Clary POV

"Are you happy?" he asks me.

I think about this. I always think this was a hard question to answer, but it's always one that I answer yes to. Besides, if I answer no, he will feel obligated to ask why, and I don't want that. He doesn't owe me anything.

I always answer yes because I have good friends. Friends who invite me places. Friends who text me 24/7 just to kill time. I go shopping at the mall with Isabelle every week and the movies with Simon.

Before I answer, though, I find myself back in the more recent memories of my life. Curled up in a ball on my bed, silently crying and willing myself to stop in the middle of the night when the rest of my family is sleeping. Thinking about suicide, which scares me, because I've always had it good. Thinking about killing myself and being so scared that I would actually do something to hurt myself.

You're standing in front of the bathroom mirror, with tears streaming down your face as you look down at the smooth skin around your wrists, and you don't want to damage the skin there, but you don't want to keep feeling like this, so you do it. Just once, you tell yourself, even though you know it's a joke and it'll happen again. Just once, you say, even though you know you're going to get addicted to the way it feels. Just once, you bargain, even though you know that if it doesn't get better, one day you might just break the skin tougher than you said you would. Just once...you say, before you try to kill yourself. Just once, and you'll feel better. Just once, and you can finally be happy...

I blink at the question and furrow my eyebrows together before the tears start pooling in my eyes.

As the demons start to pull my soul closer and closer to the billowing darkness that won't ever let me escape from their greedy fingers, I scream out for anyone to grab my wrist and pull me safely into their arms, away from the hands prying my happiness apart, taking it from themselves. I cry out as someone takes hold of me but lets go as I'm almost out, letting me fall deeper and deeper into the hole.

No one cares about me enough, I think to myself.

And so I put on the same smile I do every day and open my mouth to answer when he pulls me into his arms and says, "I know you aren't."

I collapse into his embrace and start to sob uncontrollably. He rubs my back and whispers in my ears, holding me. "I promise you, Clary, I won't let you fall back in there. I'll get you out of the hole that was dug beneath your feet. Just let me hug you. Just let me pick up your pieces and assemble them in their rightful places. Just let me help, and I will," Jace promises.

And I believe him.

Maybe that's where I went wrong before.

Hey guys! Okay, so I know that I haven't been updating a lot lately. I know that. I have been going through stuff and I've been super stressed and I've had a lot of change in my life recently, so I'm still trying to learn to deal with it and accept it for the meantime. So yeah, please don't hate me.

I want you guys to know that I wrote this when I was in a pretty bad place. For means of my own privacy, I'm not going to release this information. I will however, tell you that I'm in a much better place. I'm a lot happier. I'm doing well in school. I'm writing like crazy, because believe it or not, I actually really missed writing for you guys.

Special thanks to my beta, Rippingbutterflywings, for getting these back to me, even though she's been swamped with work. You're the best.

I do believe that that's all I needed to letcha guys knooooowwwwwww.

So yeah, okay then.

I hope you enjoy this. Love you guys.

-Jace loves me.