Broken Hearts

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Go on, then. Where're we gonna go first?"

Those are the first words she chooses for their stolen moment alone, her tone teary and painfully hopeful against his cheek in the midst of a hug.

Already, he can feel his hearts breaking.

She pulls back when he doesn't reply, grinning up at him delightedly as though she is simply waiting for him to decide, not seeing – perhaps choosing not to see – the anguish written across his features. Laughter echoes from the console room, just a few paces down the corridor, as his companions bid one other farewell and prepare to leave his ship, each of them full of a sense of triumph and friendship they had not thought possible mere hours ago.

But he, he knows what happens next. He cannot meet her eyes.

Somewhere to his left, there's a loud crash and a stunned silence before five or more voices break out into laughter once again. He wants to raise his hands to his forehead in despair, but he finds he cannot let go of her. Her hands slide around behind his neck and she pulls herself closer, happiness radiating from her every pore.

Even so, he can still tell that she is thinner than she once was. Older. Tired. He did that to her. How can he break her again?

"Rose," he begins, finding that – as usual – he cannot go on. Something inside him snaps as the look on her face moves into the beginnings of a frown of concern and she trails a hand down to rest over one of his own at her side, pushing her fingers through his.

"What's wrong? Doctor?"

After everything he has promised her, after everything he suspects she has sacrificed – not least her optimism and her naivety – to find him, how can he tell her that he is leaving her behind?

"I missed you," he tells her, voice cracking, head bent down. She holds him tighter and he can tell that the smile on her face will be one laced with sorrow.

"I missed you too," she whispers, drawing back and ducking her head to try and meet his eye. When he doesn't respond, she squeezes his hand at her side. "Told you I was never gonna leave you, didn't I? And I was right."

At this, he cannot help but raise his head, searching her face for recognition of the fate he is about to hand her. She is full of a bittersweet happiness, a level of contentment that can come only after intense pain. She has no idea. She will never guess, but how can he tell her? How can even begin to attempt to explain it when he's not sure he'll even be able to let her go long enough to say goodbye?

A tear slips down her cheek as her hand moves from the back of his neck to caress his face in a gesture that has been left waiting in the air since Bad Wolf Bay all those years ago. Perhaps he does not deserve to be alone, he thinks fleetingly as she inches closer. Perhaps they both deserve this, for her fight and his loneliness. Perhaps this is –

"Oh, get a room, you two!"

They jump apart abruptly, Rose grasping at his sleeves as they separate, unwilling to let him go entirely. Unconsciously, he pulls her a little closer again, mouth feeling odd with the sudden absence of her lips so close to touching his.

"I mean it," Donna tells them, pointing her finger severely. "One far away from this room. With soundproof walls."

Rose dissolves into startled laughter in his arms as Donna throws them both a wink and returns to the console room with a sniggering Jack.

And, watching Donna's retreating back, the Doctor remembers. What good has he brought to these people? Davros was right; he has turned them into soldiers. Casualties of war, just like him.

He lets go of Rose and takes a step back. He knows why he's supposed to be alone.

--

In the doorway to the console room, the face of the other Doctor, the human-Time Lord metacrisis, falls in resignation. He knows exactly what's going to happen next.

There will be four broken hearts by the end of the day, and his own singular beat is hurting for them all.