A/N: Hello. I'm not very happy with this fic, but I decided to post it because I already wrote it, and decided why not. It's very fluffy so far, which I don't like, but it is what it is. This is going to be a Multi-fic, but for those of you who know me, and my tendency to quit working of Multi-fics, you need not worry. I've already written at least 3 more chapters, and I will write more. I don't expect this to go past 10 chapters. I had meant for this to be a One-shot, but it didn't work out. .-. Anyway, please tell me what you think! I will update every day, until I run out of prewritten material, then it will be once a week, or whenever I finish a chapter. :) I wasn't going to post this until it was finished, but I decided, "Why not," so here it is. Rated M for mild language(I bleep out the vowel, but I'm very paranoid) as I don't think I could ever write a lemon… I'm not perverted enough. Again, please, please review!
~~When I look into your eyes~~
~~I can see a love restrained~~
~~But darling when I hold you~~
~~Don't you know I feel the same, yeah~~
It was dark, and cold. That's one thing I remember about that night. It happened right after yet another failed attempt of mine at Dumbledore's life. I had been trying to fix that blasted cabinet since the school year began, but it seemed impossible! If I couldn't fix the cabinet, how else could I get the Death Eaters in Hogwarts, and/or kill the old fool? So, in a fit of desperation, I hexed Madam Rosmerta to hand the package to the first girl who entered the bathroom. I saw as a 7th year Gryffindor, who I believe went by the name of Katie Bell, walked out of the bathroom with the package in hand. I sigh a breath of relief. Phase one, complete.
I sat back in the booth I was sitting in, feeling quite proud of myself. This was going to be easier than I thought! I had barely thought that, when I heard a scream outside. Panic filled me, as I rushed outside the pub, making sure no one saw me. I wasn't supposed to be here, since I was supposed to be in detention with Mcgonagall, but sent Goyle instead. The wonders of Polyjuice potion.
I watched in horror as Katie Bell was suspended in midair, the trio of idiots underneath her wondering what was going on. I cursed under my breath. Of course the stupid girl had to open the package. Despite my anger at having my plan fail, I mainly felt sick, hoping the girl would survive. I didn't need her death on my hands as well as the old fool's. I watched as the girl feel to the ground, and as one of the trio, Scarhead, I think, ran to get someone.
The half breed oaf returned with Scarhead, and ran off with the girl, the trio of idiots, and another girl I didn't know following. Not having any other reason to be in Hogsmeade, I followed behind them, keeping my head down.
When we returned to the castle, I rushed to the men's room, bumping into someone along the way. Not caring who it was, I continued onto the restroom. After making sure it was empty, I rush into a stall, and empty the contents of my stomach. Who knew it would hurt so much to kill someone? As I sat in the stall, I started crying.
Stop crying you pathetic idiot! You should be proud you might have killed that girl! You should be hoping she is dead, not sitting on the floor of this lavatory crying! Rang out the voice of my father in my mind. I shuddered lightly, before throwing up again. I'm not cut out for this. After a few moments of my sobbing, I hear the bathroom door open. I immediately spring up, and close the stall door, so whoever it is that just walked in here does not see me crying like a baby. I stop breathing, as I hear the footsteps move closer to the stalls.
Moments pass, before I hear someone mumble something, and the door to my stall flies open. I stare wide eyed at the person in front of me. A second passes, before the shock wears off, and I'm able to make a snarky comment to the witch in front of me.
I sneer "You know this is a male's washroom, right Granger?" I had wanted my voice to come out as confidant, arrogant, cool. Anything but the way it came out, scratchy and dry from my vomiting. F*ck.
I watch as she raises an eyebrow. "I know fully well where I am Malfoy. Would you mind telling me why you are crying in a male's washroom?" Great, so she knew I was crying. Well obviously she would figure it out, your eyes are probably red, and you have tear stains down your face you idiot! A voice hissed at me in my mind. I put up my guard, and look at her coldly.
"It is none of your business why I am crying Granger." I said coldly, my voice still a bit raw sounding.
She narrowed her eyes at me. "So it had nothing to do with the fact Katie Bell was just given a cursed necklace by someone?"
I felt my heart stop, as my eyes widen. She couldn't possibly know that it was I who gave the Bell girl the necklace.
"N-no, o-of course not!" I stammer. Smooth move idiot. I thought to myself, groaning internally.
"Right." She spat out, taking a step closer to me, taking out her wand. I took a step back, the backs of my knees hitting the toilet. I swallow heavily, staring at her wand that is now pressed against my chest.
"Listen good Malfoy. I don't know what you're doing, but you better stop it, if nothing but to save your own hide. Harry is onto you, he knows you're up to something, and will stop at nothing to find out what you're doing. So it's better for everyone if you just stop it now, before more people get hurt." She hisses at me. I gulp. I know I shouldn't say anything, but I can't just let her have the last word. Besides, she's already figured out I'm planning something.
"What makes you think I can just stop Granger?" I hiss back. "You have no idea what it's like for me. If I don't do this, he'll kill me." As soon as I say it, I regret it. Now she knows that I'm working for someone. Maybe if it was the Weasel, I wouldn't have anything to worry about, but since this is Granger, the supposed brightest witch of our age, she'll probably figure out who I'm working for. F*ck. This is not good. A look of apprehension passes my face, before I put my indifferent mask back on, something I learned from Father.
"You think I care if you die Malfoy? It'll be better if you would, it would save the many lives you might take from now and the time you finish whatever your "Mission" is. Your death would be better than the death or injury of anyone else." She hissed at me.
Well, I won't pretend to say that didn't hurt. I never particularly cared for Granger, but it hurt that she didn't care the least bit if I lived or died. Of course, why would she? I've been nothing but horrid to her over our school years. I'm so tired, and confused, I don't even bother to stop my mask from falling, showing my miserable face. Inside I hear my father's voice berating me for being so vulnerable in front of this witch, but at moment, I just don't care. For this one moment, I wish that I would just fail, and get killed by the Dark Lord. At least that way I won't kill anyone…
I see Grangers wand drop a little, but I don't dare to look at her face. I feel shame, and sadness wash over me, as I contemplate what to say. In all honesty, I have nothing to say, but I can't just leave her with the last word.
"I know Granger, I know." I whisper in a defeated voice.
"Malfoy…" She starts, before I cut her off.
"I know I deserve to die Granger. I know I'm evil, and a monster, and the world would be better off without me. I would gladly off myself, and end this if I weren't concerned what that would do to mother. Her husband in Azkaban, and her son dead… I couldn't do that to her. So I have to try my hardest to make sure I can protect her when school ends. And that includes doing my mission." I ended in a shaky voice, tears running down my face. I sink to the ground, in defeat, and put my head in my hand, sobbing lightly. I think about what I said, and I find the truth in it, how I almost want to die, then to keep trying to off Dumbledore… I was so caught up in my thoughts; I nearly forgot Granger was there. Nearly.
My eyes were closed, and I heard as she sat down beside me. I didn't even bother looking up. I knew she was just going to make fun of me for being so vulnerable right now.
"Malfoy." I hear her whisper in a sad voice. Well, I wasn't expecting that. It shocked me to hear such gentleness in her voice. It shocked me so much, I looked up at her. Her face looked miserable, and her eyes were swimming with unshed tears, and were staring at me with what I guessed was pity. Why wasn't she mocking me? Why was she looking at me like… that? I didn't understand.
I watched, stunned, as she hesitantly raised her hand, and gently touched my cheek. I recoiled a little, but I didn't pull away like my instincts told me to. I watched in fascination as she gently wiped my tears away. No one had ever been this gentle with me. Not even my own mother, since Father forbids it. It unnerved me greatly.
"W-what are you doing?" I whisper, as her hand continues to caress my cheek. It feels good, and I subconsciously lean into her touch. After I speak, she hastily removes her hand, and I feel disappointed at the loss of contact.
"I-I don't know." She whispers back to me. Minutes pass in silence, as we just stare at each other. My eyes lower to her lips. Her pink, full lips… I suddenly get a strong urge to kiss her. And I almost do, before I remember who it is that is in front of me. I mentally kick myself. This is Hermione Granger, the Mudblood. But… for some reason, blood doesn't matter as much as it used to, in this one moment. In this one moment, I am just a boy, and she is just a girl. And Merlin do I want to kiss her. So I do. She can't hate me anymore, can she? I slowly raise my hand, and touch her cheek, caressing it like she did mine minutes ago. I look from her lips, to her eyes, and back again, as I lean forward slowly. Soon, I'm only an inch from her face, as I stare into her beautiful brown eyes. I never took the time before to find the beauty in them, but now, here in this dingy bathroom, I think they are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. There must be something wrong with me, I think, before my lips are only a centimeter from mine. I stop, wondering what the hell I'm doing. If Father saw me, he would-
That's the last thing I thought, before she closes the distance between us, and our lips meet. While it surprised me a little at first that she was the one to close the distance, soon I don't care, as her lips move against mine in a searing kiss. I move so I'm on my knees, and I pull her closer to me, so we're flush together. There are no thoughts, just her lips against mine. If I this was a normal day, in a normal time, this would not be happening. But as this was not a normal time, or day, it was. And no matter how wrong it was, it just felt right. I swipe my tongue across her bottom lip, asking for permission to enter. She gasps lightly, and I take that as permission enough, and begin exploring her mouth.
Moments pass, before the need of air becomes too great, and we break apart. We just sit there, breathing heavily, staring at each other. A minute passes, before she realizes what just happened, and her eyes go wide. She stumbles back from me in an attempt to get up. I watch as she gets up, and smooth's down her uniform, and stammers how she has to go. I watch, with a twinge of something in my chest, as she exits the bathroom, not caring if someone sees her. I sit on the ground for a few more minutes, before I got up, and left the bathroom as well. Seems like I have a lot to think about these next few days… F*ck.