The first one got destroyed in the attack, and the second one holds too many bad memories. This is the third one, the third chance, my third chance. Probably my last chance. If my memories weren't so filled to the brim with pain, I'd probably laugh at how ironic this parallel is - my first family got destroyed by Deliora, and the second one did too, and my third family is the only thing keeping me here. As sad as it sounds, it's true, and a diary is where you're meant to put all your secrets that you could never say out loud, right? True, that someone could always discover this, and then my secrets and feelings would be discovered, but I'm not scared. I'd rather have someone read my feelings then me expressing them straight to their face.
My first diary was given to me by my parents, when I was 6 years old and was just learning to read and write. We had just moved to Isvan, away from my old home, and I was having a tough time coming to terms with being unable to see my friends for such a long time. It was probably due to my saltiness about moving, that I never tried to make friends after the move. A pretty stupid decision at the time, because my parents were the only ones I could turn to, there was no one to share secrets with - other than the new-born baby, my baby sister, Gracey. But it wasn't as if she could understand. But, I suppose in hindsight, considering the Isvan tragedy, it might've been for the best that I never made too many strong relationships. Not that it made losing my parents and Gracey any easier.
And my second diary was a gift from Ur, when I received all the things that the magic council had been able to find out of my stuff, which was a shirt, a pair of trousers, some shorts, three mismatched socks and a single earring, and the remains of my old diary. I suppose that she thought that I'd like something that reminded me of my home. Not that it was any use, I was so full of anger and grief, that anytime I tried to express my feelings in the diary, I'd burst into tears and run out of the cabin and into the forest. So, that diary was nothing, but pages filled with tears stains and a few almost unreadable words: I hate Deliora, I want Mummy, I miss you - and a few others, that even I can't read.
It's widely thought that diaries are sissy and girly, but they can help - I know that. It's not healthy to keep anything bottled up for too long, and a diary is a way to release those emotions privately. But, solitude is also unhealthy, but what the hell do I know about healthy?
Bye.
Gray - 7th Jan. X775
I know for a fact that I don't want this diary to be sad - I have far too many records of the pain in my own head, I don't need another one. But what I do want a tangible copy of is the happy moments in my life. When I get sad, I always begin to wonder why it's worth holding on to begin with, all I want is to be with my Mother and my Father, and Ur. So, a record of happy moments that I can hold and read and add to, might be the only way I can do something for myself. You know, aside from therapy.
Who knows... maybe this will end up being a record of love?
See ya.
Gray - 20th Apr. X775
Natsu, I know that you're reading this. And believe me when I say that I can still see you, and I still love you, despite everything. I'm sorry that I never told you about what was happening to me, it kills me to see you upset, and I didn't want to see that in my last days. Please believe me when I say that I love you. You stupid Flame-brain. I've been writing in this diary ever since we met, I hope that it will give you some sort of peace, because God knows that you made me happy. You truly saved me, my Pyro. You made my life worth living, you gave me a reason to keep fighting and whilst I didn't believe that I was worth it all the time, you kept me holding on. I don't think I would've survived if I lost you too.
You stupid Flame-Queen.
What do you say when you know that you're at the end? I love you?
I love you so much, Natsu. I love you more than anything else. Words cannot describe how precious you were to me. You were my rival, my best friend, my trusted teammate, my husband, my soulmate. I know we'll see each other again, the combined will of the Gods and Fate can't keep us apart forever. And, I assure you. We will see each other again.
So, I won't say goodbye. I'll say until next time, Natsu. Squinty eyes.
Gray - 25th May X794
Feel free to point out any spelling or grammar mistakes, they're all very useful to me.
This was meant to be a 30 Day OTP Challenge, but I decided to take it past that and make it into a complete story. I think this story will be more focused on the Safe And Sound, which will have sporadic updates. This will not be updated once a day, but I'm hoping that there will be an update once every week or every other week. But we'll see. Anyway, welcome to How Long Is Forever - the title and cover of this book are far from set in stone, so they may change, the cover will but the title might not. I'm rambling now.
Word Count: 879
~ Jaci