Author's Note: I know that this story moves a bit quickly, and I do know that eating disorders often take a long time to develop and that there is almost always some underlying problem or attribute as to why the sufferer developed an eating disorder. But in a story it would take too long for me to be able to properly set up a realistic amount of time, so I'll just do the best that I can. Lauren is not going to just stop eating straight away, there is going to be a semi-decent build up to her getting to a critical point. I've been there, I've done that, in fact, I am still in that miserable place now, and although I'm trying to recover, I do still struggle daily with my eating disorder. So please, no lectures about the time frame unless you think that it is so unrealistic that you can't bear to read my story. Also, I do not in any way think that Darcy Isa (Lauren) is fat. I think she's gorgeous and I wish I had her body. The negative descriptions of her body are just in Lauren's mind, and not at all in mine. I am intending to make this story as realistic as possible, and at times, it is and will be very painful for me to write. Oh, and also, I know my summary is rubbish, I couldn't think of anything to put. Other than that, please enjoy the story, and I welcome reviews off anybody, signed in or anonymous, and I do welcome constructive criticism.
IF YOU THINK YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED IN ANY WAY BY THIS, DO NOT READ.
It was a normal day for Lauren Andrews, she got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, did her hair and make-up, and left for school.
She met her best friend Sambuca Kelly half way down the main road and they walked to school together, the same as every other day, chatting about stupid, irrelevant things and often ending up in uncontrollable laughter by the time they had got to school. Lauren quite looked forward to school actually, it sounded stupid, but she did. All her mates were there, including Josh Stevenson, the cute, kind of dorky, curly haired boy she had a crush on. Sure, Josh had done some stupid things in the time she had known him, some very stupid, hurtful things actually, but despite all that, Lauren still wanted him, and she didn't know why.
Lauren and Sam walked through the school gates in the large crowd of people, just like any other old Tuesday morning, and went to join up with Josh and Finn. Finn Sharkey was Josh's best friend, he was a fairly good looking boy, who thought he was everything, though personally, Lauren just thought he was a cruel, sexist pig, who just liked humiliating and hurting people. She wished that Josh wasn't so influenced by him, it was like Finn had some sort of power over him, that he couldn't make one simple decision by himself.
"Hey", said Lauren, smiling at Josh.
"Hi Lauren," Josh said, smiling back at her, "Hey, Sam," he added, suddenly aware of the presence of the two other people.
"Hey," said Sam."So, what are you two lovely ladies up to tonight?" asked Finn, putting his arm around Sam, "Fancy a little action in the bedroom?"
"Ew!" said Sam, shoving Finn's arm off her.
The bell rang and a herd of students in darkly coloured blazers and maroon jumpers started moving towards the main doors.
"I'd better go, I promised Amy I'd help her forge a note to get out of PE. See you later, mate," Finn said to Josh, before dashing off through the crowd.
Lauren, Josh and Sam carried on walking though the halls, on their way to their form room for morning registration. They made small talk on the way, though none of it really mattered, all Lauren could think about was how good Josh looked. The way his green eyes sparkled in the morning sunshine, the way his hair was springy and bouncy and full of life, the way he got cute little dimples whenever he smiled, which was often. Josh made her heart melt.
"Take a seat, you three," said their grumpy form tutor when they reached the classroom, though no sooner had they sad down for registration, the bell for first lesson rang. The three friends stood up and started walking down the corridor again.
"Urgh, chemistry next," groaned Sam.
"I hate that lesson, it's so boring," said Josh.
"I know, total snooze-fest," Lauren added.
"Still, at least we can sit where we want," said Josh, trying to look on the bright side.
"Yeah, at least there's that," said Lauren, with a hint of a flirtatious grin.
Lauren and Josh had been flirting back and forth for weeks, it was obvious that they both liked each other, though of course, they wouldn't admit it.
They both spent the whole of Mr Mead's chemistry lesson play fighting and nicking each others stuff as a not-so-subtle way of flirting, leading them to being told off at least twenty times throughout the hour.
The next few lessons passed quickly, much in the same fashion that the first one did. Soon enough it was lunchtime.
Lauren queued up with Sam to get her lunch, the two girls chattering non-stop. Just as they went to sit down, they practically walked straight into Finn, with his faithful lapdog Josh at his side.
"Careful there girls, don't want an accident do we? Couldn't have a heavy load like you falling on us," remarked Finn, aiming it at Lauren.
"What's that meant to mean?" Lauren asked, annoyed, taking one hand off her tray and placing it on her hip.
"Nothing. It's just, are you sure you want to be eating all that?" smirked Finn, indicating to the food on Lauren's tray.
"And why wouldn't I?" asked Lauren, getting increasingly annoyed.
"Well you're a bit… How shall I say this? Big boned," said Finn, smiling wickedly.
"Are you saying I'm fat?" demanded Lauren.
"If the boot fits," said Finn, "Sorry, I forgot, nothing fits you!"
"Finn!" said Sam, indignant for her best friend. "Come on," she said to Lauren, starting to turn away.
"No, hold on a minute," Lauren said, grabbing Sam's arm. "Do you think I'm fat, Josh?"
"Erm…"
Finn looked at Josh meaningfully, signalling him to say what he wanted.
"Yeah," said Josh, glancing at Finn.
"Fine," said Lauren, hurt and holding back tears, "Let's go," she said to Sam, turning around and walking away.
The two girls sat down at a table, Lauren looking totally defeated.
"Ignore him, Lauren. He's a two-faced little git," Sam told her, trying to get a smile out of her best friend.
"Mmm," said Lauren, poking her lunch with her fork, absent-mindedly.
"It didn't bother you did it, Lauren? You know he only said it because Finn did."
"It doesn't," said Lauren, looking up from her plate.
"Why aren't you eating then?" asked Sam.
"I'm just not very hungry," said Lauren, "In fact, I might go and help Mr Mead set out the science equipment. See you," and she stood up and started walking away."See ya," said Sam, suspiciously.
Lauren emptied her untouched lunch into the bin, attracting an apologetic look from Josh, but Lauren didn't care. If he was sorry, he would say it, and if he didn't mean it, he shouldn't have said anything in the first place.
Lauren didn't go to help Mr Mead set up for a science lesson, she set off to go to the girls' changing rooms, because she knew there was a full length mirror in there. She walked determinedly through the quiet school, everyone was having lunch so there would be no one to bother her. What Josh had said kept replaying over and over in her head, she couldn't control it. She didn't know why she cared so much, it wasn't like Josh liked her anyway, she thought, and anyway, it was Finn's opinion, not Josh's. But then why would he have said it?
She gently pushed the changing room door open, hoping that there was no one still in there from last period, even though it finished a good ten minutes ago. Luckily for Lauren, the room was completely empty, though there was a window open, blowing in a cold breeze from outside. Lauren stood on one of the benches surrounding the walls and closed the window, catching sight of herself in the full length mirror on the back wall.
Yuck, she thought, gazing at herself.
"Look at how big my bum is," said the voice inside Lauren's head, filled with disgust.
Josh and Finn were right, she thought, I am fat.
Lauren stepped down off the changing bench and walked over to the mirror, so she could examine herself properly. Her face caught her attention first, her chubby cheeks and double chin making Lauren feel sick at the sight of herself, she prodded and poked and sucked in her cheeks, but her face was still fat.
She then removed her jumper, took off her tie and unbuttoned her school shirt, so that she could see her upper body. She poked at her collarbones, not that she could see them, she wanted them to stick out like the models she saw on the catwalk, and the tiny actresses on TV. Lauren pinched the small amount of fat between her arms and her chest, willing it to just go away. She then moved down to her stomach, grabbing her love handles and feeling incredibly ashamed, it was the first time since the birthmark incident that she had felt this bad. Why was she so fat? And how hadn't she noticed it before?