One shot—song fic

Revenge is Sweeter (than you ever were) – the Veronicas

This is all in Kikyou's p.o.v, all the things she thought but was never able to say.

I saw it in the news
You told me they were wrong
And I stood up for you
'Cause I believed you were the one

Our entire past, before that fate crashing day that we were turned against each other, I was there with you. A priestess, a mortal woman, with conflicted feelings. I was supposed to be pure, humble, and selfless yet you changed all of that… Inuyasha, the man I fell in love with against my will because it was destined to happen. All my heart belonged to you, my soul, too. No matter what anyone in the village said, no matter who told me it was wrong, no matter what they called you, I stood beside you.

Because I thought we could be together, I wished for it, prayed for it. I gave you everything I am, I gave up everything I had. But I didn't mind because I thought you'd do the same. That's why I was filled with so many ill feelings when I thought you betrayed me… when I was brought back to life… to see you again… to find out the truth… to see you with her, it was all enough to kill me again.

You had all the chances in the world
To let me know the truth
What the hell's wrong with you?

All the promises you made to me—you'd protect me, help me, be with me—none of them had you ever kept. My heart was yours for the taking, even after I was brought back, yet you left over and over again. Oh, how I tried to distance myself from you to counter the pain of you with her—my reincarnation, the woman who bested me. Did you even care how that made me feel? Or did you believe my façade of strength?

I was, am, still but a woman.

I gave you every chance, every time we met, to tell me what had happened—that your heart belonged to another—yet you lied again and again and… I wanted to believe it. That there was still a place for me in your heart, why not just tell me? She was all you cared for. It would have been easier than believing your beautiful lies.

Are you even listening when I talk to you?
Do you even care what I'm going through?
Your eyes stare and they're staring right through me
You're right there but it's like you never knew me

The first time you came to me, after you let me fall off the cliff, I wanted to be with you forever. I had given up everything for you—my life, my hopes, my duties. Did you even care about any of that? No, because you looked right passed me when you saw her there, tied to the tree. You left me to go to her. To love her. Did you ever hear anything I'd ever told you? How I wished to be with you? Did that matter? Did you love me?

Do you even know how much it hurt,
That you gave up on me to be with her?
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were

You have no idea how much it killed me each time you left me for her. You have no idea how it felt when you gave up on me to be with her. That's why I let the pain over take me, that's why I stayed away, that's why I needed to kill Naraku. To blame anyone but you for what was happening, I needed my revenge. Even dreaming of it was far sweeter than you had ever been.

I'm so mad at you right now
I can't even find the words
And you're on the way down
I can't wait to see you burn
You try to make me hate that girl
When I should be hating you
What the hell's wrong with you?

I loved you, I still do even as I die a second time, but that doesn't mean I could find the words to tell you this. The anger that had become a part of me jumbled any I might discover. Inside, I wanted to see you hurt as much as I had, I did, every time I saw you with another.

You never understood what it felt like to be overshadowed by another. To love someone that you could never have. You never loved me, truly, did you?

Everyone made it seem like it was her fault and mine, which we were the sources of our own pain. That was the only thing I shared in common with my reincarnation, as far as I was concerned. Your friends and all that looked upon our tale blamed her for my pain and me for hers. That was never it though, was it, Inuyasha? It was you.

Your constant feeble feeling, going back and forth over and over again, it was not fair. I never hated her, but I could not find it in my heart to hate you either. I wanted to, perhaps that would have made the pain dwindle.

Are you even listening when I talk to you?
Do you even care what I'm going through?
Your eyes stare and they're staring right through me
You're right there but it's like you never knew me

It seemed like you never knew me, all the moments we shared in the past had left your mind. How could you look through me to see another? How could you forget all that times we shared? Our kiss, our love, our promise? I was there for you in the start yet she was there for you in the end… that did not change how I felt, how betrayed my soul burned.

I… could understand you loving another but… why couldn't you leave me be then? Why did you run to me each time I was near? Why did you save me at every chance? Why couldn't you just let me go if all you did in the end was run back to her!? Do you even care what I went through? You never knew me, did you? I understood you but your mind never comprehended my heart, did it?

Nothing can save you now that it's over
I guess that you'll find out when you're no one
Don't say you're sorry now 'cause I just don't care

It's over, I cannot hold on to this life anymore, I cannot see you anymore without the pain burning through me, I cannot be. I suppose someday you will discover how I felt… or you will just forget me as I fade away. I do not want to hear a sorry because you would never mean it, just like all the promises you made. I just don't care anymore.

Do you even know how much it hurt,
That you gave up on me to be with her?
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were
(than you ever were)
Revenge is sweeter than you ever were

I did not get to see Naraku die; I was not a part of the final battle, so why was I brought back at all? Did my death not hurt enough the first time? Was it my punishment for giving up my duties, for being tainted by you? Was it my own little hell?

There was no point to any of it. I wish I had never been brought back.

Goodbye, my only love.