Disclaimer: Based on how much debt I'm forever in, I will never own anything, let alone these wonderful characters.
A/N 2: So I was revisiting this the other day and realized that it's not in it's entirety, so I thought I would change that. I'm on a staycation currently and might be adding a new story soon, if you're interested :)
A/N: This takes place in the summer of 2006, my favorite Jolie time, and takes place and the Hospital Gala. If you've never seen these episodes, they're great, and I highly suggest watching them, if for no other reason than to see the John/Natalie exchange while sort of breaking into a bank. This idea flew out of my brain and onto the pages, and actually finished quite quickly compared to my last story. I hope you enjoy reading it, and please review! My brain is a feedback whore, and it needs its fix lol. Anway, enjoy!
"So Blair's going to head to the bathroom and-
"She'll give me the key to his safe deposit box" Natalie finished for him, "John, we've been over this, okay? It's going to work"
He sighed, "I'm sorry I'm being annoying. I just- I have this feeling something's going to go wrong"
"Don't think like that" she said, "Besides, we're supposed to be on a date. I don't make you that stressed out, do I?" she teased.
"Quite the opposite, actually" he said, "I don't think I told you, you look real pretty tonight" he said, and was rewarded with her dazzling smile. He put a hand on her hip, getting closer to her, "Thanks for coming with me tonight"
Gently, he leaned down to kiss her. She was amazing. Sometimes he wondered if he'd survive this thing without the knowledge that she'd be waiting for him when he came home. She'd quickly become his rock, the one person he could depend on to not hate him because of how he was acting. On some he level he knew that this wild goose chase might be crazy, but he had this feeling that on the other side of it all, he'd be a better person. He'd be ready to have a life outside of his cases. And he could really show Natalie what she meant to him; show her that he was serious about them together, in a way he hadn't been with anyone else in a very long time.
He heard a throat clear, and he drew back from Natalie. Maybe kissing her in public, at least on the lips, was a mistake on his part. It made him forget himself, he could get lost in her, and he couldn't afford that right now.
"Get a room" Spencer scoffed at them, toting Blair on his arm.
They walked by them, seemingly insulted by their presence, and it angered John to no end. He took a step to confront him; the only thing that stopped him was Natalie's hand on his shoulder.
"He'll get what's coming to him" she said.
"I just wish I knew what he got out of his safe deposit box" John said, "now Blair doesn't have the key"
"She'll figure it out" Natalie said.
Before anyone could figure it out, Spencer was at the podium for his speech, which he opened by proposing to Blair. John and Natalie shared a look of confusion before watching the train wreck ensue. Blair was obviously confused, but as the conversation went on, he explained that he needed to get the ring, and that's why they had stopped at the bank.
"The ring" Natalie said, "that's what was in deposit box. He didn't take the gun"
"It's still there" John agreed.
"What's Blair going to do?" she whispered.
John could only shake his head in disbelief. They had to move fast now or Blair's life would really be in danger. Blair made her way up to the podium to accept his offer and everyone around them began to applaud. Anxiously, John waited for Spencer to finish his speech and for conversation to begin again.
"So now what?" Natalie asked.
"Now we wait" John said.
"That's something I do impeccably well"
"We have to wait for Blair to get the key before we can try to go to the bank" he said, "I don't like it either, but we gotta get the gun somehow"
"It's there. It has to be"
"It's a moot point anyway; we can't get a warrant without probable cause. I just want to know"
Natalie nodded, "You think Todd's going to hold up all night?"
"I'd say he's plastered by ten"
"Speak of the devil"
"No, not now" John lamented, but sure enough Todd came right up to them.
"So McBain, what are you doing to get that asshole behind bars?"
"Manning, you of all people should know I can't discuss any ongoing cases"
"Natalie, what's the answer"
"I'm not a cop"
"No, but you're dating one"
"You're not going to get the answer you want, Todd. What you should be doing instead is fighting for Blair, since we all know that's what you're really upset about"
"Mike's here" John said, putting a hand on the small of Natalie's back to steer her towards his brother.
"Nice save" Natalie said,
"What can I say, being around you, I've learned great diversion techniques" he joked as they made their way to Michael.
"I guess having a dysfunctional family pays off that way"
"Hey John, Natalie" Michael said, "I didn't expect you guys to be here"
"My whole family got invited; I guilted John to coming with me" Natalie explained.
"And you got him to dress up" Michael commented.
"I have good bargaining skills" she answered.
"I am standing right here" John said, "Where's Marcie?"
"Staying in with Tommy. I was planning on it, too, but she insisted I come, in case any important people from work were here"
"I like a career oriented woman" Natalie said.
"Speaking of, how're your classes going?"
"Good. I didn't do so hot on the practice test, but I've been studying more and John's been helping me a lot, too"
"Oh, Johnny, playing nice with others?" Michael teased.
"Very funny" he said, "It just so happens she doesn't need my help, she's very smart and Bo would be stupid to let someone else give her an offer"
Natalie looked, down smiling. She knew he was proud of her, but every time he said something like that, it meant the world to her.
"Well, I don't know about that, but, I've been doing pretty good" she said, "How's the baby doing?"
"He's getting on pretty good. Getting bigger everyday"
"That's so great"
"How's the case going?"
John and Natalie looked at each other. They were doing something rather illegal, and they both knew what Michael's thoughts on Spencer were, and so had kept him in the dark about his involvement so far.
"You know, the same" John said, "I'm following up on a few leads. I can't say much, but I really think we'll get him soon"
"That might be the most detached answer you've ever given me about this. What's really going on?" Michael asked.
"You missed the big news" Natalie said, "Spencer proposed to Blair in front of everyone"
"Really?"
"Yeah, she was so surprised. It was really sweet" Natalie said, "It was a huge show, he was up on the mic and everything. The ring is gorgeous"
"I'll have to congratulate them" Michael said, "How'd Todd take it"
"Take a guess" Natalie said, noting her uncle in the corner throwing back drinks like it was his job, "John said plastered by ten, but I'd venture to say nine thirty at this rate"
"They'll be happy together"
Then, John and Natalie saw Blair make eye contact and nod her head. They looked at each other briefly. Blair had the key.
"Well, if you'll excuse me. I'll be back in a minute" Natalie said, heading towards the bathroom.
John watched her go and the feeling in his gut got stronger. Something was going to go very wrong tonight, he knew it. But if Blair had already gotten the key, what could go wrong?
"John?" Michael asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.
"I'm sorry what?"
"Man, she has got you good" he grinned at his brother.
"What are you talking about?"
"You just watched her walk across the room. And apparently it was more entertaining than listening to me. She's got you wrapped around her finger"
John was quickly on the defensive, "So I like it when she dresses up. Sue me"
"Would it really kill you to say you care about her? It's not like it's a secret"
"Then why would I have to say it?" John retorted.
"Because there might come a day when you regret you didn't"
"Don't say that" John said, more as a reaction to the feeling gnawing at his gut than anything else.
"You might not want to think about it, John, but you almost lost her once. You know she won't wait forever for you to come to terms with your feelings"
But he didn't need forever. He only needed this case to be over.
"No, I don't want to think about it, so stop" he snapped at his brother.
"Guess it's a sore spot"
"I'm serious, Mike" he said.
"Alright, I'll stop now. Just think about it"
He thought about it all time, and the thought of losing Natalie scared him more than he'd ever admit, even to himself. Once this case was over, he'd start making sure she knew he'd do anything to never lose her again.
Natalie walked into the bathroom and checked all the stalls before meeting Blair at the sink.
"How are you holding up?" Natalie asked.
"I just agreed to marry a murderer, how do you think?" Blair retorted.
"It'll be over soon" Natalie said, "I can't think of anything else to say"
"I just want it to end. Todd was about to say something to me when Spencer popped the question. I swear he was going to ask if I'd leave Spencer. I don't know that I could've said no"
"He's a mess" Natalie said, "This isn't easy on anyone, especially you"
"Here. Get the gun" Blair said, handing Natalie the key.
"You're sure he didn't take anything else out of the box? He's not suspicious?"
"He has no reason to be"
"Thanks, we'll make sure he doesn't miss it" Natalie said, "Head out, I'll follow in a second. Be careful"
Blair nodded and left. Natalie found a secure spot for the key in her clutch and counted to ten before she made her way towards the door.
No sooner was Natalie out the door than she felt the large hand grab her by the arm. She made a move to run for it or scream, but then she felt what she was sure was the barrel of a gun digging into the small of her back.
"Don't make a sound" she heard Spencer's steely cold voice in her ear, "We're going on a little trip"
Natalie knew better than to try and fight him. He dragged her away from everyone gathered in the ballroom, and her stomach clenched. John had been right, his gut instincts were always right.
John stood, trying to focus on Michael rambling about work and Tommy, but the feeling in gut got stronger by the second. His eyes kept wondering in the direction of the bathroom, wondering why Blair and Natalie hadn't yet come back. They'd been gone too long, what was taking so long?
"You okay, John?"
"Yeah, Natalie's just been gone awhile"
"She has friends, you know"
"You're right" John said, seeing Blair emerge from the hallway. When Natalie didn't follow, his heart stopped, "Hold on, Mike, I'll be right back"
John did his best to make his way to Blair without running or seeming like something was terribly wrong, but he could tell by how Blair was looking around that she thought something was off, too. The feeling in his gut only got stronger when he approached Blair. He had every intention of remaining calm, but the words came out of his mouth before his brain had time to make them sound less desperate.
"Where's Natalie?"
"She was right behind me" Blair said, obviously confused at his concern, "I can't seem to find Spencer"
John did a quick scan of the room, finding that Spencer wasn't there, either. His heart beat a little faster. This wasn't good.
"Did you see Natalie come out of the bathroom?"
"No, she told me to leave first"
"And no one else was in there?"
"No, she checked"
God, how he wished there had been at least one witness to tell him which way they'd gone. Spencer had her, he had Natalie, and he knew it. He knew Spencer wasn't dumb enough to bring her to his room, there were too many opportunities to leave evidence behind there, and it would be the first place to look. A pang in the pit of his stomach told him exactly where they'd be, in a cruel twist of fate, he'd find Natalie where he'd always find her.
He asked Blair the question he already knew the answer to, "Does Spencer have access to the roof?"
Blair looked at him, wide-eyed, seemingly putting everything together.
"John, he wouldn't- it's too dangerous-"
"Blair, where are the stairs that lead to the roof?"
"Next to the bathroom" she said quietly.
John was halfway to the staircase before Blair even realized what was going on. She started to follow, and then thought better of it.
John ran up the stairs faster than he knew he could. He found the door left open, a sure sign they were up here. When he made his way out the door and turned around, what he saw didn't entirely surprise him, but that didn't stop his stomach from clenching or his heart from going into overdrive. Spencer held Natalie against him, as if she were a human shield, one arm across her waist and the other crossing her torso. She looked okay, she was actually squirming, trying to get free of his hold. The only good thing was that Spencer was unarmed, and John had a leg up on that.
"Are you okay?" he managed to ask Natalie before he dealt with the situation.
"I'm fine. Leave" she said, "If you're not here to bargain with him, I'm worthless"
"Let her go, Truman. Your beef's with me, not her"
"Figured this would get your attention" he retorted.
"Get your hands off of her" John demanded.
"Then I lose my biggest bargaining chip"
"Truman, if you hurt her-"
"You wouldn't risk the case" Spencer taunted him, "You've worked too hard, risked yourself and everyone around you to make gains. Natalie here would just be collateral damage"
He made eye contact with Natalie. She was scared, he could tell, but she wasn't about to show that to her captor. She was so strong, and her faith in him wasn't shaken in the least. Yeah, if she got hurt, there'd be collateral damage, but she'd survive. Whether or not he would was a different story. He gave Natalie a slight nod, then pulled out his gun, aiming it right at Spencer. He knew his chance at a clear shot was slim, but if he showed his hand, maybe his odds were better.
"Truman, I'm not going to tell you again. Let her go"
"John, no. Leave right now" Natalie said.
"You think you have all the cards, don't you, Lieutenant?"
"From where I'm standing, you don't have a leg to stand on"
"Or do I?" Spencer taunted, kissing Natalie's bare shoulder.
John felt his temper flare, and Natalie jerking away from his touch didn't help him any.
"Don't try me, Truman" John said through clenched teeth.
"Let me get this whole thing straight" he said, "You silently investigate me for months over a twenty year old cold case that was in no way tied to me"
"I wouldn't say that" John said, "You and I both know the evidence was there, you just hid it"
"If that's true, why would you think I'd still have the gun in my safe deposit box?"
"That a confession?"
"Take it for what you want" Spencer said, "Call me crazy, I don't want you going through my safe deposit box. And I don't recall being notified of a warrant to have it searched anyway"
"If you wanted the key back, you would have just taken it" John said.
"Nothing gets by you John" he said, "I'm intrigued"
"I want your hands off of Natalie, what is there to be intrigued about?"
"You haven't shot yet"
"Don't try me"
"What if the scores were evened up a bit?"
John's heart dropped. What did he mean by that? He didn't have much time to think as Spencer pulled a gun out and held it pointed at Natalie.
"John listen to me" Natalie said as he and Spencer continued their stare down, "He won't hurt me, it's more trouble than its worth. If you leave now, you can get a warrant and arrest him. You've found me before, I know you can do it again"
John did his best not to show his worry on his face. Part of him agreed with Natalie, it was in Truman's best interest to keep Natalie alive. But if he walked away now and let Truman escape with her, his dad's case would become obsolete, he'd drop it all to find her, and he still didn't know if he'd be able to live with himself for walking away.
"Do you believe her, John?" Spencer taunted, obviously trying to toy with him. He dug the gun into Natalie's side.
"Is that-"
"Why, yes, it is. Glad you asked" Spencer said, "It seems as though the gun that killed your father is going to kill your girlfriend"
"So you did do it" John said, a desperate hope to divert his attention.
"You say that like you had doubts"
"Oh, I don't" he said, "I knew all along you were in this up to your eyeballs. That confession just signed your arrest warrant"
"I'd think you'd be changing your tune" Spencer said, moving the gun to under Natalie's chin and pulling the safety off.
Natalie did her best to squirm away, but the risk was too much for John. He knew he wouldn't be able to get a shot off or react quickly enough to stop Natalie from getting hurt, and that was possibly the one chance he wouldn't take to ensure Spencer in a jail cell. If that safety was off, there was only one thing he could do to make sure she wouldn't get hurt. He racked his brain for another solution.
"I guess I know how much your girlfriend means to you now. I always knew she wasn't important to you. I'm sure you'll get over her being gone quick enough to have me arrested" he said, "Well, if this is how you want it-"
John grimaced and visibly turned the safety back on his gun. He slowly put the gun on the ground.
"Fine. You got me" he said, his hands out in surrender, "Just let her go now"
"When I'm the position of power? You must know me better than that John"
"What do you want?"
"I want you to call the investigation off"
"I can't do that"
"Not even for Natalie?"
"John, don't do this. Just leave"
"I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Natalie. He didn't think twice about killing my dad, he's not going to think twice about killing you"
"I'd listen to him, sweetheart" Spencer told her, "So what'll it be, Detective?"
"Even if I stop looking, there's a whole squad behind me who won't"
"You can call them off"
"That won't erase the file or the evidence" he said.
"I'm not too concerned over that. It's circumstantial at best" he said.
"You'd have to leave town for all of it to disappear. Leave everything behind and start over. I know you won't do that. You'd lose your precious title, your money, your new fiancee"
"You think I did this without planning for all that?" he said, "All I need is for you to drop this case, I'll be lost in some city by tomorrow morning"
"You think Blair's going to be okay with that?"
"There's a letter waiting for her in my hotel room, as far as she knows, I'll be a part of Doctors without Borders for the foreseeable future and that I'll miss her"
"You know it'll all catch up to you someday. No matter where or when, someday you'll pay for what you've done"
"But the question remains, are you going to be the one to make me pay? You gonna follow me with a warrant? Or are you going to take your girlfriend home tonight?"
John looked at Natalie again. Her eyes were pleading with him, telling him to go so he could arrest Spencer and find her. But he knew Spencer would kill her in front of him, and he'd have to live with that image for the rest of his life. She was the one gamble he wouldn't make. Losing her for good would ruin him, he'd long since figured out there'd be no getting over her.
He took a deep breath. For the first time since he'd started on this case, he made a choice his dad would actually be proud of.
"If you let Natalie go, I won't follow you. I'll drop it for good"
"Good choice detective" Spencer said and pushed Natalie towards him.
Natalie fell into John's arms, and he instinctively caught her. He watched Truman leave, ignoring the feeling of defeat that settled in the pit of his stomach.
"Enjoy your consolation prize" Spencer jeered
"You're going to get what's coming to you"
"Whatever helps you sleep at night"
"Get lost" John said, and Spencer disappeared down the stairs, surely to never be seen again.
John turned his attention to Natalie. She was crying, but not sobbing. He was sure she was fine, just shaken up by being held hostage. He rubbed her back and kissed her head, trying to soothe her.
"Ssh" he said, "you're alright. It's all okay" he whispered to her.
He continued to comfort her until her tears subsided and she was silent. John took half a step back and wiped the remaining tears off her face.
"You saved me" she said quietly.
"All in a day's work" he said, smiling.
She laughed a little, looking down. He kissed the top of her head.
"Thanks" she said.
He shrugged his jacket off, placing it on her shoulders, "No big deal, okay? C'mon, I'll take you home" he said, bending down to get his gun.
"I want to stay with you" she said, clinging to his jacket.
He looked at her, still shaken, and she was beautiful. He knew once her brain kicked back in she'd have questions about what had happened and that she should probably be around people who'd dote on her for a while; but he couldn't say no to the image in front of him. It would do him good to fall asleep holding her tonight.
"Okay" he said, putting a hand on the small of her back and guiding her downstairs and back outside to his car.
They were quiet during the car ride from The Palace to Angel's Square. John was starting to wonder what was going through her mind, if she wanted to know why he'd made the choice he did. He hoped his actions spoke for him, but he knew they probably didn't make any sense when she considered how he'd been acting over the last few months. They silently made their way through the lobby, ignoring Roxy's comments about their attire and made their way to John's room. Natalie had been spending more and more nights here, and he selfishly enjoyed having her nearby. As they entered and closed the door, Natalie turned to face him.
"Why'd you do it?" she asked.
He could tell she was determined to get an answer out of him, "Natalie, I'm tired-"
"No, John" she said, shaking her head, trying to make sense of it all, "You had him right there, you could have arrested him or shot him or-"
"As I recall, you were standing between us. I wasn't going to shoot if I couldn't get a clear shot" he said, loosening his tie. He wasn't sure he was ready for what was about to happen.
"Why didn't you listen to me?"
"Natalie, its late, can't we do this in the morning?" he said, taking his tie off and coming towards her.
She backed away, "No, we're not going to do this in the morning. I told you you should have left, and you didn't even acknowledge it" she threw his coat on the couch, needing to be free of any hold he had on her, "You'll never see me as a partner, will you?"
"This has nothing to do with that" he said, his voice rising to match hers.
"What, then? You just had to prove me wrong? It would have worked"
"Oh, really? It would have worked"
"Yeah. If you had just left me like I said, he would have taken me, you could have used the time to find more evidence and come find me"
"Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds?" he said, trying to convey how much it would have hurt him. Naturally, she didn't take it that way.
"That's no more ridiculous than you putting your whole life on hold to finish this case. You would have gotten him"
"At what cost, Natalie? Do really think he wouldn't have hurt you?"
"What, so you're the only one who can make any sacrifices for this case? Newsflash, Uncle Bo already has, Michael has, I already have. I could have handled it"
"And what would I have told your family? What about your mom, Jessica's been sick, she needs you, and you're just going to willingly be kidnapped by a murderer?" Anything to shove the spotlight off of him.
"You would have found me, John. You've done it before when the odds were worse. You would've bought yourself time to get the evidence you needed-"
"What if I couldn't do it again? What if I was too late? Did you think of that?" He desperately wanted her to understand what had run through his mind when he saw her at gunpoint, make her see that he would gamble his life away without a second thought, but her life was worth far too much for him to risk at all.
"What do you mean? You would've done it, and you could've gathered more evidence to arrest him from your dad's murder, found me and shoved him in jail forever. He's never going to pay for what he's done now"
"You don't get it, Natalie" he snapped, "If he took you, I wouldn't be looking for evidence that he killed my dad, I wouldn't be hounding some judge for an arrest warrant. I'd have to table it all to look for you"
"He wouldn't have hurt me"
"You don't know that"
"Well, you don't know that he would have"
"Right, because a murderer wouldn't think twice about killing or hurting someone"
"I don't get it John" she exclaimed.
"I didn't want you to get hurt, what is there to not get?" he asked, though he knew exactly what she was asking.
"You've risked your life for this case, you've all but stopped living, I'm the only one who can stand to be around you for more than a few minutes because you put all your energy into putting Spencer away"
"Natalie-" he tried, but if she heard his interjection, she didn't care.
"You had an opportunity to finally get him and you didn't take it. Here I thought it was getting to the bottom of the case, but apparently it's about you and only you getting to the bottom of the case, the rest of us be damned" she screamed, "Bo's almost lost his job, Michael's reliving losing your dad all over again, and I have to watch you throw your life away day in and day out every day" she was practically screaming.
"This has nothing to do with the case" he said, also losing his mind.
"Then why, John?"
"Damn it, because I love you" he yelled back at her.
He didn't realize what he'd just said until he saw the look on her face. She actually took half a step back, mouth agape in disbelief. She had every right to not believe him, after all, what proof did he have that it was true? He certainly didn't act like it, especially lately. Natalie's eyes started shimmering with tears and he felt his heart tear a little for her. She'd put up with a lot because of him. If she was going to hear that, it shouldn't have come out like that. Not while he was yelling at her, and not while they were fighting.
He looked down, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
Before he got the chance to finish his apology, Natalie had crossed the room and brought his lips onto hers, kissing him fully and deeply. He put his hands on her hips out of instinct, making him forget for a fleeting moment all his problems like only she could.
When they came apart to breathe, she didn't move away at all. She searched his eyes for a moment before speaking.
"Did you mean it?"
Just like Natalie, to give him an out over something so important. She had already found her answer, and she wasn't yelling, she wasn't backing away, and he could see the happiness waiting in the corner of her eyes. She already knew, and if he backed out, that wouldn't change. He thought about what Mike had told him earlier that night, what if the worst had happened tonight, and what if she never knew how he felt or that he couldn't imagine his life without her in it that she made him sane, that she was the one person he could count on. He had finally made a decision his dad would be proud of, he might as well reinforce it.
"Yeah" he said, "I mean it"
She went to kiss him again, and he felt his heart swell. Something felt so right about this moment, and he wasn't sure he'd ever felt so sure that this was the right thing to do. She pulled back and smiled up at him, and any regret he could have had was gone. Her smile could always do that to him, make feel like an actual person instead of the robot he sometimes thought he was. She was the only one who could get him to feel something other than empty, and he counted his blessings that she hadn't left him yet, because he'd never survive feeling like that all the time.
"Then why the hell are you apologizing? And don't you dare take it back"
"I wanted to apologize because I shouldn't have said it like that, like I was angry at you and while we were fighting. You're right, you've suffered through a lot because of me, and it shouldn't have come out like that"
"But you said it. And now I can never doubt it again. I'll always know" she said, "I mean I always knew, but-"
"I've given you enough reasons to doubt it" he said.
"But I still don't get why"
"I'm afraid to lose you"
"You would've found me. I know you would have"
"Natalie, when I said I would have tabled it all to look for you, I meant it. The only thing that would matter would be finding you, everything else, it wouldn't matter"
"But the case-"
"It wouldn't matter" he said, "The thought of losing you scares me far too much to risk it. If he hurt you and I didn't stop it, I wouldn't be able to live with myself"
"Last summer the odds were worse"
"You didn't see me. And it would be worse now, now that I-" he trailed off.
"Now that you what?"
"Now that I know what it's like to fall asleep next to you, and know you'll be here when I get home or if I ever need you. You make me feel- I don't know how, but I know that if you were to go missing I'd lose it. You're the only thing keeping me going right now, and if you weren't here I don't know what would happen to me"
She gently leaned up to kiss him, a few tears shimmering in her eyes, "I guess I understand now. You were just so dead set on getting him"
"I thought getting him would make my dad proud of me, that somehow on the other side, something would change and I'd be the person you deserve. The things I've done to get to the bottom of this case, I know I've hurt you and sometimes I can hardly live with myself, but" he paused, "tonight, for the first time in a long time, I made a choice my dad would be proud of"
"He'd be so proud of you" she said, "I'm proud of you"
"You know, I don't know that this changes anything, if I've changed at all. I always thought I'd have this huge revelation and we'd have this perfect moment, but I don't feel any different" he said, pushing her hair back.
She smiled, "We're not perfect, that's one of my favorite parts of us. You look at me the same if I'm dressed up or in sweatpants. I didn't fall in love with a perfect man, and I can't regret it"
"You sure about that? I'm far from perfect"
"That's what makes you telling me that much more special" she said, "and you know what?" she asked, smiling at him.
"What?" he asked smiling back as her hands went to his belt.
"You're going to get super lucky tonight" she said, undoing his belt and untucking his shirt.
"You know I did just want to sleep tonight" he said, as she unbuttoned his shirt.
"Oh, please. You've been figuring out how unzip this dress all night" she said, his hands finding the zipper at the small of her back.
"What can I say? I pick up on details well"
"You've undressed me in your head ten times tonight" she said, "And I know you want to know what's on under this dress" she said, undoing his pants.
Their mouths collided in a heated kiss as they finished undressing each other and forgot everything but each other.
Once they had caught their breath after hours of making love, Natalie cuddled into John's side, and he grabbed her to bring her closer. Her head rested in the crook of his neck, and he held her flush against him, her breasts pressed into his side. One of his hands pet her hair, the other held her around the waist so she stayed close. She moved one of her legs over his so their limbs were intertwined. She idly ran her hand over his chest. As they slowly came down from their high, they murmured each other's names, though once they had come down completely, they didn't bother to move for a good while.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to Natalie.
"I love you, too" she said, "You know that, right?"
John kissed her head, "Of course I do. You tell me everyday"
"I forgot to tell you earlier. I didn't want you to think-"
"I know. I've always known" he said, relishing the feel of her hair around his fingers.
They were quiet for a while yet again as they enjoyed the presence of the other. John began to wonder about what Mike had said earlier, about Natalie knowing how he felt. Sure, she knew now, but that didn't mean nearly what he wanted it to. Holding her felt so right, and knowing she'd stay the night was something he took great comfort in. Sure, she'd been spending a lot of nights with him, but there were a handful of times he found her not here and wishing she was. Sleeping alone had become something he dreaded, and moments like these were the ones that made him feel the most alive, like he was whole after all. Being able to pet her hair, it made him feel like this fleezy hotel room was his home after all. He thought about what he could do to make sure he never went another night without moments like this, to never go a night without her in his arms. It was something he'd found himself thinking about more and more lately, and one thought had been nagging at his brain for a while now. Somehow, he found the courage to voice it.
"Natalie?" he said quietly, not wanting his nerves to show.
"Yeah" she answered.
"Can I ask you a question, and promise you won't read too much into it?"
"Of course"
He took a deep breath, "If someday, when I'm not so screwed up and when I figure out just what the hell I'm doing, if I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?"
She looked up at his beautiful face. His eyes were so worried, maybe even scared to be asking her this question. Her heart swelled with love for this man, so convinced he could never be good enough for her, yet had already given her so much. As crazy as the last few months had been, she knew from what had happened that she could always count on him. Even with his dad's case, she'd called him countless times, crying over something Tess had said to her, and every time he showed up minutes later at her mom's door to take her hand, play a game of pool, buy her a drink, or just take her home with him, away from all the problems that existed outside this room. She owed him her life so many times over, and her mental health more times than that. Her dream for as long as she dared to admit it was to be his wife. There was no question in her mind that if he wanted that life, she'd agree to it whole heartedly. She brought a hand to his face.
"I would say yes right now"
He put his hand over hers, "Not now. You deserve a lot more than this"
"I don't know about that, but I love you, and that's enough for me" she said, "Why ask?"
"I just thought when I solved the case, something would click, I'd be a better person, I'd put you first, and that I'd ask you then" he said, "I don't know if that's ever going to happen now, or if I'll ever change, but someday, I want that life and I want it with you"
"So you've thought about it?"
"Yeah, recently I have been"
"Are we going to have kids?"
He couldn't believe it, how okay she was with this conversation, not knowing when this idea they shared would become a reality. He was more honest in this moment with her than he ever been with anyone else he'd ever known.
"Yeah, if I thought about it, I'd like to have kids with you"
She smiled before settling back onto his shoulder, "that means more nights like this"
"That's a price I'm willing to pay" he said, kissing the top of her head, "besides, I like it when you spend the night"
"Me too" she said, "I'm glad you told me"
"I don't believe everything that happened tonight"
"Yeah, it's been a long day" she said.
"I'm not looking forward to the conversation I have to have with Bo tomorrow"
"He'll understand if you tell him what happened"
"I cost us the whole case"
"But you did it for the right reasons. Professionally, he might disagree, but he's going to understand"
"I don't regret it" he said, wanting her to understand that, "I've listened to people tell me for twenty five years that my dad just wants me to be happy. For the first time, I actually did something to prove to him I could be happy" he said, kissing her head.
"We should get some sleep" she said.
"Yeah, tomorrow's not looking too promising"
"It'll all be okay" she said, "I love you"
"You too" he murmured into her hair as he kissed her forehead.
Together, they drifted off to sleep, happier than they had ever been. John felt a sort of peace he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before, and he knew it was because of the woman in his arms, and that she finally knew what she meant to him.