. What was it about her that made him want to stay away from her like she was the fucking plague?!
She began to grow angry, her small hands clenching into fist against her sides. Her nails digging in the delicate skin of her palm, daring to break the surface.
"I knew getting involved with you was wrong, but who knew someone so smart like me, could be so fucking daft!"
She watched as her harsh words threw themselves at his chest, and she hoped that they would hurt him as bad she was hurting right now.
"I thought you were different," She continued, her voice raising, forcing the quiver in it to be gone. "I thought the way everybody sees you, as the all mighty Slytherin Prince, was just a stupid title you used to keep people away from you. But now, I realize, why the hell would anybody want to get close to a heartless, vile, person like you! I thought you were different from your family, but of course I was wrong."
She narrowed her eyes at him, staring into his blue eyes, deep as the ocean as they watched her release all the anger from her core.
"You are just like your father."
She forced out finally, her breathing coming heavy as her chest heaved from the abrupt explosion of all her feelings and thoughts, dripping with cruelty as they were shot at the man she could not live without.
She watched something inside of him crack, as her last phrase was released from her lips. His eyes were ice cold once again, any glint of worry for her was gone, replaced by the vindictive stare she had seen so many times.
He raised his lanky body to its full height, momentarily astonishing her by the image of a man he had grown to be. His shoulders were broad and structured, his chest hardened with muscle.
He took a step towards her, and she felt her breath shake as she inhaled and exhaled deeply.
"Watch your mouth, you don't know who you're speaking to, Granger."
She watched him take another step towards her, invading the unspoken boundary between them. Her breathing caught in her throat as his body hovered over hers, blocking her line of vision, so he was all she could see, all she could sense.
Usually she wouldn't have it any other way. But not with this Draco, looming before her. This Draco wasn't who she loved, wasn't who she wanted forever, but it was who she met, but wasn't who she knew he could be.
"My father could wring your muggle parents' little necks with a flick of his wrists," He continued, never taking his malicious eyes away from hers. "And poor little Granger's parents would be dead. Just like that, you filthy Mudblood." He spat out at her, his voice hard and cruel, so unlike to what she was used to.
That name, it stung as it shot into her chest, like sharp metal daggers had. Never had he called her that in the whispers they shared in the night.
She remembered that he had once apologized for calling her that in their second year, revelling her in his soft kisses everywhere imaginable.
The memory, however, at this moment was the furthest from her mind, the harshness of his words sank into her skin, like venom, spreading the pain throughout her body like a wildfire.
"Fuck you, Malfoy!" She cried at him, as new intense sobs raked from her throat, bringing with it stinging tears that burned her skin.
She turned away from him, her curls whipping around, sticking to her wet cheeks, as she ran out of their room where every kiss was given, and every forbidden word was uttered.
Her vision blurred even more, as thunderous tears leaked from her eyes. She gasped for air, as her body collided against the unsympathetic, hard brick of the empty corridor. Her throat tightened, as another raw sob of protest to what she was feeling racked from her core.
"Hermione!" She heard him cry from behind her, his solid footsteps edging closer and closer with every harsh breath she drew.
She squeezed her eyelids shut, willing to never allow his vision to penetrate hers again. She couldn't see him, for just his image would break the wave of pure emotion she felt for him from behind the gates of her heart she had forced away when those cruel words escaped from his lips.
She fell out of her desperate balance, as her palms shoved into the ground beneath her, a weak attempt to soften her fall. But really, nothing to ease the pain of the grace she had fallen
from, those stolen moments of happiness she felt when she was with him, now gone.
Because she was a daft fool, and he was a manipulative bastard!
As she cradled her head in her tiny arms, squeezing her eyes shut with all the force she could muster, she felt a familiar hand grace her back, the warmth from his body transferring to the cold, hard shell she was becoming.
She flinched as she could feel his long fingers spread about her robe, clutching the fabric in his fists. Despite herself, she could not pull away from his touch, and she could feel herself succumbing to the nest of his arms around her.
"Mione," His voice was a husky rumble his throat, as it felt so far away from her desperate ears.
She shifted from under his body.
"Hermione, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. But God, woman, you are driving me insane!" His words slithered from behind his clenched teeth, as if it pained him to reveal that fact.
She swung her body around abruptly to face his, forcefully trying to squirm out of Draco's strong grasps.
"Fuck off, Malfoy!"
"No!" He cried, tightening his hold on her small body, letting her small fists beat against his chest, letting her hands dig into his biceps, letting this dear girl fight against him, but there was no way she could win.
"You have to listen to me, Hermione" He tried again, vehemently pulling her closer to his body so that she could no longer move or fight, clasping both his strong hands on either side of her head, his fingers tangled in her chestnut curls. He forced her head to face his, feeling her jaw clench harshly from beneath his fingers.
Her eyes refused to meet his, as she tried to reach for her wand, but then remembered she had set it down on her nightstand on the nights they had to steal to for their beings to meet. She never thought of a use for it when he was with her.
Fuck her stupidity.
"Hermione, you cannot be involved with me or we will both be doomed."
She lifted her eyes from the hard ground where they were, and up at his, which were filled with a kind of sadness she had never seen before.
"We will be doomed to live lives full of pain, hurt, and regret, because there is no way a happy ending is out there for us. Do you actually think that this could work out?"
He wasn't yelling but she could hear the anger sheathing from his throat.
His voice dropped, as his eyes fell. "I'm not like you, Mione. I'm not smart, or reasonable. I'm ill-tempered and vile! Why would you want to be with me, when you could have 'ole pathetic Weaselbee crawling at your feet. You know that I'm no good for you, you know that evil is coursing through my veins." He paused.
She saw it as a chance for her to tell him how wrong he was, but her voice was stuck roughly in her throat, and no sound was released when she parted her lips to protest.
"You know all of that, so why do you want to be with me? I want you mine, Hermione, and I am willing to face everything the world will throw at me, just so I could be with you. Do you know how much it pisses me off that when we part at dawn, and go our separate ways, my heart is fucking aching to pull you back to me, but I know I can't! Do you know how many times I have paced outside of that door, trying to find the courage to knock and ask you out on an official date, only to be remember how impossible that notion is." He raised his eyes to meet hers once again.
"I will break your heart, because I am a coward. And I know you will break mine when you realize that too."
She watched him drop his head, never seen him so defeated, a characteristic she knew that a Malfoy was never allowed to show. She then realized that that was the most he had ever said to her, the most in fact, she had ever heard him speak.
"I'll live it."
Her voice was quiet, but was strict with determination.
"What?" Confusion clouded across his arctic eyes.
"A life full of pain, and hurt." She grasped at his arms around her, digging her nails into them in desperation." I don't care how this ends, or how our lives will be once it's all over. All I care about is being with you right now."
His ice blues eyes penetrated hers, as she could feel him ponder the raw truths of her words.
After what seemed like eternity, his lips parted, his voice cracking.
"We're fucking doomed."
Her eyes did not leave his, as the harsh reality of his words were rightly justified and reluctantly absorbed.
Then, something strange happened, as she felt the edges of her mouth curve into a smile. Before she knew it, a ripple of laughter erupted from her chest, shaking her whole body.
He looked at her as if she were crazy for a moment, then felt his own laughter freely flow from him. They were laughing, not because of a momentarily lapse in their coherent thinking, but rather, at the conclusion they had just made.
Because really, who the fuck cared?!
They were each willing to risk their wellbeing, their happiness, to be with each other for an undetermined amount of time.
They just felt so, free! For the burden of the need to choose a life with each other weighed heavier against their shoulders than they had ever imagined it would. But they have chosen, and the heaviness seemed to float from their beings, releasing its tight grasps on them.
As that familiar smirk of his made its way back onto his face, fitting perfectly against his mouth, like a puzzle placed in its proper spot, he grasped her head delicately in his strong hands. And ever so slowly, lowered his lips onto hers, divulging her into a passionate kiss. Though soft as it was, it felt stronger, and deeper, for it had not been stolen in the confinements of that room, had not been burdened with the fear of getting caught. It felt right.
His words were true. There was no way that this could work out. He was stubborn and she was never known to be a pushover. They would have many brawls and arguments, ending in her in tears and him, drowning in firewhiskey. One day, they would have the fight, filled with utmost hatred and firing fury, and inevitably, their hearts would break as expected to do so.
For there was no way they could change who they were.
They were slow dancing in a burning room, frolicking within the flames, flirting with the dangers of being burned. Because, once the four walls had been lit, and the fire would spread, there was no escape from the predestined fact that everything they would've worked for, everything they would've fought for; along with themselves, would be set ablaze.
But that didn't matter. For, as long as their beings begged for each other, as long as their hearts beat as one, for the time they were together, it would be worth it.
He knew it, and she knew it. And as their lips continued to collide in the most passionate of kisses, he took her tiny hand in his, lacing his long fingers with hers. For as long as they could just be together, the fire that would surely destroy everything they had, could continue to burn.