A/N: Sequel to "No Reason Not To". I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
There Goes My Life…
Sirius Black was kissing me. I don't mean that he was giving me a peck on the lips; his delicious tongue was exploring the inside of my mouth as his lips sucked on my own. I just sat there, dazed. I was perfectly still, not even moving my lips while he snogged me.
To say that I was stunned wouldn't be truthful; I was so shocked that my body froze. I had wanted this for so long…I'd been in love with Sirius ever since I could remember. He was so beautiful; his face looked like it was carved by angels (I know it's cliché, but what can I say? I love him…). And his face was nothing compared to that body. How desperately I wanted to be close to him; to cuddle with his arms around me.
And it was happening. I wasn't expecting this; I'd just been telling him…no, I'd been lying to him about never being able to find a girl. I've never wanted a girl; I've know that I've been gay forever. After what seemed like days of Sirius's lips moving against my still ones, he pulled away.
"I knew it…" he said and walked away. What had he known? That I loved him too? Wait...did he think that I didn't like him because I hadn't kissed him back. Shit… I ran after him at full speed, finally catching up to him.
"S—Sirius," I panted, "Why'd you-why'd you leave?" He gave me a terrifying look that scared the crap out of me.
"Because, Remus, you obviously don't want me. I love you…I kissed you! And what'd you do? You sat there and did nothing. As usual, Remus, you just sat and watched. If you don't want me, then leave me alone." My eyes swelled with tears; he loved me.
"Sirius," I didn't go on…I didn't know what to say. Instead, I grabbed his neck and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Sirius's eyes popped open and then gradually fluttered closed. He moved his lips off of mine and moved them to the crook of my neck. With each wet kiss, I moaned in enjoyment. This was how things were supposed to be.
I felt his hands move up my back onto my head as he threaded his fingers through my hair. He pushed our kiss deeper until I could barely breathe. I didn't mind, though. It was worth it.
He started backing up while our mouths were still locked together. I felt my back hit a wall; they were on the outside of Hogwarts. Sirius brought one hand down to my pants and squeezed. My eyes popped open and I kissed him harder and faster than ever to show my gratitude.
He smirked, his tongue still in my mouth, and said, "I knew sat wood get to you."
"You really think I can understand you while I've got your mouth pressed against mine?" I asked with a laugh.
"I said, I knew that would get to you." I waggled my eyebrows and he started kissing me more. His mouth left mine and started unbuttoning my shirt. After he'd thrown it off, he moved down to my knickers.
"Wait." I said, "Sirius…this is way to fast. What are you doing, do you think I'm one of the little whores you like so much?" I said those words too fast, though I did mean them.
"Haha, Moony. Just say so…I'll stop for you. I'll do anything for you," he said, sucking on my ear lobe. I giggled (yes, I giggled…crap) and pushed him off playfully. "Wait, Remus…just one more…" And he grabbed my face in his hands and pressed my entire body into the wall. He was kissing me with so much force that I could barely breathe. He shoved his tongue down my throat and reached his hand down once more. I reacted the same way and after what could've been years of snogging, he released me.
I was panting again, not quite sure what to say. What were we going to do about this relationship? Would we tell people or keep it between ourselves? Would we tell James and Peter? How would they react?
"Sirius…" I said, "What will we tell the others?" He turned his head sideways and gave me a look like (how ironic) a dog. He even had his tongue sticking out. He grabbed my neck and tried to give me a hickey. I shuddered; how could someone like that make you feel so good?
"We're not telling anybody anything, Moony." That didn't surprise me; Sirius had a reputation to uphold. "This relationship," he kissed my arms in between words, "Is for nobody to know about…" he kissed me long and hard, "But us." I didn't want it to be this way; I didn't think that Sirius did either.
"B-but…" I stuttered as he traced one of my more hideous scars with his tongue, "Why—why not?" He stopped and gave me another look that plainly said Are you mad? Yes, I probably was. I must've been crazy to think that he would give everything up for me…I was the one that would do that for him. I should just let him be, I thought, I've wanted him for too long to make him angry.
"Only joking," I lied. "I mean…why would we tell people, anyway? They'd only be…erm, rude about it."
"Yeah, and if anybody found out, I'd be toast with the ladies." I thought he was kidding; he would be loyal to me, right? I looked straight into his eyes and realized that he was serious.
"Ladies, Sirius?" I tried to sound angry, but it was impossible to be with his tongue in the gape of my neck.
"Well, yeah. I mean, it's not like we're going to have a relationship; I thought we would be open." I knew that by open, he meant 'dating other people'. Well, I thought, this really sucks. I couldn't really think of anything else. "Don't worry, though. I'll always love you the best."
This was the problem with Sirius; I never knew if he was serious or just playing around. Did he actually love me the best, or was I just his newest toy? I really hoped he was being genuine; I couldn't handle losing him. They say, 'you never miss what you haven't had'. I suppose it's true, but now I did have Sirius, and I knew that I would miss him dearly if he left me.
So, our lives continued on as usual. Well, besides the fact that I secretly snuck into his bed every night so that I could used even more by Sirius. This was, of course, after James and Peter had gone to bed. I naturally got up early enough to have left before Prongs and Wormtail even stirred. Yes, life was going quite well.
Then, one day, I was sitting against a tree near the lake. It was then that I saw him. With a girl. A very pretty girl, actually…they were holding hands. He leaned over to whisper something into her ear that was apparently funny. She giggled as he pulled her closer. He gave her nose a little peck and then proceeded with snogging her.
I could feel my heart breaking, why is he doing this to me? Doesn't he know how much I care? He did know, he just didn't give two gallons. Maybe he thought that I couldn't see him…maybe that was why he was doing this. Nope; he saw me quite well. He actually looked up and winked at me after he and his little bitch sat down to eat their stupidly cute picnic.
I was disgusted, but what could I do? I would go on loving him no matter what; it would be best to just deal with it. I would never let go of him; it was better to share him than to not have him at all.
It hurts when the only person you want to hold onto forever is with someone else... All you can do is continue loving them, watch them from a distance, then walk away and say... 'There goes my life'. Trust me…I know how it feels.
A/N: I really hope you all liked this. I'm so sorry that it wasn't a happy ending, but it just couldn't be. I may do a third part if I get enough requests. Thank you all for reading, please leave me a review!