This is for Rosie Athena Potter Love from Admin Rose.

We spent summer nights laid out under the stars; both outsiders – neither by our own choosing. When we were younger he was the Lupin boy; I was the Weasley who didn't fit in. He looked after me.

I remember the kiss in vivid detail. We had taken the patchy, faded picnic blanket out to see the stars. I'm nearly 17. He's 25. I remember Orion's belt; Ursa Major; constellations from astronomy. I remember the taste of strawberries.

"Why did you and Victoire break up?" I pulled blades of grass from inside a hole in the threadbare wool. "You loved her." I couldn't summon the courage to look him in the face.

"I asked her to marry me."

"Teddy, what's Hogwarts like?" I asked him the same question today as every day we carried on this same routine. I was 11. He was 19. He answered me every time. He taught me about hidden passages – about the secrets of the school. He told me about the ghosts; about how they felt like ice cold water but dry. But this time…

"You'll find your first love there, Rosie. And when you do you should never let him go." I looked up at him, brown eyes wide.

"Did you find a boy you love?"

A look of abject horror crossed his face before he burst out laughing. "No, I don't swing that way; regardless of what James tells you. I found a girl." His face became dreamlike, his turquoise hair turned burgundy. "She's perfect. She's so pretty, and kind… Perfect…"

"Who is she?"

"Teddy! Rose! Uncle Harry's looking for you!" Teddy's hair turned a rosy pink as Victoire walked back into the house.

"Did she hear any of that?"

"I asked her to marry me…" he repeated, "and she walked away."

I looked up at him and finally understood the dull brown his hair was. I understood why he'd asked if I wanted to come out here for the first time in three years. He looked downtrodden, and I wanted to comfort him. My chest hurt as if I were the one whose heart got trampled on. And I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Teddy…" I raised my left hand to his arm. "If she doesn't realise how perfect you are, she doesn't deserve you. She-" I stopped, instinctively knowing to change the subject but not knowing what to.

"Bill, I wanted to ask your permission to ask your daughter to marry me."

Lily and I sat side by side, scuffling over who got to listen at the key hole and who got the crack by the floor. She let out a small squeak of delight before I shoved her shoulder to shut her up.

"Ow!" she mouthed at me while rubbing her shoulder and elbowing me. I shushed her and put my ear back to the keyhole.

"You're already like a son to me. Welcome to the family!" I looked through the keyhole and saw Teddy go to shake Bill's hand but instead being dragged into a hug. Lily was grinning from ear to ear.

"Ohmygosh we have to tell everyone! Ted and Vic are so perfect together!" I was smiling too, happy for my cousin and my friend, but inside I felt numb. And I didn't understand why: to me, Teddy was my big brother; my advisor; my confidante. He always was, and always will be.

"What is Hogwarts like?"

We had been lying in silence for twenty minutes. His voice shocked me out of my day(night?)dreaming. "You went there longer than I have so far. I've not started my seventh year yet."

"Memories can fade. I don't remember the smell of the potions classroom, or the number of stairs to the Ravenclaw common room. I don't remember the number of trolls being taught ballet next to the room of requirement. I don't remember how the wind felt playing quidditch… I spent my formative years there, and I can't let go of the memories, but I can't keep them either."

I turned towards him, onto my side and leant my head on my hand. "The potions classroom smells like terror. It's a good thing to forget about the smell – I wish I could."

He smiled.

"The stairs are uncountable – mainly because I don't have the attention span and they keep moving. Plus the trick stairs don't really count. I think… My favourite part of Hogwarts was the grounds. They go on and on for miles, and as far as the eye can see there are no cities, no cars, no planes. The lake-"

I'm standing on the platform, ready to go back. It's my last year of Hogwarts, and I haven't found my first love. You can't find what you never lost or were looking for. I realised he was right in front of me, where he always was. But he wouldn't be any more.

The sky began to get lighter. We had started eating the strawberries growing in the garden and had just talked about school, about Teddy's job and about my future plans. I wanted to be a mediwitch, but I was having problems with herbology despite Neville's tutoring. He was working at the ministry, doing the grunt work nobody else wanted and getting decent pay because of it. The green tinge along the horizon signalled the stars beginning to wink out. I looked at him; we were both sitting up now.

"Thanks," he said. "I haven't been able to talk like this in ages. Vic and I… we ended up talking about her a lot."

I nodded, but I couldn't bring myself to dislike my cousin. She was the one to explain everything to me during my first week of Hogwarts and she was the one to stop the other girls making fun of my frizzy hair.

I looked at Teddy, his hair becoming a greenish colour to match the eastern sky. My eyes involuntarily darted towards his lips and back to his eyes. I blushed. I didn't expect him to be blushing too. His hand rose to my face, brushing my cheekbone with his thumb. He leaned in and our lips touched for the briefest moment before the rooster crowed and the sound on Grandma's door opening broke the silence. He smiled at me and walked into the house without a word, leaving me to look at the sky, trying to control my grin.

I reach into my pocket. There's a hastily scrawled note that I found on my pillow.

"Rosie, I'm going to find myself. I'm sorry, what I did just now isn't fair to you or even to me. I just hope you can forgive me. Your friend, Teddy."

What hurts me isn't the fact that he's left, but the last three words. In the hustle and bustle, in the crowd and smoke, I'm in a bubble of silence. But I will find him, I promise myself that.

Please review? Thanks ~ Rose/aka Scarecrow (both aliases)