Enough
Written by: bitca_101
E-mail: bitca_101@hotmail.com
Authors Note: I was bored at work again, and this idea has been bugging me since I watched 'I Will Remember You' and he says, *Spoilers* he doesn't know if he could tell her. And why did he dordle getting back? Wouldn't you hurry? Anywho.
Thankyou Leni, you're the best.
Rating: This is not fluffy ok. It is a little angsty but not that much, but just so you know. Not Fluff, but it's not scarring. 'G'
Spoilers: 'I Will Remember You' that's about it, the whole episode, so stay away if you haven't seen it. K? :)
Feedback: I will love you forever, please oh please I am addicted to it. You will make my day, even if it's one word.
______________________________________________________________
Buffy nervously paced the floor of Angel's apartment. She was excited, and so anxious and absolutely terrified at the same time. She just wanted Angel to get back, not being close to him made her feel uneasy and not being in his arms safe, made her paranoid.
Finally she heard him on the stairs, she rushed over as casually as possible. At the sight of him a grin spread from ear to ear.
"Hey," she said as he took the last step to stand beside her.
"Hey," he answered smiling, looking down at her like she was treasure to a poor man. She threaded her fingers into his and pulled him into a kiss, she had been afraid for him, his injuries were bad and he was human now. Human, human and hers, could it get better than that?
Now with him in her arms, she was glad… contented…he was here with her, his lips were warm against her own, his arms tight around her waist… This was perfection, and they would make another day like this and then another and another.. She let him go slowly and smiled softly
"Come here I want to show you something," Buffy said as she headed them towards the bedroom.
She stopped them in front of Angel's chest of draws. He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck, drinking in the sweet smell of her hair.
He could sense that she was nervous, though he couldn't guess why. 'Does she know?' He embraced her a little tighter.
After some moments of apprehension she pulled the top draw open with a sigh. "I put some of my stuff in one of your draws. It's not much, just the stuff I had brought with me and I haven't moved much of yours, just this way I will have fresh underwear and a change of clothes, and then I can stay for longer." The last word hit him 'Longer' how much longer did they have? Ten minutes? One?
"You know, not just for a day. I can actually stay with you for a while... that is, if you are not too busy and if you want me to. It's just that this way I am not wearing stinky clothes the fourth day running. I hope you're not mad?" She turned in his arms to face him. He wasn't smiling as she had hoped he would be, maybe he thought that she was moving too fast. But yesterday they had decided that fast was their decided pace, hadn't they? The kitchen table remains was the proof of that. He wouldn't have thought she was going to leave Sunnydale when she had just started college they had talked about that, and she didn't expect him to give up his life either. She took a deep and uncertain breath and proceeded to explain to him that LA wasn't the only lovenest in her plans for their future.
"Cause you can put some of your stuff at my place and on the holidays at home cause I stay there, and we could stay there as well… together," she said coyly as she pressed her body into his suggestively.
Angel smiled down at her loving every second of her hopeful babble. It was torture.
She bit her lip as she unrepentantly smiled up at him.
"I know I'm babbling. I just really want this to work, Angel. I mean, I want to spend every second here with you but, of course, we can't, but I don't think I will be able to survive being away from you for too long," she added with a happy glint in her eye that only Angel could be responsible for.
He grinned down at her.
"I know the feeling,"
"mmmm.." she giggled as Angels arms tightened around her body pulling her flush up against his now warm body.
"I could get used to this feeling," Buffy said as she kissed up his neck.
"What feeling is that?" he said as his hands moved up to caress her back through the fabric of her dress. The feeling of his fingers tickling her skin through the fabric of her dress made her tingle.
"Your warm body against mine. It's so new, and exciting and I have to admit incredibly sexy," she mumbled the last part into his ear as she kissed it and sucked on his ear lobe. She tried to guide him to the bed, it was freshly made from their mornings activities. She couldn't help smiling at the memory.
"Hey, B- Buffy wait," Angel said as he gently tried to stop her lips from finding that spot she always found that made him do whatever she wanted. He knew where this was heading and fast. She pulled back to face him grinning with excitement.
"What? Was I doing something wrong? O- or don't you want to?" her excitement waned as she noticed his brooding eyes settle in. 'Of course, he is probably still hurting from the fight, and the last thing on his mind would be making love, * idiot! *'
The grin had quickly faded with her thoughts. Angel smiled down at her knowing what she was thinking.
"No. I mean Yes, I do, and no you weren't doing anything wrong it was all right, trust me, it was definitely right, a little too right," he suggestively smiled down at her and watched as her smile returned. She blushed slightly and her eyes sparkled. Now all Angel had to do was remember that smile forever, cause he had a feeling that would be the last time he would ever see it.
"Then what is it?" she asked still grinning from ear to ear, she was so happy.
"I just want to hold you that's all," Angel lightly smiled down at her, masking his fear. His fear of the inevitable only a few moments away and the thought that she might know something was wrong and figure it out. He didn't want to tell her, he couldn't put her through that, and especially after everything she had already done. How could he do that to her, how could he let her go, again?
"mmmm," Buffy sighed as she hugged him tighter and snuggled deeper into his warm embrace. Angel silently winced as she unknowingly squeezed his tender ribs.
"I love the way you hold me, it's so perfect, and you smell so good," she said smiling against his chest.
God he wanted to die, right then. The Hellmouth could have opened up, swallowed him whole and he wouldn't have minded.
He chuckled and bent to kiss the top of her head.
"I love you," she said as she pulled away slightly to look up at him, smiling.
"I love you too,"
Angel tried desperately to smile back but it never made it to his swollen lip. With the thought that that would be the last time he would hear that his heart sank.
Buffy searched his eyes, she knew that there was something wrong, and he wasn't going to tell her.
The smile slowly faded from her face and she suddenly became very serious, and every drop of happiness literally dripped away from her eyes.
"Oh God. No,…no," she breathed as tears sprung to her eyes.
"Don't spoil it now, it's so perfect. Please!" Buffy sobbed to him, like she was pleading for her life.
In a way she was. Their life.
"Buffy please, don't cry. It'll be ok," Angel tried to calm her, he was so close to losing control and she had stepped away from him in realization. He put a calming hand on her arm, she shook it off angrily, and glared at him. He didn't try to defend himself and her heart sank. How could he? How dare he?
"Why?" she whispered desperately, breaking the silence that had consumed them.
"I -I had to Buffy," Angel told her almost like an apology. He knew it was no excuse but it was all a broken man could offer her.
"No, no. You didn't!" she had finally found her voice again and it was strangely calm as she quietened her rage.
"Buffy," he reached out for her needing to hold her, their time was running out, and there were still so much to say.
"I loved you," she just stood there hopeless and lost, the walls of her perfect happy little world were all crashing down around them and it was all happening so fast.
Angel stood there, his emotions beginning to overcome him, he had stopped as she spoke.
"I loved you.. It was enough for me. Enough for me to live in darkness… But not for you," her lip trembled as tears ran unchecked down her cheeks.
"It is enough," Angel reached for her as his own tears fell.
"No it's not, you're not giving up your humanity. You're giving us up, me," her voice trembled.
In a way it was true but not in the way she thought.
"It is enough Buffy, I love you, I -I just want so much more for you. You deserve so much more. I want you to have everything. To be happy," Angel came to stand in front of her, wanting desperately to hold her, and kiss away the memories and pain.
"But I am happy Angel," she stepped into his embrace, needing him. Her hands lightly grazed across his chest, and over his still beating heart, over his shoulders and finally coming to rest on his rough unshaven cheeks.
"Why can't you see this, I'm happy with you," she said this looking him straight in the eyes as she held his face in her hands. She blinked sadly and sighed, her whole body softening in defeat.
"We could've had a family, a little baby," she smiled sadly to herself.
Now that the news had finally sunk in.
She turned and looked at the freshly made bed, it holding so many secrets, and possibilities within its sheets.
"Could have been together forever," she murmured finally.
She turned back to his eyes, and discovered them full of regret and pain, and pleading for her to stop, as more tears fell.
She knew what he was going to say and so she put her finger to his lips before he could.
"But I don't want any of those things if they're not with you."
"I'm -," again her finger stopped his lips.
"Don't say you're sorry. Please?" her eyes filled with more tears and she bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
"Just tell me you love me, and that you'll come for me, and we will be together, one day," she smiled at him as he tightened his hold on her.
He closed the space between their lips too slowly, and they kissed desperately tasting each other for the last time. As the need for oxygen increased they broke away, breathing in the last of the kiss. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him so tight and he returned it in full. They held on so tight, knowing that the other would slip away any minute no matter how tight they clung to other.
"I love you Buffy, I do promise, forever, one day we will be together. And I am sorry," He knew she didn't want him to say it, but he had too, she had to know.
Buffy held her breath, waiting and knowing something was going to happen.
Really wishing he hadn't said it, like she didn't know he was sorry. She was sick of hearing that from him.
A red patch appeared on the back of Angel's shirt, and it grew, a symbol just as his bruises were, forever reminding of a life that was not theirs to have.
He didn't even feel the stitches in his shoulder go, all he could feel was Buffy.
"Oh god, Angel," she looked up at him terrified and kissed him again.
The seconds ticked by.
As she pulled away from his lips, they opened their eyes still only centimeters away from each other.
She smiled at him as she said.
"I love you,"
And his heart went cold.
The flash was blinding, though nothing compared to being in a cold lifeless body again, and the loss of the loving, warm one he held only seconds ago.
The End.
________________________________________________________________
A little bit of dialogue is from the movie 'the Others', its not mine, never was, oh and it is a really good movie. Go and see it.
Written by: bitca_101
E-mail: bitca_101@hotmail.com
Authors Note: I was bored at work again, and this idea has been bugging me since I watched 'I Will Remember You' and he says, *Spoilers* he doesn't know if he could tell her. And why did he dordle getting back? Wouldn't you hurry? Anywho.
Thankyou Leni, you're the best.
Rating: This is not fluffy ok. It is a little angsty but not that much, but just so you know. Not Fluff, but it's not scarring. 'G'
Spoilers: 'I Will Remember You' that's about it, the whole episode, so stay away if you haven't seen it. K? :)
Feedback: I will love you forever, please oh please I am addicted to it. You will make my day, even if it's one word.
______________________________________________________________
Buffy nervously paced the floor of Angel's apartment. She was excited, and so anxious and absolutely terrified at the same time. She just wanted Angel to get back, not being close to him made her feel uneasy and not being in his arms safe, made her paranoid.
Finally she heard him on the stairs, she rushed over as casually as possible. At the sight of him a grin spread from ear to ear.
"Hey," she said as he took the last step to stand beside her.
"Hey," he answered smiling, looking down at her like she was treasure to a poor man. She threaded her fingers into his and pulled him into a kiss, she had been afraid for him, his injuries were bad and he was human now. Human, human and hers, could it get better than that?
Now with him in her arms, she was glad… contented…he was here with her, his lips were warm against her own, his arms tight around her waist… This was perfection, and they would make another day like this and then another and another.. She let him go slowly and smiled softly
"Come here I want to show you something," Buffy said as she headed them towards the bedroom.
She stopped them in front of Angel's chest of draws. He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck, drinking in the sweet smell of her hair.
He could sense that she was nervous, though he couldn't guess why. 'Does she know?' He embraced her a little tighter.
After some moments of apprehension she pulled the top draw open with a sigh. "I put some of my stuff in one of your draws. It's not much, just the stuff I had brought with me and I haven't moved much of yours, just this way I will have fresh underwear and a change of clothes, and then I can stay for longer." The last word hit him 'Longer' how much longer did they have? Ten minutes? One?
"You know, not just for a day. I can actually stay with you for a while... that is, if you are not too busy and if you want me to. It's just that this way I am not wearing stinky clothes the fourth day running. I hope you're not mad?" She turned in his arms to face him. He wasn't smiling as she had hoped he would be, maybe he thought that she was moving too fast. But yesterday they had decided that fast was their decided pace, hadn't they? The kitchen table remains was the proof of that. He wouldn't have thought she was going to leave Sunnydale when she had just started college they had talked about that, and she didn't expect him to give up his life either. She took a deep and uncertain breath and proceeded to explain to him that LA wasn't the only lovenest in her plans for their future.
"Cause you can put some of your stuff at my place and on the holidays at home cause I stay there, and we could stay there as well… together," she said coyly as she pressed her body into his suggestively.
Angel smiled down at her loving every second of her hopeful babble. It was torture.
She bit her lip as she unrepentantly smiled up at him.
"I know I'm babbling. I just really want this to work, Angel. I mean, I want to spend every second here with you but, of course, we can't, but I don't think I will be able to survive being away from you for too long," she added with a happy glint in her eye that only Angel could be responsible for.
He grinned down at her.
"I know the feeling,"
"mmmm.." she giggled as Angels arms tightened around her body pulling her flush up against his now warm body.
"I could get used to this feeling," Buffy said as she kissed up his neck.
"What feeling is that?" he said as his hands moved up to caress her back through the fabric of her dress. The feeling of his fingers tickling her skin through the fabric of her dress made her tingle.
"Your warm body against mine. It's so new, and exciting and I have to admit incredibly sexy," she mumbled the last part into his ear as she kissed it and sucked on his ear lobe. She tried to guide him to the bed, it was freshly made from their mornings activities. She couldn't help smiling at the memory.
"Hey, B- Buffy wait," Angel said as he gently tried to stop her lips from finding that spot she always found that made him do whatever she wanted. He knew where this was heading and fast. She pulled back to face him grinning with excitement.
"What? Was I doing something wrong? O- or don't you want to?" her excitement waned as she noticed his brooding eyes settle in. 'Of course, he is probably still hurting from the fight, and the last thing on his mind would be making love, * idiot! *'
The grin had quickly faded with her thoughts. Angel smiled down at her knowing what she was thinking.
"No. I mean Yes, I do, and no you weren't doing anything wrong it was all right, trust me, it was definitely right, a little too right," he suggestively smiled down at her and watched as her smile returned. She blushed slightly and her eyes sparkled. Now all Angel had to do was remember that smile forever, cause he had a feeling that would be the last time he would ever see it.
"Then what is it?" she asked still grinning from ear to ear, she was so happy.
"I just want to hold you that's all," Angel lightly smiled down at her, masking his fear. His fear of the inevitable only a few moments away and the thought that she might know something was wrong and figure it out. He didn't want to tell her, he couldn't put her through that, and especially after everything she had already done. How could he do that to her, how could he let her go, again?
"mmmm," Buffy sighed as she hugged him tighter and snuggled deeper into his warm embrace. Angel silently winced as she unknowingly squeezed his tender ribs.
"I love the way you hold me, it's so perfect, and you smell so good," she said smiling against his chest.
God he wanted to die, right then. The Hellmouth could have opened up, swallowed him whole and he wouldn't have minded.
He chuckled and bent to kiss the top of her head.
"I love you," she said as she pulled away slightly to look up at him, smiling.
"I love you too,"
Angel tried desperately to smile back but it never made it to his swollen lip. With the thought that that would be the last time he would hear that his heart sank.
Buffy searched his eyes, she knew that there was something wrong, and he wasn't going to tell her.
The smile slowly faded from her face and she suddenly became very serious, and every drop of happiness literally dripped away from her eyes.
"Oh God. No,…no," she breathed as tears sprung to her eyes.
"Don't spoil it now, it's so perfect. Please!" Buffy sobbed to him, like she was pleading for her life.
In a way she was. Their life.
"Buffy please, don't cry. It'll be ok," Angel tried to calm her, he was so close to losing control and she had stepped away from him in realization. He put a calming hand on her arm, she shook it off angrily, and glared at him. He didn't try to defend himself and her heart sank. How could he? How dare he?
"Why?" she whispered desperately, breaking the silence that had consumed them.
"I -I had to Buffy," Angel told her almost like an apology. He knew it was no excuse but it was all a broken man could offer her.
"No, no. You didn't!" she had finally found her voice again and it was strangely calm as she quietened her rage.
"Buffy," he reached out for her needing to hold her, their time was running out, and there were still so much to say.
"I loved you," she just stood there hopeless and lost, the walls of her perfect happy little world were all crashing down around them and it was all happening so fast.
Angel stood there, his emotions beginning to overcome him, he had stopped as she spoke.
"I loved you.. It was enough for me. Enough for me to live in darkness… But not for you," her lip trembled as tears ran unchecked down her cheeks.
"It is enough," Angel reached for her as his own tears fell.
"No it's not, you're not giving up your humanity. You're giving us up, me," her voice trembled.
In a way it was true but not in the way she thought.
"It is enough Buffy, I love you, I -I just want so much more for you. You deserve so much more. I want you to have everything. To be happy," Angel came to stand in front of her, wanting desperately to hold her, and kiss away the memories and pain.
"But I am happy Angel," she stepped into his embrace, needing him. Her hands lightly grazed across his chest, and over his still beating heart, over his shoulders and finally coming to rest on his rough unshaven cheeks.
"Why can't you see this, I'm happy with you," she said this looking him straight in the eyes as she held his face in her hands. She blinked sadly and sighed, her whole body softening in defeat.
"We could've had a family, a little baby," she smiled sadly to herself.
Now that the news had finally sunk in.
She turned and looked at the freshly made bed, it holding so many secrets, and possibilities within its sheets.
"Could have been together forever," she murmured finally.
She turned back to his eyes, and discovered them full of regret and pain, and pleading for her to stop, as more tears fell.
She knew what he was going to say and so she put her finger to his lips before he could.
"But I don't want any of those things if they're not with you."
"I'm -," again her finger stopped his lips.
"Don't say you're sorry. Please?" her eyes filled with more tears and she bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
"Just tell me you love me, and that you'll come for me, and we will be together, one day," she smiled at him as he tightened his hold on her.
He closed the space between their lips too slowly, and they kissed desperately tasting each other for the last time. As the need for oxygen increased they broke away, breathing in the last of the kiss. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him so tight and he returned it in full. They held on so tight, knowing that the other would slip away any minute no matter how tight they clung to other.
"I love you Buffy, I do promise, forever, one day we will be together. And I am sorry," He knew she didn't want him to say it, but he had too, she had to know.
Buffy held her breath, waiting and knowing something was going to happen.
Really wishing he hadn't said it, like she didn't know he was sorry. She was sick of hearing that from him.
A red patch appeared on the back of Angel's shirt, and it grew, a symbol just as his bruises were, forever reminding of a life that was not theirs to have.
He didn't even feel the stitches in his shoulder go, all he could feel was Buffy.
"Oh god, Angel," she looked up at him terrified and kissed him again.
The seconds ticked by.
As she pulled away from his lips, they opened their eyes still only centimeters away from each other.
She smiled at him as she said.
"I love you,"
And his heart went cold.
The flash was blinding, though nothing compared to being in a cold lifeless body again, and the loss of the loving, warm one he held only seconds ago.
The End.
________________________________________________________________
A little bit of dialogue is from the movie 'the Others', its not mine, never was, oh and it is a really good movie. Go and see it.