Who Dunnit?

A murder-comedy written by Alex John

Parodied by VampireLove101

WARNING!

The following work of fiction may contain questionable content. If you disapprove of swearing, violence, adult situations, or unique and bizarre humor involving carrots, then perhaps you shouldn't read this and instead pick up a book about furry bunnies and such. But if you read this anyway don't come crying to me because I warned you far in advance. Now that that's all over with, enjoy the story! NOTE: This story was revised in 2007. But other than a few minor revisions, and the addition of the bonus chapter, it is the same story that was written in late 2005/early 2006.

Chapter One : Gone Fishing

Fisherman Fred and Fisherman George were drunk as hell one night fishing out on the lake somewhere in northern Little Winging. The two were having a good time but neither was catching anything.

"Hey I got a bite!" Fred shouted. His fishing reel was being tugged at the end. George looked at the end of the rod and in total disbelief he said, "Wishful thinking pal. Why don't you reel it in and see for your self?"

Fred reeled in as fast as he could and soon enough his empty lure emerged from the deep lake. He had nothing. George laughed and handed Fred a beer. Fred opened up the beer but it exploded in his face. George burst out laughing at his friends' misfortune. Still thinking he could get the fish, Fred put his lure back in the water and bobbed it up and down.

"Here fishy, fishy, fishy, I've got some dinner for you!"

Suddenly the monster fish came out of the water and tried to bite Fred. If he didn't pull his hand away at the last minute, it would have been lunch for the fish.

"Son of a bitch!" yelled Fred.

George continued to laugh at Fred. In the distance Fred noticed a boat with nobody in it.

"Hey what's that?"

"It's a boat, moron."

"Yeah but it's got nobody on it!" exclaimed Fred. Fred took the binoculars that were dangling around his neck and confirmed his claim.

"Let me see that!" George yanked the pair of binoculars off from around Fred's neck. The neck strap got caught around Fred's long and greasy Red hair and Fred yelled as George yanked on the binoculars. George put the binoculars up to his sun burnt face and he could clearly see what his friend saw.

"Well let's get over there!"

After Fred turned on the motor, the boat went cruising over to the abandoned boat across the lake. As the boat came to a stop, both the fishermen were greeted by the remains of a terrible murder. There laid the bodies of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Both had been gruesomely murdered. Blood stained the inside of the boat. The boat was filled with blood stained assorted vegetables that included cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, ears of corn, and others. Ron's had an ear of corn stabbed in his left eye socket and Harry had a carrot stick jabbed in his forehead.

Fred muttered in total fear, "This is brutal!"

"We better tell the park rangers about this one!" George said. "Wait a minute I am a park ranger! I'll call the police!"

Fred and George looked at the bodies in total horror and together both of them said, "Who dunnit?"