Disclaimer: I don't own jack, dude.

Welcome, welcome, aaaaand welcome friends! Here we are again—another year, another "Grapefruits"! I'm refreshed and ready to reconstitute this, my signature series! Now, once again, those of you who have read this series will know what to expect, those new to this thing here—well, read on!

In his office in Wichita, Vince was rapidly pacing back and forth, sweating. He says to himself, "Damnit! I'm horny again! Everywhere I turn, I see nothing but-but ASS! NICE ass, too! I gotta' do it, I just have to do it again!"

Vince dials a number on his cellphone and says, "Hey, yeah it's Vince—I need you to round up a few of my knucklehead employees—

-yep, that's it—

-how soon?

-Excellent! Tell them all to come to my office, NOW!

Vince hangs up and rubs his hands together as his mouth contorts into an adulterous grin.

So, about an hour goes by and the wrestlers Vince called are all assembled around his desk. Vince says, "Ok, you all, some of you know the deal with this, others, may not—what I need you all to do is pair off and go to Dallas, Texas to get me a fifth of Ouzo and the latest edition of 'Pervy Preggos'!"

A hand goes up and Vince asks, "What IS it?"

"Um, do you need this from a certain store?"

Vince looks around incredulously and replies, "Sheamus, you idiot, of COURSE I do! In fact, the name of the store is "Frank's Porn Shack, Funeral parlor, and Liquor Store". Now get going, I'm horny and IIIIIII'M VINCE MCMAHON, DAMMIT!"

So 7 of the 8 superstars scurry out of Vince's office and talk amongst themselves in the hallway. JR says, "Ok, Vince is in one of his…moods, so let's just pair up and get this thing over with. "

Sheamus smiles and asks, "Hey Natalya, wanna' tag along, lassie?"

Natalya shrugs and says, "Ok, why not?"

Alberto Del Rio speaks up, "Hey Santino, wanna' come along?"

Santino nods and says, "E-yesssss, Santino will join up with the Rio Alberto!"

Cm Punk glances over to Kofi and says, "Hey, I'm ready to roll when you are, my man!"

JR says, "Ok, that's 6 accounted for—"

Just then, Michael Cole comes stumbling out of Vince's office.

JR rolls his eyes and says, "No…don't TELL me I have to ride with YOU, Cole!"

Cole responds, "Well, I was trying to talk Vince out of sending me, so I'm not exactly thrilled about it, either, jack!"

JR snarls, "C'mon, I'll drive."

The superstars head over to the parking garage, we'll join Natalya and Sheamus…

Sheamus walks over to his car and Natalya starts giggling.

Sheamus asks, "Hey now, Lass—what's s'funny 'bout my car?"

Natalya laughs and says, "Oh, I'm sorry for laughing Sheamus, but your car's a giant tanning bed, dude!"

Sheamus clicks his keyfob and the tanning bed opens—he smiles and says, "Climb in!"

Natalya shakes her head and climbs in and Sheamus follows.

So, meanwhile in another part of the lot, we find Alberto and Santino…

Santino looks at Alberto's car and says, "Uh…Santino didn't expect this—your car is a giant sombrero!"

Alberto winks and lifts the "brim" up for him and Santino to enter. For all intents and purposes, his car looks like a wicker UFO with wheels on it—don't bother asking me how he sees anything while driving it—he just CAN, ok?

Let's go see how Kofi and Punk are faring…

Punk says, "Hey Kofi, you sure you remember where you parked?"

"Oh of course, mon—AH, here it is!"

Punk does a double-take at Kofi's "car". He says, "Dude, do realize your car looks like a giant…MENORAH?"

Kofi says, Hey, eeeeeasy—me had to borrow 'dis here from Goldberg. MY car's in de' SHOP, mon! Come on—hop in!"

Punk shrugs and climbs inside one of the "candleholders" as he and Kofi zoom off.

Lastly, we join JR and Michael Cole…

Cole argues, "Look, why can't we just take MY car?"

JR asks, "Wha? YOUR car? That piece of shit won't even get us out of the parking lot!"

Cole frowns and says, "Hey! My car is tried and TRUE! Don't knock the RIDE, buddy!"

JR waves him off and says, "Meh, you're just too cheap to get another car—you're the only idiot on the roster that has a 1999 Ford Focus!"

Cole points at JR, "Look, it still has all the original PARTS, too!"

JR glances upward, rolling his eyes, "I rest my case, c'mon, hop on."

Cole comments, "You know, YOU'RE the only idiot with a mechanical bull for a car."

Cole hops on board as does JR and they roll/gallop on out of the garage.

That's it for chapter one, folks! Who'll win? Who will they encounter?, Will Michael Cole ever get a new car? We'll answer these questions next time when you tune in—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!