I probably know what you think, Oh, no, not another started story. But this idea didn't leave me for a while and I want to share it with you, and I intend to finish all my stories I started. If you know me and the said stories, you know that this will be Rizzles, but it will take a while this time. I hope you'll give it a try.

T73.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A groan escapes from my throat as I am about to wake up and I can feel that I didn't fall asleep in my bed because my back's killing me. I crack an eye open and find myself laying on my uncomfortable couch that is standing in the middle of my almost empty room. I once lived in Charlestown, and then I lived in Beacon Hill. God knows how I ended up in Jamaica Plain. Well, somehow it was my own decision to move here and that's why I won't complain about it. The whole situation is based on decision that I made and believed that they would be the best for everyone, that's what I thought, at some days I am proven wrong.

I sit up on the couch and realize that I am still dressed in my pantsuit I've been wearing the previous day, I must have fallen asleep because of exhaustion. If I would had numbed my brain with alcohol, it'd feel different right now. I run an hand over my face and frown. I don't know how, why and when everything had started to change, I had a good life with wonderful people surrounding me, people who cared about me and tried to support me. And I had a woman in my life I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, a woman who understood me completely and knew how to take me. Sure, we had our ups and downs like every normal couple, just because you are in a same-sex relationship it doesn't mean that you are spared from the normal life. You fight, you scream at each other and sometimes you say things to each other that you'll regret at the end of the day and wish you could take them back. I said a lot of those things just to hurt the woman I love more than my own life just to have a reason to not going home. Telling her that I am a failure and not good enough for her made her agree to that at the end and then I was hurt. Don't ask my why I was hurt, I spend long hours to put those words into her mouth. I tend to push people away when they get to close too me, I shut them out. She and I had been friends for years before I got my shit together and told her how I truly felt about her, still feel about her. I still remember the surprised look of her as I showed up in the middle of the night at her door and she asker me if I'd be alright and if I am drunk. I answered both questions in the negative, I was fully aware of what I was doing and I still can hear the surprised gasp as I pressed my lips to hers without waiting for her to protest.

Oh, her lips, so full and soft …

I stretch my back before I get up from the couch to get me a glass of water before I get too much carried away. I fill my glass with water and empty it with one swig, closing my eyes and hate myself for doing so because her hazel eyes are still haunting me. The hurt look when I started to pack my bag and the tears that streamed down her face as I left the house. We separated on good terms, though. Well, we didn't yell at each other and could talk to each other after I left the house, left her. All right, it was a little awkward in the beginning and there always has been a uncomfortable silence when we have been alone in a room, but both of us knew that we have a reason for acting civil around each other, more than just one.

I sigh heavily and run my hands over my face. It's not like we just broke up. It wasn't just a simple break up, we got divorced. We got married almost one year after we became officially a couple and separated after six years of marriage. It's not that I fell out of love with her, but I wasn't happy anymore and I could see in her eyes that she wasn't either. My family has been horrified when we told them that we were about to get divorced and my mother instantly told me that she loves me but that she wouldn't take a side. That's something neither of us asked her to do, I know that my mother loves her as much as she loves me and asking her to pick one side would be iniquitously. Just because we didn't work out as a couple doesn't mean that Ma has to choose one of us. That's what we told everyone who has been affected by our separation, neither of them had to pick one side. I know that some couples are fighting for the sympathy of their families and friends try to make them chose a side after the split, but she and I never had been such persons. We are respecting each other, we always had, and that's something that will never change. I mean, we are not twelve anymore.

I nearly jump out of my skin as I risk a glance at my watch and see that it is almost noon. Damn it, I think and head towards the bathroom, stripping down in the same time. We had agreed to meet in Boston Common in less then forty-five minutes and I really need to take a shower, I don't want her to think that I've fallen asleep on my couch drunk. I start the jet and step under it immediately, hissing as the hot water hits my naked body. I welcome the little pain and lean my head back in my neck. Pictures of her joining me in the shower are flashing before my mind's eye and how her hands roam over my body, and how her lips feel against my exposed skin. My eyes snap open as it gets a little too far and have to admonish myself because I have no time for taking care of my needs right now. I maybe can fantasize about her when I am in my bed at the end of the day. Don't get me wrong, I am not some idiot who left the love of the life and then satisfy herself by thinking of the ex when I am hot and bothered. I still love her and I think she still loves me back, but sometimes there are things in life that are insurmountable, and then, most of times, a separation seems to be the best solution before you hurt each other, or hurt each other even more.

I crave for her touch and her kisses. I crave for the looks and smiles she once gave me when strut into her office. She still smiles at me when I enter her office, but it doesn't feel the same anymore.

After a separation, you take your time, you heal and then you move on. That's what she did. When she started to date men again, it broke my heart and it made me angry in the beginning. But what can I say? I knew that it wouldn't take long until the first admirer would make an appearance, she is a beautiful woman. Who am I fooling? She is gorgeous.

Do you know how it feels when you love someone so much that it hurts? When you think you can't even breath when your partner isn't around? When you start to panicky when that person doesn't lay beside you in the bed when you wake up in the middle of the night and didn't call to inform you that they work a extra shift, and you start to call every single hospital and morgue in the area, because you picture the worst case scenario? When you start to lose yourself in it?

Did you know that it is a dangerous kind of love?

I sigh again and turn off the water and make my way into the small bedroom to get dressed, knowing that I will be late anyway. I take a washed-out jeans and a white tee out of my closet and before I put on my bra and boy shorts. I smirk to myself because I can see her rolling her eyes because of my choice. What can I say? I am a simple girl when it comes to outer garments and underwear. She always tried to make me wear a dress or high heels, but no thank you, it's not my style. And somehow, I know that she silently enjoyed that I am a little bit more masculine than her. We are so different, and yet we have so much in common.

Though I always pretended to be the strong part in our relationship who had to protect my loved ones by all means, I could let down my guard when I was around her and she didn't judge me for not being so strong like everyone thinks. She had me seen at all kind of states. She had seen me angry, she had seen me suffering, she had seen me broken and vulnerable, and she never took advantage of it. She had seen who I really am. When I felt the need to cry, she held me close. When I felt the need to yell at someone, she was the one who let it wash over her without saying a word. When I started to fall apart, she held me close.

I groan and stuff the hem of my shirt into the jeans and take a look out of the window. I groan even louder because it looks like the sun tries to melt us all. I decide to put my hair in a ponytail and grab my phone from the nightstand, God knows how it makes its way to here. I swear to God, I didn't drink any alcohol last night, but I must have been so exhausted that my brain erased my last actions before I fell asleep on the couch. Well, no wonder. We had catch a case that involved four murdered siblings and we worked three days non-stop until we figured out that the mother killed them before her ex-husband gets sole custody. I still don't get how mothers can kill their own children, and I am sure that I will never understand it. I didn't like Peter Robinson either, but he seemed to be a good father. The case got to all of us, Emma died at the age of four, she was the youngest. Kristen was seven, Maria ten and Henry died at the age of eleven. I better not think about it or I drive to prison and beat some sense into their mother's head. I check my phone as I grab my keys from the kitchen counter and have to smile as I see that I missed a call, I already know who called to make sure that I actually come to the park. My smile grows bigger because I have been right. I type a quick response and shut the apartment door behind me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hate to be right, the sun is trying to melt every human being in Boston. I don't mind the warm weather, but it's bothering me because a weak ago I felt like living in Antarctica. I make my way through Boston Common and smile as a little boy throws himself a German Shepard who seems to belong to him. I always liked family times in the park because it gives me the illusion that everything is all right. I the smile on my lips grows bigger as one single word hits my ears.

"Mama!" A girl yells delighted and before I know it, I feel a impact against my legs that makes me stumble backwards.

"Careful, Haley." I hear a warningly voice that I know by heart. I look down at the little girl with wavy dark brown hair and hazel eyes and need no time to scoop her up in my arms. My four years old daughter is one of the reasons why I behave civil around her Mommy. She has my hair but the eyes of her other mother and I know that Haley will break a lot of hearts when she is old enough. The first time we met, I instantly said that she is perfect, and perfect she is. I furrow my brows and can't help the smile that is spreading across my face. "Hi, my angel. How are you doing?" She nods in response and I do the same. I love Haley's mother but she is my everything. "You're doing fine?"

"You are late," she replies and makes a pouty face, tugging at the collar of my shirt.

I give her a smacking kiss on her cheek and nod approvingly. "I know, baby, I'm sorry. Do you wanna show me where Mommy's sitting?" I ask her as I set Haley back to the ground and smile as she grabs my hand, leading the way. Every time I see her, she grew taller a little bit. I never believed my mother when she said that you can literally watch your children growing out of their clothes, but I have to admit she has been right. Four years ago, Haley has been a small bundle in my arms and now I start to plan her weeding. Ahem, no, I am not. I almost stumble over my feet as I spot the beautiful blonde sitting on a blanket who is wearing a yellow summer dress.

Haley looks up at me and her eyes are sparkling. "Hurry, Mama."

"All right, all right." I laugh because my daughter has as much patience as me, and hold my breath as she gets up from the blanket. I swallow down the lump in my throat and force myself to smile. "Hey, Maura."

Maura smiles back at me and then down at our daughter. "Hello, Jane." She replies and raise her eyebrows. "I told you to be careful, young lady."

"Sorry." Haley mumbles with pursed lips.

"Maura, it's okay." I chuckle and press my lips to my ex-wife's cheek to say hello. It's something we still. "Nothing happened."

Our faces are only inches away and she is holding my gaze. "You are late."

I chuckle again and run my left ha pond through Haley's dark hair. "I already was told so. I'm sorry, but I got up late." I say and flop down on the blanket and Haley climbs onto my lap. I kiss the side of her head and wrap my arms tightly around her little body."

"Were you -" Maura doesn't finish the question but I can see it anyway. Have you been drinking?

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "No. No, I was just exhausted and fell asleep on the couch." I say and she nods slowly.

Haley presses her head to my chest and looks up with expectant eyes. "Mama, are you coming home today?"

My heart breaks as soon as she ask me that and I can see Maura's sad glance. "Bug," I say softly and tuck a strand of dark hair behind her ear. How do you explain a four-year old that you are not living with her Mommy at the same place anymore? She was two and a half as Maura and I split and I am around as many times as possible. "we already talked about it. Mommy and I … we have our own places now. But I will be there whenever you need me."

"You can have my room at home." The little girl proposes and looks at me with hope in her eyes. "I sleep in Nick's room."

Nick! Nicks is Maura's and mine seven years old son. After she and I become a couple we soon talked about starting a family together because we had the childish fantasy that we would stay together for the rest of our lives, that's why we started to try becoming parents rather quickly. It's not like I love Nick any less than Haley, on the contrary, both of them are my heart and my soul, but he is just as smart as Maura and understood what happen when I moved out of our house. He thought that he and Haley would be the reason for it, but he quickly understood that sometimes it happens that parents drift apart for no reason and that no one is to be blamed, especially not the children. But we do have a tight-drawn relationship and I don't blame him for that. I walked out at him when he needed me most and I do regret it. I was the only one who could put him back to sleep after he woke up in the middle of the night, and I was the one who was supposed to read bedtime stories because of my funny voices, and then … I was gone all of a sudden. I looks briefly at Maura and sigh. "Thank you, Haley, but -" I trail off when my eyes lock with a pair of other brown eyes and my heart leaps in my chest. I can see that he is torn apart and doesn't know what to do. Our son Nick is an exact copy of me, he looks like I made him myself. He has the same dark and curly hair like me and the same intense eyes like me. I swallow hard and reach out for him. "Come here." I croak and he doesn't waste a minute and literally throws himself at me. I hug both of my children tight and have to force the tears in my eyes back. "Hey, big boy." I whisper into his hair which need a haircut, but that doesn't matter on this moment.

I might appear to be a tough person when it comes to my job, but deep down in my heart I am a soft, family person. My family is above all else and if someone comes up and threats them, you better get out of my way.

I am surprised that Nick is holding onto me like I am his lifeline and a sob escapes from my throat. Leaving Maura behind me broke my heart, leaving my kids almost killed me.

"Mama." He whispers against me and I frown. I have the feeling that something has happened in the two weeks I haven't seen the kids. It wasn't like I didn't want to see them, but my work kept me occupied. That is always a reason Maura and I get into a serious disagreement, when I can't take our kids to my place because of work. I pull back and scrutinize his face. "Nick, what's wrong?"

He has tears in his eyes as he looks back at me. "Can I live with you?" He asks and I can hear Maura's horrified gasp.

"Me too." Haley pipes up and looks up at me too.

Alarms are setting off in my head and I turn my head to look at my ex-wife, I can feel that I have a puzzled expression. "What happened?" I ask and she drops her eyes to her lap. "Maura?"

"Andrew moved in last week." She finally admits but doesn't look at me.

My body tense up as she mention his name. Andrew. Andrew Tanner is a doctor at Mass Gen and an idiot, I didn't like him in the first place. He is arrogant and a chauvinist, I don't know what Maura is seeing in him. Okay, he is quiet handsome with his dark hair and blue eyes, even Ma doesn't like him but perhaps that's because she refuse to let go of the hope that Maura and I get back together. But who am I to tell Maura that Andrew is an prick. They are together for eight months now and all of us are surprised that they are still together. In the beginning, it looked like Andrew was some kind of distraction for Maura and now they are living together … something tells me that this smells.

Maura licks her lips and hands me a bottle of water. "Maybe you can take the kids for this week?"

I can see that this is a serious request and nod slowly, placing a hand over hers. Maybe we are not married anymore but Maura is still a part of my family and I care about her. And my children are always welcomed at my place. If she needs time to sort things out, I'll give her this time.